Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended, but Aiden and the plot are ours. ©2021
We can't say THANK YOU enough to our Phenomenal Editor, Liz Vesper. She helps to keep our story on track, makes our words look pretty and goes above and beyond to make sure we post on time.
We're grateful for our pre-reader, Connie Sanders who gives us Awesome feedback, suggestions and continues to encourage us.
Edward
Chapter 19: Just Friends Part 2
That same night…
I've been doing good.
Great, in fact.
And it felt so fucking good to not just say it, but to mean it.
After that day of the field trip, I hit a low point and—I can admit for some time—I allowed myself to sit in anger and resentment.
But honestly, I got tired of that.
I got tired of feeling like I took one step forward and then two steps back.
I got tired of feeling like I was stuck in that one moment.
I was ready to move on with my life.
Now I know I'm making it sound easier than what it actually was. Believe me, it wasn't.
Flashback:
I sat in the waiting room while Renata was with Dr. Perkins.
After Jellybeans' fourth appointment, Gianna and I stopped coming together.
It was better that way, for now.
I knew Gianna and I would eventually have to talk at some point, but I wasn't in the best head space for that conversation.
While a part of me would be okay with leaving our 'relationship' where it was, where we only talked about Renata and acted like we were okay with each other when she was around, I knew that wasn't what would be best for Renata, or me.
I didn't want her to feel the tension between Gianna and me.
And I didn't want to feel like I would always be the angry, wounded ex-husband.
"Mr. Cullen." Dr. Perkins smiled as she stood in the doorway.
"Oh, hello." I smiled. "How are you?"
"I'm doing wonderful. Would you mind if we talked for a moment?"
I stood. "Not at all."
"Great." She said before we headed to her office.
I took a seat in a wide gray chair while she sat behind her desk.
She opened a folder and glanced down before she spoke. "Renata has responded quite well to play therapy. I'm pleased with how she has opened up and has learned to articulate herself." She looked over her glasses that sat on the tip of her nose. "Have you seen any improvements at home?"
"Yes, she's adapted to being with me for one week and being with Gianna the next week. There haven't been any more incidents at school and she's made several friends at the library."
Dr. Perkins nodded. "That's good to hear." She wrote something down in a file.
While she made notes, I looked around the room and noticed things I hadn't seen the last time I was in here.
Blue curtains.
Tall plants in the corners.
A wooden piece of abstract art.
A picture, a quote, that sat on her desk, in a small silver frame.
It grabbed my attention, and I couldn't look away.
I'm not sure how long I stared at it.
"That's one of my favorite quotes." Dr. Perkins said. "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
I blinked and looked up. She had a soft smile on her face, as if she remembered something. "Oh, yeah. It's, uh, nice."
Even though I tried not to show my disbelief, I must have failed.
"You don't think that's possible?" Dr. Perkins tilted her head.
"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "It sounds nice, encouraging, but maybe oversimplified. Like it's referring to the outcome of forgiveness and not the actual journey."
"There is no right or wrong way to forgive. Everyone's process looks different. For some people it's as if it's an instant change and for others it may take a little longer, but either way it's that person's process, journey. It doesn't matter if it's simple or complex, it only matters that you start."
I sighed. "I guess I can see your point."
"We all have our opinions." She smiled. "It was great seeing you Mr. Cullen; Renata is with Carolyn in the other room." She picked up another folder.
I stood from my chair and walked to the door, but just before I opened it, I turned. "Do you actually believe that?"
"Believe what, Mr. Cullen?" She stood from her chair, walked around her desk, and leaned against it.
"That forgiveness can enlarge the future."
She smiled and crossed her arms. "Whole heartedly. Once you experience forgiveness—and not just forgiving someone else but yourself—you heal, live in peace, freedom, you can move on, your life moves on. Not to say it's easy, but it is worth it."
End flashback.
I wish I could say that change happened overnight and that when I woke up all my problems were fixed, but that's not what happened. Not exactly.
For days, what Dr. Perkins said played on repeat in the back of my mind. "Once you experience forgiveness—and not just forgiving someone else but yourself—you heal, live in peace, freedom, you can move on, your life moves on."
I really sat and thought about what she said, but I still struggled. I didn't know what I would have to do to forgive myself, and even more than that, I wasn't sure that I knew why I needed to forgive myself.
But I knew I wanted my future to be enlarged.
I wasn't sure I believed it all the way, but I wanted to heal, to live in peace, to move on.
But in order to do that, I had to forgive Gianna and myself.
Logically, I thought it would be better if I forgave myself first. That didn't work out quiet like I planned, I felt clueless on where to start. I even made a list 'What I Need to Forgive Myself For.'
After staring at that blank sheet of paper for about an hour, still clueless and frustrated, I made another list and did the next best thing.
Flashback:
"There's my girl!" Mom said as soon as we walked into her view.
"May-May!" Renata wrapped her arms around my Mom's waist.
"Ob my baby's getting so big; you're almost as tall as me." Mom hugged Renata in return.
