(a/n: i love you guys! I do. You're wonderful! too sweet. I put my MSN up on my profile, in case you want it, I always love hearing from people --erin asked for it, but you're friggin anonymous, girl, so I couldn't PM you, silly. ...yup, i think that's it. and I'm not going to tell you how many chapters left evilsmirk, you'll know when it's over. And yes, there is an epilogue)
Twenty Two, Troubled
"And now my life hand changed in oh, so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down.
And I do appreciate you bein' around.
Help me get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me..." -'Help!' The Beatles
Ginny woke up with a headache. Sunlight was pouring in a window near the bed she'd laid in - so much for 'resting her eyes'. She shot up when she realized the sun was up, and looked around to see who was still there. Only Ron was left.
"Where is everyone?" She asked nervously.
"Oh, 'morning. They all left - Hermione and Harry went back to the dormitory to change. Breakfast is in a few minutes, you better get a move on." Ginny stared at him, trying to wrap her head around the fact that it was Monday morning already. She practically ran back to Gryffindor Tower, silently cursing Draco for not waking her up when he got back. When she got ahold of him...she didn't even want to think about what she'd do. 'Kill him' was the first thing that came to mind, but that didn't sound too productive. So she threw on some clean clothes, brushed her teeth and hair, and ran to the Great Hall.
When she walked in she glanced around quickly, trying to find Draco so she could give him the Look of Death, let him know he was in trouble, but he wasn't there. She figured he was sleeping in again, and skipping Herbology, so she just walked over to Harry, Ron and Hermione and grabbed herself a plate. They seemed almost as tired as she was, and she made sure to tell especially Ron and Hermione to take it easy, since they'd been injured. Ron commented that she really was growing into a mediwitch, and that her healing sessions weren't a waste after all. They all laughed a little, but no one really thought anything was funny that morning. There was just a cloud hanging over them. Both figuratively and literally - the ceiling looked like it was going to storm today.
She didn't eat much at breakfast, she was angry at Draco, scared, nervous, tired and just basically overwhelmed. That was the theme of her month - overwhelmed. She sighed as she made her way to and through Transfiguration. It was a difficult class, and she just didn't have the energy to deal with it.
As the day went by, and lunch rolled around, she made her way back to the Great Hall. Her anger had subsided, but when she remembered she still hadn't seen hide nor hair of Draco, she got angry again and stormed in. She looked around, but again saw nothing. No trace of him.
"That boy could sleep until doomsday if we let him..." she muttered under her breath, as she made her way to her table.
She was sure she'd see him in Potions, so she decided not to waste her time until then being angry. She did her homework, walked around a bit, and then went to class.
When she walked into the dungeons she was surprised to find out he wasn't there yet. If he'd been sleeping all day, wouldn't that make him early for Potions? Unless he was down in the kitchens, begging for food because he missed breakfast AND lunch.
She sat down at their table and pulled out her Potions Kit, and waited for class to start.
Class started, and still no Draco. She wondered where in the world he could be, and swore that she was going to take every Knut he had for this - he'd promised. That would be after she killed him, though, of course.
"So," Professor Slughorn continued, "If that's all, you may begin!" Ginny timidly raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Weasley?"
"Um, Professor? Draco's not here, should I work alone?"
"Hm..." he pondered for a moment, "I suppose you could work with Mr. Potter for today." Ginny looked at Harry, who looked back at her with a smile. She froze for a moment, trying to figure out whether or not she regretted pointing out her partner's absence to the professor, but decided that it didn't really matter - she had to work with Harry and that was that.
She packed her things and moved them to his table, and got them out again. He'd been working with Blaise Zabini all year, and Blaise was none too happy to have another Gryffindor in his group.
They began to work, and Ginny pretty much just sat by and watched them. She would cut things up, measure them out sometimes, but really did very little. They already had a system all worked out of stuff they each did so they interacted as little as possible, and she didn't want to disrupt that.
"Don't drop that in yet!" She cried as Harry was about to put in the hellesbore. He froze, and she scurried in behind him with her daisy roots. "Younever put hellesbore in before daisy roots," she chided, as if any idiot should know that. She threw in her daisy roots, and the potion seemed to simmer a bit. "There, now you can put them in."
