Ch15 – Clearing the air
'What is it?' Jiang Cheng asked with the tone that Wei Ying had long ago named Jiang Cheng being an asshole again!
Ignoring him Wei Ying read the note, wrote something back and let the message disappear into the air once again. He carried on walking in the direction of the area the Gusu healers had been using for their research. A few hours ago he had been concerned his brother might not make it through this ordeal alive and how he would ever face his sister if he didn't. Now with Jiang Cheng trailing behind him grumbling not so quietly about being ignored when he was the Sect Leader of Lotus Pier, Wei Ying ungracefully wished for a moment that Jiang Cheng was still unconscious and not bugging him.
After all these years he was good at ignoring the loaded grumbles coming from behind him and walked straight into the office. He was used to the dead silence, the piles of scrolls on desks as if their owners had just gone out for a few moments and would be back soon. It was a bit sad knowing these highly knowledgeable men where now unconscious along with everyone else in Lotus Pier and all their years of knowledge was unhelpful to anyone. In the moment he had been stood thinking about such things Jiang Cheng had caught up with him and was tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention.
'What are we doing here?' Jiang Cheng grumbled over his shoulder 'Shouldn't we be headed to the Jin to heal Jing Ling? Or maybe heal one of the healers you bought with you from your new home? After all they know much more about this than you do!'
Wei Ying turned to face his brother. His features carefully blank, something he had learned to emulate after spending so many years with his husband.
'What do you think I've been doing for the past three days?' The sarcasm in voice completely opposite to the blank look on his face. ' Do you think I haven't been trying to wake anyone up? Do you think I have taken the time to go fishing off the Pier?…...Orrr…...Orr…...Maybe you think I took a boat out to steal lotus seeds from the lake down the back…...You know the one we used to go to as kids?…..after all I'm not a member of the Sect any more so it would be technically stealing wouldn't it?'
Jiang Cheng glowered at him, if looks could kill Wei Ying would have been bleeding from multiple wounds by now.
'I simply asked you why we were coming here!' Jiang Cheng tried unsuccessfully to keep his tone under control.
Wei Ying was past caring about keeping his temper in check at the implications in his brothers words.
'You didn't simply ask ANYTHING! Jiang Cheng you obviously thought that I had been doing nothing to help anyone for the last three days, and I didn't care about the welfare of Jing Ling..…..He is MY nephew as well you know despite what anyone says'
'That's not what I meant and you know it!' Jiang Cheng was now returning the temper. 'Stop reading things into my words that I don't mean….You have always done that. You have always said I mean things I don't and people always believe you and make me out to be the bad guy'.
'Believe ME!….You the bad guy' Wei Ying sputtered, barley able to get the words out. 'You never believed me when I said I didn't kill anyone, You kicked me out of the only home I had ever known and everyone said I deserved it. Everything one thought you killed your own brother and somehow you became the hero.' Jiang Cheng tried to speak but Wei Ying had completely lost control of what he was saying. Decades of hurt kept inside was now exploding out, he knew it would harm both of them but he couldn't find it inside himself to care as all the heartaches lanced themselves at last. 'You stabbed me, you deserted me, you left me alone when I needed you, you blamed me for killing our sister when you were right next to me when that ass stabbed her. You couldn't cope with loosing your parents so that became my fault to, you wouldn't even let me die in peace and tortured anyone who was anything like me! YOU didn't even believe ME so how can you say anyone else ever did?'
'Sister did!' Now Jiang Cheng was shouting just as loud, both men had given up the normal poise and manners that people of their political position and age where normally required to have. However the freedom of being the only two people awake at the moment and knowing the chances of anyone appearing unannounced was extremely low gave both men the freedom to speak their hearts at the volume required to finally clear the air. 'Sister always believed you more than me..….so did my father….I could never do anything right and you could never do anything wrong…..You were my brother but I was the next Clan leader and everyone made sure I was always less than you. I always heard... Ohh Wei Ying could do better than that…..Ask Wei Ying to teach you so could improve. Even when I was the Clan leader people always listened to you before they listened to me. Sister always protected you, even if it was from me.'
'So thats why you turned your back on me?' Wei Ying asked in disbelief 'You were jealous?'