Jellybean was growing, but Mom was also pretty short.
I bent down and kissed her cheek. "Hey Ma."
"Hi Sweetheart." She tried to kiss my cheek, but got my chin instead. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good." I nodded my head. "A little nervous, but good."
"You're doing the right thing." She rubbed my arm. "This will be good, for all of you."
"I hope so."
"I know so." She smiled before she looked down at Renata. "I made a surprise for you."
"Really? What is it?" Renata bounced on her toes.
"Your gonna have to see for yourself." Mom took Renata's hand. "It's in the kitchen, let's go get it before Coco finds it."
"Too late!" Dad yelled.
"That's for me, Coco." Renata ran toward the kitchen.
"But sharing is caring." Dad laughed.
Mom shook her head and chuckled. "You can go on back, we got her."
When she was no longer in view, I headed to the pool house.
As soon as I walked in, I was flooded with memories: drinking, feeling like a failure, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, and Mom seeing me naked. I couldn't help but chuckle a little at that.
It was here I hid away, gave up on myself, not knowing how to put my life back together.
It seemed fitting for this to be the place I let it all go.
There was a soft knock on the door before it opened.
She stood in the doorway with her hand on the handle. "Hi Edward."
"Hi Gianna." I said as she stepped inside.
She closed the door. "So, you're ready to talk?"
"Yeah." I blew out.
We should have had this conversation months ago, maybe even years ago.
"You can take a seat." I gestured to the couch in front of me.
She tucked her hair behind her ears, walked toward the couch, and sat on the edge.
I took a seat in the chair across from her.
With the tension and the distance I kept between us these past months, I'm sure she was nervous as well.
I took a breath. "Thank you for meeting with me today."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I've wanted to talk for a while now."
I nodded my head. "I know, I just wasn't ready at the time."
"But for months?"
I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I wasn't trying to be an ass to her, not intentionally at least, but for a while I didn't want to talk about anything with her. I don't know if that makes me immature, but it was the truth.
I ran my fingers through my hair. "I apologize for not wanting to hear what you had to say, but I'm ready to listen now."
"Okay." She bit her lip.
"Before we start, I would like us both to agree to having a candid conversation. Don't hold back."
She swallowed. "I agree."
"Good." I sighed. "I'll go first."
I sat up in my chair. This was the first step.
I was ready to forgive.
"I don't trust you." I rushed out.
"Oh." She blinked.
"And I am… was angry with you. It was very…" I paused, searching for the right word, "sobering to know that no matter what I did, or would have done, wasn't enough. I thought we were a team, I thought that at the very least we were friends, so to find out in therapy, while we were fixing us, that you were cheating was really hard to hear, to accept. I know that during the divorce I wasn't the friendliest or the most approachable, but when I finally got to a place of wanting us to be comfortable around each other, to move past what had happened, I find out that Renata met Lucas."
She opened her mouth.
"I know you said you didn't do it intentionally." I said before she could get a word out. "But that doesn't matter. It happened, whether you meant it to or not. And worse, I had to find out through our child. You didn't tell me. You just stopped talking to me, about everything."
I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.
"You're right." She nodded her head. "I never told you how I was feeling or what I was thinking. I'm sorry." She held my gaze. "I'm so sorry."
I nodded my head in acknowledgement. There wasn't anything to say, or more so I didn't know what to say, again.
I couldn't just say oh thank you for apologizing, everything is going to be just fine now.
I'm not saying I don't accept her apology, but what's done is done… ugh.
Maybe I don't even know what the hell I'm saying, but at least we're talking.
"I guess it's my turn now. Candid right?" Gianna asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yes."
"Okay." She cleared her throat. "I was unhappy, and you were right, there was nothing you could have said or done to change that."
It wasn't easy to accept, but I had already come to that conclusion.
"But that wasn't you fault, and it didn't give me an excuse for what I did. I know I stopped talking to you, but what was I supposed to say? I didn't want to be married anymore or… I wasn't in love with you anymore?" She whispered and looked down at her hands.
That stung.
Even though her actions had already proved that, it was still a bit of a shock to hear the words come out of her mouth.
She wasn't in love with me anymore.
I knew it would have hurt to hear that months ago, when I was willing to fight for our relationship. And truthfully, I don't know what my response would have been.
But Gianna got to figure that out on her own. She had time to process that. I got to figure that out after she cheated.
"I felt alone, but it had nothing to do with you not physically being there. I was trying to figure out what I wanted in life, what would make me happy." She looked up. "And those aren't things you or anyone else could've answered for me. Only I could, and I didn't even know the answer to that." She sighed. "Edward, if I could go back and redo it, I would, but I can't." She grimaced. "I regret that I've caused all this hurt for you. I never wanted to do that. I know I didn't show it, but you really were my best friend."
A year or two ago I would have agreed that we were best friends, but I think the fact that our relationship was where it was now, and that we had such a hard time communicating with each other proved something different.
I wanted to give her the same courtesy she had given me, not interrupting while I talked, so I waited to see if she would say anything else.