"Thanks for the lecture, Hermione," Harry said with a joking smile.
"Yeah, well, you wouldn't need a lecture if you did it right. That would've ruined the whole thing."
"Look, Weasel, we don't need your interjections, so kindly shut. up." Blaise said through gritted teeth.
"Excuse me?" Ginny said with a raised eyebrow. He glared at her, and she glared back.
"I told you to shut up." He repeated.
"I heard what you said. I was just wondering if you would rather fail than listen to me."
"Frankly..." but she didn't catch the end of it, he was muttering under his breath.
"Look, Zabini." She stated firmly, "I want to be here just as much as you want me here, but your little friend decided he wasn't going to show his face in class today, so you can blame him."
"This isn't Draco's fault," Zabini said with another glare. "Just because you're an annoying brat, doesn't mean you have to go blaming it on other people."
"Zabini, knock it off." Harry said, coming between their gazes. Ginny went back to her seat and pulled out a few of her own books about potions. She decided that if they didn't need her she'd work on perfecting her potion for Tonks, who would be back from her honeymoon in a few days.
She kept her mouth shut, and avoided watching them mess up the potion that she'd have to put her name on, because she really just didn't want to get into anything right now. She kept glancing at the door, without even realizing it. When she did notice she was looking at the door, she figured she was subconsciously waiting for Draco to waltz in. Her anger was dying down, and she was beginning to get worried. No boy she'd ever met had missed two meals in one morning, let alone cut every single class of the day. Although, she reminded herself that Draco was not like any boy she'd ever known, so that might not apply to him. Crazy boy.
She went back to reading, and writing on her parchment as Professor Slughorn walked around, observing the class. She didn't want any part of a potion that was bound to blow up sooner or later.
"And how are we doing over here?" Professor Slughorn asked jovially as he walked by their table. Ginny ignored him while Harry and Blaise muttered 'fine...', or something like it. "What are you doing, Miss Weasley? We're not researching today, you know." A small voice in the back of her head told her to look at him and say something sarcastic, but she held her tongue.
"I know, Professor, but Harry and Blaise are doing...just fine by themselves, there's no need or room for me."
"Well then you should make room for yourself, Miss Weasley!" He chuckled, good-naturedly. "What are you doing with such advanced books?" He asked, eyeing the open texts on the table. She blushed and tried to close them, but he held one open as he read a page.
"Sorry, sir, I was just...researching something..."
"What could you possibly need out of these books?"
"Well, you see...I was just looking to see if I could...figure out a concoction that would be safer for pregnant women than a normal Sleeping or Calming Draught."
"Safer for pregnant women? Well, if they take only one a week, they should be fine..."
"Yes, but this girl takes much more than one a week, sir, and her husband's beginning to worry about her health, so I was just...researching."
"Oh? And what have you come up with?" The whole class was staring at her now, she could feel their eyes burning into her back. She blushed and looked down.
"Not much," she whispered.
"Well, what do you have?" he asked, sounding completely interested. She reluctantly reached into her kit and took out a small vial of a sky blue liquid.
"Just this." She said, handing it to the professor. He eyed it in awe, looking at it every which way.
"You created this?"
"Yessir."
"Amazing...what did you use?"
"Just a combination of ingredients in the Sleeping and Calming Draughts, with some less potent ingredients, that were all safe for young children and pregnant women already. It should work, but I don't really want to just give it to her without being sure, so I was reading some more."
"Amazing..." he repeated. "Would you mind if I kept this?" She looked up at him, shocked.
"Erm..no, sir...I suppose not, I have others..."
"Others?"
"Yessir, I made a whole batch."
"Well, then, I suppose this class has been boring you for awhile then, hasn't it? If you're off creating your own potions." He said delightedly, as if her being bored in class was the most exciting thing ever.
"Of course not, sir, I've just been...doing some things on my own...for awhile now."
"Certainly there aren't others!" He exclaimed. She froze for a second...technically there was another. One other. She'd never gotten around to making the antidote to the Confusing Concoction she'd been thinking about, but there was the potion she made for Draco...
"No, sir. I never got around to the other one I was going to make. I couldn't find a few ingredients."
