Somewhere To Begin Chapter 25, a twilight fanfic

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Chapter 25: If Only You Knew

Bella

A month later…

The kids started spring break yesterday, and it was as if those few weeks of not spending time together never happened, which wasn't a bad thing.

All was well in the world again. We walked Egg Roll together, went to story time together, we've gone out to lunch with the kids a couple times and the whole group even hung out at Alice and Jasper's house to catch up and finalize everything for our trip.

Everything was back to normal… well, almost back to normal. There was just one new tiny… thing, a discovery.

After I had that conversation with my mom, I took the day, and some of the next, to think about what she had said, only to come to the conclusion… the realization… the heart pounding truth—a truth I may have possibly been oblivious to.

I liked Edward. A lot, actually. As more than a friend.

It's hard to describe, to put into words how I felt about that, but what I could say was that I'm not upset that I like him. Hopefully, that made sense to you.

However, it was just a little humiliating that I didn't arrive at that awareness on my own, but better late than never, right?

If I recall correctly, and I do, I tried to tell you first, weeks ago, but as usual, you don't listen.

I get it now okay; you were right… I was wrong.

So, does that mean you'll listen to me from now on?

I guess…

Good, call him and tell him how you really feel.

Are you out of your mind?

You just said you would listen to me.

And I will… when you come up with better ideas.

Ugh, you're so tiring.

You heard him just like I did. He wanted to be… friends.

That word kinda sucked now, but moving on.

Surprisingly, once I admitted that to myself, I didn't freak out… much.

And before you jump to conclusions, no, I didn't freak out because I liked him.

It was because they were right.

Now that I was looking at things in a different light, I could see the point Alice, Rose, Demetri, Angela, and even Ivy made.

I wouldn't admit it, yet, that I understood how we may have appeared more than friends.

How, even if it was unintentionally, we got to know each other, and do things together in a way that seemed like starting a relationship.

And I was okay with that.

Honestly, I liked that.

We got to know each other—really know each other—without the pretenses or pressure of trying to be perfect, or to seem like the ideal, flawless partner. Especially considering how and why we meet each other. We all came a long way since then.

I wanted to tell him this, planned to tell him, even if I didn't have all the right words.

My initial thought was to put it all out there. I figured since he kissed me… or I kissed him… or maybe we kissed each other?

Whatever. The logistics don't matter; it happened.

But since he was an active participant in the kiss, I thought his head, and hopefully feelings, wouldn't have been too far from my own.

So after, I gave myself a pep talk. "I'm Bella Swan, a successful, articulate, emotionally stable grown woman, even if I haven't been acting like it recently. Dammit, I can do this."

I called him.

I was going to tell him about all the jumbled thoughts that'd been running through my mind, and even though I was afraid of the outcome, of how it would change things, I didn't want to ignore how I felt. I wanted us to try the whole dating… thing… if he wanted to.

Of course, admitting that was nerve-wracking, but it needed to be done. I knew it was risky, dating, and putting yourself out there in any capacity was, but it couldn't have gotten any worse—I hoped. We were already not talking by that point.

And guess what?

I was right… and wrong.

How was I right, you may ask? Well, let me explain, we were talking, not avoiding each other, hanging out as usual, like I said, back to 'normal.'

How was I wrong?

He friend zoned me people… hard.

I was ready to lay all my cards on the table, but no, that didn't happen. He had to be all. Let's be friends.

And what do I do?

Like a dumbass, I smiled and said. "Sure, let be friends."

Blah.

Why did I do it?

All that gumption, courage I built up flew right out the window. Everything I wanted to say just got stuck in my throat.

Edward doesn't look at me in that way. I was special to him, but just as a… friend.

And you wanna know what really makes it even more shitty? He doesn't know. He doesn't have a single clue.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to blame him for my inaction. I can acknowledge my shortcomings in this situation.

I could have easily told him in the moment that I liked him, wanted more than friendship, but… it wasn't that easy, not after he basically said. "You suck. I would never look at you that way. You're my friend."

