"Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out.
I'm sure you've heard it all before,
But you never really had a doubt.
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now...
And all the roads we have to walk are winding,
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you,
But I don't know how...
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me...
And after all
You're my wonderwall..." -'Wonderwall', Oasis
The next few days, Ginny retreated into her own little world. She'd never had to deal with people gawking at her - she had six older brothers, a smart friend, and a famous friend - they had all been gawked at, but not her. She couldn't stand the whispers, either. People whispered because they thought you couldn't hear them when they did, but she would rather them talk so at least she knew what they were saying.
Even Lavender and Parvati had started up again. Ginny didn't know what to do. Even some of the kids in her potions class had begun the whispering. Ron was oblivious, but all Harry and Hermione ever did was cast her sympathetic glances, and tell the people talking to them to shut up.
Draco still wasn't talking to her either. Every day in Potions, he stood in silence and did his work. Harry and Ron commented on how happy it made them to see him shut up for once, but Ginny was just confused. She didn't know how to fix this, how to make it better. She wasn't about to promise not to ever go into a fight again, but she was afraid that even if she did, it wouldn't fix things completely. There was something awkward about his stony silences, something distant.
"I'm sick of it." She hissed at him on Tuesday afternoon in class. He just ignored her, and kept at his work. "I'm sick of you acting this way. It's ridiculous and childish. You need to tell me why you're so mad at me...or so help me..." He still didn't acknowledge her, and she almost reached for her wand, but figured that wouldn't help any. She just wanted to illicit a reaction out of him, so she changed her tone to a loud one of defiance.
"Look, Malfoy. If you're not even going to try and work with me, I'm going to go work with Harry." She noticed Ron and Harry look up.
"I could go for that." Harry called jokingly across the room. Draco's eyes flashed at her.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he hissed. Ginny just rolled her eyes. She was so sick of everyone treating her like a child, that she really was on the edge of not caring what she said to anyone.
"Actually, no. I wouldn't like that. Frankly, I would prefer to be in bed right now, but seeing as I'm here, you're going to have to talk to me sometime." She whispered back. He glared at her for a moment before responding.
"You are stupid. You're stupid, and you're naiive." he spat.
"No, Malfoy," she spat back, "I'm obligated. Just like you." He almost snorted with laughter.
"Please. You don't even know what you're talking about." Ginny's temper flared.
"Don't speak to me like that." she hissed in a low voice with very uncontrolled anger.
"You may be smarter than the lot of them, but you're still just another Weasley." he said as he turned on his heel and went back to his work. She couldn't control herself anymore, she shoved him, and he fell over.
"HOW DARE YOU!" She cried. Ron and Harry leapt up behind her, before she'd even finished the sentence, and Blaise Zabini was already helping Draco up. "How dare you say that to me! I don't care who you are, or what you think of yourself, how DARE you!"
"What did you say to her, Malfoy?" Harry demanded. Draco, now standing, just glared at Ginny. She glared back at him, unwilling to speak, or tell them what he said.
"Well? What did you say?" Ron took out his wand and pointed it at Draco, whose gaze finally left Ginny and turned to her brother. He smirked at him,
"You should put that away, Weasley, before you hurt yourself." He spat. He waved Blaise off, and went back to his work. Ginny could barely move she was so angry. Hermione pulled her back, and the four of them went over to Harry's table.
"What happened, Ginny?" She asked quietly, but Ginny refused to answer. She wasn't going to tell them what he said, or how he said it, or why it was even upsetting. She wasn't going to say a thing. So she stood there, glaring at the chalkboard behind them. She'd been nearly silent for almost the whole week because of the gossip about her, and now she decided to just take it to the extreme, and purposely not talk to anyone.
"Ginny?" said Ron, "Should I go kill him?" She turned her glare to him, and stalked off. They looked confused, but dispersed.
Ginny stayed silent the rest of the class, trying to make it as blatant as possible, but Draco didn't even seem to notice. She wanted to cry and scream at him, but she knew he didn't respond to people who do that - they tended to be annoying.
