Sorry I haven't updated in so long- I've had my costume to work on…and believe me, armor is HARD to make. (Oh, did I tell you guys that I'm dressing up like Zuko for Halloween? YAY!) Well, anyway, for this particular chappie, the host is going to check up on the guys more than twice- you'll see why. And, uh, Zhao's not in this one…he's taking a vacation…probably to some torture camp or somethin'…ya know, to learn more ways to humiliate Zuko…
Oh, I found this little quote on the internet: "A 4,000-year-old bowl of noodles has been discovered at an archaeological site in western China…"- remind you of anyone…?
More good news: I'm almost done with my Avatar website! Yippee! You guys can check it out once it's done- I need to know if there are mistakes, etc. or if you got any more ideas.
TV's What If?
Host: Hi again, everyone! Today, on What If, our question is…" (opens up envelope) "'…What would happen if the cast of Avatar was sent to school for a day?' Well, let's get to a school and find out!"
Five minutes later…
Host: (standing in front of school) "OK, here we are! Bob? Can you get the supplies?"
(cart full of backpacks is wheeled into view)
Host: "OK! Every one of you!" (indicated Avatar characters) "Each one of you is going to get a backpack, filled with all the things you'll need for a normal day of school. Got it?"
(everyone nods)
Host: Now, you're all going to get schedules, telling you what classes you have and at what times. You are to follow these lists at all costs, and NO fooling around WHATESOEVER. Understood?"
(everyone nods again)
Host: "OK, everyone get a backpack."
(everyone grabs a bag and steps back)
Sokka: (slouching under weight of pack) "Oh, this is heavy! What's in this thing anyway?"
Host: "OK! Off to your classes!"
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Aang: (walking to biology class while looking in backpack) "Let's see…pencils…notebook….ooh, a cheese doodle!"
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Katara: (sitting down in English class next to a "geek")
Geek: (moves toward her and adjusts glasses) "Hiya, toots. Name's Melvin. So, wanna sit on Daddy's lap?"
Katara: (looking VERY disturbed) "………uhhhh…."
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Sokka: (sitting in middle of a different English class, looking in backpack) "Let's see what's in here…" (pulls out five math text books) "…" (looks back at schedule, confused) "Wait a sec! I don't even have math!"
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Zuko: (looking around, walking down hall, bumps into plump girl) "Hey, watch where you're going!"
Girl: (reaches up and swishes his ponytail) "Well, hi there, cutie."
Zuko: (backing away slowly) "Uhhhh…." (runs, glancing at schedule, which says "Math", then looks in backpack: no math book) "Oh, great…"
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Iroh: (waddling to class) "I am hungry!" (looks in backpack) "I wonder if there are any noodles stashed in here…"
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Ozai: (walking around in a straitjacket, straining on leash that the men in "white coats" are holding) "Hehehehe…school…full of children…unsuspecting children…"
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Iroh: (strolling around in the hallway, waiting for his first history class to begin) "Hmm hm hmm…" (sees Jun and waves frantically) "Hi, Jun!"
Jun: (groans) "Oh no. It's Uncle Happy…"
Iroh: (still waving) "Jun! Oh, Juunnnnnn!"
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Lieutenant Gi: (sitting down in a chair in Spanish class)
Teacher: "Buenos dias, clase."
Class: "Buenos dias, Sra. Torres Dias."
Teacher: (sees Gi sitting the corner) "Ahhhhh, eres un estudiante nuevo?"
Gi: (wearing a very befuddled expression) "Huh?"
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Host: "Well, now that everyone is settled into their first period class, we can go and come back in about 45 minutes, when the class is over. See all of you then!"
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45 minutes later…
Host: "OK, we're back! Let's see how everyone is doing in their class."
(set peers into classroom doorway)
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Aang: (standing up at the board, talking about Appa and drawing a picture of him with likeness (you can actually tell that it's Appa he's drawing)) "…and here are his horns…and here is his arrow…"
(everyone is shaking their heads, unbelieving)
One kid: (excited, believing everything Aang's saying) "Oh my gosh! Really?"
Aang: "Yeah, of course!"
Another kid: "Puh! Yeah right! He's lying- there's no such thing as a ten-ton flying monster."
Aang: (under his breath, narrowed eyes looking at the corner of the room) "Yeah, that's what Sokka thought…"
The unbelieving kid: "You are SUCH a liar! Those things aren't even real!"
(Just then Appa pokes his enormous head through the classroom window)
The unbelieving kid: (jumps up from his seat, terrified) "AAAHHHHHH! IT'S REALLLL!"
The first kid: "Hah! IT'S REAL!"
Aang: (grinning) "Told ya so…"
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Katara: (edging slowly away from geek as he tries to put moves on her)
Geek: (licking lips and making smooching faces) "Come to Papa, babe..."
Katara: (horrified) "Ughh...you creep..."
Geek: (lifts eyebrows) "Grrrrowlll...bebe..."
Katara: "SOKKA! HELP!"
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Sokka: (slouching in seat away from teacher)
Teacher: (stalking around classroom, peering over horn-rimmed glasses, sees Sokka hiding in his chair) "You there!"
Sokka: (pulls himself as low as possible)
Teacher: (sees his pile of unneeded math books and nothing else) "You bad little boy! Not prepared for class? Off to the principal's office with you!"
Sokka: "…principal's office?"
Rest of class: "Ooooooooh…"
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Math teacher: "…well, then , since you don't have your math book, you can share with the girl sitting next to you."
Zuko: (looks over his shoulder) "Oh no…"
Plumpy girl: (giggles and waves fingers) "Hi there, ponytail. Eee hee!"
