Somewhere To Begin Chapter 17, a twilight fanfic

Massive Thank You to two AWESOME ladies, Liz Vesper, our Editor and Pre-reader, Connie Sanders. You all put up with our crazy and help us to keep this story flowing!

Some of you have been asking… now you'll get your answers…

Without further ado…

Chapter 17: What You Asked, I Would've Given

EDWARD

You know that unpleasant feeling you get, the one where you know something… not good is about to happen? The feeling that makes your stomach twist and turn, the one that leaves you a bit unsettled.

I'd been feeling that way all week.

At first, I thought it was because Renata went to her Mom's for the week. Since Gianna had been out of town, Jellybean had been with me for three weeks, so the first few days without her felt odd, but I'd have her again next week, so logically, I knew it couldn't have been that.

Then I thought it was because of Renata's upcoming therapy appointment. And believe me, I'm nervous about that, really nervous actually. I'd like to think I had handled this transition as best as I could with Renata, but she still struggled. I'm not concerned by what she may say to the therapist, but more so what it may mean. It's hard for me to think about being one reason she needs therapy in the first place. But even though I was nervous, maybe even a little anxious, I still didn't think that was the reason I'd been feeling off.

Even though I couldn't pinpoint why I felt this way, I couldn't shake the feeling no matter how hard I tried.

It just didn't make sense. Work was great, we'd just invested in a few companies, we even had a meeting with Carmen, with HR present, about appropriate workplace behavior, and while it was a touch uncomfortable, it turned out well. Okay, the meeting was only a few days ago, but she'd been professional ever since. All things considered Renata was good, my parents were good, Emmett was good, my friends were good. I was even doing better.

The talk that Bella and I had at the library was eye opening for me, it made me look at myself. It made me realize that just because Gianna's and my marriage didn't work, it didn't mean it was the wrong thing to do. Or that it was wrong to do what made me happy, even if it didn't go exactly as I planned. It didn't make me a failure.

I even made a promise to myself to do more things that made me happy, no matter how inconsequential or silly it may seem. I walked away from the library that day feeling lighter, optimistic, and excited about… change.

For the first time in a while, everything actually felt like it would be okay.

So where was the feeling coming from?

"Edward." Bella touched my arm. "Did you hear me?"

I turned to her. "I'm sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?"

"Are you okay? You've been really quiet."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

She frowned. "Are you sure?"

I nodded my head. "Just thinking."

She narrowed her eyes at me slightly. "Okay, well, Mrs. Cope said a few of the chaperones canceled last minute but they were able to get a couple of parents to fill those spots, we'll be leaving as soon as they get here."

"Okay."

We were going to the fire station today, and all the kids seemed pretty excited as they sat at their desks and talked amongst themselves. I glanced over to where Aiden and Renata sat and chuckled. She was frowning at something Aiden had said. Knowing those two, they were probably disagreeing about what movie was better, again. It really amazed me how quickly she became close with him, and even more, how much they acted like brother and sister.

Bella, me, and one other parent stood at the back of the classroom. As they talked, my mind wandered back to my earlier thoughts.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

That's always a probability.

Real helpful. Aren't you supposed to give me a sixth sense about stuff like this?

Um, no, dude. That would be your gut, you know gut feelings. Talk to him.

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, I really appreciate that.

No problem. Happy to help where I can.

The classroom door opened, and Mrs. Cope walked in. "Good Morning class."

"Good Morning Mrs. Cope." They said.

She smiled at them before she looked at the back of the classroom, in our direction. "Good morning parents and thank you for being with us today." She said.

I smiled and nodded my head in acknowledgment.

She looked back at the students. "Okay class, it's time to go. Let's put our coats on and then get in line." she said.

Once everyone was ready and in line, we walked out of the classroom towards the double doors, where I could see two white school buses. We waited in the hallway for the other classes to join us.

"Hey." Bella said as she walked toward me. "I was thinking about your list and I had a few ideas of my own." She said.

It felt kinda nice that she didn't think the list thing was weird.

"Really? What were you thinking?"

"It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and we'd have to wait till summer to go, but before I tell you, you have to promise not to laugh."

"I can't laugh?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Nope." She shook her head from side to side.

"Why?"

"Because Alice already teased me about it." She rolled her eyes, but judging by the slight smile she had on her face, I don't think being teased bothered her too much.

