Heroes

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Chapter Six

Crutch

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Jacob Nash liked to think that, once upon a time, he'd been a pretty average guy and that his life had once recently gone completely out of control. His father hadn't always been a bastard and his mother hadn't always been sick and he hadn't always been terrified to leave the tiny basement he'd called home since his father had gotten rid of him a year ago.

He'd had friends and a loving family and he'd been on the basketball team and captain of the fucking soccer team. He'd had a pretty girlfriend and, after a serious re-evaluation of his life, a handsome boyfriend. He'd thought he was fearless and that nothing could possibly ever fuck up his life because…because he was normal. Blond hair, greenish-eyes, two parents, and a dog. He'd shopped at the GAP.

He had been tragically all-American.

Except for the gay thing and that was easily overlooked in the grand scheme of everything he'd 'been' and stood for. He'd been sixteen for all of a week, had his own car much to his mother's annoyance, and life had been so perfect it hurt to even think about.

And in one instant it'd just…been over. He and his idiot friends had been playing a game, in honor of the end of the year, a scavenger hunt of sorts. It had found him at the dock, looking for an anchor to toss into the back of his jeep before racing back to the field and winning the game.

There had been some kind of explosion and a strange gas had come rolling over the docks, chasing dozens of teenagers who were scrambling to get away. He'd run as well and he had thought he'd escaped it, being at the head of the pack…

But he hadn't.

He'd had a nightmare for the first time in over ten years that night and just about every night sense. He'd thought himself to be fearless and now fear was all that he knew. He saw horrible images dancing along the back of his eyelids and when his emotions went out of control he could bring the images to life and make them…real.

He hadn't fully understood it until the fire. He'd attempted to cook, because his mother was too tired to even get out of bed. She had been more or less labeled a lost cause, far too gone for chemotherapy to do anything except prolong the inevitable, thanks to a mixture of late diagnosis and really crappy insurance, and she hadn't wanted that. It had hurt her to…to live and it had hurt him to look at her, because all he could see when he looked at her was death.

It wasn't that he couldn't cook, it was about the only definable skill he had beyond being able to kick a ball into a net, he'd just been distracted that day. A dishtowel had caught fire and he'd…seen it catching to curtains and then the cabinets and then engulfing the kitchen and the living room and the house and the neighbors house and…it had just been so completely out of control.

He and his mother had gotten out, barely, and watched as half of the block turned to ash and rubble. The police department couldn't find a reason for it, a simple dishtowel fire shouldn't have gotten so out of control or been so impossible to fight but…it had been.

Because of him. He'd know it was his fault from the moment the kitchen went up and nothing could have convinced him of otherwise. Especially after the news about the Bang Babies became known. He was one of them only he didn't have a cool power like controlling fire or electricity or shadows, he destroyed things with a touch of a thought and turned them to dust.

Everything he looked at was breakable and he knew just the button to push to bring them crashing to the ground and he could see how they would fracture and shatter before he even made it happen. He'd envisioned his own death a thousand times before and each time seemed more horrible than the last until finally…they didn't mean anything.

He cut himself off from the pain and the horror and just hid himself away and hoped for the end of the world. His mother had ordered his father to make him see a doctor, a specialist in Metropolis who dealt with 'abnormalities' like his. He'd had a million and one tests run, until the money ran out and he came back to Dakota unchanged.

His father has apparently gotten some understanding of his power and decided his mother's cancer was his fault. He'd seen it, seen her die in his head, and now it was happening and he hadn't been able to argue. Who the hell knew what he did and didn't do?

Things had changed then. He couldn't play sports, too many ways to be hurt or killed, couldn't drive or ride the bus or even really walk to school anymore because so much could go wrong. He didn't even answer the phone for fear that he'd be electrocuted, no matter how unlikely it seemed.

He couldn't…do anything except sit in his room and stay perfectly still because moving could mean death. Living meant death and he was too afraid to live. He could only block out the fear and just…exist if he didn't move and so he did his best to just be there but not really there.

It had only lasted until his father threw him out. After that he'd been exposed, vulnerable and out in the open where anything could attack him or kill him and death lurked behind every corner. And not just his death, because maybe he could have lived with that, but the deaths of others. He saw them die in is head and ran away before he could make it happen or even think about stopping it from happening.

Sometimes he wanted to split open his own head and pull out his brain just to stop the screaming that bounced around inside of his skull.

Sometimes he helped people, like he'd done with Virgil, but he couldn't help but think that he was the reason those situations happened to begin with. He just…his mother had been a big believer in things always happening for a reason and he didn't want to just…let go of something that maybe he could use to help someone.

