Chapter Five, You Learn
"You grieve, you learn.
You choke, you learn.
You laugh, you learn.
You choose, you learn.
You pray, you learn.
You ask, you learn.
You live, you learn..." -'You Learn', by Alanis Morisette
"What do you think, Gin?" Hermoine whispered across their table in the Great Hall.
"Hm?" Ginny replied - she hadn't been paying attention to their conversations lately, there wasn't much point. None of it involved her, not that they would let her put in her two cents if it did.
"The Order meeting this weekend, why did they call it?"
"I suppose that Harry's found something important he simply hasn't told us about yet." Ginny said, trying to feign a joking manner as she flashed a smile at Harry. She'd known all summer that something was up. Harry had been muttering to himself and locking himself in his room for hours, only to let in Hermoine and Ron. Then he'd disappear for days on end without so much as 'goodbye'. She'd grown to resent the fact that he thought he couldn't trust her, seeing as how close they'd gotten towards the end of last year.
Apparently her response had caught Harry's attention, and he seemed to redden a bit.
"No, I don't have or know anything more than I did a week ago. It's probably just an update on Death Eater activity or something like that. You know how Moody is about making McGonagall have standard meetings - constant vigilance and whatnot." Ginny giggled and inwardly rolled her eyes. If Moody were to be summed up in two words, they would be 'constant vigilence'.
She zoned out again while she finished her lunch. She figured she'd go up to the library to admire her spot from afar, and maybe get some homework done. She finished eating and excused herself, and as she walked out of the hall, couldn't help but notice that she and Draco, as good as last night had been, were back on their regular pattern of ignoring each other as much as possible. It made her smile, she didn't really like him much, and would prefer not to be spoken to by him, unless he was speaking to or about Ginny. Just Ginny.
After a few hours in the library, she triumphantly emerged, holding her now completed Transfiguration essay. She decided to award herself with a walk outside. Even though it was November, and cold, she thought it would be nice to get outside for a change.
She headed outside after putting away her things, and walked around the lake. She saw members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team marching off the field, apparently they'd had practice this afternoon. She frowned, this wasn't exactly what she'd wanted. She saw the two new Chasers - Demelza had been joined by two of her friends, Aaron and Jordan - and Ginny realized it was official. She'd been replaced. Her heart sank as she watched the five players trudge towards the castle, and knew that Harry and Ron would emerge next.
Not wanting to be seen by them at the moment, Ginny walked briskly in the opposite direction. She tried to keep as low a profile as possible, but her stupid hair always gave her away.
"GINNY!" She cringed. That was Harry, she didn't even have to be looking to know that. She froze and turned around slowly, trying to brace herself for whatever he had coming.
He ran over to where she was, waving for Ron to go inside without him.
"Hey, Harry," Ginny said politely.
"Hey, Gin...listen, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
"For what?" She inquired curiously. For breaking up with her? For leaving her out? For dismissing her entire existence for five months straight?
"About you not being allowed to play Quidditch. I'm really sorry. You were the best Chaser on the team, and we could really use you in the game on Saturday." Ginny was seething at this point, but was trying to make it look not so bad.
"It's not your fault." She muttered.
"I know, but it's not fair to you," this sent a pang to her gut, he didn't even realize how not fair this was. "You should be allowed to play, too." She knew he was trying to be sincere and sympathetic, but he should've tried earlier. And harder.
"Then why didn't you say anything? Why did you let my Mum just do this, and throw me into Healing sessions?" That was an accident. She'd lost her cool for one freaking second, and let it all slip. He looked surprised, and she was appaled at his look.
"I...I didn't...I don't know. Gin, I'm really sorry."
"Look, Harry, it's fine." She said quickly, trying to just move on, no matter how mad she was. "It doesn't matter now. I'm sorry, but I have a Healing session to get to." She lied.
"Oh, alright." He said, looking a little defeated. "Wait a minute, aren't they only at night? After dinner and all?" Crap. She'd forgotten that point. In her haste to make up a legitimate excuse to leave this God forsaken conversation, she'd forgotten.