So she stopped talking to everyone. She responded to 'Pass the pumpkin juice, please,' but silently. She responded to 'What did we do in class today?' by handing over her notes. Other than that, she did everything herself. She didn't talk to Harry or Ron, or even Hermione. Hermione was getting especially worried about her, but Ginny kept her defiant silence and didn't budge.
The talk started up again about Ginny's outburst in Potions - no one knew what it was Malfoy had said that set her off, but whatever it was it must've been big, because both of them were especially irritable lately. Every afternoon in Potions, Ginny saw the trio casting worried glances at her. Up until Friday, she was pretty sure Draco hadn't even noticed. On Friday, though, Hermione was at her wit's end.
"Ginny, seriously." She said as she marched over to Ginny's table. She glared at Ron and Harry to stay back as she turned to face Ginny. "This is ridiculous. What happened? The talk is dying down, why won't you say anything?" She said in a hushed whisper. Ginny didn't answer.
"Ginny why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Hermione asked, sounding almost offended. Ginny just took a few deep breaths. The weight of everything in her life was getting difficult to deal with, and she really did want to confide in Hermione, but she wouldn't understand. She wouldn't understand why what Draco said was so awful, she wouldn't understand why it hurt Ginny so much, and she wouldn't understand why Ginny even cared about what Malfoy said, anyway. Ginny just wanted someone to understand, or at least just listen. She stared at her shoes, trying not to cry under the pressure of it all, and ignored Hermione. After a few more minutes of poking and prodding, Professor Slughorn announced the beginning of class, and Hermione was forced to leave.
Class began, and Ginny and Draco worked in silence. It took a lot for her not to cry and run back to bed, but she didn't want to deal with explaining that to her brother, so she didn't do that. After everything was set up and ready to go, he broke the silence.
"You're not speaking to anyone? Red, you're acting like a child."
"And you're acting like a prat!" She spat. She saw him visibly wince, but wasn't sure why. The rest of the class they worked in a hostile silence. Ginny never knew silence could be hostile, but it was completely obvious that they were not happy with each other.
The next day was a Hogsmeade trip, and Ginny contemplated not going. However, she hadn't gone last time, and was really antsy to just get out of the castle - as big as it was, she was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic, and had a bit of cabin fever.
"Hey, Harry, can I ask you something?" She said that morning. He looked up in surprise, not sure why she was suddenly talking to him.
"Sure, what?"
"Can I borrow your cloak for the trip today?" He shifted uncomfortably,
"Erm, Ginny...I'm not sure that's such a great idea..."
"Please? I'm so sick of being gawked at and whispered about, but I need to get out of the castle. Can I just borrow it for today?" She figured - due to last time - asking him was the right thing to do, but now that he was on the verge of saying 'no', she figured that she'd take it anyway. But he seemed to soften at her explaination.
"Yeah, I know what that's like. Sure, go ahead, I guess." She waited for him to bring it down to her, and put it in her bag.
After she got out of the castle she threw it on and practically ran through Hogsmeade. She was so excited to be out, and not be stared at, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of freedom. No one was looking at her, no one was coming after her, no one was talking to her - it was just her, alone with her thoughts and feelings, and for once, she felt free. She ran through the streets, trying to keep from shouting, a wild grin on her face. If she could, she would have stayed under the cloak in Hogsmeade forever. She loved not getting funny glances, and not being whispered about, even if it was just for three hours.
She went into Honeyduke's and looked around, then over to Quality Quidditch Supplies. She even went into Zonko's, although she'd never tell her brothers that. She spent the whole day in blissful obscurity, and decided to go see who was in the Three Broomsticks before heading back to the castle.
When she entered, she saw her brother, Harry and Hermione sitting at a table in the corner, and Draco, Blaise and Pansy at a table in the opposite corner. She had half a mind to leave right then and there, she was afraid they'd ruin her day, but she wanted to know what was going through Draco's head, how he was acting after a week of them not talking - was he as upset as she was? As unbearably stressed? So she walked quietly over to their table and stood a few feet away from him.