Richie said he could help him and Jacob didn't know what else he could do except…accept his help. Anything had to be better than being afraid of people and himself and every damn thing else in the world. He hated feeling like that. It wasn't him…he'd never been that way before and he felt so…outside of his own body sometimes.

He was willing to do anything. Except maybe he should have thought that one through a little bit better.

Jacob's eyes darted from Batman to the Martian back to Batman. He'd indicated to Richie that he'd be fine without him or Virgil around, but he was about ready to throw up from nervousness. Aliens and major hero guys weren't exactly his everyday fare. Static and Gear were one thing, but Batman…

Shit. The fucking Justice League.

Batman was staring at him and Jacob couldn't help but feel like the man could see right through him and knew every little mistake he'd ever made.

Oh yes. He was going to be sick.

"Try to calm down." The Martian said, voice surprising soothing. It was calm, even, and seemed to seep into his mind, covering it in a warm blanket and soothing away his unease. He let out a breath then nodded slowly.

"'M fine." Strangely enough he meant it.

"I'm J'onn and I am, among other things, telepathic. Batman has suggested that because of this I may of use to you, concerning the use of your abilities."

Jacob tilted his head off to the side. "Help me what with them? I don't want them gone, if that's what you're offering." He couldn't just…give them up without trying to use them for something resembling good. He had always been told things happened for a reason, no matter how bad they seemed, and he wasn't going to give up without at least trying to discern it.

"If my understanding it correct, your mind is always on. Even here your primary emotion was fear. You live in a constant state of fear of everything."

He nodded. From the sickening thought of having his atoms scattered all around the galaxy to the dozens of ways a window could crack or something could knock them out of their orbit or power could go out…it seemed like this place was more of a death trap than anything else.

Though, logically, he knew it was fairly safe…but to him nothing was ever really safe.

"I had to learn to control my telepathy around humans and I think I might be able to use my experience to help you learn to suppress your abilities or at least filter to a certain degree."

Jacob blinked, heart skipping a beat. "Umm. What? I mean…you…what?"

While Richie had promised to help him with his power he hadn't excepted anything to happen so fast or to be offered help from someone like this. He'd figured he'd wade his through it and hope that maybe he'd see some kind of results eventually. This seemed like the promise of something…more.

J'onn's lips curved slightly. "You're surprised."

Jacob knew he was blushing, "I didn't think…you don't even know me. Why would you want to help me?" His faith in humanity wasn't…impressive, to say the absolute least of the matter.

"We make it our business to be aware of all young people with extra-human abilities. If Static and Gear hadn't encountered you we would have intervened soon." As J'onn spoke his gaze flickered over towards Batman who just nodded slightly, apparently agreeing.

He was suddenly acutely aware of how creepy the idea of being watched constantly without knowing it really was. But, in a general sense, he understood. After something like the Big Bang happened there could be dozens of super powered people running around and if someone didn't try to keep them under control some serious hell could, and probably would, break loose.

That aside, he was being offered some serious help with his power. If he could repress, or even kind of filter some of the things in his head out, he could stop accidentally destroying things and throwing everything around him into disorder every time he got upset or nervous or stressed…

Lots of things really. Emotions tended to be dangerous things when he felt them and led to very nasty things for those unlucky enough to encounter him.

"What do I need to do?"

J'onn stared at him for a moment, eyes serious, before speaking. "You must understand that this will not be an easy endeavor. It will take time and work and it will often be far from pleasant. In order to achieve a kind of balance you must learn to center yourself, which may be…difficult ."

"That's fine." He felt something that may have been excitement in the pit of his stomach but it was hard to really say. He hadn't felt anything but afraid and anxious in a very long time and things outside of those two emotions were…different.

He was graced with another small smile before J'onn glanced over at Batman, who was still hovering to the side silently. To say he was intimidating would have been the understatement of a lifetime. Jacob's stomach churned nervously.

"I was able to find information about your mother. She never married Jeffery Nash and she was born in New York, not Nebraska which may have been the reason Richie was having trouble locating her." His voice was a carefully maintained deadpan but that didn't stop Jacob from picking up on the underlying tone. "I'm sorry to say that she died during this past winter and Nash left the state. I didn't bother trying to track him down."

Jacob nodded a little absently at that. It wasn't like he cared much where his father had cone off to.

There was a distant sort of hurt, muffled as if it were wrapped in cotton and stored far away from his mind. He could acknowledge that it didn't feel right like this and that he was becoming detached but he couldn't let it bother him. He could not lose control.

