"Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide.
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide.
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied.
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love, and have that love returned...
Is it written in the stars?
Are we paying for some crime?
Is that all that we are good for,
just a stretch of mortal time?
Is this some God's experiment,
in which we have no say?
In which we're given paradise,
but only for a day..." -'Written in the Stars', Aida
Ginny spent the entirety of dinner trying not to get up and run across the Great Hall to Draco. She kept glancing up at him, trying to get his attention or catch his gaze, but he didn't look at her at all. She tried to figure out where to meet him that night, wondering if he would go to the hospital wing, or maybe the library, or maybe even straight out to the Quiddith pitch, where they were supposed to go Monday night.
She fidgeted all through dinner, then went immediately to the hospital wing as soon as it ended. She stayed in the hospital wing trying to concentrate on some homework until curfew, when she decided to go straight to the library.
She practically ran to the library, figuring that if he had wanted to meet her in the hospital wing, he would've done so already. She transfigured their couch, and set her things down on the ground. She sat down and waited for him to show up, thinking about all the things she wanted to say to him when he got there.
But he never got there. She waited for two hours, but he never came. She was confused, and a bit hurt, but figured he must have been incredibly tired, and gone to bed - he'd explain tomorrow.
Tomorrow. She'd almost forgotten about Hogsmeade. Maybe he'd be there, they could talk behind the Three Broomsticks again. Maybe he'd go and they could do something together, hang out like a normal couple, except one of them would have to stay under an invisibility cloak.
Saturday finally rolled around and Ginny made her way to breakfast, ready for the biggest breakfast of her life - she'd finally realized just how hungry she was, and just how little she'd been eating. She had pancakes, bacon, sausage and a muffin before deciding she should probably stop before getting sick.
She saw him at breakfast, looking harried and tired. She wanted to know where he'd been, what he'd been doing, why he hadn't contacted her to at least let her know he was alive, but she knew she'd have to be patient. That was one thing he had taught her, was the importance of patience. With his Malfoy Cool, he could wait a million years for an answer, it rarely cracked, but she was different - the Weasley Temper always got the best of her. But she was working on it.
When she got in line to go to Hogsmeade, she noticed he was missing. She wondered why he would possibly not go, but thought that this could be her chance to get some answers. She told her friends that she didn't feel good, and she wanted to lay down. Nobody questioned her - they had no reason to. She went off in the direction of Gryffindor Tower and found Harry's cloak.
She walked around for awhile, looking for a group of young Slytherins she could follow, and she finally found them walking back from the library. She followed them into their common room and looked around, but Draco wasn't out there. She didn't want to knock on his door or barge into his room, because she was sure he had a reason for not talking to her, but she thought that if he did she at least had a right to know what it was.
She made it all the way to the door of his room before her guilt won her over. She really didn't want to add to whatever he was dealing with - he'd looked so tired at breakfast, he was probably sleeping anyway. So she turned on her heel and left.
She went back to Gryffindor Tower and put Harry's cloak in her trunk. She did some homework before lunch, and went down alone. She was the only Gryffindor above the age of twelve left, and it made for a quiet and awkward meal. She saw him, he was the only Slytherin above twelve, too. He was eating alone, looking almost like a zombie. She started to get worried - what could possibly have happened that made him look and act like that? She'd never seen him looking so defeated, in her six years at school with him. His air of arrogance and superiority was gone, and he just looked tired and worn, it almost reminded her of how Professor Lupin looked around the full moon...
Her stomach dropped and every cell in her froze. He hadn't...he wasn't...was he? She knew he knew Fenrir Greyback, and that Greyback was a complete psycho, but he wouldn't bite one of his allies, would he? Would Voldemort let him? Or did Voldemort tell him to?
Ginny tore back to her dormitory and pulled out her star charts. She looked at the moon cycle, and sure enough, two nights ago there had been a full moon...poor Lupin. She almost started shaking she was so scared. He couldn't possibly have been bitten, right? That was just an absurd idea.
After lunch she ran to her room and threw open every book she had on potions. She looked up the Wolfsbane potion, and read about what it took to make it - it really was quite difficult. And she would need a few ingredients from Professor Slughorn's personal store, but she thought she could do it.
She walked quickly down to the dungeons and found Professor Slughorn cleaning away in his office.