'Of course I was Jealous!' Jiang Cheng shouted back 'Every one in the world was jealous. Do you really thing people would have been after you back then if they weren't jealous of you? But no that's not why I did it and I can't believe you would ever think I would do such a thing out of jealousy for my own brother'
Both men stared at each other, the breeze coming in through the open door rustling the papers on the desk was the only movement in the room. Both men stood as still as statues, eyes locked in some unspoken contest while their chests showed no sign of the small breaths each was taking. If anyone had walked in on this scene they would have thought that both men had been frozen in place by some unknown magic. Eventually Wei Ying huffed out a breath and spoke in a half defeated, half demanding tone.
'Then why?'
His voice had lowered as if the anger and frustration had all been lanced and all that was left was pain and bone deep exhaustion. Jiang Cheng's voice seemed just as filled with old pain when he responded.
I was a 18 year old who had just lost his parents. People where pushing me into marrying my sister off and I was trying to establish myself as the leader of one of the four biggest Sects in the world.' He glanced at Wei Ying but this time the heated glare had gone and his look was full of loss. 'I was relying on the brother I trusted more than anything to help me, to have my back. But he changed, he kept secrets and didn't trust me any more. He only trusted our sister. When people started telling me he had killed people, that I HAD to participate in bringing him down to prove my worth as a Sect leader….what was I supposed to do?'
That last sentence had been shouted almost as in a question he still wanted Wei Ying to answer him, as if he still didn't know the answer even decades later.
'I never believed you killed sister' Jiang Cheng continued as if to himself. 'I never believed you would leave Jing Ling an orphan on purpose or even harm sister by harming her husband. I never believed you would kill anyone without a reason…...but damn it Wei Ying I was getting so many people telling me things and you were telling me nothing.
Wei Ying itched to move over and hug his brother. Ignoring the fact that Jiang Cheng was a Clan leader, he had never been a man who showed weakness, even around him. Even when they were children and sharing a room in Lotus Pier Jiang Cheng had always forced himself to appear strong and would only cry or whimper when he thought he was asleep. It had been a show of how devastated he had been that he had broken down in tears when his parents had died and Wei Ying had dragged him away from their home to avoid both of them getting caught by Wen Chao. However much Wei Ying wanted to go to his brothers aid he still need to ask one thing. One thing that would decide whether after the decades of holding on to all the hurt healing could finally begin for both of them, or there relationship would take the final break making it unable to ever recover.
'Did you ever look for me?' He asked quietly not sure he wanted the answer but knowing he needed it. 'Did you ever want me back except for to kill me with your own hands?'
Jiang Cheng froze at the question. He knew the question wasn't being asked with Wei Ying's usual sarcasm but with honesty. He couldn't force himself to meet Wei Ying's eyes. It wasn't a hard question and it certainly wasn't a question that it was unacceptable to ask given the circumstances. What was unacceptable in his mind was that Wei Ying felt he needed to ask the question in the first place. His sister had loved them both equally, his sister had always treated them equally, his sister had considered both of them as her brothers equally. She had died protecting Wei Ying. For Wei Ying to have to ask him such a question shamed him.
He hadn't noticed Wei Ying's body language retreat a little as he readied himself for a negative answer, his arms hugged his body as if for the reassurance he normally got from the man unconscious a few doors away. His head had lowered and shoulders slumped. He hadn't looked more like the insecure son of a servant in all of their years than he did right now.
'Jiang Cheng!' Wei Ying spoke quietly, obviously unsure.
'Ohh sorry' Jiang Cheng snapped out of his thoughts. 'I was thinking about sister. How she would be so ashamed of me that you felt you even had to ask that question. She would be ashamed that I listened to other people and not to my own family.'
Hearing the word 'family' Wei Ying straightened up immediately and this time did move, enveloping his younger brother in a hug.
'Sister would be ashamed at us both' He managed to speak as both men hugged each other hard 'Neither of us trusted the other, neither of us listened, neither of us trusted ourselves and neither of us trusted her.'
Jiang Cheng lifted his head away from Wei Ying's shoulder, his eyes red with unshed tears. Both men looked at each other for the third time in the last few moments but this time both sets of eyes were full of hope and a feeling of happiness at finally having everything in the open.
'We still have our nephew to rescue though' Wei Ying stated calmly. 'And I have to save my husband and son.'
An undignified sound at the second part of the statement made Wei Ying smile. After a returned smile from Jiang Cheng both men turned back to the office and the mountain of scrolls.