"Is it something weird, like a secret fetish?" My eyes widen, "Oh, are you trying to get a team together to help you collect toenail clippings."

"Ew." Her nose wrinkled. "Why would I want to do that?"

"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "You said I couldn't laugh and that would have made me laugh."

"How do you even know about that?"

I waved my hand. "I saw it on TV once, but to be fair it was for medical purposes."

"Okay." She chuckled. "What I'm talking about isn't as unique, but you still can't laugh."

"No way am I making that promise Swan, but you still have to tell me."

"Fine, forget it then." She crossed her arms.

"Bella." I poked her arm, but she didn't say anything. "Bella." I poked her again. Still nothing. "Fine." I sighed. "I won't laugh."

"Good." She turned to me and smiled. "There's this thing called a Dude Ranch. The one I saw is in Montana and it looks beautiful."

I'd never heard of a dude ranch before but, it sounded normal. I couldn't help it, I smirked. "So, you have a thing for cowboys?"

"No." she laughed and swatted my arm. "It looks like it could be fun, and I know Aiden would love it."

"What do you do at a dude ranch?"

Her eyes widened. "There's so much! We could go horseback riding, fly-fishing, whitewater rafting, hiking through the mountains, cookouts, campfires, and of course some western dancing." She did a little two-step.

She looked so excited; it was cute. "Are you sure you don't have a thing for cowboys?"

"Shut up." She chuckled. "So, what do you think? Would you be interested? We can even make it a group thing; it would be comical to get Demetri outdoors."

"Okay." Mrs. Murphy said as she walked in between the line of children. "Mrs. Cope and Ms. Benson's class will get on the first bus, and Mr. Miller and Mrs. Brown's class will get on the second bus."

The kids walked out of the doors and we followed behind.

"Actually, it sounds fun. If we start planning now, I think everyone should be able to go."

"Cool." She smiled and, in that moment, I saw how much Aiden looked like her. "I'll tell Alice, Rose, Angela, and Demetri, and you can tell the others."

"Deal, but just a heads up I won't be partaking in any of that western dancing."

"Got two left feet, Cullen?" She asked with a smirk.

"That would be an improvement." I said.

We laughed together as the classes got on their assigned busses.

"Edward." A voice called on the side of me.

I turned. "Gianna? What are you doing here?"

As she walked closer, I saw her eyes dart in Bella's direction. "The school called; they needed more chaperons." She glanced at Bella again. "I volunteered to help, so here I am." She held her arms out and chuckled.

"Oh, okay." I said as she looked at Bella for the third time. "This is Bella."

Bella put her hand out. "Nice to meet you."

"Gianna, Renata's Mom." She placed her hand in Bella's. "Nice to meet you as well."

They shook hands and stepped back. We stood there in silence.

"So." Gianna said, putting her hands in her pockets. "How do you two know each other?" Her eyes darted between Bella and I.

It was a simple question, but it kinda rubbed me the wrong way, like she was implying something.

"My son is in the same classroom as Renata." Bella said.

"Oh, are you Den's Mom?" she asked.

"That's me." Bella smiled.

"Who would have thought they would be best friends, considering they started off on the wrong foot."

"Yeah, they surprised us all." Bella nodded.

Dude is it just me or is this awkward, your ex-wife and your… friend talking.

"Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen, and Mrs. Smith, you're on bus one. Mr. Garcia, Ms. Davis, and Mr. Chambers, you all are on bus two."

Oh, thank god.

"I'll save you a seat." Bella said and brushed my arm as she walked away.

I nodded and looked back at Gianna. "I guess I'll see you when we get there."

Before I could walk away, she said. "You two seem friendly." Her head tilted to the side as she stared at where Bella had stood.

I blinked a few times. "Excuse me?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

I think we both found the hypocrisy in what she said.

She shook her head. "I didn't mean it like that, I-I-I." She stumbled over her words. "Never mind." She sighed.

I said nothing.

She nodded her head as she bit on her lip. "Where are we going again?"

"The fire station." I said in a flat tone.

She grimaced.

I frowned at her, but before I could say anything, she said. "I should get on the bus." She hurried away from me.

I shook my head. I decided not to dwell on her strange behavior and climbed on the bus.

Bella smiled and waved for me to take a seat next to her near the back.

Once we arrived, everyone got off the bus and all the volunteers were assigned groups. We assisted with lining all the children up and headed towards the entrance.