"Professor? I was just wondering if I could have a few things from your store...you said last week, that if I needed...that I could..."
"Hm? Oh yes, of course, Miss Weasley!" He exclaimed jovially. "Of course! Of course, take whatever you need. May I ask what it is you're working on?"
"I was thinking about trying to make the Wolfsbane Potion, sir." he stared at her in shock.
"The Wolfsbane Potion? But, my dear girl, that's quite a complicated potion."
"I know sir, don't worry. I'll be careful."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"Yes, sir." She smiled and sauntered off to his cabinets. She took what she needed and headed straight for the hospital wing. She locked herself in her room and started on the potion.
Four and a half hours later, and very hungry, she emerged triumphant. She was still worried sick, and he still hadn't shown up, but she had the potion for him if he wanted it. She carried the flask in her pocket as she made her way back to her room to grab Harry's cloak.
She made her way down to the dungeons for the third time that day, this time determined to see and talk to Draco. She needed to know what had happened, and that he was alright. She whispered the password to the Slytherin common room that she'd learned that morning and walked in. She looked around, but it was nearly empty. There were a few first or second years writing furiously on some parchment, while others were tapping their feet, annoyed. She couldn't figure out what was going on.
"C'mon! I'm hungry! If you don't finish in two seconds, I'm leaving without you!" One of the boys yelled at a girl who was writing.
"Well fine then! Leave without me! But then I won't tell Tammy what you told me this morning." The boy seemed to freeze and rethink his statement.
"Fine. I'll wait. But you better hurry up! Dinner doesn't last forever, you know! They take it away if we're too late." He spat back at her, grumpily taking a seat on a couch. Ginny nearly hit her head in realization. It was dinnertime, and she hadn't even realized it. She rolled her eyes and figured she'd just have to wait until tonight to find out. Maybe he'd come to the library tonight, after a good night's sleep.
She went to dinner reluctantly. Harry, Ron and Hermione were back, so she sat with them.
"How was Hogsmeade?" She asked conversationally.
"Oh, it was alright." replied Hermione, "We didn't do much. It was a beautiful day, though. It's a shame you weren't feeling well. How are you feeling now, by the way?"
"Better. Sounds like it was fun. Have fun, Harry?"
"Oh yes, loads." Harry replied with heavy sarcasm. Ginny gave Hermione a questioning look, but Hermione just rolled her eyes. Ginny figured she'd ask later. She ate quickly and walked out of the Great Hall.
Once she was in the corridor, she stopped. She was trying to decide whether or not to wait for Draco there, go to the hospital wing, or back to his room. He had to talk to her sometime. If she went to the hospital wing, he might not show up. But if she waited where she was, someone would see her and wonder what she was waiting for. But going to his room was stilljust a little too much for her.
While she was standing in that spot, arguing with herself in her head, he walked by. She almost didn't realize it, but when she did, she looked around to make sure no one else was around and ran after him.
He was walking at a very brisk pace, and she nearly had to run to keep up with his long strides.
"Hi," she started. Then she realized how stupid that must sound. He looked at her, and she felt transparent. It was like he didn't even see her anymore, and it almost scared her.
"Can I help you?" he drawled. She almost tripped she stopped so abruptly. But he didn't stop, so she had to run after him.
"What?" She asked, completely confused.
"What do you want, Red?" That was better.
"What's wrong with you?" They were nearly back to the dungeons he was walking so fast.
"This is a bad idea." He stated suddenly.
"What is?"
"Why are you following me? Aren't you afraid one of your little friends will see you and come after you? That they'll yell at you and try to protect you?" She looked up at him, completely confused.
"What is wrong with you?" She asked, beginning to get a little hurt. "Look, we need to talk, and you're right, this is a bad idea. Come up to the hospital wing in a little bit and we can talk there." She really didn't want to wait that long, but she figured it was the best chance she had at getting a real word out of him. He sighed, like he was completely annoyed and muttered 'Fine...' before leaving her alone in the corridor. She could barely move. She didn't understand what made him act so rudely, or why he didn't want to talk to her. Just before he'd left, he'd promised to take her back outside and sit under the stars with her, and now he didn't even want to talk to her? She was hurt, and beginning to get very angry. She'd been worried sick - literally - all week, and this is how she's treated once he comes back? The more she thought about it, the more it upset her. Bitten by a werewolf or not, he had no right to treat her that way.