He didn't say that. At all, actually.

Okay, I'm being dramatic. He didn't say that, but it felt like it.

I groaned and tightened my grip around the steering wheel. Now I had to act as if everything was the same between us.

Or like he didn't have the face that he has.

Or that his smile wasn't perfect.

Or that I find it attractive that, to me, he's funny.

"Ugh." I groaned, again.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" Aiden asked.

I glanced at him in the rear-view mirror. "Yeah, Honey." I smiled. "I'm fine."

Maybe I was being unfair.

Considering how much time it took me to see what had been in front of my face the whole time, to realize that I wanted more than friendship with him, it was wrong of me to expect him to suddenly feel the same way.

I exhaled and slumped my shoulders.

The fair thing to do would be to tell him how I feel, give him time to figure out if he had any feelings for me, but… that would be pointless, and wouldn't make a difference.

We were only friends.

I parked in the first open spot I saw and turned off the truck.

I could do this. I had been doing this, acting like nothing changed, like we were the same, and just friends.

"Come on, Mommy." I could hear Aiden unbuckling himself. "Let's go."

It was Saturday. As usual, we were meeting Edward and Renata at the library. But because we were leaving for the Dude Ranch in a couple of days, we were going to head over to Michigan Avenue to get some last-minute things for the kids.

Aiden and Renata were excited about the trip and the fact that they would be around each other for days. They'd been hopping around like little energizer bunnies.

After we got out of the truck, I locked the doors and we walked toward the entrance, where Renata and Edward were waiting.

Aiden ran up the stair. "Ren."

I followed behind him.

"Hi Den." They hugged; they'd been doing that a lot lately. "Hi Bella." She smiled up at me and hugged me, too.

"Hi little lady." I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

When she let go of me, Edward stepped toward me and hugged me. "Hey Bella."

Yeah, we hugged now, consistently. I couldn't remember if that was new or one of those things we had always done and I was oblivious to before, but either way, I noticed it. And it didn't bother me in the slightest.

"Hey, how are you?" I said.

Friends don't smell friends. Friends don't smell friends. Friends don't smell friends.

He pulled back. "Good." He smiled.

"Great." I couldn't stop the smile that took over my face, even if I wanted to.

He looked good today, really good. He always did, but he hadn't shaved in a bit, and he had a beard. It was new. He wore it well ver–

"Come on, Daddy." Renata said.

"Yeah, we don't wanna miss story time." Aiden said.

"Right, uh." I shook my head. "Let's go inside."

Edward cleared his throat. "Yeah, let's go."

He stepped back, grabbed the door, and held it open.

The kids went in first, and Edward and I followed behind them.

"Good Afternoon, Aiden and Renata." Leah grinned. "Are you ready to read The Day the Crayons Quit?"

"Yes." Renata and Aiden sang in unison

"It's going to be so fun." Leah bounced on her toes. "Go find a seat and we'll get started in a minute." We watched as the kids went into the room and took their regular seats. She turned back to us and smiled. "It's good to see you guys."

She had been saying that every Saturday since Edward and Renata had been back.

Edward nodded. "Good to see you too." His normal response to her.

Seriously, they do this every Saturday he comes. You would think he stopped talking to her.

Leah looked down at her watch. "Okay, I'm gonna get started." She gestured towards the door with her thumb. "I'll see you all in a little while." She walked into the room and closed the door.

"So." Edward blew out. "Our usual spot?"

I nodded my head.

Edward led the way to the chairs in the corner, and we sat.

"Are you ready for the trip?" He licked his lips.

He had nice lips.

It really sucked to know how soft and nice they were, but not be able to kiss them again.

Now that was unfair.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

He bit his lip. "Did you hear me?"

Stop doing that!

Hey!

What?

Pay attention, he asked you something.

"Oh, um, yeah." I bounced my knee and raked my fingers through my hair. "We—I can't wait."

"Me too." He sighed. "It'll be nice to unwind for a bit."