When she didn't, I asked. "Why did we even go to counseling?"
"Honestly." She blew out. "I don't know. Now that I can look back on it, I think it was because I didn't know how to walk away or how to admit…"
I frowned. "What couldn't you admit?"
She was quiet, seeming to hesitate.
"You don't have to hold back." I said. There was no need.
She ran her fingers through her hair. "That we shouldn't have gotten married."
I leaned back in my chair and let out a long exhale.
I think because she had already admitted to not loving me, this didn't hurt to hear as much.
"Yes, we were best friends, there's no doubt about that. But we should've stayed just that, friends." She leaned back onto the couch. "I just think we did what made sense without really knowing if we were what the other wanted. We moved way too fast, and it was easy to do. We were comfortable with each other. You were handsome and an amazing guy, and everyone else was saying how great we were together, how we had the perfect relationship. Why wouldn't I marry you?" She asked, more to herself than me.
"I'm not saying I disagree with you. Maybe we moved too fast, but I loved you, Gianna."
"I know." She bit her lip. "And I loved you too. I still do, just not in that way."
We stared at each other; maybe really seeing each other for the first time in a long time.
"Can I ask you a question?" She leaned forward.
"Sure." I nodded my head.
"Were you really happy, with us I mean, were you happy in our relationship?"
"In the beginning, yes. You made me happy. I wanted to build a life with you. I thought we would always be together."
"And now?" She held my gaze.
I shrugged my shoulder. "And now I would say I was so focused on doing whatever it took to make you happy, what I thought would make you happy, that I lost me."
She nodded her head but said nothing.
End Flashback
We hadn't fixed everything, but we were better than what we were a few months ago.
We were headed in the right direction.
And I was ready to move on from that part of my life.
I was ready to be a better me.
I wanted to try new things.
Have fun.
So, I really worked on my list.
I could cook now. Okay, that might be a bit of a stretch, but I could follow a recipe very well.
I took a few woodworking classes, which I actually really enjoyed and turns out I'm not too bad at it. In fact, I liked it so much I even bought a few tools so I could build some things at home. I even made a bench for our balcony.
There were even some things that I did that weren't even on my list.
One night the guys and I went ax throwing. Yes, that is a real thing, and yes, it was just as dangerous as it sounded, at least with Emmett. But overall, it was fun, and I'm happy I did it, did something I normally wouldn't have done.
Another thing that wasn't on my list but was still fun was painting. Bella and I went to Chicago Sip and Paint.
Flashback:
"Do you put your cereal or milk in the bowl first?" Bella asked as she painted the top of the canvas red.
"What type of question is that?" I snorted.
She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Demetri asked me. According to him you can tell what type of person someone is based on how they prepare their cereal."
"Well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
"Just answer the question." Bella chuckled.
"Okay." I smirked. "I put the cereal in the bowl first."
"Right, so do I." Her eyes widened. "But Demetri said I was weird for doing it that way."
"So, he puts the milk in first?" I asked.
She nodded her head.
"But what if he used too much milk?" I frowned.
"I asked the same thing, but his logic is he can always add more cereal." She rolled her eyes.
"Now you're going to take the orange paint and fill in the space right under the red paint." Tina, our instructor, said.
We attended a sip and paint class. It was a small one, with only twenty people in total. So far, it was fun. We both brought our favorite wine, and I hadn't messed up my canvas. At least, not so far…
Bella and I had decided to play twenty questions while we painted. We picked seats in the back so we wouldn't disturb anyone else. The only rule was we had to answer every question.
"Your turn." Bella said.
"Mm." We both have asked so many questions I was running out.
"Who would play you in the movie of your life?"
"That's a good question." She took a sip of wine and set her glass down.
"Sandra Bullock, what about you?"
"Jack Nicholson."
"I could see it. Here's Edward."
"Not quite what I had in mind."
She chuckled. "What's your go to midnight snack."
"Whatever's in the fridge, what about you?"
She tilted her head as she looked at her painting. "Popcorn."
I nodded my head as I thought about what to ask next. "Who do you admire the most?" I asked finally.
"We're asking the serious questions now." She teased. "That's hard. I would have to say I admire both of my parents, but for different reasons. My Mom has the gift to always know the right thing to say, even when I was a kid, it just seemed effortless. And she always does what she loves, what feels right to her, and I love that about her."
It sounded like Bella was a lot like her mother.
"And what I admire about my dad is his ability to say a lot without saying anything at all. He's a very straightforward, no bullshit, type of person and I think that intimidates a lot of people, which I always found funny because my Dad can act like the biggest kid." She smiled.
"Now take the yellow paint and paint the space right underneath the orange, but leave some room at the bottom of the canvas, like this." Tina demonstrated what she meant.
"Who do you admire?" Bella asked.
I dabbed my brush in the yellow paint and gently stroked it across the canvas. "I would have to agree with you. I admire both of my parents, but I also admire my brother. Emmett has always been authentic; he's always been himself. He's comfortable with himself. He doesn't care what anyone thinks, even if he looks silly. I really like that about him."
