Somewhere To Begin Chapter 10, a twilight fanfic

A HUGE thank you to our Editor, Liz Vesper that helps us to make this story what it is… and for always encouraging us.

S/O to our AWESOME pre-reader Connie Hunter... you totally ROCK!

Chapter 10: I Love You x 1000

Bella

He looked like sex on legs. His hair was a brownish red and deliberately messy. His eyebrows looked like soft silk, and his nose was elegantly straight with defined cheekbones most models would kill for. His jaw looked as if it was made of marble and his shoulders were broad like a Titan's. His voice was velvety but strong, like he could command any room.

But…

He pissed me the fuck off!

I clutched the steering wheel to the point my knuckles turned white. My pulse sped up and my eye twitched.

I drove faster than necessary.

Calm down, Bella.

I had to let this go. I had more important things to worry about than the opinion of a man that doesn't know me from Adam. What the hell was going on today? Is it freaky Friday or a full moon tonight? First, I had to deal with Buttercup, enough said there, then Mr. Cullen trying to tell me about my parenting skills.

I hadn't said anything to Aiden yet. I needed to calm myself down before I spoke to him. There was no way I was going to take out my frustrations on him, although I was upset with him. Aiden was young, but he's quite intelligent. He knew there would be consequences for his actions, but he'd wait to see just how much trouble he's in.

I decided to indulge him a bit. "Sweetheart, what do you want for dinner tonight?" I asked, looking at him in the rear-view mirror.

"Um, you make the best chicken strips, Mommy. Can I have those?"

I chuckled. "You sure can." I knew exactly what he was doing. Sweet talk. It's what he always used when he knew he was in trouble. He hoped he could soften me up so it would lessen any consequences he'd face.

"Thanks, Mommy."

"You're welcome." I pause for a beat. "You know we're going to have a talk when we get home, right?"

"Yes." He swallowed. "Are you going to tell going to tell Pop-Pop and Grandpa-G bout today?"

"Yes."

"Do you really have to?"

"Don't you think they'd want to know what you've been up to?" I quirked by brow.

He mumbled. "I guess so."

"Alright then."

We were one light away from our parking garage. I couldn't wait to pull these shoes off and change into something comfortable.

I parked in my reserved spot and turned the car off. I turned around to look at Aiden. "Are you ready to go inside?"

He turned the movie off and unbuckled his booster seat, before handing me my phone. "Mommy, can I watch Shrek when we get upstairs, please?" He asked while he tugged on his bottom lip.

"Mmm." I nod my head. "If you're hungry, there are apples slices in the refrigerator you can have with peanut butter for your snack, while you watch TV."

"Kay."

Aiden and I exited the car, greeted the doorman and rode the elevator in silence. Before I could have this much needed talk with Aiden, I had to clear my mind of what happened at the school. It bothered me that I couldn't shake what Edward… I mean Mr. Cullen, said to me.

Come on, girl, get a grip. Let it roll off your back like water.

I unlocked the door and exhaled, welcoming all the comforts of home as we walked into the condo and went into our separate bedrooms. I kicked my shoes off and threw my purse on the bed. I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the tension that had been there since the meeting.

I heard Aiden turn the TV on in the living room and grab his snack from the kitchen shortly after. I quickly discarded my clothes to exchange them for yoga pants and a t-shirt, with a pair of my thick socks.

Now that feels better.

I sat on the edge of my bed and pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them.

It's moments like this that make me feel the loneliest. These moments that confirm that I am in fact a single parent. By no means am I saying I miss Alec or that I want him back. But it would be nice to talk to Alec about this.

I know I'll call my Mom or Dad later to tell them what happened. And I know they would do anything for Aiden, even Garrett, but they're not his parents. The person I should be able to talk to and who should be helping, caring, guiding… or anything at this point is M.I.A.

Alec. Just thinking his name caused my head to ache.

Honestly, Edward's words held some truth.

God, I hated that.

I guess in one way Alec's absence was fortunate. Since Aiden had been two, he wasn't around enough for Aiden to pick up on any of his… behaviors. But I can't help but wonder if Alec's and my actions have caught up to us… me… Aiden. It's never been my intention to keep Aiden from Alec, but what if it's for the best?

While Aiden was wrong for antagonizing Edward's daughter, it wasn't this incident that caused me to worry so much. I've had these concerns in the back of my mind since we started the divorce. If I'm going to be honest and pinpoint when Alec started acting less like a father and more like an uninterested older brother, it was not too long after he started cheating.

Maybe I was jumping too far ahead of myself and blowing this out of proportion.

