Chapter Twenty, Changes

"I know there ain't no finish line,
I know this never ends,
We are just learnin' how to fall
and climb back up again.
Well, I know there is nothin' perfect,
and I know there is nothin' new,
We are just learnin' how to live together, me and you..." -'Learning How to Smile', Everclear

Monday morning came quickly for Ginny. She dragged herself out of bed, wanting to, but not letting herself go back to sleep. She and Draco had stayed up almost the whole night talking. They talked about trivial things, like which was better - Sugar Quills or Cauldron Cakes, and they talked about things that weren't so trivial. The deal they made was that Ginny would stay back, as long as Draco swore on every Knut he had that he would come back and check in with her as soon as he got back to school, and he had to use her potion. It was the only thing that would keep her calm through those hours - concentrating on a potion, and she wasn't about to let it go to waste.

They had talked about everything they could think of, and they spent hours in silence. Ginny couldn't remember ever being so content, so at peace. She wanted it to be night forever, to never leave the library. They had stayed until she started to see the sun rise, and stayed through until she saw almost all of it. Watching a new day begin was...well, magical. She loved how different the whole world looked after a spell of darkness, how new and lovely. And she loved the freshness of the dew on the grass - you could smell it.

Unfortunately, staying up all night meant she got little sleep, and so she fell asleep in Transfiguration that morning. For whatever reason, no one woke her up, and so she slept right through it. She managed to keep her eyes open for lunch, and Potions, but really wasn't all there.

"Ginny? Are you alright?" Harry asked before Potions began.

"Hm? Oh...yeah, I'm fine." She said lazily.

"What's wrong?"

"I just didn't get much sleep last night," she said as she yawned. "Sorry."

"Oh..." he gave her a once-over before going back to his table. She laid her head down on her arm, waiting for class to begin.

"Stop smirking you prat, this is all your fault." She said with a smile. She heard Draco chuckle,

"How do you always know?"

"When you're smirking? Please, a troll from a mile away would know that smirk."

"With your eyes closed?"

"With my eyes closed." Class began without much more interaction, but Ginny knew she couldn't be that lucky. Only ten minutes in, she noticed shifty glances coming from all directions. She was too tired to get out of her seat, so she didn't ask why, but whenever she glanced at one of the trio, they were looking worriedly in her direction.

"What is going on today?" She said under her breath, with a yawn.

"You noticed it, too, then?" Draco said quietly.

"Noticed it? They might as well put a neon sign above their heads. They're awful with subtlety." She replied. After another few minutes, Ron walked over.

"Ginny, we need to talk." She groaned and rolled her eyes.

"What now?"

"Not here." He commanded.

"I'm not moving. I'm too tired."

"Well that's your own fault, I have to talk to you."

"Why can't you ever talk to me at lunch?" She asked defiantly, turning her back on Draco to face him "Then Malfoy wouldn't be aroud to eavesdrop and you wouldn't try to make me move." Ron shifted,

"I didn't know at lunch."

"You mean whatever it is you figured it out in the last hour and a half?" She said bitterly.

"Ginny, we need to talk. Now. Come on," he urged.

"Ron, no. I'm tired, and I'm not moving. If you can't say it in front of Malfoy, I suggest you leave." Ron glared at Malfoy, "Stop smirking, you prat." Ginny said with a smirk of her own. Draco chuckled,

"Every time..." he said under his breath. Ron looked at her like she was crazy, and probably contagious.

"That's it. Ginny, let's go." He grabbed her arm and started to pull her up, but she wouldn't move.

"Ron! Stop it! I'm not going and that's that! Now either say what you want to or go away!" Harry came up behind him in support, while Hermione tried to urge them both away.

"Guys, later. We'll do it later." Hermione pleaded.

"No, we have to tell her now!" Ron said, trying to keep his cool.

"She needs to know!" Harry supplied.

"She's fine! Look at her! And we're all here, what could possibly happen?" Hermione urged, as Ron glared at Ginny, who was too tired to care. Hermione seemed to win over Harry, who gave Draco a shifty glance before dragging Ron away to a corner.