As soon as we walked in, we were greeted by a tall, muscular man.

"Hello everyone. My name is firefighter Sean Lowery and we're so glad you could join us today." He smiled and clasped his hands together. "We have some fun stuff lined up for you all, but first, I'll show you all around."

He showed us where they slept, cooked, where they played ping pong and where they worked out. The kids seemed to be fascinated, and some parents even asked questions. The tour ended in a large garage where the fire engine, an ambulance, and two firefighter SUVs were all parked.

In an area away from the vehicles, there were four rows of chairs.

"Everyone take a seat and I'll be right back." He said and walked back in the direction we'd came from.

All the kids took a seat, and the teachers stood in the front while all the parents stood behind them.

Renata and Aiden sat in the last row; in front of me. Renata turned and smiled at me, I smiled back at her before she turned back around.

I'm glad she's enjoying herself.

"I'm going to show you all how I put my gear on." Sean said as he came into view.

As he put on his equipment, he explained how each piece protected him.

"And that's why I wear my hat." He said as he took it off and gave it to the student closest to him, so they could pass it around. "Now that you know why we wear our gear." He said as he took off the jacket. "You'll learn fire safety from our Chief, Lucas Zenetti, but we just call him Captain Zen." He looked behind him. "And here he is now."

Gianna

My whole body froze, and if at all possible, my heart stopped for a minute.

Shit!

This wasn't going to be good.

Edward

A guy about as tall as Emmett, and just as big with black and gray hair walked into our view.

"Hi mister Lucas." Renata jumped up from her seat and waved.

His steps faltered for a split second, but he waved back.

I frowned.

As far as I could remember, I'd never met this man before in my life. So how did Renata know him?

I kept staring at him, but I didn't recognize his face.

Lucas Zenetti. The name didn't ring a bell.

Lucas.

I felt my eyes widen, and I looked toward Gianna.

She looked pale, and her eyes were on Lucas.

No, it couldn't be, the only person I knew of with that name was..

Flashback:

"Flight attendants prepare for landing, please." The captain said over the intercom.

I yawned and rubbed my eyes to keep myself awake. I was extremely tired, but I would keep my promise to Gianna.

Emmett and I had been in San Francisco for the past four days to review a health and wellness spa as a potential investment. We went over all the finances, marketing and operational standpoints multiple times and reworked anything that seemed out of place, so it was as perfect as possible. We had signed all the contracts earlier today, and since there was no need for me to stay for the remaining few hours, I caught a red eye back home.

I looked down at my watch. It was two in the morning in Chicago. San Francisco was two hours behind Chicago, and the time difference had been kicking my ass.

Once the plane landed, I grabbed my carry on and sluggishly made my way to the parking garage. Since we agreed I would come home early if I wasn't really needed for work, it became convenient to just pay to leave my SUV in the airport's parking garage instead of having someone pick me up.

I threw my bag in the backseat and got in the car. It was cool outside but not freezing cold, so I rolled down the window to help wake me up for the drive home. Because it was so early, and there wasn't any traffic, what normally would have been an hour ride, I completed in forty-five minutes. And yes, I may have been speeding a little.

When I pulled into the driveway, I saw the house was dark and the only light that was on was the porch light. I quickly got out of the car, grabbed my bag and went inside.

I dropped my bag by the stairs, took my shoes off and went upstairs to go check on Renata.

Of course, she was asleep, but I missed her, and I wanted to see her for my own peace of mind. She looked so sweet and innocent as she rested. I gently kissed her forehead and walked out and made my way to my bedroom.

The TV was on, but Gianna was asleep, I didn't cut it off because the second I did, she would wake up. I slipped into the bathroom, took a quick shower and put on a pair of shorts. I tiptoed back into the bedroom and got in to bed.

It felt good to be back home.

I kissed her cheek, cuddled myself behind her, and within minutes I was out.

The loud beeping of an alarm clock woke me up. I groaned as I rolled over and blindly hit it, cutting it off. I turned back and stretched my arms out, searching for Gianna, but felt nothing but cold sheets. I finally opened my eyes.

"Gianna." I said, sleep thick in my voice.

She didn't answer. I sat up. "Gianna."

Still no answer.

I flung the covers off of me and got out of the bed. I looked in the closet and then the bathroom, but both were empty.