"Yeah, Emmett is pretty cool." She chuckled.
We were quiet for a moment as we painted.
"Now take the black paint and fill in the space at the very bottom." Tina said.
"Your question." I took a sip of wine.
"I'm thinking." She continued to paint.
I picked up another brush and filled in the spots that were patchy.
"If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?" She asked.
I really thought about that for a minute. "I would stop overthinking. Be spontaneous, relaxed, go with the flow more." I painted the bottom of the canvas.
"Edward." Bella said softly.
I looked at her.
She sat her brush down and turned to me. "Edward you have to give yourself more credit, since I've met you, you've been on this journey of discovering what you like, you're trying new things, stuff that wasn't even on your list, and you co-own a dog that we found at the park. If that isn't going with the flow, I don't know what is."
"I guess you're right?" I shrugged my shoulders.
Her eyebrows knitted together. "Why do you have to guess?"
"I don't know. To me I'm still the same, I guess, like nothing drastically changed or happened."
"But if you're so focused on the big things, how are you going to notice or appreciate the little things?"
"Huh, I guess I never thought about it that way."
"That's not too surprising." She rolled her eyes. "Be more patient with yourself."
"I'll try to remember that."
"Good." She turned back to her canvas but quickly turned back "That's actually what I admire about you."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You try." She smiled. "I admire that you have and continue to try to be a better you."
My cheeks felt warm, and I looked back at my painting. "Thanks Bella."
"My pleasure."
I bit my lip to keep the wide smile off my face.
End Flashback
Bella really became one of my closest friends, and I enjoyed the time we spent together.
We always had great conversations, no matter how in depth or trivial the topic might be. We could really talk about anything.
We even knew each other pretty well.
Or at least I knew her well enough to know that something was wrong with her.
"Who's ready to buy me drinks!" Emmett smiled as he held the door open for us to walk through.
"You didn't win Emmett." Rosalie said.
"I should have, though. We had the better pizza, and the only reason we didn't is because that girl in the other group was flirting with the host."
"No, she wasn't." Alice laughed. "And if you didn't win, why are we supposed to buy your drinks?"
"Because, oh short one," he looked at Alice and smirked, "we should have won."
"Thanks for clearing that up, green giant but—"
"How about we take turns buying rounds?" Rosalie looked between Alice and Emmett.
"Fine." Emmett huffed.
"I guess so." Alice rolled her eyes.
While Emmett and Alice bickered, we stood on the sidewalk in front of the building.
Neither one of our teams won, but the food was good, and I had a great time. After one of the other groups had been crowned as winner for 'the most creative pizza,' we ate, talked, and laughed. Well, most of us did.
Bella had been pretty quiet since before the food was even ready.
"Let's just decide where we want to go, it's freezing out here." Jacob stuffed his hands in his coat pockets.
I glanced at Bella, who stood beside me. She bit on her bottom lip as she looked down at the ground, seeming to not pay attention to the conversation.
"Bella." I said lowly.
She didn't respond.
"Bella." I said a little louder.
Still nothing.
"Bella." I poked her arm.
"Mmm." She looked at me.
"What's wrong? You're never this quiet." Bella wasn't someone who talked a lot, but she also never talked this little either.
"What?" She let out a shaky laugh. "Why would you think there's something wrong? Everything is fine, totally normal." She nodded her head. "Just hanging with my friends, having a good time." She cleared her throat.
Odd.
She was acting very odd.
I chuckled. "Maybe you don't need any alcohol."
"No, I definitely need a drink." She mumbled and rubbed her hands over her face. "I'm fine."
Definitely not fine.
"How about Dot's and Dash?" Ivey said.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked Bella.
"Their always crowded." Avery said.
"Yeah." Bella blew out a breath. "I just let something someone said get to me."
"We could go to Theory." Ben said.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked.
"Nah." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anyway, it's not true."
Angela sighed. "Their closing soon."
"Well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here."
"I know." She smiled.
"Let's just go to Ted's." Jasper said.
"That's so far." Alice said.
"Why don't we just go here." Emmett stood on the curb and pointed behind him.
Angela squinted. "Stereo Nightclub?"
"Yeah." Emmett grinned.
"Aren't we a little old for nightclubs?" Angela asked.
"Never." Demetri said. "Besides it could be fun."
"Demetri's right." Emmett said. "And it's right there. We drink a little, dance a little." He moved his hips. "See where the night takes us."
"I'm in." Demetri smiled.
"I guess it can't be that bad." Alice sighed.
"So, we're all in?" Emmett held his hands out and looked at each of our faces.
"Sure." Rose said.
"Okay." Angela and Benjamin said.
"I don't care, if it gets us out of the cold." Jacob said.
Ivey chuckled. "We're in."
Bella shrugged her shoulder. "It's cool with me."
"Fine with me." I actually had never been to a club, I'd been to bar's and lounges before but never a club, it wasn't on my list but maybe this could count as a new experience.