Maybe what he needed was something I can't give him: his father.

Maybe what Aiden needed was for all inconsistencies removed from his life, which included his father.

What's right?

What's wrong?

I don't want to make that decision by myself.

I uncurled my body, threw myself back onto my bed and looked up at the celling and let out a groan.

I remembered the day Aiden was born. While I laid in the hospital bed holding him, I envisioned our future. Alec and I raising Aiden, maybe even giving him a brother or sister. His first word, first steps, terrible two's, kindergarten, high school, girls, college, him growing into a man, getting married and having kids of his own.

Now that all of that has changed between not just myself and Alec, but Aiden and Alec as well, I worried what his life would look like without a relationship with his father. How will it alter his choices, emotions, relationships and his life in general? I know he loves both of his grandfathers and that they are both strong presence in his life, but… neither one of them is his father. And I can't change that. Can't fix it.

I hate this feeling. Powerless. Like I can't make everything right for Aiden.

And I wouldn't be that woman. I refused to parade man after man in front of Aiden, trying to find the perfect father replacement. That would cause even more confusion for him.

Alec's so involved with his own needs and wants he's conveniently forgotten he has a six-year-old son that needs him. I wished I could just shake him, make him care. Make him want to be a father, to be all Aiden needs.

Most of all, I wished I didn't feel like I needed to protect Aiden from his own father. But I won't wait around for Alec to hurt him. Or for that moment… that incident where Alec takes things too far. If… or when he made Aiden feel as if he's done something wrong or worse, as if he doesn't deserve his father's love.

I guessed my biggest fear was Aiden growing up to not be sure of himself, confident, or seek validation from others because he didn't get it from his father. I tried to do all I could, but I know that there are some things that need a father's touch.

Am I being dramatic?

Am I overthinking?

Or maybe subconsciously I'm a realist that's too afraid to admit the inevitable.

My thoughts seemed scatterbrained, and I sounded cynical, but I couldn't act oblivious either. While I loved my career and the fashion industry, I've seen the dark side of it. The unfortunate stories of a model or designer that had such a bright future, the chance to become a star and losing it all because there was a piece of them that was missing on the inside, a piece that should have come from the home, from not just your mother but your father as well. That piece that helped mold and shape you into your adult-self.

I knew Aiden could and would do great things whether Alec got his shit together, or if Alec's in Aiden's life. I would just prefer for Aiden to not have to go through the feelings of rejection or heartbreak.

Ugh.

Maybe I was working myself up; was making myself more anxious than what I need to be, but I couldn't help but worry that my baby would be in this world feeling like he's missing a part of himself. A part that I couldn't fill, no matter how hard I tried.

The part that Alec needed to fill.

I rubbed my temples, trying to combat the headache I felt coming.

I know I should call Alec and tell him about the meeting, but he probably wouldn't pick up the phone. It's been weeks since he's spoken to Aiden. Why the hell should I call him now?

I felt my stomach roll and decided I've been in my head long enough. I got up out of the bed, grabbed my phone from my purse and went to check on Aiden.

I peeked in the living room. "Are you okay, Sweetie?"

He turned his head from the television to look at me. "Yeah." He said, chewing on an apple slice.

I nodded my head. "Good. I'll start dinner in a bit. I have a phone call I need to make first."

"Okay."

I walked to the balcony doors, with my phone in my hand, and stood in front of the windows as I appreciated the skyline for a minute. I closed my eyes and exhaled. I raised my hand and tapped on my Mom's number.

"Hello, how are you, Darling?"

"Hey Mom. I'm okay, I guess." I cleared my throat, scraping my hand through my hair.

"Uh oh. What happened, Bella?"

I bit my lip. "How do you know something happened?"

"I can hear it in your tone. So, are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Have you ever got out of bed and a few hours later you ask yourself why you did in the first place?"

"Yeah." She snorted. "Plenty of times."

"It started this morning when I went to Aunt Dona's. She asked me to come over and check out a new collection for the fashion show. Mom, you will never guess in a million years who was there."

She clicked her tongue. "I know I won't guess right, so just tell me who was there."

I rolled my eyes. "Chelsea."

"Chelsea? What the hell was she doing at Donatella's office?"

"She's one of her new models."

Renée gasped. "There is no way in hell she knows who Chelsea really is, does she?"

"No. I didn't tell her. And by the way, she's upset with me because she didn't find out about the divorce from me." There was an edge to my voice.