I went back into the bedroom and looked at the clock. It was eight o'clock.

She normally didn't leave for work until nine.

I walked out of our room and went to Renata's. "Jellybean."

She wasn't in her room either.

"Gianna, Renata." I said as I walked down the stairs.

The house was quiet.

I went into the kitchen and found a note on the island.

Had an early meeting.

You looked tired, so I took Renata to your parents' house.

I'll see you at Dr. Goodwin's.

-G.

I had hoped to convince Gianna to take the day from work so we could take Renata to Shedd Aquarium and have an early lunch before we dropped her off at my parents, maybe even have a little adult time before our appointment.

I sighed. "Maybe tomorrow."

I made myself a cup of coffee as I thought about what to do to fill the time.

I wasn't going into the office today, there really wasn't a need for me to, Emmett and I were scheduled to be unavailable until next week but just to kill time I went to my home office and caught up on my emails.

Once I had answered all the important ones, I saw it was only ten o'clock, and I had nothing else work related that had to be done today.

Emmett was still in California, and Jasper and Jacob were working.

Maybe I could… I could…

You could what?

I… don't know. I don't know what to do.

I sat back in my chair. "God, I'm boring."

I could go spend the day with my parents and Jellybean.

Yeah, I'll do that.

I got up from my desk, went back to my room, brushed my teeth and got dressed.

When I got to my parent's place, I instantly felt my shoulders relax; I hadn't realized how tense I was. Even though I was married, with my own child, being here always felt like home. I always felt safe here, and I'm happy that Renata gets to experience that.

Once I was inside, I followed the sound of my mom's voice.

I found her and Renata in the kitchen with aprons on. "What are you two making?"

Renata looked up. "Daddy!" she jumped down from the chair she was in and ran to me.

I smiled as I picked her up and kissed her cheek. "I missed you, Jellybean."

"I missed you too, Daddy." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

I walked over to Mom and kissed her cheek. "Hey, Ma."

"Hi Honey, how was your trip?"

"It was good. We invested in the spa."

She smiled. "That's wonderful, I'm glad your trip was successful."

"Me too." I nodded my head. "Where's the old man at?" I asked as I looked around.

Ma chuckled. "He had to go to the hospital. He'll be home by the time you come pick up Re-Re later."

"Okay." I looked at Renata. "What are you and May-May making?"

"Cookies." Her eyes were wide.

"Really? Do I get to have some?"

"I don't know." She glanced at Ma. "I have to eat all my vegetables," She stumbled over the word, "when we have lunch, before I can have one." She pouted.

"That's right." Ma laughed.

"It's okay, I'll help you hide them." I faked whispered.

"You'll have to eat your vegetables to Edward Anthony." Ma said with a smirk.

"But Ma." I whined. Renata laughed and squirmed to get down. After I set her down, she climbed back into her chair that was beside Ma.

I sat on a barstool; we talked as they baked, and once they finished, we had a quick lunch of a chicken salad sandwiches with a side of carrot sticks and celery. Renata and I ate our vegetables and afterwards Ma gave us two cookies.

When we finished cleaning our lunch dishes, Ma worked on her rose garden while Renata and I played on the jungle gym and swing set until she wanted to go back inside to put together a puzzle. After we finished that, we got comfortable on the couch and put on Moana. She was asleep in twenty minutes. I picked her up and carried her to the room my parents had for her.

When I walked back into the living room, Ma was sitting on the couch. I took a seat beside her. We were quiet as the movie played.

"Edward." She placed her hand on top of mine.

I turned to her.

"How are you doing?" She asked. Her eyes were soft as she looked over my face.

I knew what she was really asking me. It would have been easy to just give my typical answer; that I was fine. To say Renata's great, the business is well, and that Gianna and I are working on things, and that there was nothing more I could ask for. But that would have been a lie. I was grateful for all of those things, but… I wanted more. Or I should say I wanted to get back what I had.

Who knew a simple question could be so heavy?

"I'm scared." I'm not sure why I didn't answer like I normally would, but it felt nice to admit how I had been feeling.

She squeezed my hand and continued to look at me.

"I'm scared that we won't be us anymore, that we don't click, like we're not one. I'm scared that what I'm doing isn't enough." I looked down. "I know I didn't balance work and family well, I can admit I could have handled it better, but I never thought we would be here."