"Well why didn't you ask? You can surely use any of the ingredients in my personal store, young lady!"
"Erm, thank you, sir..."
"You will receive full marks for today's class, for this wonderful potion here. I'll test it with everything I've got, to help you find out of its safety. By tomorrow's class I should have my results. This is wonderful! Full marks! Don't worry about Mr. Potter and Mr. Zabini, you just keep with your research!" He exclaimed as he almost scurried back to his table to examine the vial that had just come into his possession. Ginny blushed crimson as everyone just gaped at her. She groaned inwardly, knowing that this would be all over the school as soon as class was dismissed. She hated being the talk of the school. Just then, as if something wanted to remind her that it could be worse, her hair fell into her face, and she saw the streak of white. She smiled and shook her head, silently remembering that yes - it could be worse.
She went back to her reading for the rest of the class, which was only a half an hour, and left Harry and Blaise to do their own potion.
As they left the dungeons, the trio couldn't stop talking about her. They were actually talkingto her, but she didn't really want to respond.
"I can't believe you did that, how did you think of all that?" Hermione said in awe.
"That's my sister!" exclaimed Ron happily.
"Who would've thought you liked potions that much? I think you're the first Gryffindor ever..." She gave half-thought out responses, half-smiles, and she blushed, but she just wanted to get to dinner. If Draco wasn't there, she was going to be officially worried, she decided. But not until then.
She walked into the Great Hall, and for the third time that day, scanned the room. He was nowhere to be found. Questions and thoughts started running through her head faster then she could make sense of them. Where could he be? Why didn't he come back? Why didn't he send her some sort of message telling her he was ok? Unless he wasn't ok... Her stomach dropped. She knew that it was possible to die in the battles they had, but...no one really had this year...they had been sort of...stalemates most of the time, both sides retreating to their own corners at the end of the day.
She decided to be officially terrified now. What if he wasn't ok? What if he was hurt, or lying in a ditch somewhere needing help and no one was there? What if he was...no. She stopped herself there, he wasn't dead. She would know if he was dead, right? She knew she would. She would know, she would've heard, she would...she really didn't know what she was trying to think, but she just hoped beyond everything that he was alright, and on his way back.
After dinner she went straight to the hospital wing. The butterflies in her stomach felt like razors, and she couldn't keep her dinner down. When she got there she got sick, and spent most of the night in the bathroom trying to calm herself down.
Once there was nothing left in her stomach, she cleaned herself up and took a Calming Draught. She made another batch of Calming and Sleeping Draughts, as they were all running low, and felt a little bit better. But even the strongest Calming Draught wasn't helping her nerves much.
She concentrated on making potions that were supposedly difficult, but they'd almost become a joke to her - Draught of Peace, Confusing Concoction, - only Draco's potion proved a challenge every time, and that was because of the volatile ingredients. So she made another batch of Draco's potion (which is what she'd taken to calling it), and spent the whole night doing that. When curfew rolled around, she didn't have the will or energy to move. If he came back tonight, he might still think to check in there, so she decided it would be best if she waited there for him. She made yet another batch of his potion, and still no one came. Not even Ron, Harry or Hermione came.
She gripped the emerald around her neck, knowing that it wasn't a shooting star, but confiding her worries and wishes in it nonetheless, and prayed for his safe return. The waiting was killing her, and she decided this was it. He was not allowed to ever go back into a battle - EVER. And that was that. She'd tell him as soon as he got back, and he'd just have to find a way to deal with it. No more battles. Not ever.
She siphoned his potion into another flask and put it in her pocket. She was going to start brewing another batch of the Calming Draught she'd made for Tonks when she yawned, and decided to lay down for a minute. It had gotten so late, and she was so tired...she was sure he'd wake her tonight...he'd better wake her tonight...
She woke up the next morning in just about the same fashion, minus Ron. She ran to Gryffindor Tower and got dressed before bolting to breakfast. She was sure she'd see him there, and she'd forgive him if he'd gotten back late, even seen her sleeping, and hadn't wanted to disturb her.