"Oh, well, I assumed you had spoken to her and that she already knew by the time I talked to her."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure she's going to rip me a new one when we get together. Anyway, here's the kicker. Angela, Demetri and I were leaving the building and Chelsea came running after me so we could talk."

"Talk? Why would the two of you need to talk?"

"Exactly! During the presentation, she found out Aunt Dona and I are close. Obviously, Chelsea got nervous and thought I would tell Aunt Dona, and she would lose her job."

Renée chuckled humorlessly. "That's convenient. Now she's worried what she did may come back to bite her in the ass, huh?"

I laughed. "It is funny, isn't it? She's nervous now, and I think I'm going to let her stew in it for a while."

"You're going to have that girl walking on eggshells." Renée guffawed. "What I would have paid to be a fly on the wall when she saw you today."

"And I don't have to tell you Demetri had his fun today, either."

"Oh, my God! I know he clowned. You should have recorded it."

I shook my head, softly chuckling at Renée. "Mom, something else happened today too. Aiden's teacher, Mrs. Cope, called me in for a meeting today about his behavior."

All humor left her tone. "What? His behavior? What are you talking about? He's in kindergarten. What behaviors could he possibly have, that doesn't make any sense."

I walked into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools at the island. "Um, well, Aiden and a little girl in his class, Renata, have been arguing on a regular basis. Aiden told Renata she has cooties, and she told him he stinks, not to mention they wouldn't share with each other." I sighed. "According to their teacher, they've been arguing with each other practically since the first day of school." I scratched my jaw. "Today they both reached a breaking point, I guess. Renata kicked Aiden, and Aiden pulled her hair during recess. One of the playground monitors had to break it up."

"Oh my, I… I don't know what to say. I'm not naïve enough to think Aiden is always innocent, but this is new for him. Do you think the divorce has had a bigger impact on him than we thought?"

"Hold on, there's more." I chewed the nail on my thumb. "After the meeting I asked Renata's father, Mr. Cullen, if I could speak with him. I wanted to apologize for Aiden's behavior and to let him know it would never happen again."

"Mmm, good. I would have done the same thing."

"He told me I didn't need to apologize. He and his family noticed some changes with his daughter as well. But then he came all out of left field and said parents have to be careful with what we do around our children, their sponges that pick up everything."

"Well, Honey, I don't disagree with that."

"Wait a minute, Mom." I stood up from my seat. "He told me he noticed the show Alec put on, on Aiden's first day of school. He said Alec was loud and called his exit unique Mom. It seemed to me Mr. Cullen was implying Aiden's behavior could come from Alec."

"Well, Bel—"

I know she is not about to take his side.

"No, Mom, that is complete bullshit and we both know it. Even before the divorce, Alec wasn't around. If we're going to be honest, I've been a single mother since Aiden has been two."

"You're right, Sweetheart. Alec hasn't been as active in Aiden's life as he should be for some time now." She paused and took a breath. "I don't mean to upset you Bella, I really don't but, what Mr. Cullen said isn't completely wrong either."

"I know and that what's so frustrating, that a complete stranger could cause me to react in—" I cut myself off and shook my head to clear my thoughts, and took a breath through my nose. "How do I make this whole situation better for Aiden, Mom? Alec hasn't spoken, let alone seen Aiden in about…" I counted the weeks in my head, "four weeks, on his first day of school. He cancels so much I don't even tell Aiden when Alec texts me promising that he'll get him, not that he's been doing that lately either. I know we're no longer together and I didn't expect us to have a perfect relationship after the divorce, but I didn't expect him to vanish either." I paced around the kitchen. "Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but Alec should be here with me to talk to my… our son, but I can't even rely on him to co-parent. I'm in this by myself." I leaned against the counter closest to me and hunched my shoulders. "Mom, I'm tired."

"Oh honey, I wish I could hug you right now." She said in a soothing tone. "I can't say I have all the words or answers for you right now, because truthfully I don't. I understand the need to fix everything for Aiden, because I feel the same way about you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all your problems vanish." She let out a deep breath. "Honey, sometimes the only thing that we as parents can do is to be there, offer a listening ear and let our kids know that we'll always love them and be there for them."

My throat felt scratchy. "What if that's not enough?" I blinked to keep the tears at bay.

"Bella." She said as she sniffled. "You want to know the thing I love most about you?"

"Mom. What are you talking about?"