And I truly didn't. Honestly, I'm not sure when things really took a turn in our relationship, but I wanted to fix this, make us right again. I wanted to see her eyes light up again; I wanted to make Gianna happy.

I swallowed and looked back at her. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Gianna even if that means hundreds of counseling session, stepping back from the business again, moving, or anything else." I blew out a breath. "I just… I love her, Ma."

"I know you do." She sighed. "And that's why you should know that what you're doing is enough."

I shook my head.

"Listen to me, Edward." She grabbed my chin and held my gaze. "Marriage isn't always easy or perfect, it has its rough moments, but it always takes two." She placed her hand on my cheek. "Sweetheart, you can't fix your relationship by yourself, and I know it's hard for you to see it this way, but the fact that you are so willing to change your whole life, walk away from a business you love, and put aside your wants and feelings proves that what you're doing is enough, that you're enough."

I wanted to believe her. I wanted to feel that way, think that way, but… I couldn't, so instead I said. "I love you, Ma."

She sighed and her shoulders slumped, she knew. She knew that while I had appreciated her words, nothing had changed.

"I love you too, Edward." She hugged me to her as best as she could. "So much."

Three hours later…

I walked into the office a few minutes before our appointment, Gianna wasn't here yet.

"Good afternoon." The receptionist smiled. "Dr. Goodwin will be with you in a moment."

"Okay, thank you." I smiled and took a seat. I looked around the room as I waited. The small fountain and the fish tank helped me to relax.

The sliding doors opened, and Gianna walked in, her head down.

When she got closer, I stood. "Hey Sweetheart." She looked up and her eyes were red.

I frowned. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked as I placed my hands on her hips.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

"What? What is it?" I frowned as I looked over her face.

"Edward." She rasped out. "I—"

"Good afternoon." Dr. Goodwin said.

Gianna jumped, blew out a breath, turned to him and gave a strained smile. "Good afternoon."

He stared at her for a second, then turned to me, looking me over as well. "Are we ready to begin?"

"Yes." Gianna sniffled as we walked to his office.

Dr. Goodwin sat in his usual chair, across from the couch we always sat on. "How have you all been doing?"

I looked to Gianna to see if she would want to start, but she stared at the wall in front of her as she played with her fingers.

She wasn't wearing her ring.

When she remained quiet, I turned back to Dr. Goodwin. "Well, I just got back in town earlier today. I stuck to the plan we put in place while I was gone." He nodded his head as I talked. "I called every day; we facetimed a few times and when I was no longer needed, I came back home."

"Good." He nodded his head again. "That's great, Edward." He said before he turned to Gianna. "How would you say your communication with Edward was while he was out of town, Gianna?" He asked as he was writing notes.

She didn't say anything.

He looked up. "Gianna."

"I—I jus—I can't do this anymore." She whispered.

I turned to look at her.

What?

He tilted his head and set his pen down. "Can't do what, Gianna?"

"Acting like everything is fine, like I still want this."

I felt my entire body tense.

"Can you explain what you mean, please. What do you want?" Dr. Goodwin asked.

I saw black tears fall down her face and stain her white shirt.

She turned to me. "Edward." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

My heart was racing.

"Edward." She opened her eyes. "I've been… seeing someone else."

"Do you mean like an affair?" Dr. Goodwin cut in.

She closed her eyes again. "Yes."

"Gianna, why don't you—"

It was like I was underwater; I heard their voices, but it was muffled.

Acting like everything is fine.

Like I still want this.

I've been seeing someone else.

Do you mean like an affair?

Yes.

She'd been seeing someone else.

When?

Why?

She'd been seeing someone else.

Who was he?

Did he make her happy?

Did they click?

She'd been seeing someone else.

Was she having sex with both of us?

I flinched back. Someone touched my arm.

It was Dr. Goodwin. "Edward, can you hear me?" He was standing in front of me.

I ignored him and looked at Gianna and blinked. She had been seeing someone else.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." She was still crying. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"How long?"

"What?" She glanced at Dr. Goodwin

I kept my eyes on her. "How long have you been seeing someone else?"

She swallowed. "Six months." She said lowly.

She'd been seeing him while we were in therapy.

While we were trying to fix things.

At that moment I thought about what I said to my Mom earlier, "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Gianna."

I was willing to do anything, give up anything, be anything… and she was seeing someone else… having an affair.

Suddenly I felt too hot.