I hummed and nodded my head. "I know what you mean. I'm looking forward to that too. I'm sure everyone is."

"I would say so." He chuckled. "Emmett's been talking with a terrible country accent all week. In his words, he's 'preparing to be a cowboy.'"

"That sounds like Emmett." I laughed. "But I think Demetri has him beat. He's been going crazy with his wardrobe. I swear he thinks we're going to be there for a month. According to him, he's created a new style of country chic. It's going to be all the rave." I chuckled and shook my head.

Edward laughed. "Our friends are nuts."

"You could say that again." I sighed and leaned back in the seat.

Edward took a breath, a soft smile on his face.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and watched him.

He really was a beautiful man, and not just because of his looks.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked softly.

He shook his head, still smiling. "I don't know." He shrugged. "Nothing I guess."

I raised my eyebrows. "You're smiling for no reason?"

"Nah." He exhaled. "It's just." He paused and tugged his earlobe. "It's just I'm really looking forward to this trip."

I tilted my head to the side. "Me too."

"And." He looked over at me. "I'm really happy I get to experience that with you."

I just melted a bit on the inside.

I tried to fight the wide smile that wanted to overtake my face. I lightly pushed his arm. "There's no one else I'd rather do this with either."

After we left the library, we dropped off my truck, hopped into Edward's, and headed toward Michigan Avenue. The kids spoke animatedly about some of the activities we had planned.

Which reminded me.

"I need to get Aiden a pair of cowboy boots." I mumbled to myself. "Oh, and a hat too."

Edward glanced at me, eyebrows raised.

"What?" I frowned.

"Are you gonna get him a matching holster too?" He pressed his lips together, trying—and failing—not to laugh.

"Don't make fun of me." I lightly slapped his arm.

He leaned away from me. "No attacking the driver." He chuckled.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"So, tell me." He straightened up in his seat. "Why does Aiden need boots and a hat?"

"For square dancing." I furrowed my eyebrows. "I already have his outfit; I just need the finishing touches."

"Square dancing?" He frowned.

"Yes." I nodded. "Square dancing."

He scrunched up his face.

"Stop with the face, you knew about that already." I shrugged my shoulders. "Besides, it's a group thing, everyone's gonna do it."

He turned to me and shook his head.

"Come on." I whined. "You have to do it; it'll be fun."

"No." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Please." I pouted.

"Nope." He popped the p.

I crossed my arms. "Why not?"

"Cause." He guffawed "I'll look funny."

"I'm sure we'll all look funny." I held my hands up with my psalms out. "But that's not the point, we're supposed to have fun."

He shrugged his shoulders but said nothing.

I chewed on my bottom lip and thought for a moment.

"It would be something new, something you've never done. It totally counts as a list thing."

He let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes. "I guess you're right."

"So, you'll do it?" I smiled.

"I didn't say that."

"But it's not a complete no, either."

He chuckled and shook his head. "We'll see."

I could work with that.

"We could get you a pair of boots."

Edward in boots. That would be a sight.

"I don't think so." He shook his head.

Oh, and a pair of those fitted jeans with a long-sleeved black button up, and a hat. Drool worthy.

Maybe some chaps?

"You would look good in chaps." I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Oh shit.

I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"You think so?" He smirked.

"Mm-hmm." I nodded my head before I turned and looked out the window.

I placed my hand over the cheek closer to him to cover my blush.

I stayed quiet the rest of the ride and listened to the kids' conversation.

Once Edward parked the truck, we all got out and headed down the street.

We went from store to store, buying much more than what we needed, for the kids and ourselves.

We went to Alcala's, a western wear store, first, and I might have gotten a little excited, but who could blame me. Not only did they have boots and hats, they had belt buckles, spurs, jewelry, and little Charro suits.

I may have gone a little overboard, but I couldn't help it.

To be honest, I couldn't explain why I liked country western stuff so much. It just fascinated me.