Since it was just down the street, we walked. Bella and I were a few steps behind.
"How are your parents doing?" Bella asked.
"They're doing good." I smiled. "My Mom wants you and Aiden to come over again."
Flashback:
"Carlisle, put that down." Mom yelled.
"Woman, I'm hungry." Dad laughed.
"We have to wait for Bella and Aiden to get here."
"Mom, it's just movie night." I said.
"I want everything to be perfect, Edward." Mom waved her hands dismissively.
"Honey, everything looks great." Dad quickly turned his back to hide his stolen chip.
I laughed as he put his index finger to his lip, asking me to keep quiet.
"Do you think its enough food?" She looked around.
"Mom, you have enough food here to feed a small army."
She moved around the kitchen, readjusting the plates she had just set out.
"Calm down Mom." I chuckled.
The doorbell rang.
"They're here!" Mom squealed.
"Great." Dad walked behind Mom and rubbed her back. "We can eat."
"I'll get the door." I thumbed towards the door.
"Yay! Den is here!" Jellybean ran from her bedroom and joined me as I opened the door.
"Hey." Bella beamed.
"Hey Ren." Aiden said.
"Den, you made it." Renata grinned widely.
"Hey Bella and Aiden." I smiled as Renata and I stepped aside to let them walk in.
Bella looked around as they walked in. "Your parents have a lovely home."
"Thank you. I'm sure Mom would appreciate hearing that." I said as Bella and Aiden handed me their coats.
"Daddy, can I show Den my room now?"
"Sure, Honey, but don't be too long."
"Okay, Daddy." She said before they ran down the hallway.
"So, how was your day?" I asked.
"It was good, quiet. We laid around in PJ's all day."
"That sounds good. Maybe I'll do that next weekend." I said.
I heard someone clear their throat.
I didn't realize how close we were until we turned around.
"Hi." Mom smirked as Dad stood next to her.
Bella stepped to the side before she walked towards my parents.
"It's so good to see you again Esme and Carlisle, thank you for having us over." Bella smiled.
"Think nothing of it, we couldn't wait for you and Aiden to come." Mom engulfed Bella in a hug.
Mom stepped back with a relaxed smile across her face while Dad hugged her. "Welcome to our home."
"Carlisle, will you please go set up everything in the theater room while Edward and Bella help me finish up in the kitchen, if you don't mind Bella."
"Of course not, I'm happy to help." Bella said.
"Sure, Honey." Dad said before he walked away.
"Alright Bella, the kitchen is this way." Mom led the way into the kitchen.
Bella sat her purse down on the barstool and washed her hands. "Okay, Esme where do you want me to start?"
"There are some chocolate-covered pretzels in that bag." Mom pointed to the kitchen table. "Will you please pour them in that white bowl beside them?"
She nodded. "Okay."
"And Edward can you grab the glasses off that top shelve for me, please?"
"Alright." I said.
"So, Bella, what line of work are you in?" Mom asked.
I pulled the glasses down and sat them on the counter.
"I'm chief editor and owner of Phases of the Moon Fashion Magazine."
"Oh wow! I didn't know that Edward you didn't tell me that." She swatted my arm.
"I thought I mentioned it." I said.
I didn't know I was supposed to.
"I love that magazine."
"I'm glad you enjoy it." Bella said.
Dad walked into the kitchen. "Alright everything is all set up, Dear."
"And what do you parents do for a living?"
"Well, my dad is a pharmacist and my Mom designs wedding gowns."
"You hear that Honey? Her dad is in the medical field too."
"Oh really, does he work in a hospital or in a retail pharmacy?" Dad asked.
"He's a clinical pharmacist at Rush Medical Center."
"That's a good hospital. I have a few friends that work there." Dad said.
"Alice is your sister, right Bella?"
"Yes." She said.
"And she was also Edward's realtor, isn't that funny? Your sister, his realtor, is dating his cousin."
Bella's eyebrows raised. "I didn't know Jasper and Edward were cousins."
Dad nodded his head. "Yeah, that's my sister, Charlotte's, only son."
"And Emmett is dating your friend Rosalie." Mom spoke in a bubbly tone.
Bella nodded in agreement. "Yeah."
"Not to mention Aiden and Renata are in the same classroom." Mom smiled.
Dad took a sip of water. "It's funny how connected everything is."
"You know, I never thought of it that way." I said.
"Me either." Bella shook her head.
"It's like you two were meant to meet." Mom shared a happy glance with Dad.
End Flashback
"Yeah, we had a good time." She chuckled. "We'll have to set something up soon."
As we got closer, we could hear the music.
"There isn't even a line." Benjamin said.
"Is that a good thing?" Ivey asked.
"Who knows?" Emmett said. "But we can get in faster."
"Thank god." Jacob mumbled.
"How many?" The guy at the door asked.
"Twelve." Emmett said.
He looked over the group, his eyes lingered on the girls.
He jerked his chin. "You can go in."