I jumped off the couch, almost knocking Dr. Goodwin over, and started to pace.

Gianna stood. "Edward, I'm so sorry." Her chin quivered. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. I'm sorry."

I don't know why her saying that made me so angry, but it did.

"You didn't mean to hurt me." I chuckled humorlessly. "That's great, you didn't mean to hurt me, that makes this so much better."

She flinched back and exhaled. "Edward, please." She held out her hand like she expected me to take it.

"Please what?" I shouted, my nostrils flared.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"And where does that get us Gianna?"

"Let's just take a moment and—" Dr. Goodwin didn't get to finish.

"Nowhere!" Her face was red. "It gets us nowhere." She said, seeming to deflate.

I was still angry.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because I wasn't happy." There was no hesitation.

It felt like someone knocked the wind out of me.

"So now you're happy? Our marriage is ruined, but you're happy."

"Of course not! I'm not happy about what I did. Do you think I wanted to be this?" She put her hand over her chest. "A woman who cheats. A woman who hurts people." She turned her back toward me. "That's not me, that's not who I am."

"But that's exactly what you did!"

"I know!" she turned back to me. "And I hate myself for it."

I shook my head. "What was the point of all of this?" I snorted. "Why would you make me believe we were in this together, that we were a team, that you want to be with m—" I cut myself off. I blew out a breath to calm myself. "How could you do this?"

"Let's focus on—" Dr. Goodwin tried again, but Gianna spoke right over him.

"I don't know!" She raked her fingers through her hair. "I don't know how I could fall in love with another man, how I could be stupid enough to fall in love with Lucas." She said more to herself than me.

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

Lucas. Lucas was his name.

She wanted Lucas, and not me.

"You love him?" I felt numb.

She looked at me with wide eyes.

That was all the answer I needed.

It wouldn't have mattered if I tried to give her the world. She loved someone else.

She took a step toward me. "Edward." Her voice cracked.

"Don't." I held my hands up and took a step back.

"I'm so sorry." Her eyes were full of tears.

"Why don't we take a moment and talk about where you see yourselves in five years?" Dr. Goodwin asked, but no one spoke.

I felt angry, stupid, embarrassed… hurt… betrayed.

I let out a long, low sigh and slowly nodded my head.

I walked to the door. "Edward." Gianna said softly.

My hand froze on the knob.

"I-I- I'm sorry."

My jaw clenched. I swung the door open, ignored the calls of Dr. Goodwin and walked out of the office.

End of Flashback

"Stop, drop, and roll!" The children yelled, bringing me back to the present.

Lucas nodded with a smile. "That's right."

I turned and looked at Gianna as she stared at Lucas rigidly holding herself.

I took a breath, trying to calm down.

I leaned down in Renata's ear and spoke low. "Sweetheart, how do you know Mr. Lucas?"

She cupped her hands around her mouth, trying to whisper like me. "That's Mommy's friend."

"Really." I smiled. "Where did you meet Mommy's friend?"

She tapped her chin like she was thinking. "At the park."

I kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for answering my questions."

She smiled and turned back around to continue listening to the presentation.

She had him around my child.

I closed my eyes as I willed myself to not make a scene.

I felt a soft touch on my arm that made me open my eyes. "Edward, are you okay?" Bella asked as her eyebrows drew together.

I looked down. "Um, yeah."

She squeezed my arm. "Why don't you step outside for a bit, I'll cover your group of kids."

I nodded. "O—okay, thank you."

I walked outside, the cold air hit my face, but it didn't cool me off any.

Renata knew him.

He was around my child.

And Gianna…

"Edward."

I didn't respond. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right now.

"Edward." She stood in front of me.

"Look, I know you're angry, you have every right to be, but it's not what you think it is."

"It's not what I think it is?" My eyes narrowed. "Was he or was he not around my child?"

She put her hands in her pockets and looked down. "Yes, but—"

"Then it's exactly what I think it is!"

"I promise, Edward." She shook her head. "It's not, I didn't mean for that to happen."

She didn't mean to hurt me. She didn't mean for him to be around Renata.

She sounded just like she did the last time she said that, when we were in Dr. Goodwin's office.

I scoffed. "I wish you would stop saying that like it changes anything."

"Edward, I swear to you I would never do that intentionally."

"But you would fuck him intentionally."