She went to the hospital wing and worked on another batch of his potion. She didn't know why she was making it, but she felt it was the only thing that would calm her down. After about a half an hour, she heard the door click open and then shut, and then locked. She took a deep breath, trying to remember to remain calm at any cost, and turned around.
He was sitting in an armchair, as if he'd been there forever. She was almost surprised his feet weren't resting on the table, he looked so nonchalant. It just made her angrier - why wasn't he as apprehensive as she was? Why wasn't he as worried or scared or angry?
"What did you want to talk about?" He drawled. She nearly winced - he rarely used that tone of voice with her, and she hated it.
"Drop it, right now." She spat viciously. His face contorted in malicious surprise.
"Drop what?"
"That tone of voice. Don't speak to me like that." She hissed, crossing over to a chair across from his and sitting down. "And I want to know what's wrong with you."
"Nothing's wrong with me." Ginny nearly laughed out loud, and she would have, if she hadn't been so angry.
"Don't give me that. You were gone for nearly an entire week - I was worried sick! You didn't even try to contact me to tell me you were at least ALIVE, and now here you are, acting as though I have no business being upset! What is wrong with you!" She was doing a very poor job at controlling her temper, but she couldn't help it.
"Temper, temper, Red. You might want to calm down. I'm just here to tell you this is over." She froze. That killed just about every emotion in her, and she felt almost numb. She didn't respond for a few moments, because she was trying to figure out what he was talking about - he certainly couldn't be talking about...them.
"What the hell do you mean 'this is over'?" She nearly whispered.
"What do you think I mean? I mean this," he waved around, indicating the two of them, and everything, "was stupid, and it's over." He stood up and made to leave, but she was faster and blocked his path to the door. She faced him and loooked him square in the eye. He looked at her as he had earlier that night, like he didn't even see her, like he was looking right through her, and it gave her chills.
"I won't accept that." He almost snorted, and he probably would have, but as soon as he started taking a breath, and she saw a smile start to creep across his face, she pushed him back down into his chair. "No." she stated.
"Red, listen to me. It's over. It's May, for crying out loud. I'm getting married in three months. It's over."
"Stop saying that," she hissed, wanting to cry, but she was too angry. "What's gotten into you? What happened? Why are you acting like this? Last week you said we would go back out to the Quidditch pitch and lay under the stars, last week you kissed me like I was the only girl in the world. Last week -"
"Last week I left. This is done, Red. Face it, it's over. Leave the past where it is and move on." He stood up, but instead of walking towards the door, he walked over to her table and looked in the cauldron. He pulled out his wand and cleared it.
"What did you do that for!" She cried angrily, "It was almost done!"
"I don't want it. I don't need it. I'm fine."
"Look, I don't care if you're a werewolf or not, you have no right to treat me this way!" He looked at her confused before smirking at her. But this time she felt like his smirk was patronizing, not playful.
"A werewolf? Who told you that?" She blushed, cursed her Weasley genes again, and stuttered.
"Well, no one...I just...the full moon, I assumed...and you were gone...I just thought." He chuckled maliciously. "Alright, that's it, Draco Malfoy." She nearly yelled as she gained control of her thoughts. "You will stop this RIGHT NOW. You will drop that attitude and you will tell me what the bloody hell is going on!"
"No, I won't." He said simply, his eyes hardening so that they looked like ice.
"Draco, stop it," she pleaded, willing herself not to cry.
"Red," his tone softened ever so slightly, "face it. It had to end sometime."
"You said that you wanted me to stay with you until the end, and that you'd stay with me..." She said, staring at a spot on the wall that really wouldn't have caught her attention in any other situation, but if she looked at him, she knew she'd cry.
"And this is the end."
"No it's not!"
"Red, stop fighting it."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" She screamed at him, so angry and hurt. He seemed to take a step back before regaining his cool. "I don't know what in the world you think you're doing, or think you're proving but you need to stop it before I seriously lose it."
"Red,"
"I said don't call me that." She spat.
"Fine, Weasley." She glared at him maliciously, "I don't need your help, or your pity, or your friendship. It's best if you just drop this now and never think about it again. Just let it go." She looked up at him with fire in her eyes, and saw that same vacant stare. It almost looked like he was talking to the air, the way her stared at her...it made her feel invisible.