"What do you reckon they're talking about?" Draco whispered after they retreated.

"Me. And the latest development on how much they hate you, and how you're going to kill me." Draco chuckled, but Ginny just muttered, "You think I'm kidding? Watch..." Ron didn't come back until class was dismissed, but as soon as it was he was by her side dragging her away.

"Ron! Give me two seconds!" She said, a bit annoyed. "I actually do have to help him clean up, considering I didn't do any of the work today..." When she was finished she let him drag her away.

They got out into the corridor where Harry and Hermione joined them.

"What was so important?" she asked exasperatedly.

"We think something big's going down soon." Harry said. Ginny gave him an 'are you kidding me?' look.

"THAT's what you had to tell me? THAT's what was so important?"

"Well yeah, think about it, Ginny. Things have been pretty quiet since you got attacked, and we --"

"Harry, that was less than two weeks ago."

"Well, yeah, but --"

"We're in the middle of a war, something big is always about to go down."

"Well, yeah, but Ginny, we're just..." Harry was losing steam, and she seemed to be getting her point across.

"I don't like you working with Malfoy." Ron said forcefully. Ginny smirked,

"I hadn't noticed." She drawled. She giggled a bit before controlling herself - she was adopting so many of Draco's not-so-loveable characteristics. His drawl being one of them.

"Ginny, we just want you to be safe."

"Merlin, you three. If we have this talk one more time, I think I'm going to kill myself. Please just let it go, I'm fine. But if it really makes you happy, next time there's a fight I won't go." She slipped it in so casually, even she was surprised at how it came out. They all stopped in the middle of their steps.

"What?" asked Hermione.

"Are you serious?" said Harry.

"What's wrong?" asked Ron.

"Nothing's wrong, I just...I don't want to go." She said timidly. She felt a bit guilty - lying to them was too easy.

"Are you alright?"

"I just would prefer to keep the rest of my hair the color that it is, thank you." She said as she started up again, back towards Gryffindor Tower.

Eventually, once the shock wore off, they followed her. No one really dared to say anything, so Ginny just went off on her own to dinner, which was another quiet affair. Harry mentioned something about McGonagall wanting to see them after dinner, but she wasn't paying attention. They probably weren't talking to her anyway. She did, however, notice someone missing. She groaned,

"Not already..."

"What? What are you talking about?" Harry asked.

"Malfoy's missing." The trio glanced to the Slytherin table, and soon confirmed what Ginny already knew.

"Well, he could just be working on his homework, or his duties or something..." Hermione said timidly.

"Hermione, since when have you ever known a boy to skip dinner for homework?" Ginny asked seriously. Hermione nodded, and stopped talking. As soon as she was done dinner she went straight to the hospital wing, and sure enough, Professor McGonagall had told Madam Pomfrey to wait up for injuries tonight - the Order was raiding some place tonight.

So Ginny ran around the hospital wing organizing things, making potions, trying to do her homework. Doing basically anything she could to pass the time. She had to bite her tongue every time someone spoke to her, because she'd never felt so helpless or out of control in her life, and she didn't know how she'd react if she got into a conversation.

She focused on her potion, trying to make sure it wouldn't explode this time. After a long time of careful and precise work, she saw it turn the correct shade of murky brown, and she dropped in the last ingredient. It changed to the viscous, clear liquid she'd been hoping for, and she siphoned it into a flask.

Once she was all done, she looked around the room and sighed. She'd been there for such a long time, and still not a word about anything. Her head hurt from concentrating so hard, so she decided to take a walk to clear it a bit. She couldn't leave the hospital wing, though, because not only were she and Madam Pomfrey supposed to wait for people, that's where she made Draco promise to meet her.