Needless to say, I walked out with more than the two items I needed. I got Aiden a black hat and the cutest pair of boots, and I might have gotten a pair for myself and Renata, who talked Edward into getting a pair. He did it begrudgingly, but he still got them.

I was happy about that purchase.

Once we left Alcala's, we went to Columbia Sportswear. Edward grabbed some solid color tees and hiking boots. All the guys decided they'd go hiking for some male bonding.

After we left there, we went to Van's, UGG's and a couple of other stores before we stopped for some lunch.

"What are you guys in the mood for?" I looked between Aiden, Renata and Edward.

"Uh." Edward said as he looked further down the street. "There's a Burger Bar down there." He jerked his chin. "Is that cool with everyone?"

"Yes." Aiden said. "Let's go."

"Yeah, that'll work for me." I chuckled.

"Daddy, I have to use the bathroom." Renata squirmed from foot to foot.

Edward looked down at her. "Do you think you can hold it until we get to the restaurant?"

She shook her head. "I really have to go."

"Okay." Edward looked from store to store, trying to find a place he could take her into.

I doubt any of these stores have family restrooms.

"I can take her." I held out my hand so he could take my bags.

"Oh." He blinked. "Are you sure?"

"Of course." I said, as he took the bags from my hand. "It'll be easier for me to do it, anyway." I looked at the stores behind us and decided on Banana Republic. "Come on, Renata." I held my hand out, and she grabbed it.

We walked in and followed the sign labeled restroom.

"I'll wait right here." I stood in front of the sink.

"Okay." Renata closed the stall door.

Edward

"I hope they don't take too long." Aiden sighed. "I'm hungry."

"I'm sure they won't be long." I saw my truck was just a couple of cars down. "Let's go put this stuff in the car." I handed him one of the lighter bags.

"Okay." Aiden grabbed onto one of my fingers. "Hey Edward."

"Yeah?" I looked down at him.

"Are you scared to get on the plane?" He blinked at me.

"No." I shook my head. "I've been on planes before. I like flying. Are you scared?"

"I don't know. I think so." He frowned. "Mommy said I've been on a plane before, but I don't remember."

"What are you afraid of?"

"How can the plane stay in the air? We're gonna be so high up."

"We are, but…" I tapped my chin in thought. "There are these things called propellers that are really big and help to move the plane forward." I snapped my fingers. "The wings." I hold one arm out. "Are on both sides of the and help to keep the plane up and—" I looked at him and stopped talking.

His eyebrows squished together, and his mouth hung open.

I might have gotten a little too technical.

Ya think?

"Am I confusing you?"

He paused for a minute. "Yeah."

I took a breath, thinking of how I could calm his nerves as we got to the truck.

I unlocked it and opened the trunk.

After all the bags were in, I closed it and bent down to Aiden's height. "It's normal to be scared of trying new things, but it can be a lot of fun."

"Really?" He scrunched up his nose.

"Yeah, I used to be scared to try new things all the time."

His eyes widened. "But you're so big."

"I'll tell you a secret." I looked around, acting as if I didn't want anyone to hear me. "I used to be scared of dogs when I was a kid."

Aiden gasped and looked at me.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, but I faced my fear and now we have Egg Roll."

"So, if I get on the plane, I'll have one to myself one day?" He widened his eyes.

I chuckled. "You never know, you could."

"Awesome." He grinned.

"And don't forget we'll all be there with you, your mom, your aunt, Rosalie, plus you and Renata will be able to watch movies or play games to pass the time." They could also nap, but I don't think he'd want to hear that. "But if you do get scared, you can hold my hand. Deal?"

He smiled at me, looking so much like Bella. "Deal."

I ruffled his hair and stood up.

"Aiden." A woman said.

I turned around.

She was an older woman, maybe in her early fifties, average height, with red hair, blue eyes, hard, cold eyes.

Was she glaring at me?

Well, this was awkward.

This woman looked familiar, but I couldn't place her. I didn't think I knew her.

"Hi Grandma." Aiden waved.

Grandma.

Oh, now I remember. I saw her at the kids' Christmas recital. She wasn't that welcoming then either.