"Shut up, Zabini." He said dryly, leaning back in his chair. She hadn't caught whatever it was Blaise had said, but didn't really care.
"What's up with you, Draco?" he asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"A week ago you would've laughed, or even gone and done it yourself, and now you're telling me to shut up. What's going on with you?"
"Nothing, I just don't think hexing a Weasley in public is a good idea, especially with his little brat friends around."
"I think it would be funny." Pansy interjected grumpily. Draco rolled his eyes.
"I didn't say it wouldn't be, I just said it would be stupid."
"I wonder where his annoying little sister is. You know, the one who's always following Potter. I hate that girl. Have you seen her hair? I wonder who did it...I'd like to send them a Christmas card." Pansy was never one to keep her mouth shut, Ginny knew that. But that was over the line. She saw Draco just scoff a bit before responding.
"Really, Parkinson, you of all people should know when to shut it. Someone's going to hear you, and they're not going to be happy about it. And frankly, I don't make it a habit to notice just another Weasley."
"God, how many of them are there?" Blaise sneered.
"Why are you two insistent about talking about them?" Draco inquired with a sneer of his own. Ginny was livid. She was seething. She wanted to hex them all six ways to Sunday, but a little voice in the back of her mind kept reminding her that she wasn't supposed to be there, so she should keep her silence.
"Well, whatever it is, I'm just glad she's shut up this past week. That girl usually never shuts up, but I haven't heard a peep out of her."
"Oh? And how often do you talk to her?" Draco drawled sarcastically. That seemed to shut her up, and she retreated back to her bottle of butterbeer. Ginny's fists were clenched at her side, and she didn't know what to do. After another few minutes, Blaise got up to leave.
"Take Pansy with you, will you? I have a few things left to do."
"I can come with you," she offered in a sickeningly sweet voice.
"No, that's alright. You go back to the castle, and I'll be there later." The look on his face almost made Ginny laugh. He was so visibly disgusted it was funny, but every time she looked at Pansy, she was less than amused. Pansy gave Draco one last pleading look before standing up, but he didn't budge. She and Blaise left to go back to Hogwarts, and just as Draco was about to leave a few Galleons on the table, she decided to make a move.
She pushed in the chair Pansy had been sitting in, and then sat down in the one Blaise had occupied. Draco seemed to notice, and sat back down in his own chair, no trace of emotion on his face. He looked around the Three Broomsticks, probably looking for anyone who was looking at him, but Ginny kept her stare firmly on his face.
"Why do you do this?" he spat.
"I'm a little upset." She said through gritted teeth. "And I do a lot of irrational things when I'm upset." He rolled his eyes.
"People are going to think I'm crazy."
"Why did you say it?" She cut right to the chase.
"Because it's true." It took everything in her not to blow up again.
"It is. Not." He stood up and put his Galleons on the table.
"Come on, let's go."
"Go where?" But he didn't answer, just strolled out. She followed him around to the back of the building and he folded his arms across his chest. She put the invisibility cloak back into her bag - she was going to have to leave it off to go back to the castle anyway. She glared at him.
"It's not true." He shook his head.
"I don't understand how, but it is."
"What are you talking about! I've done nothing but talk about how they treat me, how different I am, how things have changed to you! How can you say that!"
"You may say all those things," he said with an icy stare, "but you're still ready to run out and die. Just like you were when we first had this discussion."
"You don't understand! I can't sit here and do nothing! They need me there!"
"They don't care about you." He said bluntly. "They're stupider than you are. They don't care about what you want, or what you need, so why do you care so much about them? You're never going to understand that, are you?" His words hit her like a ton of bricks, and tears started falling involuntarily down her cheeks. He looked away, but she wasn't about to let the conversation die.