"Alright, fine." She said, admitting her lie, "Then I've got plants to water." As she made an about-face, she came face-to-face with a smirking Malfoy. How had Harry not noticed him there! How was this possible! This was just not her day.
"What is this we have here? A little lover's quarrel?" He drawled sarcastically. Ginny's blood boiled.
"How dare you. How DARE you." She said in a voice that was quivering with rage. He just smirked at her.
"Sod off, Malfoy, this is between me and Ginny." Harry said from behind her. She twirled around.
"There is NOTHING between you and me!" She cried, trying not to lose her cool again. She turned back to Malfoy, "I was just leaving. If you'll excuse me."
"And if I won't?" He shot back. She glared at him, and if looks could kill, they would have.
"Don't mess with me." She hissed. "Not now, not here." He raised his eyebrows, and still refused to move. "Get. out. of my. way. ...NOW."
"Malfoy, just leave us alone!" Harry yelled again, coming up next to Ginny. She was so mad at the both of them that she wanted to just punch them and get it over with. But she bottled up her anger and tried to take control of her shaking fists.
Staring intently at the ground, so as not to kill Harry, too, she said, "Harry. Stop it. Just. Go. Now."
Neither boy moved, and she cried in frustration before pushing past both of them. As she walked away she could hear something going on between the two of them that began with Draco saying,
"Wow, Potter. Didn't know you had that sort of affect on the opposite gender. Although I must admit, I'm not surprised..."
It took everything she had in her to not turn around and curse them both into oblivion. 'The Wizarding World needs Harry,' she thought, as another pang to her gut made a tear spring to her eye. 'And Draco will get what's coming to him later.'
Once inside the castle, Ginny bolted to her dorm and threw herself onto her bed. She wanted to cry, she wanted to admit the hurt she was feeling inside, over Quidditch, but moreso over Harry. She was so in love with him last year, they'd had such wonderful times. Then he'd just cut her off completely, without any explaination. Well, any VALID explaination.
Later that night, after she'd eaten dinner and calmed down, Ginny took Harry's cloak out of her trunk and headed back to the library. To her surprise, Draco was already there, and in his chair, apparently waiting for her.
She silentely transfigured her book into her cushion and climbed up onto the sill. He looked up at her, but she did her best to ignore him.
"Listen, Ginny..." he began, pausing.
"How dare you." She whispered. He looked surprised at the malice etched on her face. "Don't you ever do that again, Malfoy. I mean it." He took offense and put up his guard again.
"Do what? It's not like I acted any different then I normally do. I didn't do anything wrong!" He sneered. "Plus, what happened to 'Draco'? I thought you respected this place." He spit.
She hung her head in her hands. She did respect this place, and she knew she needed to chill out or nothing would be solved. But she couldn't help being so upset. She wanted to cry again, but found that the tears just wouldn't come.
"I'm sorry, Draco." she sighed. He seemed taken aback, but she knew it was time for her to step down. "I just...you called it a 'lover's spat', and I just freaked out."
"I noticed."
"Draco, really, can we stop with the sarcasm? I'm being serious here." He relaxed back into his chair, backing down, and she did the same. She stared out at the lake, longing for the peace she'd felt before, but she was so upset she couldn't feel it anymore.
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember it, to bring it back, but it was no use. The feeling was gone. Stupid Harry. This was all his fault. She growled in frustration at herself, and thrust her head against the wall behind her. Maybe that would jog her brain enough to make it work right and forget him.
"Whoa! What the hell was that for?" Draco asked, getting up suddenly to see if she was ok.
Ginny looked at him in surprise, she hadn't expected him to care at all. "Nothing," she said.
"You're a terrible liar, you know that? Look at me." She followed his instructions for some unknown reason, and looked at his face, which held a stony, uncaring glance.
