Perfect Tension
Summary: Ch. 1: Edward realizes he has different affections for Mustang, and tries to find a way to tell him. Roy/Ed.
Warnings: Roy/Ed, some one-sided Winry x Ed, end-of-series/movie spoiler.
Rating: T for M/M relationship. (Maybe M in later chapters )
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Never have, never will. Fullmetal Alchemist is ©Hiromu Arakawa
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Chapter One: Meditation
Brigadier General Roy Mustang. He had a certain quality about him; a cool confidence, and authority. He also carried -- Edward was almost ashamed to admit to himself -- a strong sexual allure; although, exactly what was so alluring was still a mystery to the younger man.
Edward stood on a bridge somewhere at the edge of central, leaning on his elbows against the railing and gazing into the dark river surging below him. The scent was crisp and refreshing, reminding him of younger days of exhilarating play in sun-parched waters just east of Resembool. He took in a deep breath and sighed through his nose, hanging his head low; his bangs skimming his line of vision.
"Is it your eyes?" Edward questioned no one, "They're impossibly deep, holding in a great deal of pain, expressing years worth of military wisdom, and exerting an ambitious drive that can and does shatter me within seconds." He grinned to himself. Nearby, a couple, with hands intertwined and only each other in their eyes passed him by. Their gait was cheerful, and their laughter amorous and intoxicating. Edward continued to watch them as they traversed the length of the bridge and softly chuckled.
Edward pushed himself up from his perch on the railing and straightened his jacket. The beginning effects of autumn were showing themselves to Central. They were cooling the air, adding bite to the wind, and turning the leaves on the trees to ruddy shades, creating a false sense of warmth to the area. He began walking back to Central Headquarters. Dusk had started in, and an inviting fire would be crackling in the main dormitory lounges now.
"Maybe it's your personality," Edward continued to muse to himself, "quick to anger, but still mature enough to contemplate your actions – most of the time." Ed laughed, remembering Riza's story about a time when Mustang was about to make a fool of himself in the rain while taking offensive against scar.
Edward thought of how determined Mustang was at keeping news of the pursuit of the Elric's readily at his close notice. Warmth traveled up from Ed's fingertips to the top of his head. 'He was protective of us all that time; even after I was an ass to him about the Ishbalan confrontation.' Edward considered.
"Or, it could be your hair." Ed's eyes went half-lidded as he imagined his fingers running through the deliciously dark strands. He expected his hair would feel soft to the touch, sleek and tantalizing. Shivering, half with cold, half with delight, Edward admitted to himself he had an affinity towards hair. 'And his is wonderful' Thought Ed, 'falling so divinely into his face, brushing at the back of his neck so gently…' Edward sighed and shivered as prickles ran up the back of his arm and his neck.
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Ed arrived at the entrance to Central Headquarters after a generous amount of walking. Stepping inside the main foyer he was surprised to find so few soldiers there. 'Good, this might actually make it easier.' On Winry and Al's advice, Edward was going to admit a grave truth to Mustang. The room suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. His stomach started contorting itself into a tiny ball of apprehension. It had been so much easier to come out to his brother and his childhood friend. It had been their idea to tell Mustang in the first place once he had come out to them, actually.
((Flashback))
Alphonse was lying on his back in a soft patch of grass watching the clouds float by. Leaves occasionally peppered the indigo sky. Winry was next to him, sitting up with her knees held to her chest. She had a serene look to her face. Ed walked up behind them a minute later, his anxious expression clashing with their own content look. Alphonse noticed Ed first.
"Hey, brother," his face fell when he noticed Ed's worried face, "…is everything alright?" Winry looked up at Ed now too. Ed tried to smile. He couldn't pull it off as sincerely as he had hoped he could, though – he knew nothing would fool his little brother, anyway. Ed sat down next to them. Alphonse sat up to pay more attention to his brother.
"I actually…ah…have a bit of a serious confession to….to make. …so…" Ed hesitated, wondering what he was thinking telling them.
"Ed?" Al prodded. Winry was quiet, but attentive. 'Doesn't surprise me…she just woke up, after all.' Ed thought. He was uneasy about continuing. His nerves were on high alert, and he all too aware of every uncomfortable stroke of the wind that brushed his bangs across his eyes, and every shadow that passed over him as clouds ambled around in the sky.