I held out my hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Edwa—"

"How do you know this man, Aiden?" She looked me up and down before she turned to Aiden.

Okay… that was rude.

I lowered my hand. "I'm a friend of Bella's."

"I wasn't speaking to you." She ignored me. "How do you know him, Honey?" She asked in a softer tone.

"That's Edward, Ren's Dad."

"Who's Ren?" She frowned.

"My Daughter." She ignored me again.

She didn't even look at me.

What the hell is going on here.

"My best friend."

"Mm." She hummed; her eyes flickered around. "Where is your mother?"

"She took Ren to the bathroom."

She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head to the side. "Does she usually leave you with him?"

My head jerked back.

She said it with such disdain.

Like I was dirt on the bottom of her shoe.

"Look, I don't know if we got off on the wrong foot or something, but—"

"Aiden." She cut me off again. "Does your Mother always leave you with this man?"

What the fuck? Was this a joke?

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could get a word out, Bella and Renata walked up.

Thank god.

"Victoria." Bella frowned and stepped in between us, her back to Aiden and me. Renata stood beside me and grabbed my hand.

"Isabella." She glowered.

Bella took a breath. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually," she raised her eyebrow. "There is."

Bella

"Actually." Victoria raised her eyebrow. "There is."

She was in mood.

I turned to face Edward. "Why don't the three of you go down to the restaurant, I'll meet you there in a minute."

He glanced behind me at Victoria. "Are you sure." He whispered.

I nodded my head and smiled. "I'm sure." I could handle her.

"If you say so." His forehead wrinkled. "Come on guys, let's go." He grabbed Aiden's hand.

"Are you coming, Mommy?" Aiden looked at me.

"In just a second, Honey." I smiled. "I'm gonna have a quick talk with your grandmother."

"Okay, bye grandma." Aiden waved.

"Bye Sweetie, I'll be seeing you soon." Her tone was sickly sweet.

Yeah, this wasn't going to be an easy talk.

I watched as they walked down the street, until they got further away, out of sight.

I turned back to Victoria.

As usual, she was glaring at me.

I waited to see if she would say anything. She didn't.

"What do want Victoria?" I sighed.

"Do you always leave him with that…" Her face scrunched up, and she waved her hand in the direction they went. "Person?"

"And how is that your business?" I raised an eyebrow.

"He's my grandson." She took a step toward me. "His safety is my business. I don't think it's wise to leave him with strangers, or don't you know that?" She smirked.

I shook my head and chuckled. "What?"

What she said was funny in an odd, not so funny way.

I don't think Victoria would do anything to hurt him intentionally, and in some weird way I think she thinks she would only do and want what's best for Aiden, but Victoria has never, never been the type of grandparent to be active in his everyday life.

More like holidays, birthdays, and—when Alec and I were married—social events, but surly not enough to insinuate that I don't think about Aiden's safety.

So, to hear her say that was hilarious.

"It's not any of your business Victoria, nothing I do with my son is your business."

"While you may feel that way, Isabella, you're wrong. Aiden is my business because he is Alec's, my son's, child and Alec is my business."

Again, what?

Her logic was… astounding.

"Please explain." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why you've given Alec, Aiden's father boundaries." She rolled her eyes. "Yet you seem to have no problem leaving him with some random man, who could have done anything. Don't you see the problem with that?" She tilted her head to the side.

I could have told her he wasn't random, that Edward and I met because of our kids.

I could have told her I don't leave Aiden with just anyone.

I could have told her I didn't put boundaries on Alec, that his actions caused that.

I could have told her I trust Edward with Aiden, sometimes more than Alec.

But for what? I didn't owe her anything.

She stopped being any problem of mine the moment I divorced Alec.

I chuckled, this time humorlessly. "I don't have to explain anything to you."

Her face got red.

She always hated when I wouldn't let what she said get to me.

I turned to walk away.

