Disclaimer: Not mine!!! Poor, poor, poor me! –wails unhappily-

A/N: Thanks ever soooo much to my beta!!!!!!

Chapter 1

It was Monday, the bane of all days, the start of the first school day of the week. Draco Malfoy was sitting at the Slytherin table, waiting for his best female friend to enter the Great Hall. He snickered when he saw the Weasel trying frantically to copy off of Granger. He and Granger had come to an understanding. It helped that he was beating her is some of their classes, like Potions, Arithmancy, and DADA. It had been very amusing to see the looks on their faces when they found out who was leading in Defense. He sighed, irritated, and stabbed his eggs. Where on earth was Blaise? All of a sudden, a loud crash was heard from the Gryffindor table.

"Ronald Weasley!! Give me back my book!" Ginny screeched, angrily. She reached over to her brother and tried to snatch it back from him. Unfortunately, she was a bit too short to reach him.

"What in Merlin's name are you reading, Gin?" he asked, curiously. He flipped the book to a random page and began reading it out loud.

"Celestia, will you be mine forever? Only look at me, cook for me, and clean for me? Yes, yes! Only for you, Amour! And Celestia swooned in her lover's arms as he carried her to their bedroom." He couldn't help but let out a snort of derision. "What kind of rubbish is this? Who on earth would read this trash?" At that, he had every female in the Hall glaring daggers at him.

"It is NOT rubbish, Ronald Weasley!" snapped Hermione, insulted. Ron looked at her in amazement.

"Don't tell me, you read Lockhart's books as well." said Ron, scathingly. Hermione bristled angrily.

"As a matter of fact, I do read his books." she answered, haughtily.

Ron couldn't help but gape at her. "You read this rubbish?" he demanded, stupefied.

"Yes. And it is not rubbish. Mr. Lockhart's books are so wonderfully written and so romantic," she sighed.

Ron goggled at her. He couldn't believe she would read that stuff. He turned to Harry. "Hey, mate, can you believe that anyone would read stuff by Lockhart?"

"Uh, no?" Harry replied, meekly. He cringed, waiting for the inevitable explosion. Sure enough, Hermione didn't disappoint.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, HARRY POTTER?!" she demanded, furious. "WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO READ LOCKHART'S BOOKS?"

"MAYBE BECAUSE HE'S A STUPID GIT! HE COULDN'T WRITE A GOOD BOOK EVEN IF IT CAME AND BIT HIM ON THE ARSE! HIS BOOKS AREN'T ROMANTIC, THEY'RE RUBBISH! COMPLETE POPPYCOCK!" Ron bellowed.

"THAT'S IT, RONALD WEASLEY! YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT ROMANCE IS, EVEN IF IT DANCED IN FRONT OF YOU NAKED!" she shrieked.

"ROMANCE IS OVERATED ANYWAYS! GIRLS ARE JUST TOO EMOTIONAL! NO WONDER THEY ARE CONSIDERED THE WEAKER SEX!" he hollered.

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU?! WEAKER SEX? HA! BOYS ARE JUST TOO DUMB TO APPRECIATE THE FINE BEAUTY OF ROMANCE! EMOTIONALLY, BOYS ARE THE WEAKER SEX!" she screamed.

"GIRLS ARE!" Ron howled. "ISN'T THAT RIGHT GUYS?"

"YEAH!" shouted all of the boys, except for Draco.

"OH YEAH? BOYS ARE!" Hermione screeched.

"YEAH!" shouted all of the girls, except for the absent Blaise.

"OH YEAH?"

"YEAH!"

"BOYS ARE STRONGER THAN WEAKLING GIRLS!"

"IS THAT SO? GIRLS ARE SMARTER, PERCEPTIVE, AND MORE AGILE THAN BOYS!"

"HAH! AS IF! YOU GIRLS WOULD'T LAST A DAY WITHOUT US BOYS AROUND TO PROTECT YOU!"

"FAT CHANCE, WEASLEY! IN FACT, LET'S SEE IF YOUR BOAST IS TRUE! THIS IS WAR!"

Hermione began to lead the girls out of the room. However, Ron began to lead the boys out as well. It became a race to see who would get to the door first. The boys reached the door right before the girls and grinned smugly. However, their grins were wiped off their faces when Hermione stomped hard on Ron's foot and swept out the door. Every girl followed her actions and made sure to stomp hard on all of the boys' feet. By the time the last girl walked out the door, all of the boys were hopping on one foot, yelling bloody murder. At that exact moment, Blaise walked into the room. She stared at the hopping boys and sauntered over to where Draco was sitting.

"So, what did I miss?" she drawled, mildly curious. Draco grinned, wickedly.

"The chance to have our names in 'Hogwarts, a History' and witness the most entertaining spectacle ever in our seven years at Hogwarts," he replied, highly amused.

--------------------------------------------------------

At the teachers' table, all of the professors were talking about what to do next.

"I think we should just give Granger detention for starting a spectacle," sneered Severus.

"Why only Ms. Granger, Severus?" Minerva asked, suspiciously.

"Because she was making a fool of herself. Everyone knows that Weasley is right," replied Severus, though hating to admit that Weasley was right about something.

"What?! I believe Ms. Granger is right." Minerva said, icily. Sparks flew between the two as they glared at each other.

"I do believe you are wrong, Minerva. Girls are the weaker sex, always whining or moping about something," Severus said, silkily.

"Is that so? Well, boys are always fighting and arguing about the silliest things. Girls at least have the good sense to know that violence doesn't solve everything." Minerva replied, coldly. Albus quickly intervened before things could get bloody.

"I believe we should settle this matter once and for all. This war will only go on for a week. We will split the school up into two separate areas—one for boys and the other for the girls—so they won't try anything in the commons. To make sure that nothing dangerous will happen, we will make this a school event. Only one prank a day may be pulled outside of classes. Whoever manages to pull the most pranks, will win. The rest of the war will be in the classrooms. At the end of the week, we will award the winning sex a trophy and issue smaller trophies for individuals. Do you agree?" said Albus, eyes twinkling like mad.

"Fine," said both the Gryffindor Head and Slytherin Head, infuriated. They both stalked out of the Hall, refusing to talk to each other. Albus chuckled. He noticed the two remaining students and called them up to the table.

"Mr. Malfoy and Ms. Zabini. Why aren't you preparing for battle?" he inquired, cheerfully.

"With all due respect Headmaster, we would rather be a neutral party and record everything. All the pranks, looks, verbal spars, and points. That way we can write about it and publish it in 'Hogwarts, a History'." said Draco, smoothly.

"Ah yes! What a wonderful idea, Mr. Malfoy. Do carry on," replied Albus, delighted.

And so, the first ever Battle of the Sexes began.