But she didn't see him at breakfast, or lunch, or potions, or dinner. She was beginning to freak out a little bit -frankly, she was ready to pull out every strand of hair on her head. She spent all of potions staring at one of her books, not reading it, but thinking about all the awful things that could have happened - she came up with too many. There were just too many awful things that could have happened. But she was sure that if he could, he'd come back - he did have to finish his year, right? Take the N.E.W.T.s? She was relatively positive that even with the Malfoy money, they couldn't get the Ministry to send an instructor there to have him take his tests alone...
The next few days were hell for Ginny. She spent every night in the hospital wing brewing complicated potions, making herself sick with worry. She had to take a Calming Draught once a day in order to stay sane. She was convinced he was still alive, at least, though. She had to keep thinking that. She didn't even want to think about what she would do if he...wasn't. She made 5 batches of Draco's potion in three nights, more than she'd made all year combined.
By the time Thursday rolled around, Ginny had stopped doing her homework, stopped eating full meals, and stopped talking to most people. No one seemed to notice her eyes drooping, or the distant look on her face. If they did, they didn't say anything to her.
On Thursday morning she trudged to breakfast straight from the hospital wing, sick of running all around the castle every morning. She helped herself to some scrambled eggs she knew she wouldn't eat, and put some bacon on her plate. She picked at them with her fork while she listened to the trio discuss...whatever it was they were discussing.
"So, anyone we know --"
"Ron..." Hermione said warningly, "I really don't like it when you do that."
"Well, I was just curious." He said defensively before looking back at Harry expectantly.
"Actually, yeah." Harry said, looking at his copy of the Daily Prophet. Ginny's ears perked up, she knew what Ron had been intending to ask and she was scared out of her mind when Harry replied in the positive. He didn't continue until he looked up from the paper long enough to realize there were three sets of almost equally terrified eyes fixed on him. "D'you remember Fred and George --"
"FRED AND GEORGE! WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT, HARRY!" Ron screamed.
"Calm down! Not them!" Harry cried, as Hermione yelled at him at the same time.
"Ron! Let him finish!" Ginny kept silent, just wanting Harry to finish his sentence. If it had been about Draco, he wouldn't have mentioned Fred and George, right?
"D'you remember Fred and George telling us about a kid in their year - Kenneth Towler? He melted down because of their O.W.L.s?" Hermione's eyes bugged out of her head as Ron took a deep breath of relief. Ginny felt a sinking feeling, for Kenneth. She never knew him, but if he was in Fred and George's year, that meant he was only about 19 or 20 now. Well...was.
"He was found, murdered in his flat yesterday afternoon. The Dark Mark wasn't over it, but...well, I don't think that means much anymore." Harry finished, still looking at the paper. Hermione shook her head sadly. "He worked at the Ministry, too..."
"That's two in two days, Harry." Ron pointed out.
"What?" Ginny finally spoke up - this is the first she'd heard of any deaths at all. "Two?"
"Yeah," Hermione said sadly, turning to face her. "Yesterday there was the same sort of story - Eric Munch. He worked at the Ministry as a watch guard. Found in his flat, in the early afternoon...just like Kenneth."
"That's awful..." Ginny sighed. Maybe she just hadn't been paying attention to the death toll, and that's why she didn't think people were dying. She figured that's what it was, and now that they were on the subject, she figured she'd casually bring up Draco.
"So, where do you think Malfoy's got to?" She said nonchalantly. All three of them turned to her, surprised, and she just raised her eyebrows. Then they seemed to simultaneously turn to look at the Slytherin table.
"Huh, I didn't even notice." said Hermione.
"No wonder things have been quiet," said Ron.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." said Harry. They all seemed to shrug and turn back to their breakfasts. "I suppose he's off doing whatever all the other Death Eaters do in their downtime."
"Yeah, he's probably just off waiting for his father - I hear he gets out of Azkaban just before we graduate." added Ron.
"Oh? I didn't hear that. Hm, he hasn't been here all week has he?" Ginny shook her head,
"I've just been reading all week in Potions." The trio seemed to shrug again - it was like they were of one mind, separated into three completely different pieces. But the conversation didn't make her feel any better. Especially hearing Draco's father was about to get out of prison.