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Teacher in history class: "…and then as a result of this, King Hammarabi created-" (is interrupted by the sound of someone gurgling in their sleep)
Iroh: (snoring loudly)
Teacher: (taps foot) "Ahemmmm…"
Iroh: (wakes up) "Oh, uh…oops…"
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Ozai: (looking around evilly)
White-coated guy to other guy: "How are we gonna restrain him if he gets out of control again?"
Other guy: (smiles and holds up leash) "Don't worry- I got an electric collar this time."
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Jun: (slouches in seat as Iroh waves over at her from across the room) "I swear…"
Iroh: (still making himself known) "Hi there, Jun? How is class going so far?"
Jun: (mumbling bad-temperedly under breath) "It'd sure be a lot better if your flaming, limp, corpulent body was hanging from a rope on the flagpole outside…"
Iroh: (looks confused because he can't hear what she said, so just goes along with her) "Uh…right, Jun! I think that, too!"
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Host: "So, everything looks good so far, and uh, we'll be back at the end of the day to see where everything's gone. So see you then!"
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A few hours later…
Host: (swiveling finger in ear, pulling it out and looking at what's stuck on the tip of it) "Wow…never knew how much junk was jammed in there…" (sees that camera's on and immediately stops fooling around) "Oh, uh, hi! And we're back on What If! So, time to see how our characters are doing…"
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Aang: (sitting in front of class, watching intently as the language teacher deciphers classical Chinese)
Teacher: "…and see this? This particular mark indicates that this is a verb…"
Aang: (stands up) "Actually, it says that this is a 'present' verb, and not one in the past…"
Teacher: (curious) "You read Chinese?"
Aang: "Well, yeah, of course. What other writing system is there?"
Teacher: (realizes what he's saying) "Wait a second…" (writes CAT on the board) "Can you read this?"
Aang: (looking at word in a queer way) "Uhhhhhhh…did I mention that I'm a new student?"
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Katara: (pleased that "Melvin" isn't in her gym class)
(Fat guy with pimples and B.O. waddles up)
Pimple Boy: (also licking lips) "So this is the babe Melvin was talking about..."
Sokka: (once again hiding in chair after getting back from principal's office)
Teacher: (sees that he's not prepared) "Where are your books, young man?"
Sokka: (desperately looking for an excuse) "Uhhh, I left them at home?"
Teacher: (furiously) "Go to the principal's office!"
Sokka: (head collapses onto desk) "Not again…"
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Zuko: (sitting in English class, plumpy girl sitting alongside, babbling on about the most frivolous things…)
Plumpy Girl: (twirls hair and flits eyelashes) "…so my friends were like, "Yeah", and I was like, "Yeah"…and then they were like, "Totally…" "
Zuko: (slaps self in face and groans)
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Iroh: (standing up at board, giving lecture on Chinese proverbs, teacher watching, impressed) "…The crafty rabbit has three different entrances to its lair…this means that…"
Zuko: (repeatedly bangs head against desktop)
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Ozai: (leans over and attempts to fry the person sitting next to him with hands wrapped within the depths of his straitjacket)
Guy in white coat: (zaps him with electric collar)
Ozai: (getting electrocuted) "Zzzzzzzzzzzz!"
Guy: "Don't try that again. Got it?"
Ozai: (tries again ) (electricity) "ZZZZZZZZZZ!"
Guy: "I said, got it?"
Ozai: (leans over for another attempt) (electricity) "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" (static makes hair stand up, charges still pulsing through body) "Zzzz!……..Zzz!…..Zzzzz!..."
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Jun: (pulling herself down as much as possible as Iroh looks around the room for a volunteer)
Iroh: (sees Jun, grins) "Ah, Jun! Please come up to the front of the classroom so I can explain this proverb…'the man who continues to try and call the rain shall have the rain come and fertilize his fields…' this is what they mean; the one who continues to try will eventually succeed…for example…" (leans over and tries to hug Jun)
Jun: (becomes officially freaked out and pushes him away forcefully)
Iroh: "The proverb says that one who tries will some day get his way…" (grins slyly)
Jun: (looks positively horrified)
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Teacher: (looking around class, picks on Gi) "Como estas?
Gi: (quickly flips through pages of English-Spanish, vice-versa dictionary) "Uhhh…yo estoy…muy…uh…bueno!"
Teacher: "iFabuloso! iQue un estudiante excelente!"
Gi: (looking very pleased with himself) "Gracias…"
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Host: "Well, that's all for today! We've had a great show, and as long as that doesn't get loose…" (glances at the crazed Ozai, who's desperately trying to claw at one of the passing children) "…we'll be all set. So, I hope you enjoyed this recent episode of What If! Good-bye, everybody!"
Ugh. Major writer's block. Seriously got problems with that. In the middle of the chapter, I totally bugged out and couldn't finish. Thankfully, my dreaded army of Plot Bunnies got to me, and I was able to finish. (The furbies, the lawn gnomes, Bob the Potato, the plot bunnies…I really DO have a lot of evil minions, don't I?) So I got to end the chappie, and all is well. (Hail the Plot Bunnies!)
Big thanx goes out to:
1)Luna45 for her superb idea about mathbooks...
2)Kiki3 and Zukoscute2 for the wonderful idea about sending them off to school!
If I forgot anyone, I'm super sorry; just tell me who and what I missed... (sorry, guys, I am SUPER tired.)
OK. For anyone who doesn't speak Spanish, here is the translation:
Buenos dias: good morning. Clase: class Eres un estudiante nuevo: Are you a new student? Como estas: How are you?Estoy muy bueno: I am very good. Fabuloso: Fabulous! (yeah, it's a cognate) Que un estudiante excelente: What an excellent student!
And just a heads-up for all you Avatar-crazed fans (myself included), new eppie on Friday! Whoo!