"I love Pansy Parkinson, and I intend to marry her." He said with a completely straight face, but Ginny was aware of the clench his whole body had just gone into. "Damn." he said, sitting back down. "I'm usually better at that one. But anyway, that's how one lies. You suck at it."
She looked at him for a second, trying to comprehend what he'd just done and said. Once it all sank in she broke out in giggles. He smirked back.
"I can't...I can't believe...oh man...that was great!" she said, trying and failing to control her laughter. He began to chuckle, too.
"Yeah, it took awhile to get that cringe thing to go away, I don't know why it's back..." He commented, off-handedly. She openly threw her head back and laughed out loud.
"That's incredible. I can't believe you cringed! I mean, actually CRINGED!" She took a few deep breaths and calmed herself down. "Do another one!"
"ok...let me see...oh, ok." He took a deep breath and looked her square in the eye. "Harry Potter is," Draco's face broke into a smile, which he quickly tried to hide by clearing his voice. "Harry Potter --" another smile. "Dammit." another deep breath. "Harry Potter is my best fri--" This time he broke out into laughter. "Dammit!" He cursed, "I can DO that one, too!"
Ginny couldn't help but laugh more. Every time she and Draco locked glances, they would both melt away into giggles. Then they'd calm down, but as soon as they looked at each other, they'd start laughing again.
"Ok, seriously now." Draco said, "I have to get this down." He took a deep breath, cleared his face of anything readable, and looked at Ginny. "I, Draco Malfoy," he smiled again! "have never been kissed." Ginny snorted and he dissolved into laughter.
"Well, Weasley -"
"Ginny."
"Well, Ginny, it looks like I can't lie to you." She stopped laughing abruptly. So fast, in fact, that her breath caught in her throat.
"What?" She said, stunned.
"It seems as though I can't lie to you. Not with a straight face." She paused for a moment - was he serious?
"...Are you serious?"
"So it seems." They sat back in another one of their silent moments, and she tried to think of what to say next.
"So," he continued, "What happened there today?" He asked carefully. She took a deep breath and turned back to the window.
"Just...He and I...we just...do you really want to know?" If he wasn't sincere about his questioning, she wasn't going to tell him, but she did want someone to talk to, and this was their place...
"Not really." He said matter-of-factly. She smiled, he was never going to change. "But you yelled at me and freaked out, and I would at least like to understand what I did that was so horrific."
"You didn't do anything," she sighed, "It's stupid...Harry is just being a git, that's all. And then you called it a 'lover's spat', and...ugh, it just all is driving me crazy. Things were so different last year. Everything's changed. Stupid War."
"So I take it he broke up with you?" Ginny looked at him confused, was he kidding?
"Of course he did, where have you been?" She joked.
"I apologize completely for not having an interest in Potter's love life, or lack thereof." He said dryly and she smiled.
"Yeah, he said if we stayed together I'd be a target, but he hasn't really talked to me much since, so I'm kind of wondering if that was just an excuse or something..."
"Well either way you're better off. Potter isn't worth it." Ginny snorted.
"Only you, Draco...only you."
"What?"
"Only you would say that."
"That can't be true - I'm sure Granger's said it loads of times." Ginny's face fell,
"Nope. Not once. Nobody's said it. There's been a lot of 'he's got a lot on his mind,' and 'he did it for your protection', and even 'when this is all over he'll come back to you', but no one is telling me to move on."
"Fine. Move on." Ginny laughed quietly, shaking her head. Why was Draco Malfoy the closest friend she had these days? That was a little scary.
"Easier said than done."
"C'mon, it's six months later and you're still crying and moping over it. It's time to get over him, he's a prat anyway."
"Hey, I am not crying, nor have I ever actually shed a tear. ...ok, maybe one, but seriously. Let's not go overboard."
"But you're a girl - that's what mostgirls do - they cry." Ginny smiled at how serious he was.
"And do 'most girls'date Harry Potter, or sneak out late at night to spend time with Draco Malfoy? Did 'most girls' grow up with six older brothers?" Draco paused to take in everything she'd said. "Crying gets you nowhere." She concluded.