"I love that you're so self-driven. Even when you were a little girl, it didn't matter how challenging something was or who stood in your way. You always made your dreams a reality. Of course, at times the lengths you've gone to has concerned me, but you've always accomplished what you set your mind to." She cleared her throat. "That's how I know it's enough. Because you won't allow yourself to not be the best mother, you can be for Aiden. The way you love, nurture, and guide him despite Alec's actions makes me more than proud. My grandson knows you love him, and he may not completely get it at this age, but I'm sure he knows you will always be there for him. I won't say there won't be bumps in the road, but Sweetheart you are more than enough. You are a wonderful mother."

She always knows what I need to hear, even when I wasn't completely sure myself.

I couldn't hold my tears in. "Thanks Mom." I cleared my throat, trying to remove the lump that formed. "I didn't know how much I really needed to hear that." I whispered.

"I'll be here to remind you as much as you need me to."

"I learned from the best." I smiled, wiping my tears away.

"My sweet Bella, thank you. Motherhood isn't always easy, but it's worth it. Your father and I are proud of everything you have accomplished, especially rising Aiden to be the amazing little boy he is."

"I think you're being biased, Mom." I chuckled.

"Yeah, probably so, but what grandparent wouldn't be?"

I laughed. "I'm glad I called you."

"I am too, Sweetheart. Just know that I'm always here for you, even if it's just to listen. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, we'll talk soon. Bye."

"Bye." I ended the call and sat my phone on the counter. I walked to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and saw my red-rimmed eyes with dried tears on my cheeks. I grabbed a washcloth out of the cabinet to clean my face. Although you couldn't tell it by my face, I felt a lightness in my chest, with a sense of calm and ease, after I talked to Renée.

I threw my hair up in a messy bun and walked to the living room where Aiden sat. I picked up the TV remote and smiled at Aiden. "Honey, it's time for us to talk." He nodded as I turned the movie off.

I sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to me. "Come sit next to me, please." He stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets while he avoided eye contact as he walked towards me. I placed my index finger under his chin and gently pulled it up so he met my gaze. "Aiden, you don't have to be afraid, we just going to talk, okay." I smiled as I stroked his hair.

He hesitatingly nodded, sitting next to me. "Okay."

"Will you tell me how all of this started?"

"It started on the first day of school when Renata kept looking at me and my friends. We asked her to stop looking at us, but she wouldn't stop. So, Mike told her we couldn't be friends cause all girls have cooties, and we didn't want to catch them from her."

I held my hand up for him to stop. "Aiden, what are cooties and how do you catch them?"

His eyebrows squished together. "I don't know." He said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"If you don't know what they are and how you catch them, how do you know Renata has cooties?"

"Cuz Mike said all girls have cooties. He even said his big sisters have cooties." He said without hesitation.

"Hmmm. Did Mike tell you what cooties were?"

"No. But, but." Aiden stumbled over his words seeming out of breath. "He said that I could catch them if she kept staring at me and if I did, he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"So, why would you and Mike tell Renata she has cooties? You don't know what they are, Mike didn't explain to you what they are. How would you know what a cootie was even if you saw it?"

Aiden sighed. "I don't know."

I let out a breath. "If Mike is telling you that you can't be friends with Renata because she's a girl, I'm not sure if that's the type of friend you want to have." I pulled him against my shoulder. "It seems to me that you were being unfair to Renata. Is there another reason you're arguing with her that has nothing to do with cooties? Did she do something to you?"

He shook his head. "No."

"So, you and Renata can be friends then?"

"But Mike sa…"

I gently placed my finger on his lips. "Don't tell me what Mike said, what do you say. Did you have a problem with her looking at you? Were you hurt when she looked at you?"

"No, it didn't bother me." He blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair. "She didn't hurt me either. I didn't know she looked at me until Mike told me."

"Aiden, you can't get into arguments just because a person looks at you. Now, let's settle this once and for all. There is no such thing as cooties, it's an imaginary…" I waved my hand around looking for the right word, "thing that boys and girls use as a reason not to be around each other."

"So, it's not real?"

I turned to him. "No, it's not real, and it will never be real." I said in a firm voice. "Now, I need you to tell me when it became okay for you to pull girl's hair?" I placed my hands on both sides of his cheeks, making him look me in the eye.

He tried to avert his gaze. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"That's right, you shouldn't have done that. It's never okay for you to hit, pull, punch or push anyone weather they are a girl or boy. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mommy." His chin quivered. "I just got so mad and Mike was watching, and I didn't want them to make fun of me." His little shoulders slumped. "I just wanted them to like me, Mommy."

Damn, I didn't know I would deal with this, this soon.

I pulled Aiden onto my lap. "You're dealing with something called peer pressure. Have you heard of that before?"

"No."