She flinched. "I deserved that." She sniffled. "But can you listen to me for five minutes, please?" Her voice cracked.

I sighed and crossed my arms.

"You were out of town; Renata and I went to the park. He was out for a jog and he saw me sitting on a bench, he came to talk to me and then Renata came running back to me and, and it just happened, I swear I didn't do that on purpose, he was never supposed to meet Renata, I just, I didn't know how to—"

"To tell your boyfriend you had a husband?"

She cleared her, seeming to find the ground interesting.

I rubbed my hands over my face and barked out a humorless laugh. "Is there anything else you need to tell me, was he in the house too, did he sleep in our bed, drive my car, wear my cloth—"

"Stop, please, stop." She whispered. "I know I fucked up, but I wouldn't do that."

"Oh." I gave a fake smile. "I see, doing all of that would have crossed the line, but he can be around my child and have my wife." I nodded my head. "Glad we got that clear." I turned and walked away.

"I'm sorry." Her voice shook.

It didn't matter. Her apologies weren't enough, not then or now.

Gianna

I watched him walk away.

He would never forgive me.

I had lied to both Edward and Lucas. I will never be able to make this right.

I didn't follow him this time. When I stopped crying, I got back on the bus.

I was a coward.

I couldn't face either of them again.

Edward

The ride back was a blur. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't realize we were back at the school. When the last child got off of the bus and into the school, I leaned against the building. Thankfully, I was alone. Bella and the other parents went inside with the students and staff, and by the time I got off the bus I didn't see Gianna.

When I got back inside the fire station, Lucas was gone.

I'm not sure what I really would have done, or if I even wanted to do something.

I let out a heavy sigh and looked up at the sky.

I guess I had been right, something not good happened.

I felt like I was back at square one, like I was back in Dr. Goodwin's office

I heard footsteps.

I don't know how, but I knew it was Bella without even having to look.

She leaned against the building, right beside me.

We stood there in complete silence.

And that was enough.

STB

The next day….

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him with Renata

I got tired of tossing and turning and decided to just get up.

I went for a run, but it didn't clear my mind.

I got in the shower, but it didn't relax me.

I found things to clean, even though it wasn't dirty

I tried to distract myself with work but that was to no avail; I closed the laptop.

Nothing worked.

I was angry.

Furious.

But I wasn't sure who I was angrier with. Gianna or myself.

Gianna and I had been over for a while, before we even started counseling, but what happened yesterday made me realize I couldn't trust Gianna. And to just realize that now makes me feel so dumb.

Of course, I knew any trust I had in her vanished the moment I found out she cheated, but I thought that was just regarding our marriage, us. Maybe I'm compartmentalizing what little relationship I had with Gianna, but I didn't think I couldn't trust her with Renata.

I didn't think she would take things that far.

I couldn't believe the woman I once loved could do that.

I couldn't believe that for the first time I resented Gianna.

And I don't know if that makes me naïve or oblivious.

I didn't have much of an appetite but settled on coffee; I needed to stay awake.

Renata's appointment was in an hour.

Gianna would be there.

I didn't want to see her, but I wasn't going to not be there for Renata.

My Jellybean.

The only good thing that seemed to come out of our marriage.

Moments later, I got dressed and headed out.

When I walked into the therapist's office, Gianna and Renata were seated in two chairs.

I didn't acknowledge her.

"Daddy!" Renata jumped up from her chair and ran to me.

"Hey, Jellybean." I picked her up and kissed her cheek as I sat down in the chair across from Gianna.

"Hey Edward." Gianna murmured.

The door swung open; I didn't have to respond to Gianna.

An older woman with silver hair and black glasses stood in the doorway and looked between Gianna and I. She walked toward us and smiled. "Hello, I'm Madelynn Perkins." She shook my hand and Gianna's.

I'm not sure why but when my dad mentioned her, I thought Dr. Perkins would have been younger, not that her age mattered, she gave off the impression that she was a kid at heart. She had on jeans, a blue shirt, and a pair of black converse.

She seemed authentic.

Kind.

I immediately felt comfortable with her.

She leaned down, so she was eye level with Renata. "Hi, I'm Maddi, you must be Renata." Dr. Perkins said, the smile on her face got even wider.

Renata returned her smile and nodded.

I think Renata felt comfortable too.

"It's nice to meet you." She held her hand out to Renata.