"You sound like me." He replied.
"That's a scary thought."
"Look," he began, "One day, he's going to look around and see that he's got nobody left. The best thing you can do now is not go down with him."
She paused, "Self preservation?"
"Self preservation." He stated. He tried coaxing her into conversation again, "So why didn't you just hex him into next week? He deserves it." She sighed,
"You of all people know that you have to pick your battles."
"Somebody write that down. Ginny Weasley just said something I don't think any Gryffindor has ever uttered!" He joked, and she just rolled her eyes.
"It's true. Harry's not worth it, he's not worth my time and energy no matter which way I look at it. But if he's not, then what is? Point is, I need to just figure out what battles to fight and what battles to forfeit. I forfeit Harry."
"Wow. That's harsh." Ginny just shrugged her shoulders. Talking about all of this seemed to help. She didn't feel as hurt as she had even that afternoon, and voicing her opinions made them seem more real to her, and that helped her realize that she was right - there were battles to fight and forfeit - you just have to know the difference, and she was beginning to learn.
They sat in silence as the night air grew colder. She climbed down from the window and looked around for another chair - the glass had just gotten too cold to be next to.
"Cold?" Draco asked. She nodded in response. Like a gentleman, he immediately stood up, transfigured his armchair into a couch and took off his cloak for her to wear.
"No, that's ok, I'll just sit down here with you for awhile."
"Ginny, just take it." He sighed in frustration. Giving in far earlier than she usually did, she took the overly large cloak and draped it around her petite figure. It pooled on the floor, and went nearly a foot past her hands. They laughed at how big it was on her, and she curled up in the corner of the couch. She closed her eyes in the warmth and just inhaled her surroundings. She was beginning to drift off, at that point between sleep and awake where everything's possible, and you'll say anything.
"I'm glad you're here, Draco." She whispered with her eyes still closed. Even without looking, she could feel his smirk from a mile away. "Stop smirking you prat." She mumbled. She heard him chuckle audibly,
"How do you know I was smirking?"
"Oh please, I could know that smirk from a mile away. Eyes closed or not." She sighed loudly before continuing on her ramble. "You didn't have to listen to me, you know."
"If I didn't do it, who else would? I was just doing the world a favor." Surprisingly enough, she smiled softly. His words should have stung, but they weren't said in a mean way.
"Well the world and I thank you." She adjusted her position so that her head was leaning on the back on the couch. "I really like it here, Draco..."
"Oh, no. You won't fall asleep."
"sh...shut...shuddup..." she mumbled, drifting further into dreamland.
"Weasley," he said warningly, she smiled.
"Shuddup, Malf...Malfoy...I'm tired..." she slurred, "iss bin a long...long day..." She felt him smirk again, "shuddup malfoy..." she mumbled before drifting off to sleep.
What felt like suddenly(but was probably actually a few minutes later), she was lifted off the warm, comfortable couch, and hoisted into the air by two strong arms. She heard an exasperated sigh and smiled, wanting to laugh but not having the energy. She just snuggled closer to her new pillow, which replied,
"Don't get too comfortable. You're going to have to walk to bed once we get to Gryffindor Tower."
"Yeah...yeah..."
A few minutes later her feet were dropped onto the floor and she jolted awake with a cry.
"SHH! Do you want the whole school to hear you?"
"Malfoy! You dropped me!"
"I bloody carried you, Weasley! I had every right to drop you!" She scowled, but accepted his logic. Mumbling the password to the Fat Lady, she turned back to Draco.
"Just for that you don't get your cloak back." She spat. He smirked,
"As long as I can use yours to get back to the dungeons." She looked - he had Harry's cloak in his hands. She might have second-guessed herself if she were more awake, but she wasn't, and Harry hadn't noticed it's absence yet.
"Eh, deal." She said. And as he disappeared and she heard footsteps down the corridor, she whispered, "Goodnight, Draco..." and climbed into the common room.