(A/N): Here's the latest review... I've suddenly become swamped with school work this week, but I did just have this lying around, so therefore decided to post. I didn't antagonize over this chapter as much as I do with others, but the end quality is still alright.Spelling/grammar, I'm sure got edited over, but I can't catch every mistake... eh /

Disclaimer: (I completely forget these) Meg Cabot owns anything and everything that is related to the Mediator; I am not Meg Cabot, so I am using her ideas and characters, etc. The plot, however, is mine.

After my encounter with Paul today I found it hard to focus in class even more than before I spoke to him. I hate him. I love him. I can't make up my mind about him. And every moment I spend thinking about him, remembering the kiss in the hallway, I feel as if his body were right next to mine.

Paul makes me feel good in a way no other guy ever has. Granted, Paul was my first and only boyfriend to date. They say teenagers can't experience true love; but I did. Those were two magnificent weeks. But Paul screwed up and so did I. Had we waited longer, we'd probably still be together today.

I am glad that Paul and I don't have our last two classes together. My attention is already far gone; it'd be worse if he were here, most likely sitting behind me like he does in three out of the four classes we share thanks to alphabetical accordance.

The day couldn't have ticked away any slower. Every second that passed seemed to be the equivalent of a minute, every minute the equivalent of an hour. The teacher droned on about verb conjugations. As her lips moved and she continued speaking, all I could see was Paul in that second before he kissed me. The ways his eyes were a lit with expectation…

I shook my head, casting another glance at the wall clock. I swear I could hear the seconds drawling to a close, each one taunting me acrimoniously. One by one they went on. I still had five more minutes of class before I had to meet up with Paul.

I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the flood of memories that sprang to life as I remembered the last time I had been with Paul for other reasons than school. Every sight, every sound… every emotion was still with me, slowly unearthing themselves as I allowed myself to be consumed by the enjoyable–yet equally hurtful–memories.

When I opened my eyes again, I found Adam hovering above me gazing down at me sadly. I blinked, realizing a tear had escaped the crevice of my eye and strolled sadly along my cheek. Furiously I wiped it away before anyone else noticed. In my trip down memory lane, I'd gotten so consumed by my thoughts that those last five minutes had breezed by in a flash.

Kindly, Adam gathered my belongings in his own arms and led me outside wrapping his arm around my shoulder comfortingly. I leant my head against his shoulder. He continually shocks me; one second he can be joking, the next dead serious His mood fluctuates appropriately as needed. I appreciate the fact that he didn't ask what was bothering me but accompanied me in silence instead. Cee, as much as I may love her, would've already asked about a thousand questions I didn't want to answer quite yet.

Smiling wanly, I gave him my thanks. As he walked away, he turned around, "Call me later–that is, if you want to talk. I may not be a girl, but I can still listen, Suze." I nodded and he waved good-bye trailing away along the sea of students and teachers.

Absently, I went to Paul's locker. I waited for probably a minute before I saw him coming up at last. He smiled at me, and I forced myself to smile back. Paul tossed his belongings into the locker and took out the materials he needed for home before finally speaking to me. "So, you're taking me up on my offer then?"

"I'm here aren't I?" I leaned up against the locker beside his. "I just want to make myself clear. I don't want you trying anything. Nothing like earlier."

Paul smiled at me, before closing his locker. "Sure thing, Suze." I wanted to believe him; his tone was sincere and honest. However, I didn't want to be fooled by the act he had already mastered. 'Sure thing, Suze,' could mean just about anything to Paul, despite what his intonation might indicate.

Paul started walking away without any notice and I went after him, struggling to keep in line with him. I didn't bother to unload myself of my own schoolwork; right now shifting was more important. Every inch of me desired to know what shifting was all about. Paul stopped at his car, looked at me and then opened it. "You riding with me? Or you want to take your car now? I really don't care. I'll bring you back later to pick it up."

I scanned the parking lot for my jeep; it was located on the opposite corner of the lot. I parked back there so I could distance myself as much from Paul. Feeling too lazy to trek to my own car, I nodded, and started heading for the passenger seat, not really caring where we ended up going.

–8–

"So… shifting?" Great, I couldn't even form a coherent sentence anymore. A small wooden table and two cups separated me from Paul.