"I will not let you try and replace Alec as Aiden's father with some man that's not good enough to be around my grandchild." She said loud enough for me to hear, but still low enough that no one passing by would have heard.

Wouldn't want the Senator's wife to be caught in a scandal, and seem like anything less than perfect.

"Just because you were a terrible wife, and didn't know how to keep your husband, doesn't mean also you get to be a failure as a mother. I won't let you ruin Aiden the way you ruined Alec, and more importantly, I won't let you keep him from Alec."

Let me.

Let me?

All the stuff that came out of her mouth was just mind-boggling, but let me?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I turned back to her.

"I'm not going to acknowledge the bullshit that came out of your mouth regarding Alec. We both know that him cheating had nothing to do with me, but…" I paused, deciding if I would be petty. Fuck it. "Please explain to me, how you feel comfortable trying to throw what Alec did in my face, considering your husband cheated as well?" I blinked at her.

Her nostrils flared.

How does that saying go? You point one finger at someone, and three are pointing back at you.

I think that applies here.

I took a step toward her "Do you really think you have the room to talk about how I mother my child?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," she hissed through clenched teeth. "Someone needs to correct you, especially when you are mistreating Alec and abusing what small amount of power you have over him with his son."

I snorted. "Correct me?"

She gave one curt nod and lifted her chin.

"I haven't forced Alec out of Aiden's life. I listen to what my kid has to say and did what he needed… what was best for him. I didn't control or manipulate him or the situation."

"Which just shows how weak you are." She pressed her lips together. "A real woman, a mother does what needs to be done, no matter what. Even when it's hard, or if the child doesn't agree. And what Aiden needs is more than you can give him. He needs his father, a real example of what he should be."

"And what example would that be?" I asked in a sharp tone. "An unhappy, controlling, bitter, spiteful woman who treated her son more like her husband and pressured him to do whatever she wanted?" I narrowed my eyes. "Or a man who's too afraid to stand up to his mother?"

I took a deep breath to calm myself. I wouldn't let Victoria get under my skin… much.

"I may be a lot of things, but a weak woman isn't one of them." My hands briefly clenched. "A weak woman wouldn't have dealt with you as long as I have, a weak woman would have actually dealt with your son's bullshit." I waved a dismissive hand and looked her in the eyes. "A weak woman would have stayed with the man who cheated on her."

I knew what I said was wrong. And untrue. No woman, person who stayed in a relationship with their partner who cheated was weak.

I just wanted to say something I knew would bother her… would sting.

It was wrong, hurtful, cruel, nasty, and I'm sure I would feel bad about it later.

But I got the reaction I wanted.

She clenched her jaw and tightly gripped her purse.

To people who didn't know her, experience her, had to verbally spar with her on the regular, she would have looked fine, and cool as a cucumber, but everything was in her eyes.

She rapidly blinked, trying to hide the hurt and water threatening to fall.

It was slight, as usual. She didn't show much emotion, not outside of anger or displeasure, but it was there.

"No matter how much you wish you could blame me, for how Alec is, or his relationship with Aiden, you can't. That's a monster that you helped to create, along with his own contributions, and I won't allow you to control me or my son."

Victoria opened her mouth, but I cut her off.

"You will not judge what I do or don't do for Aiden as his mother, nor do you have the right to." I stepped closer to her. "I…" I pointed to my chest. "Am his mother. Me. And I'm done arguing with you."

I took a few steps back, still facing her.

She sniffled. "I've always hated you."

Of course, she always wanted to have the last word.

"You were never good enough." As many times as she's said that, you'd think she'd finally understand it didn't hurt my feelings.

I kept walking, still facing her, and smiled. Antagonizing her was childish, I know.

"I'll never understand why Alec deals with such an atrocious woman."

I smirked. "I don't know." I shrugged. "Maybe because that's what raised him?"

I could see a vein in her neck bulging.

"Have a good one, Big V." I waved before I turned, heading toward the restaurant.

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REC: Artful Maneuvers, by Planetblue, I needed to figure out who Edward Cullen was before he figured out me.