It wasn't like he hadn't expected this. She'd been sick, very sick, for a while and it was better this way because at least she wasn't hurting anymore. And if he kept thinking like that he might actually begin to believe it.

Either way he couldn't afford to feel it.

"Okay." He tugged at the hem of Richie's sweatshirt, fingers seeking and finding a loose thread which he began to tug at anxiously. He was okay, this was okay, he could handle this, and he would not freak out. He couldn't freak out.

Only the more he thought about it the more it hurt. The cotton shield was falling apart and leaks were springing and that brought to mind the image of a dam shattering and oddly enough that wasn't actually helping him out any.

The lights went out and, much against his will, he screamed and all but fell from his chair. He didn't like the dark, even thought he knew it was wussy and kind of pathetic but he just…hated the dark. Not seeing anything meant all things were possible and that he couldn't escape because he couldn't see anything. You could die in and dark and never know why. He didn't care that it was a childish fear and that he should have gotten over it years ago but…

Blackness. He didn't like it. There were really things lurking under the cover of darkness that went bump in the night and wanted to destroy because…because there was more than just dark. It was like it was alive and

"Power failure." Batman sounded almost bewildered. "Computers are own. Something drained the entire Tower and the backup systems."

Jacob's throat contracted and he realized dazedly that he couldn't breath anymore. The blackness was moving in to crush him, pressing all around him and against his skin and suffocating him like a too thick blanket.

No power. No power meant no air or heat or gravity. They could get caught in by the planet's gravity and plummet to the earth. This place was so big, like a small city, and it landed in a populated area they could kill thousands of people.

His heart was thudding in his chest so loudly he could hear it in his ears, like an out of control drum beat turned all the way up.

More than thousands even, depending on how densely populated the area was, the area of impact, ensuing explosion, and the panic of the people around the impact. He could imagine the screaming hear it…no, he could feel it. Fires and falling concrete and metal and blood and screams

"Jacob."

He winced and curled in on himself, trying to block out the voices and the screaming. Too much, it was too much. Too many people all at once. Dying, everyone was dying.

"-a panic attack."

From no where the soothing presence from earlier was back and the images in his brain faded and slipped through the cracks of his mind like so much sand. He blinked, darkness vanishing because the lights were back and he could see J'onn standing over him. He was shaking all over and sweating and

Really tired all of a sudden. He closed his eyes and there was darkness.

Jacob really didn't like to sleep.

Nightmares came when he slept.

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Virgil didn't remember passing out but he defiantly remembered waking up to hear someone screaming. Only by the time his brain had caught up with his body the screaming had stopped and he was looking over to see Richie standing next to Jacob, who was sitting on a cot and staring straight ahead while breathing deeply.

For a moment Virgil was confused then his eyes darted down to Richie's hand, which was grasping Jacob's loosely.

Then he was even more confused…and a little annoyed.

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Mechante: I do have a few stories floating about don't I… I try to keep busy. And yes, Blair is rather 'epicurean' (a conclusion I reached after looking it up) and the name does…apply. I'll have to think it over some more I guess. We shall see… And no, I'm afraid I'm not a super brain. At times though, I wish I was. Life would be easier.

Cherre: It was supposed to tweak you, so don't trouble yourself over it. It just means I'm doing everything right…

Moonjava: Well, I'm certainly glad that you like it.

Kari: I'm glad you like Jacob; I worry about that at times. Original Characters are tricky things to get into… And you're right, it'd be one thing if Richie was just bi-polar (they have treatment for that) but the fact it may be Bang Gas induced is a different matter entirely. Then again that idea could just be in his head. We figure out some more about Virgil's little spark show…eventually. This chapter was a trip through the caverns of Jacob's mind.

Richie I Love You: Richie is probably going a little crazy, but not in a bad way exactly. But I'm inclined to agree as far as being involved with Jacob goes: It's not going to make any of them feel any better on any level. Neither one needs someone who is going to break and at the moment both are extremely cracked and thisclose to shattering.

Josie: Well, we saw more of Jacob in this chapter. The thing about original characters is that some people give you everything in the first few paragraphs and thus the character is…2-D. I don't want to do that so I lay initial personality traits and then develop him the same way I will Richie and Virgil. It just…takes too damn long. Ugh. I'm glad I got Richie across well to everyone. It was a hard chapter, I've never been really depressed myself so I was worried I'd screw it up…

Also: Thanks to Blood Mistress and Blood Demons.