She walked out of her room, and looked around to the empty wing. Not even a bloody nose tonight. She laid down on one of the beds and stared at the ceiling. It was the same stark white as the rest of the room, and the glare of the light almost made her headache worse. She drifted off into her own little world, thinking about what could possibly be happening at that moment, and what she could be doing about it. She got bored very quickly, so she moved to the window and stared out. She saw nothing but a clear, starry sky. It was a beautiful night. She watched the stars twinkle and shine, and part of her wanted to think that he was looking up at the stars at that moment too, thinking about her. He probably wasn't, but she wanted to think he was. She knew he would never admit it word for word, but he was worried about her. Just as much as she was about him. She smiled, he had such an odd way of showing things, it was almost refreshing. All the Weasleys expressed their emotions in the same way, and surprisingly enough Harry was the same, too. Hermione was a bit different, but not much. But Draco Malfoy had his own way of doing things, his own way of thinking about them. She stared at the stars with a soft smile on her face, thinking about him, and how much she really did care about him. Her hand went absent-mindedly to her necklace, and she rubbed the emerald with her thumb.

A few minutes later, Harry and Hermione trudged in with Ron in tow. They looked worn, and a bit bloody, but not really worse for the wear. Ginny performed the simple healing spells that were necessary, and gave them all sleeping draughts, directing them straight to bed without question. Then the rest of her family came in, plus an extra few members of the Order.

Ginny went around, handing out sleeping and calming draughts like candy, hoping to avoid eye contact with just about everyone. She didn't really want to talk about it, or hear about it, and it seemed like they didn't really want to tell her. Her mother was always insistent about keeping things like this away from the ears of her children, even if they were of age - and since Ginny wasn't yet of age, it was even more difficult to actually figure out what was going on.

Tonks looked especially tired, and Lupin eyed the sleeping draught that Ginny handed her.

"What's in that?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, honestly, Remus, I'm not dying." Tonks admonished, Ginny looked at him curiously.

"It's a Sleeping Draught - what do you think is in it?"

"You shouldn't be taking them too often, you know," he said quietly. She just looked at him and downed it, before taking refuge on one of the many hospital beds.

"She's never going to listen to you, Remus, better start getting used to it!" Ginny's dad said good-naturedly. Lupin just shook his head.

"I wish she'd just watch what she took. She takes them after every battle, and I'm not happy about her going into them, either, but she insists that she's an Auror, and she won't listen to reason..."

"Pregnant women are not invalids!" Molly scolded, "She is an Auror! Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she can't work."

"Pregnant!" Ginny gaped. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. They'd all forgotten to mention that little factoid to her. "Well why didn't you tell me? Jeez, I could have made something better."

"You know something better?" Lupin asked hopefully.

"No, but I could have made it." His face fell a bit, but he looked confused.

"Our Ginny's found her true calling in potions!" Molly bragged.

"Oh, she has, has she?" Lupin asked, a bit amused. "I bet Professor Slughorn was ecstatic to hear about that." Ginny just tried to smile and brush it all off, but was a little upset that everyone forgot to inform her Tonks was pregnant. Pregnant! How do you just forget something like that! Apparently there was going to be a wedding, too, in May before the baby was born. Ginny just shook her head, quite upset that she had been completely out of the loop on things of this magnitude.

"Oh, and I heard from Bill yesterday, did I tell you?" Molly gushed to Lupin. "He and Fleur are expecting as well! She's due a bit before Tonks, so he isn't sure if they'll make it up for the wedding, being in Egypt and all, but he said they'd try..."

After handing out everything she could and doing her best to ignore all conversation, she stormed into her room to look at her books and wait for Draco.

She sat in a comfortable chair and started making a list of potions ingredients that were least likely to harm a pregnant woman's baby. She looked at a book from Madam Pomfrey's library about healing children, and what ingredients were safest to use with them. She read and scribbled on a piece of parchment for what felt like hours. Eventually she shut her books, put them all on the table in front of her and rubbed her head. She looked at the door expetantly, but nothing happened. She wondered why he was always so much later than the others. After a few minutes of relaxation she went back to her work. She opened all the books up again and spread them out. She looked at her list of ingredients, and tried to think about the main uses for each one - which potions they already went into, what they did for that potion, and how that effect could be applied elsewhere. She marked on another parchment what ingredients caused explosions when put together - she'd had enough of them for one lifetime - and she wrote down which ingredients counteracted the effects of another. She felt like she'd been working for hours more when she heard the door click open and then shut.