The music was so much louder on the inside. It was dark, but I could still see everyone's face. The place wasn't too crowded, but there were enough people for us to still bump into others.
"I think I see a few free tables over there." Emmett yelled.
We followed behind him. There weren't any coats in the chairs or any glasses on the table, so we sat down.
While everyone talked, I looked around, taking in the scene. People were dancing, laughing, drinking, taking pictures, stumbling around.
They seemed to enjoy themselves.
But did the music have to be so loud?
"Edward." Bella said loudly, but I just barely made out her voice.
I turned to look at. Her mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.
The music itself wasn't too loud, but the bass of the song made it more difficult to hear. I hoped all the songs didn't have as much bass as this one.
"What did you say?" I frowned.
She said something I again, but I still couldn't hear her. The floor shook with each loud boom from the speakers.
I pointed to my ear and shook my head. "I can't hear you."
She scooted closer to me. "I said, is this your first time at a club?"
I leaned back and nodded my head.
"I can tell, you look like you're in pain."
I laughed and turned to her. "Is the music always this loud?"
"It can be loud, but all clubs aren't like this. I think it's the type of songs their playing; it's more techno."
"Maybe I am too old for this scene then; my ears feel like they are ringing."
She chuckled. "You're not too old. The club isn't for everyone. I haven't been to one in years and I…" She stopped talking.
Demetri said something.
"Huh?" I leaned over the table.
"Looks cozy." I only heard the last thing he said.
I saw Alice hit his arm.
What looked cozy?
Demetri sat across from Bella; she must have heard what he said. "Stop talking Demetri." She frowned.
He smirked.
I turned to Bella. "What did he say?"
She widened her eyes at Demetri. "Nothing important." She turned back to me.
I raised my eyebrows and looked between her and Demetri.
She cleared her throat and looked away from me. She bounced her knee and bit her lip. She was acting oddly again.
I looked at Demetri. He wiggled his eyebrows at me before he turned to Avery.
Okay, so Bella isn't the only one acting strange.
"Are we ready to get drinks now?" Bella yelled so everyone could hear her.
"Yes." Alice said. "You guys get the first round."
"Fine." Emmett huffed out. "What does everyone want?"
"Long island for me." Bella said.
"Make that two." Alice held up her hand.
"Whiskey sour." Rose said.
"Manhattan for me." Angela said.
"Paloma." Ivey said.
"Coming right up." Emmet said as he stood. "Come on, guys."
We all stood up, except for Demetri and Avery. I guess they would get their own drinks when they were ready.
There were quite a few people on the dance floor, but we made it to the bar without being bumped into too much.
We had to wait several minutes before the bartender could get to us. After we placed out orders, I couldn't help but ask. "Do any of you think Bella is acting weird tonight?"
"What do you mean, weird?" Jacob asked.
I shrugged my shoulder. "Like off… not her normal self."
Jasper shook his head. "I don't think so."
"Here are your beers." The bartender set them down in front of me, Emmett, and Jasper.
"Thanks." I said and dragged my beer toward me.
Emmett grabbed his beer. "Well, you would know better than anyone else, Eddie." He leaned over and shared a knowing look with Jasper.
What in the hell is with everyone tonight?
"What's that supposed to mean?" I drew my eyebrows together.
"Dude." Emmett smirked. "You know exactly what I mean."
"The only thing I l know is that you're a jackass." I took a sip of my beer.
Jacob, Jasper, and Ben laughed.
"Leave him alone, Emmett." Jasper chuckled.
"Okay." Emmett held his hands up. "I may be a bit of jackass, but at least I'm not in a relationship and don't know it."
I choked on the gulp of beer I had just taken.
"Relationship? What relationship?" I coughed out.
"You and Bella." Emmett said nonchalantly, as if he were talking about the weather.
Me and Bella, what?
They all spoke at once.
"Emmett." Jasper sighed and shook his head.
"You've done it now." Jacob said.
Ben sucked his teeth and turned away.
"Wait a minute." I cleaned out my ear. "What did you say?" I stepped closer to him.
I could have heard him wrong. The music was still loud.
"You. And. Bella. Are. In. A. Relationship" He said it slowly, as if I couldn't understand him.
So, I heard him right.
"Em, have you lost your mind?" I snorted.
"No." He shook his head. "I don't think so." He frowned.
"Dude." I laughed. "You're crazy."
"Whatever man." He shrugged his shoulders. "You can stay in denial all you want but we all see it."
I rolled my eyes and looked at Jasper and Jacob.
"Oh, no." Jasper chuckled. "You're not roping me into this."
"Here are the rest of your drinks." The bartender sat them down in front of us.
"I'll take that." Jacob said after he threw some cash down and picked up the tray. "I'll take the drinks back to the table." He said and walked away.
"I'll help him." Ben pointed behind him and disappeared into the crowd.
"They only left because they know I'm right, and he," Emmett pointed to Jasper, "always likes to be neutral."
Jasper laughed.
"Come on, man." Emmett chuckled. "Just tell him. He won't believe me."