Renata placed her hand in Dr. Perkins'. "Nice to meet you too."

She smiled again. "If it's okay with you, we can go play in the other room." She pointed behind her. "We can color, or put together a puzzle, I even have a Moana doll."

Renata perked up. "You like Moana too?"

She nodded. "She's one of my favorite princess's."

Renata's eyes glowed as she looked between me and Gianna. "Can I go play?"

Gianna chuckled. "Yeah, go have fun."

Dr. Perkins held her hand out to Renata. "Let's go." Renata jumped off my lap and grabbed her hand.

"We'll see you in a little while." Dr. Perkins said before she and Renata walked out of our view.

It was just us in the waiting room now.

I felt Gianna's eyes on me.

But I refused to look up, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to argue.

I picked up a magazine from the side table.

It was black with a purple flower on the front cover it said, be kind to yourself. The art of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

How ironic.

I blew out a breath and put the magazine back down.

"Edward." Gianna whispered.

I ignored her.

"Edward, can we talk?"

She reached out and placed her hand on my leg. "Please."

I jerked away from her touch. "We're here for our daughter, this isn't the time or place."

I didn't feel the need to tell her we had nothing to talk about.

She bit her lip and sat back.

She didn't say anything for the rest of the time we waited.

After what had felt like hours, the door opened, and Dr. Perkins walked toward us without Renata.

"Renata is with my aide, Carolyn, coloring, but Ms. Davis and Mr. Cullen, I would like to speak to the both of you." She smiled. "You can follow me to my office."

We trailed behind her and walked through the door she held opened for us

Her office felt just as inviting as her.

Gianna and I sat down in the chairs that were in front of her desk.

Dr. Perkins took a seat and folded her hands on her desk. "Your daughter is a smart little girl."

I nodded my head.

"She is." Gianna said.

"She's also very observant." She said as she looked between Gianna and I. "I'm going to be honest with you both."

This couldn't be good. I felt my stomach roll.

"I believe she knows more than either of you think, she may not say it all or be able to fully articulate it, but if I had to put it into my own words, I think she can feel the tension between the two of you."

She paused, seeming to give us a second to process what she said.

"But a word of caution, Renata seems to be someone who will suppress her feelings," she said softly. "I know that you all have recently divorced, and it seems emotions are still running high, but I think it is imperative that you all maintain positive communication. Renata needs to know that she has both of her parents, even if you all aren't consistently together."

I didn't know what to say. And apparently neither did Gianna.

She began writing something down on a notepad. "I would recommend that I see her twice a month."

I cleared my throat. "Okay."

She looked up and gave a gentle smile. "I know that may have been a little tough to hear but, you're moving in the right direction, it may get a little bumpy, but I think if everyone is willing to keep Renata at the forefront everything will be fine."

Keep Renata at the forefront.

I thought I had been doing that.

"Okay," she sighed and stood. "Let's go get Renata."

We got up from our seats and followed her to a yellow room that had a couch, a table, a colorful rug and lots of toys.

"That's really pretty." Carolyn said.

"Thank you." Renata said.

"I had so much fun with you, Renata." Dr. Perkins said when we walked into the room.

Renata looked up, set her crayon down and walked over to me.

I picked her up and kissed her cheek.

Dr. Perkins walked over to Renata. "I'll see you next time, okay." She held her hand up for a high five.

Renata slapped her hand against Dr. Perkins. "Okay." She smiled.

We walked out of the room, into the waiting room, and out of the building.

I stood beside Gianna's car and hugged Renata. "I'll see you in a couple of days, Jellybean."

"Okay, Daddy."

"I love you." I kissed her forehead.

"Love you too."

I set her down. She got in the car, and Gianna closed the door.

"Do you want to talk about what Dr. Perkins said."

I sighed. "Not now." I waved to Renata before I walked toward my car.

I knew we should have talked, but I didn't want to. Not to her, not yet.

I'm not sure I even wanted to talk, but if I did, I knew I could call my Mom, my Dad, Emmett, or one of the guys.

But oddly, as I drove home, the only thing that I wouldn't have minded doing was standing in silence again, with Bella.

A/N: Okay…so that happened… what are your thought about Gianna? How do you feel about Edward's reaction at the fire station? Be honest, who remembers when Bella met Lucas in the grocery store? Lol

Thank you so much for all the love and support we've received from the new groups we've become a part of recently.

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