"Peer pressure is when you're influenced by other people, but in your case, by your classmates. You changed what you did so you could fit in with the other boys. Sweetie, if they were your real friends, they wouldn't want you to change for them, they would like you just the way you are." I paused as I tried to think of how to explain it so he could understand. "You and I both like ice cream, but your favorite is cookies n' cream and mine is chocolate. I don't try to get you to change your mind to like what I like. You are your own person and it's okay for you to like something different from what I like. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes. I shouldn't do something just because Mike and the others want me to."

"That's right." I nodded my head in agreement. "Now, I'm going to ask you something. I need you to tell me the truth, okay?"

"I will."

"Have you been acting out in class lately because you miss your Dad?"

He furrowed his brows. "I used to miss Dad when we were in the old house, but…" He trailed off as he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think he likes me anymore. He didn't even want to go mini golfing with me." He stared down at his hands.

This was the exact thing I was worried about! If only I could get away with murder.

How I wished I could just tell him that Alec was a dick, and it has nothing to do with him, but I can't. Alec gets to live his life in any way he chooses without a care in the world, and yet, I had to deal with the consequences of his actions.

It would be easier to lie, but I had to… no, wanted to be as truthful as possible without hurting him.

"Oh, Honey." I exhaled. "Your Dad's priorates are out of order and I know you won't really understand that right now, but it's the truth. There is so much I wish could explain to you right now." I cleared my throat and tried to organize my jumbled thoughts. "But it doesn't mean that your dad doesn't like you. He's just… confused right now."

I wanted to say he's an ass, but I couldn't find a child appropriate way to say that.

"Are you sure he still likes me?" Aiden hesitantly asked as he looked up at me with doubt in his big blue eyes, Alec's eyes.

I hugged him to me and kissed his forehead. "How could he not like you?" I rocked him and pulled him back so I could look into his eyes. "Do you know how awesome you are? You are so smart, kind, brave, adventurous and funny. It's impossible not to like you! And look at this face, this is my face!" I grabbed his cheeks again and smushed them together, causing his lips to pucker. "It's so cute I just want to kiss it all day!" placed sloppy kisses all over his face.

His laughter was so infectious I couldn't help but to join in.

"You're so funny, Mommy." Aiden said as he caught his breath.

"I guess I am." I crossed my eyes, making him laugh again.

"Look Mommy, I can do it too." He giggled as he tried to cross his eye but only widened them.

When he calmed down, I took hold of his hands "I need you to know one thing."

"What's that?" He asked and tilted his head.

"No matter how big, old, or tall you get, you will always be my baby and I will not only like you but love you." I cocked my head side. "I mean, do you know how much I love you?" I grinned from ear to ear.

He nodded his head and spread his arms out wide. "This much."

"Even more than that! Mommy loves you more than cookie monster loves cookies, and more than a fish loves water. I love you more than bees love honey, and I love you more than a mouse loves cheese." I paused and leaned in closer to him. "Mommy loves you more than you love Shrek."

He gasped. "Wow, Mommy, that a lot!" He said as his eyes bulged.

I nodded my head up and down. "I know! I love you that much, times a thousand." I placed another kiss on his forehead. "I'm so glad you're mine, and no matter what, I love you more than you could ever know, okay?"

"Okay, I love you too, times a thousand." He said as he played with the loose strands of my hair.

I smiled and placed him back on his feet, standing from the couch. "Would you like to help me make dinner?"

"Yes! Can I put the chicken in the white stuff?" He asked with a wide grin.

He always loved making a mess with the flour.

"Of course, you can. We can even play music while we cook."

He bounced from foot to foot. "Can I pick the music?" he asked as he grabbed on to my hand.

"Sure buddy, Let get this party started."

I knew this one conversation wouldn't fix everything, and that there would much more I would need to explain to him when he's older, but as we walked hand in hand to the kitchen, I promised with or without Alec, I would do everything in my power to keep smiles like this on Aiden's face.

RECS: Revolution, by Knicnort3, we really liked the Edward in this story! Check it out…

Bella Swan: Kidnapper, by Kambria Rain, This Bella was hilarious… if you want to laugh, you gotta read this one!

The reviews for chapter 9 made us laugh! We love how much thought you all are putting into the storyline! And some of you guys predictions has given us some really good ideas.

Also, we'd like to thank Cheatward's Spot group for recing our story, along with all other groups and individuals… we appreciate the encouragement & support!

What did you think about the conversation between Renée and Bella? Between Aiden and Bella? We teared up with this one…

We hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. This was a much-needed conversation between mother and son.

See you next chapter!