"What do you want to know?" He held up some papers he had retrieved from his backpack. "In my hands, I have my entire written knowledge of shifting. This information is rare, and it is valuable. Only few have access to it, much less the abilities to use the extent of the information. But you and me, we're very special. I have all the known knowledge about shifting and the ability to use it, you will too." He smiled at me. "Suze, you and I are rare. I don't know how you figured out you were a shifter but I knew in due time you would. That's why I was always attracted to you from the beginning; I knew you and I could relate on some level."

"So just tell me already." Impatience stirred inside me.

"Suze, I like to earn what I get–or in this case, receive some sort of recompense for what I'm about to tell you." I looked up at Paul dubiously. If I had thought he wouldn't want anything, then I was sadly mistaken. There was a catch; there always was one.

"Paul, can't you just tell me? I already came with you to the coffee house because you wouldn't explain earlier. Isn't that enough?"

Paul leaned back in his chair comfortably, placing his hands behind his head. "Suze, I'm an easy guy to please. There's not much I want. But, there is one thing I can think of right now. It's up to you how much you really want to know about shifting."

Skeptically, not liking where the conversation was going, I asked what he wanted from me. Paul didn't answer right away, instead smiling at me like he knew the secrets of the world. This time however, he did know the secrets I desired to know.

"Well," Paul drawled, "I want you to go out with me again. I want to be your boyfriend and be given another chance. Since you'll never fess up to the fact you still have feelings for me, I'm just going to prompt you a bit. We'll go out for a week, and in return I'll answer all your questions about shifting," looking thoughtful for a second, Paul added, "At the end of the week."

I gaped. Who did he think I was? I'm not that desperate for information of any kind.

The question hung in the air. Would I agree to be Paul's girlfriend again for the sake of knowledge, or would I turn him down?

The immediate answer anyone in their right mind would give was a plain and simple 'no.' But I actually contemplated the proposal. Mentally, I ran a list of pros and cons. Paul's hopeful gaze burned into me, awaiting my response. A battle was raging inside of me. I couldn't even make up my mind, much less speak.

He loves you…

He broke your heart…

He made you do things you didn't want to…

You loved the feeling of being with him…

The voices argued over and over in my head. Not one was strong enough for me to listen to and convince me that by going out with Paul–as blackmail–would be a horrible mistake.

But then again, things could actually work out this time. Since we broke up, I haven't stopped wandering what could have been had we not broken up so soon.

I know it's silly to be hung over a relationship that lasted a whole of two weeks. But I know it's the best thing I'll ever have; Paul knows it too–because he felt the same feelings too.

All the tension that has amounted since then is aching to be released. It won't be much longer before either one of us breaks. I can't handle it anymore. Every time I catch a glimpse of Paul, my heart swells with pain. But it also beats with joy. He was my first love, after all.

I couldn't date Paul. By dating him again under such circumstances, I'd be giving up a part of myself–my dignity and I'd be letting him win. I wasn't going to become some cheap girl solely to please his needs. I'm much better than that. The decision would have to be mine to make with no strings attached.

Now, though, I don't think it'll ever happen. Dating Paul again, I mean. He doesn't deserve me. I should've realized that the first time he broke up with me. I can't believe that he would have the nerve to ask such a thing from me or that I have been so hung on my feelings for him for so long.

Uncomfortable silence settled between me and him, making the small coffee shop seem too small. Clarity and focus had been lost, and I felt vacant inside. I felt cold and empty.

Sensing my discomfort, Paul reached across the table and took my hand in his. "Suze. I'm sorry, listen…" I pulled at my hand, but he wouldn't budge.

"No! How can you make such an offer and still live with your self?" I futilely slapped his hand away from my wrist. He dropped it immediately.

"Suze…" He trailed off lucidly.

"If you think that I will even take you up on such an offer, then your sadly mistaken."

"I know I was wrong to ask that of you… but, God, Suze. I've gone though so much to be with you. After we broke up, I never stopped caring about you. I just want you to be with me. I want things to be like they used to."

"You screwed up, Paul. And maybe I did, too. But this is not the way to fix things." Sad blue eyes bore into my own, hazed and pleading.

"Look, I was an ass, I still am. Maybe we'll never get back what we had, but maybe we can try to be friends? I want things to get better between us."

"You want things to get better? Fine. Then meet me tonight at Big Sur. There's something I need to take care of with your help." Paul nodded. "But I still want to know about shifting."

"I can't tell you anything, Suze. Its scarce information. I don't have to share anything with you if I don't want to. Please–just one date?"

"Why, Paul?"

"Because."

I stared at him. That answer wasn't going to cut it. Quirking one eyebrow, I prompted him. He sighed in return. "Because, like I said: I want things to get better between us."