"They just want what's best for me...that doesn't stop me from caring about them." She said quietly. He looked at her and seemed to soften a bit.
"Red," he said, shaking his head, "all they've done since this war started is try to change you. And all you've done is go along with it. Why don't you ever try and help yourself?"
"Draco, they do this because they care about me."
"They think they care about you." He sneered, "but they don't even know you." She paused. She wanted to tell him everything, discuss it and figure out how she was supposed to survive in such a suffocating environment, but she wasn't sure he was there for her anymore. She looked at him with a pained expression on her face.
"That's why I need you." she whispered. He looked at her in surprise, and looked a bit disconcerted. She wanted him to hold her again, she wanted everything to be ok. She couldn't hold his gaze for long, it was too upsetting, so she looked down. She kicked the dirt a few times before speaking up again.
"Why don't they care to know me?" She asked quietly, tears still falling. She couldn't help it. She wiped a few away, but they kept coming. She didn't even see him move, but before she even knew it he embraced her in an almost crushing hug. She leaned her head against his chest and let out the sobs she'd been holding in all week. He held her close, and didn't let her go. She cried until her head ached to much to cry anymore.
"They look at you and see just another Weasley." He said quietly, "They don't see you. Not the real you." She gripped his robes in her fists and didn't let him back away. She didn't answer him, so he continued.
"Why are you letting them dictate everything you do? I can't understand why you still care so much about them when it's obvious that they don't care about you."
"They do care about me...they care about me in the best way they know how..."
"Well then, they don't know much. Else your Mum never would've forbid you from Quidditch." Another tear slipped down her cheek, and onto Draco's robes.
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"Take care of yourself. Look out for you." He was quiet, almost pleading. "Don't think about them, worry about yourself." She almost giggled,
"Self-preservation?" He didn't respond. She considered his view, it really did make sense. "Alright, fine." She finally decided to concede. "I won't go back into the fights. They'll understand if I tell them I'm too shaken up." The lie was believable, but her tone was flat and unfeeling. He hugged her close, and then pulled back and kissed her hard. He looked her in the eyes and smiled a bit. She wanted to smile back, but was too depressed to really do anything. She needed to figure out how to deal with the realization that her family didn't know her, or care to.
"It'll be ok," he whispered in her ear.
"If you say so..." she replied. "I guess you better get to those things you have to do."
"What things?" he asked, confused.
"You told Pansy you had things to do."
"Oh, I don't."
"You don't?"
"No."
"Oh. Well then I guess we better get back to the castle." He smirked, and they went their separate ways. She trudged back up the castle alone, her head swimming in her thoughts. She finally realized that to everyone but him, she really was just another Weasley, and there wasn't anything she could do that would change that. Part of her wanted to just accept that and move on, sort of forgiving them for being ignorant, but a much larger part of her wanted to defiantly do what Draco said, and take care of herself for once. As much as she didn't want to be excluded from the battles, they were never going to let her fight, or help in any way that really mattered, so she might as well not go. She would just have to learn to deal with waiting for Draco to come backon those nights, hoping that he was ok.
When she got back up to the castle, she took a long, hot bath. She wanted to clear her head of everything, and get away from reality for a few minutes. She got lost in the scent of lavender, and giggled at the bubbles that tickled her nose. She basked in the warmth and comfort of the bath, and after awhile, realized it was almost time for dinner. She got out, and got dressed and looked at the necklace on her bedside table. She left it there, and took out the one that was under her pillow. She admired the emerald again, just as she always did when she took it out. But this time, for the first time, she took it out of the box and slipped it around her neck. She walked over to the mirror and looked at herself. She smiled at her reflection and looked at how the bright green stood out against her hair. She was about to take it off when Hermione knocked on her door.
"Ginny? I was just wondering if you wanted to come down to dinner with us," she called from the other side. Without even thinking, Ginny slipped the necklace under her robes and looked toward the door.
"Coming!" she called. And she gathered her bag to return Harry's robe, and strode out of her room.