"So what was this to you? A cruel joke? 'Let's see how much I can mess with poor little Weaselette's head'?" she spat violently.
"Would it be easier for you if I said yes?" His gaze suddenly shifted. It was as if he was looking right at her, deep into her. She stared at him in shock. If she didn't feel like she were rooted to the ground, she would have fallen over. He looked away, back at her table, and picked up the various full flasks and empty vials. "What's all this?" he said, clearing his throat. Somehow she managed to walk over to the other side of the table - the side he wasn't on.
"Those," she said, pointing to the group of seven flasks, "are more of your potion. The other flask is the Wolfsbane Potion." He raised his eyebrows,
"Impressive. And the vials?" She flushed and looked down at the table.
"They're nothing." She stated through gritted teeth. She wasn't about to admit to someone who obviously didn't care how much she'd worried about him.
"What were they?" He asked. She glared at him.
"They were nothing." She spat again. His face hardened again and he turned to the flasks.
"Keep them." She wanted to hit him, force some sort of truth out of him.
"And do what with them? Hand them out to all my other Death Eater friends?" His eyes flashed furiously at her, but only for a split second. She saw his icy guard go up behind his eyes again. "Where were you?" She inquired catiously. He looked away and stiffened.
"When?"
"What do you mean 'when'? This whole week! Where were you?"
"Nowhere."
"If you weren't bitten by a werewolf, then what took you so long to come back?" She wanted to add 'to me', but felt he might not respond to that too well. He looked at the door, took a deep breath, then looked back at her.
"It was nothing." He said quietly, but firmly.
"BULL! " She cried, moving between him and the door. "I don't know why you insist on lying to me but STOP IT! I want to know where you were!" She knew that if he really wanted to leave, he could easily walk past her, or even move her if he was feeling especially rude, but she felt like she needed to at least try. He moved towards her and glared at her.
"I don't understand why you think you care, but you'd do best to stop. This is over. Now." His words felt like knives in her gut, the same place that had ached so much the last few weeks. But this was different, not only was this painful, it was wrong.
"This is not how it's supposed to end."
"Was. Was supposed to end. And that doesn't matter, that's how it ended."
"It's not over!" She yelled at him, and he looked her straight in the eye.
"Yes. It is." She decided that she had one last option, one last chance. She didn't know what else to do, but she knew that if she didn't try she'd regret it. And so she kissed him. She just pulled him towards her, and kissed him with everything she had. All her worry, pain, anger, sadness, concern and hope went into that kiss. She poured her heart out to him...and he pulled away. He opened his eyes for just a moment before closing them again.
"Don't make this harder on yourself than it already is..." he whispered firmly. She got so angry that sheshoved him backwards, and he fell over.
"Harder on me? What about you? Are you telling me that you enjoy this? That this is what you wanted?" He didn't make to get up for a few moments, and he didn't answer. After a deep breath he just stood up, walked to the table where his cloak was, picked it up and put it on. She couldn't see him anymore, and she wanted to collapse in tears. She still didn't want him to leave, this wasn't over yet. So she placed herself right in front of the door and refused to move.
"Red," she heard a whisper close to her, and heard the doorknob turn, "let me go."
"No." She said, standing firm and glaring at the wall.
"Red," he said, more tenderly, "I have to go." She couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't deal with it. She fell to her knees and started sobbing. She didn't know what else to do, she couldn't stop the tears from coming. She couldn't figure out what had gone so wrong, what had happened to turn him into the person she just talked to. That was not the Draco she knew, the Draco she'd stayed up talking to so many times, the Draco who held her when she was upset or comforted her when she needed a friend. She just didn't understand.
She left all her things in the hospital wing and went to the library. It was after curfew, so no one was there, and so she transfigured a book into a cushion and climbed up on the sill she loved so much. She felt lonlier than ever, even more than she had last summer when she had no one. She rested her head against the cool window, wrapped her own arms around her waistand began to cry silently.
Rain started coming down, and she kept crying. She watched the drops make their way down, combining with others and becoming larger and faster. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall behind her, and listened to the pitter-patter on the roof. She thought about Draco, and their relationship, and did everything she could to clear her mind of it. She focused on the rain, the sound, the sight, the smell. She focused hard, but couldn't get her thoughts away from him...Draco usually smelled of fresh rain...she cursed herself and buried her head in her knees, trying to think of something else...anything else...