"And by going out with you will help?" Somehow, I doubted that.

"Yes. If you can realize I'm not such a pain, then maybe you'll want to make it more of a long-term thing."

"While I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea, fine. Whatever. If it's what I need to get information about shifting. But, how does it relate with mediation?"

A second or two passed as he gathered his answer. I didn't even know if both dealt with ghosts. But I needed to know. My whole life I'd been told I was a mediator… maybe my beliefs were set up around a lie?

"Shifters are much more powerful, Suze. More than you could possibly imagine." A sly smile spread across his lips as his eyes twinkled in delight.

"Powerful enough to travel through time?"

An expression matching that of shock flashed across his face for one brief second but was soon replaced by his usual calm demeanor. "I don't know. I guess you'll just have to wait for those shifting lessons, won't you?"

Groaning, I started to turn away. "Whatever. Just be at Big Sur at midnight, will you?"

"Yeah… but why?"

"There's something I need to take care of with your help."

"Shifting wise?"

"It'd help if I knew what it was…"

"Forget it Simon, I'll tell you after you've fulfilled your part of the deal."

"Fine. Midnight, okay. I'll have my cell with me if you can't find me."

I had a date with Paul Slater. The agreement was I'd get my shifting information but did I really want to put myself through such turmoil just to receive the information I so desperately desired?

Even more, anything could happen. I might find myself in the same predicament of wanting to date Paul again… would my heart be ready to handle the pain all over again?

"So, that's it then? You're going to flat out agree?" Paul quirked an eyebrow skeptically at me, his expression seeming wondrous and uncertain as he analyzed the situation.

Shrugging, I answered weakly, "Well, I really want to know."

Accepting the response, Paul nodded. "Right, let's get going then. I've got some stuff to do and I'm sure you're wanted at home. I'll just drop you off at school, and we'll work out the details about our… date, if you want to call it that, tomorrow."

Standing up, I followed his lead. Silence stretched between us as he took me back to school. No words were exchanged but my mind was screaming at me for being so stupid. I've probably fallen into a trap by agreeing to go on a date with him.

When we got back to campus, I knew I had something to do; and that was to visit the good father.

– 8 –

"Susannah, please do slow down. I only understood about a quarter of what you told me." Father Dom smiled gently at me, his cheeks rosy.

"There's this ghost."

"Yes, I understood that, Susannah. It's as much as I managed to comprehend."

I sighed. If my thoughts weren't so everywhere, I could explain to Father D about Jesse. "Well, the ghost–he's claiming he knows me. And I believe him too, unless he simply fabricated the story he told me. The thing is, he knows me from some sort of alternate reality…"

His white brows knitted into confusion. "How is such a thing possible, Susannah?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. I think there's another mediator around here who's going to help me," by making me date him first as collateral, I added to myself quietly.

"Another mediator? In Carmel? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"A shifter, actually–I think. And I just found out last night."

"Right." He fiddled with a pencil on his desk before returning his attention to me. "Well, Susannah, I must say I am at a lost for words. I do not know of any solutions that may help you with this ghost. It is quite a different situation. Perhaps you'd like to send him to me? Maybe by talking with him I can figure out something."

"No, I don't think so. I want to handle him on my own. I feel like I should, if what he's saying is true, anyway."

Father Dom nodded, before replying, "I am sure you are tired of hearing this already, Susannah, but you are to under no circumstances exert yourself physically. Do we have an understanding?"

"Would I ever?" I asked innocently, concealing the hint of annoyance building up inside of me. Reproachful eyes looked up at me and my smile faltered. "Kidding, Father D. I've got to go though. Alright, thanks."

"Anytime, Susannah. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help to you."

I exited the Mission and headed home at last. School had let out nearly three hours ago and I had yet to go home. I made it a point to drive by Big Sur hoping to catch a glance of Jesse. Much like I expected, he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

It must be hard, being stuck in the realm of the living while you can no longer enjoy such a luxury yourself. It must be hard for Jesse to just sit back and watching the world go on without him. I certainly don't know how I would handle it myself.

When I got home, I evaded the questions of my mother simply by telling her of a student council crisis. I shuffled up the wooden stairs…

… And when I opened my door, sitting atop my window seat was Jesse. Reading a book.

(A/N): There's chapter five. Please review; all comments are deeply appreciated and taken into consideration.

I'll try to update within a week or two, but like I said, I've become swamped with school at the moment, so there's no guarantees. I'll see what happens...