"I can trust you two, right?" Ed sought assurance.
"Of course you can." Winry spoke up now. "What happened?"
"Well, nothing happened…I just need to tell you…admit something…something important." Ed said. He pulled his knees up like Winry had hers, in a shielding gesture. 'I could just run now and save myself this embarrassment.' Ed thought. He rocked a bit, took a deep breath and tried say what he had in mind. Unfortunately, he only succeeded in skewering the language.
"Ah thigim gih." He muttered into his knees.
"Umm….what?" Al questioned with a strange look. Winry bit back a giggle. She could tell this was killing Ed, and then some. Ed turned his face, he wasn't talking into his knees anymore, but I wasn't looking directly at Alphonse and Winry either.
"I think I'm…I mean…" He tried articulated each word carefully, "I am…I'm g-ick." He chocked on the last word. He felt like crying. Al was on his knees crawling towards Ed now. "I like guys…I mean…like really like, like." Edward managed to sputter. He now buried his head in his knees and covered the top of his head with his hands. 'Just leave…please.' He thought. Al had stopped dead. Winry had an astonished expression on her face.
"You mean you're…gay?" She asked. Ed hummed an affirmative into his knees. Winry made an "oh" face and looked at the ground beside her. Ed felt a warm hand on his forearm. Alphonse had managed to shake his stupor and was sitting beside his brother embracing him protectively. Ed lowered his arms and peeked out over his legs meekly. Alphonse had a strange smile on his face but sitting by him made Edward feel more comfortable, so he leaned into the hug gratefully.
"I can't say that I ever expected this from you, brother. But," Alphonse sighed, "I'll be damned if I'm not going to accept my own flesh and blood brother." Alphonse looked over at Winry. She sighed and nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, I suppose he's right, Ed." Winry looked at him. "It will take some getting used to, though." She stood up and stretched. "Well, I have to do some work today…so, I'll see you too later." Winry turned around and started walking home. Ed watched her walk away warily and snuggled closer to Al. Alphonse tightened his grip.
"It'll be alright, I promise. I promise she loves you Edward." Alphonse consoled him. Edward decided to trust his judgment. He had, after all, spent the last two years getting to know Winry better than Ed ever hoped to while he was trapped beyond the gate. They were all grown now. Edward was 19, as was Winry. Alphonse was technically 17. Edward and Alphonse sat there together for sometime afterwards. Neither one of them felt the need to talk. Edward felt comfortable like this, and Alphonse was preparing himself to try and talk to Winry. Edward hadn't known her infatuation with him.
((Flashback))
He didn't know if either of them had told Pinako, but hoped they had – he couldn't tell her himself. She was kind and understanding, but still held some old-fashioned morals. He wasn't sure if Mustang held the same. 'What if he shuns me?' Edward thought.
Suddenly feeling weak-kneed, Ed collapsed into a chair close to the fireplace. A few people turned to look at him, and gave him odd looks, thinking things like 'Such a dramatic kid.' and 'He always overdoes it.' Edward paid no mind. He was too busy trying to work up his courage like he had been at the bridge earlier. Ed sighed and looked out the window to see the sun had set. Everything that had felt calm and hour ago now felt foreboding and threatening. The wind had picked up and was whipping at the windows, making them quake. All in all, the mood had dropped significantly.
Edward massaged his temples and took deep, soothing breaths. 'It will be fine.' Ed told himself. 'Roy's a mature man. He'll understand. He understood when Al and I tried our human transmutation, he'll understand this. He has to. Al promised he would.' Ed sighed. He wished Al had come here with him, to give him moral support, but Alphonse had stayed back in Resembool.
"I'll stay here, and if anything goes wrong, you can come back." Alphonse had told him. "Don't worry though, nothing will go wrong." Al had promised. Edward sat up and took one last deep breath. He stood up and began climbing the stairs towards the offices of the higher-ups. He knew Mustang would be there. He had been laden with paperwork recently, keeping him at his desk past-hours much more often.
Edward stopped at a dark, solid oak door. There was a handsome brass label one-quarter from the top of the door. 'Brigadier General Roy Mustang' it said. Ed took in and held his breath. He knocked at the door and waited for the answer.
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A/N: Ah! Cliffhanger! I hope you like this so far; it's my first FMA fanfic. I appreciate any criticism you can offer…so, please leave a comment.