"Yeah Jas, just tell me." I mocked in Emmett's voice.
"Fine." Jasper sighed. "To some it could look like you two are a couple."
"Thank you." Emmett said as he flapped his hands out.
I ignored Emmett. "And what makes us look like a couple?"
"Okay, well… Let me ask you this. How often do you all see each other in one week, not including when we've gotten together as a group?" Jasper asked.
"That depends. If I have Renata, we will meet up at the park with the kids and walk their dog."
"So essentially, when you have Renata, you see her every day?" Emmett smirked.
"It's not like that, and I'm not the only one seeing her. We have the kids with us."
Emmett opened his mouth to say something, but Jasper cut him off. "So, on the weeks when you don't have Renata, how often do you see her?"
I ran my hand through my hair and thought about it.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe about three or four times a week."
"I don't see you that many times in one week, and we work together." Emmett said.
"That's not true."
I didn't know asking one question would lead to this.
Emmett put his elbow on the bar. "Edward, she's been over to Ma and Dad's house."
"So, what does that mean? Rosalie has been over to their house too."
"I'm not the one standing here trying to prove I'm not dating Rosie; I know we're dating." He rocked back on his heels.
I narrowed my eyes at him. He grinned back at me.
Older siblings are the worst.
"Do you like her?" Jasper asked.
"Of course, she's a good person, she's funny, and fun to be around."
Jasper nodded his head. "Do you find her attractive?"
Bella was a beautiful woman; I just wasn't going to tell them.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Jasper raised his eyebrows at me.
"He's totally attracted to her." Emmett said.
Like I said, the worst.
"But how does that make us a couple?"
"Ed, it's just that you choose to spend a lot of time with her." Jasper said. "I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing, it's just I've never spent so much time with one woman I didn't like, even if it was just a little, hell the only woman I see as often as you see Bella is Alice."
"Welp." Emmett sighed and snatched his beer off the bar. "My point has been proven." He nodded his head at me and Jasper. "Gentlemen." He headed back in the direction we came.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head.
"Look, man, I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, but like I told you before, Bella's your type. I'm not saying rush into anything, but you're single and she's single…" He lifted one eyebrow. "Would it be so bad if you two explored something?" He slapped my shoulder, picked up his beer, and walked away.
I sighed, turned around, and leaned against the bar.
There weren't as many people on the dance floor and the music wasn't as loud as before.
I took a sip of my beer. There was nothing to explore.
We're just friends.
We're not dating.
There's no way.
It would be impossible.
Getting in a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind.
Spending time with someone and or finding them attractive doesn't mean you'd want to date them.
Emmett's wrong.
No point had been proven.
Right?
I chuckled and took another sip of my beer.
Of course, he's wrong.
But Jasper agreed with him, and he was the more sensible one…
Nah, they were both wrong.
Bella was an amazing woman and we spent time together, but we were just friends. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Right?
Lucas
I was married for ten years.
Mia was the love of my life.
She was my best friend's sister.
We knew each other since we were kids, but we didn't really see each other as anything more than friends until we were in high school.
We didn't rush into anything. We dated for four years before we got married, and every second I got to spend with her was precious. I would never forget it, but I didn't get to spend nowhere near enough time with her.
She was a city girl who loved the country, and I was going to do everything I could to make her dream a reality.
I thought we would buy some land, build our home, have a farm and a couple of kids. I thought we would grow old together.
But that didn't happen.
While our home was being built, life happened.
And it didn't care that I loved her, or that she was my world.
There was nothing I could have done to make it better… to save her. That was the worst part, being powerless.
August sixteenth, the worst day of my life, started off like any other day. We had breakfast together and joked about what we would name our future child. I kissed her on her forehead, her nose, both her cheeks, and finally her lips, before I ran out the door and hopped in my car. As usual, I watched her in the rear-view mirror as she stood on the porch and waved until I could no longer see her.
If I had known that was the last time I would get to see her as herself—smiling, happy, alive—I would have hugged her longer, tighter. I would have stayed.
It was her brother who found her, passed out on the kitchen floor.
I can still remember the sick feeling I had when my cell phone rang.
I rushed to the hospital, but by the time I had gotten there it was too late.
She was gone.
It was a brain aneurysm.
There were no signs or symptoms prior to that day, but according to the doctors, it had been there for some time.
They said they did all they could, but it wasn't enough.
Everything after that was a blur. I don't remember how I got home. I don't remember the days that followed. I don't remember who was at her funeral or the words spoken. I didn't come out of that haze until I was staring at her headstone.
Every emotion hit me at once.
Greif.
Sorrow.
Shock.
Guilt.
Anger.
I was so angry.
With god.
The doctors.
Myself.
Mia.
I stayed angry for a while, but as time moved on, I grew numb.
Nothing had meaning anymore. My life was directionless.
The only thing that got me out of the house was work. I went to the fire station, threw myself into that, and went home. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. I did that every day, for months.
But then our home was ready. The life we had envisioned was there, waiting for me, mocking me. I contemplated on just selling it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't give up one of her dreams.