She looked up expectantly, but saw nothing. She smiled hopefully as she heard the lock click shut and then she saw Draco take off his cloak. She smiled widely, happy to finally see him. She leapt up from her seat and almost jumped into his arms.

"Where have you been? I was worried sick!"

"Thanks, Mum, but I'm fine." He drawled sarcastically. She pulled back from their hug to give him a Look. "Don't do that," he smiled. She walked over to her cabinet and pulled out a vial, along with the flask she'd filled earlier.

"Here," she said, handing him both containers, "more of the potion I made tonight, and a Sleeping Draught."

"Oh no, I remember what happened last time you made me a Sleeping Draught. I couldn't walk the next day." He said, thrusting the vial back into her hands. She took it, and gave him another one.

"Fine then, just a Calming Draught."

"Red, no draughts. I'm fine, I just need some sleep." She Looked at him again,

"Don't you dare, Draco Malfoy," she warned. "You will take this potion, and you will sleep through the night. I won't have you laying awake in bed because your nerves are on end and you can't calm down. You will take it and I don't want to hear another word about it."

"Merlin, Red, you're worse than my Mum..." he said as he downed the contents of the vial. "Happy?"

"Very." she smiled. She gave him another hug, and let him go. She packed up the books, potion ingredients and parchment she'd been using, and walked out of her room. Everyone seemed a bit preoccupied with someone else to notice Ginny stealing out of the hospital wing, so she went off unnoticed. She walked briskly back to Gryffindor Tower before collapsing onto her bed in exhaustion.

The next few weeks went by the same way. Death Eater and Order raids were picking up in numbers, therefore so were the nights that Ginny spent alone in the hospital wing. Every time was the same - after a few hours of pacing, potion-making and doing homework, Harry, Ron and Hermione would walk in with various injuries - Hermione even had a sprained ankle one time - then the rest of the Order would show up. It was almost like none of them had day jobs, they were there so often.

Ginny got used to the stress waiting put on her, but she could never get used to the waiting. She hated to wait, and was terribly poor at it. She blew up half a dozen potions before really learning how much concentration each different potion took, and which potions she shouldn't attempt while under so much stress.

Every night she could, she met up with Draco in the library, but their time was always cut short. She couldn't miss much more sleep with all the stress she was under, and his N.E.W.T.s were drawing closer, so every class was laying on their last bit of work before they lost the students to the real world.

March went out like a lamb, just like the old adage, and April came. it was still cool and breezy, but it was a beautiful time of year. Ginny wished she had the time and energy to appreciate it, but everything was so hectic, and she constantly had a feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know what it was, but food, Hogsmeade, the library, sleep, a shower - nothing made it go away. She tried them all numerous times, but she couldn't make it go away. It was as if she knew something was going to happen. And not the normal 'something' that was always happening because of the War. Maybe it was just the stress she was under, maybe it was just an overwhelming sense of foreboding because as soon as the year was over, she knew she was going to lose Draco forever.

Part of her refused to believe that. With as close as they'd gotten, no one knew her better than he did. He never let her off the hook. When she wanted to give up, he was there to yell at her and make her understand. When she yelled and screamed, he yelled and screamed right back. Sometimes he would just let her throw her hissy fit, and then hold her until she calmed down. He always knew how to handle her volatile nature, even if she didn't. She didn't think that after all this time she could really lose him. She couldn't lose him, it was as simple as that. But he was stubborn, and every time she tried to bring up the future, he reminded her of his promise, and that it went for her, too.

She watched April begin to fade, and her stress increased. She waited up for Draco every time something happened, and so ther potions classes became unusually quiet. No one questioned anything, though, because of the incident back in March.

Ginny just couldn't get past the odd feeling in her gut. She wanted to believe that it was so many different things, but it was always changing. Something told her, though, that it wasn't anything she thought it was, and that she'd understand in time...