Ginny went through her day in a daze, trying to stay calm until she could get to the hospital wing to take another Calming Draught. She wanted him to be safe, to be ok...She was sure that if he were locked up or dead she would have heard about it. The Daily Prophet ate stories like that up - Rita Skeeter loved reporting about the poor, the abused, and the misguided. Ginny grimaced - she hated that woman.
Once she managed to get through potions, she went straight to the hospital wing. She couldn't handle dinner - she was too tired, too far behind in her work, and too worried. She decided that instead of potions, she'd try doing her homework tonight. So she went into her room and sat at the table. She pulled out her Transfiguration book and started leafing through it. Quill in hand she started writing about Animagi, who and what they are, how to do it, etc. etc., but it wasn't long - in fact, she was only six inches into her eighteen-inch-day-late essay - before she got bored and fidgity. She took a Calming Draught before her nerves got too bad, and took out her potions kit. She started making yet another batch of Draco's potion, and tried to breathe deep.
She started to wonder why this was such a big deal to her. She knew she cared about him, she liked him...but he was a Death Eater. Plain and simple - and as soon as this year ended, she'd NEVER see him. So what made this time in her life, without him, so worrisome and difficult? What about his absence unsettled her? He'd never been gone this long before, that she admitted to herself, but she didn't think it should affect her this much. He was probably fine, probably just out doing...something with...someone...somewhere. Why was she making herself sick with worry?
She shook herself out of her train of thought to realize that she'd been playing with her necklace again. She stared at the green gem and nodded in understanding. 'Right...' she thought, 'that's why.' She took a deep breath and looked at the time. It was getting late again, and so she decided to just finish up her essay before bed, and then she laid down on the bed she'd slept in the past four nights, and fell asleep.
Friday morning at breakfast she decided she needed to eat more. She was going to starve if she didn't get back into her old eating habits. So she helped herself to some oatmeal and orange juice, hoping to feel a little better today. Tomorrow was another Hogsmeade trip, and she hoped to go. Clear her mind, maybe run through the streets again.
The post owls flew in, and Harry got his copy of the Daily Prophet. As soon as he opened it, Ron was at it again.
"So, anyone we -"
"Ron." Hermione said sternly, "Can't you find some...nicer way to word that? Really, it's quite insensitive." Ron rolled his eyes, and looked back at Harry.
"What?" Harry said, completely oblivious to the lecture Hermione'd just given him. "Oh, yeah."
"Again?"
"That's three days in a row!"
"Yeah, actually two today. Mafalda Hopkirk and Theodore Nott." Ginny, Ron and Hermione turned to look at the Slytherin table.
"How is that possible, he's right over there." Ron pointed out.
"Not him, his dad. His name's Theodore, too."
"Oh..." they all turned back and sighed in understanding.
"She was found yesterday afternoon, like the others, but he was found late last night by his wife." Hermione shook her head,
"I don't know what it is about this week, but it's just too much." Ginny nodded in agreement as she finished her oatmeal. She grabbed a muffin and headed out of the Great Hall, she didn't want to talk about any of that anymore.
Her nerves had calmed down considerably overnight, and now she was left with a constant feeling of nausea. She swore that if Draco didn't show his face, or contact her somehow, very soon, she was probably going to die of worry.
She went through the day as she had the whole week, doing nothing but reading. She handed in her late Transfiguration essay, which she'd finished late the night before. She read through potions, just like she'd been doing all week.
She reluctantly went to dinner, hoping to get to the hospital wing as soon as possible. She never thought she'd see the day she thought THAT. But she knew that once she was in the hospital wing, the day was pretty much over, which included the waiting through the day. And she was always ready for the waiting of the day to be over.
She made her way over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to the trio, hoping to avoid most conversation for today.
But Hermione had other plans, and kept bugging her, asking if she was ok. She said yes, every time taking a bite of mashed potatoes. She'd found as a little girl that stuffing her face with food always got her out of answering difficult questions, and after about ten mintues Hermione gave up.
As she finished up her dinner, she sat back and glanced around. She sighed, looking at all the people affected by the War, and yet here they were, eating like normal kids at dinnertime on a Friday night. It was amazing how safe they all felt at Hogwarts, even after Dumbledore's tradgedy...
As she scanned the room, her eyes rested on a blond head that was just walking in...