When I had finally moved in the house, it was too quiet and the idea of a farm seemed pointless, but that was the closest I felt to Mia since she died. So, I went out and bought the items to build a fence, then I built a chicken coop, and then a stable. After that, I slowly bought animals. I got a few chickens, two sheep, three pigs, four cows, one bull, and one horse.
The horse was a surprise. I didn't think I would actually want one, but when I saw her, I couldn't walk away. I just knew I had to have her. She was a chestnut-colored quarter horse. I named her Biscuit, a name Mia and I joked about as the names for one of our kids.
The night I brought Biscuit home was a strange one.
I was in the stable, brushing Biscuit, when I heard my name being called.
It was Mia's voice.
I heard it clear as day, as if she were right next to me. But when I turned to look, no one was there. It was just me and Biscuit.
By the time I had secured the stable, took a shower and got into bed, I had convinced myself that I had finally cracked.
It kept happening every time I was in the stable with Biscuit; I heard her voice. She would say she loved me, that she missed me, and I would talk back to her. I knew I had gone crazy, but I didn't care. I would spend hours in that stable just to hear her voice.
Then one day, while I was in the chicken coop throwing their feed, I saw her.
Like really saw her.
The only word I could use to rationalize seeing her was hallucination.
But it felt so real.
She looked the same, her luminous hazel eyes and her long brown hair highlighted with strands of gold and auburn that complimented her oval face and full lips.
She walked to me and put her hand on my cheek.
I leaned into her hand; she even smelled the same.
"My darling Lucas, I cherished every day with you. You were the light of my life and my love still shines bright for you." She smiled. "I want you to know I'm okay, Sweetheart, and I want you to go on with your life… I will always be with you."
I never saw her again, and only heard her voice a few times since, but I felt her.
I always felt her presence.
I knew I would never stop missing or loving her and would give anything to have her back, but that was the day I knew I would eventually be okay.
As time went on, I guess I healed. I'm not someone who believed that time would heal wounds, but I do believe as time passed it was easier to function. The pain wasn't as fresh.
It was time for me to start living again. I went out with friends I hadn't seen in months; I enjoyed my job again; I did the things that Mia and I loved to do.
Ironically, that's where I met her.
At Mia's favorite bakery.
I don't know what possessed me to talk to her, especially since I hadn't even looked at another woman since Mia, but I did.
Now, looking back, I think it was the look on her face that caught my attention. I recognized it.
Sadness.
At first, she seemed shy, reserved. But I didn't think much of it. I wasn't even sure what or if I expected anything from us talking.
But then we became friends, we spent more time together, and it became hard not to like her. She was beautiful, caring, passionate, and funny. She always made me laugh.
I had felt things I hadn't felt in a long time, things I didn't think I could feel for any other woman besides Mia.
I fell in love with her.
I felt guilty, like I had betrayed Mia, and in that moment, more than anything, I wished I could have seen her again. I wanted to know it would be okay for me to date, to love someone else, to move on with my life.
While I didn't see her like I did last time, days later, she visited me in a dream. The only thing I remembered when I woke up was her smiling face as she said. "It's okay, I'll always love you."
After that I felt relief, like I could breathe easier. Actually, I felt so good I did something I hadn't done in a while; I took a jog. That's when I found out Gianna had a daughter. I assumed that's why she had been so hesitant with me in the beginning. I thought she was a single mom and was nervous about telling me she had a child.
That didn't bother me. If anything, that made me love her more. I had always wanted children.
I thought that day would have been a turning point in our relationship, that we would have moved forward, but we didn't. Things slowed down, and I didn't know why.
I eventually got my answer.
It was a warm day. Mia and I would always go to Navy Pier whenever we got the chance, so I went.
I walked around, looking at Lake Michigan, when I saw Gianna and Renata.
They were in front of the Ferris wheel and just as I was about to head in their direction, a guy come up behind them.
"Jellybean." He picked Renata up and kissed her cheek.
I paused.
"Daddy." She smiled.
Gianna hadn't mentioned Renata's father. I assumed he wasn't in the picture.
"Hi Honey." He leaned down to kiss her, but she tilted her head, so he kissed her cheek instead of her lips.
He sighed and set Renata down.
"Hey Edward." She smiled half-heartedly. "Let's get on the ride." She pointed behind her.
He nodded, put his hand on the small of her back. Gianna took Renata's hand, and they walked toward the attendant.
She never saw me.
But I had seen plenty.
He had on a wedding ring.
And so did she.
She was married.
A/N: Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts. We appreciate all of them.
So, Edward is taking steps in the right direction… what are your thoughts?
How about the conversation with Gianna?
What do you think about the guys talk at the bar?
Now that you've learned a bit more about Lucas, has your opinion of him change? Or did it stay the same?
REC: In Your Room, by LayAtHomeMom, after years of bedroom boredom with Missionary Mike, can Bella find the sexual salvation she's seeking in the arms of campus hottie, Edward Cullen?