Rating: M/Very Strong R

Warnings: Slash; Contains Padme/Anakin scenes.

Chapter Three

"Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts."
-Author Unknown

Anakin leaned forward and rested his forehead against the duratile. He knew he needed to get into the shower, but he just didn't have the energy to move.

He could sense Padmé coming toward the door before she knocked softly. "Anakin? Are you all right?" He could tell she was trying to give him some privacy even though she was worried. "You're not in pain are you?"

He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the floor of the refresher. "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"My head just hurts a little, but I'll be right out." He heard the swish of her robes as she turned and walked away.

He turned around and pressed his back into the tile, lowering his head to his hands. What the fuck was he going to do?

Padmé was pregnant.

He had been back on the ground for only a few minutes when she told him. He had swallowed hard and tried to keep the look of horror from materializing on his face. To his credit, he had managed to stammer something about this being the happiest day of his life.

He had taken her into his arms and stared blankly toward the empty landing pad where Obi-Wan's transport had been only moments before.

She had looked so hopeful when she told him the news—he had to say something—he had to make it okay for her. But all he could see was his Master drifting further away from him. He could think of nothing more to say after that, and she mistook his distress on the way back to the apartment as shock and excitement over the news.

When he'd told her that he wanted to clean up—alone—before they spent any time together, he could see the hurt in her expression. He knew she must have wondered what kind of man says he wants to shower alone when he's been away from his wife for five months. The kind of man who is in love with someone else.

Then the hurt turned into concern as she mused that he was in shock from the trauma of landing Grievous's ship. She decided to placate him, and she took him by the hand, led him to the refresher, and closed the door behind her.

He stretched his legs out while remembering the look on her face, but still made no move to get into the shower.

He wasn't going to leave her now—he was going to stay, and be a father to his child. He could hear his mother's voice, "Good people don't leave their children behind, Anakin." But he wasn't a good person. Hadn't he just killed Dooku earlier that day even though he knew it was wrong?

He tried to envision himself holding their baby, but the only image he could get was the rounded curve of Padmé's belly.

His eyes began to water. He turned sideways and slid down the wall until his head rested on the floor.

Just a little more than a standard hour ago, he had thought everything was right in his world for once. He landed the ship, Obi-Wan was safe, and the Chancellor had been rescued. Anakin smiled just a little and wiped a few tears away as he remembered the ride back.

Once they were on the transport headed toward the Senate building, he steeled himself to see Padmé. He still didn't know how he was going to tell her that he was leaving, but he figured he would work up to it gradually. All he could think of was getting back to the rooms he shared with Obi-Wan, and getting into bed with him.

He and his Master sat side by side in the transport. Anakin fanned his robe out around him, and inched his hand across the seat until it connected with Obi-Wan's. He threaded his fingers through his Master's, glancing down at his robe to make sure that no one would notice. Obi-Wan continued to stare straight ahead, but a tiny smile showed on his lips.

Anakin began to rub the inside of Obi-Wan's palm with his fingers and grinned when his Master blinked and shifted on his seat.

Obi-Wan cut his eyes toward Anakin, and he thought his leggings would split open from the strength of his arousal when he saw his Master mouth the word "soon."

And then everything fell apart.

"Ani, something wonderful has happened."

He needed to talk to Obi-Wan, but he couldn't go to the Temple now. Padmé had been alone for five months—pregnant—while he had been stealing glances at his Master. Oh Master, what am I going to do? I need you.

He heard another knock on the door, sharper this time than before. "Anakin! Are you sure you are all right? You could have a head injury and not be aware of it."

"I'm coming." He wiped the tears from his face and opened the door.

Padmé stared up at him with a puzzled look. "You said you came in here to shower—but you still have all your clothes on." She reached up and rubbed his forehead. "Something's wrong with you. Maybe I should take you to the Temple to see a Healer."

"No, I just…lost track of time." He forced a smile. "I'm sorry."

"Well let's get you clean then."

His chest tightened as he recalled the shower he had shared with Obi-Wan just last night.

He allowed her to tug his tunic and leggings off and he let her push him into the shower as if he were a child.

It was convenient that she thought the strain of landing the Invisible Hand had addled him—because he could no longer think straight.

She was efficient as she poured soap over his body—there was nothing sexual in her touch. But then she had never cherished his body in three years the way Obi-Wan had in one night.

She tugged on his shoulders. "Bend down."

He bowed his head as she dumped soap into his curls. His eyes burned as he remembered the way Obi-Wan's hair felt against his fingertips. Would he ever get to wash his Master's hair again?

Padmé finished rubbing the soap into his hair and moved on to wash his back. "How is the Chancellor? I forgot to ask you earlier—I was just so relieved to see you home safely."

Anakin frowned. "He's fine." She had no way of knowing, but Palpatine was another subject that he'd prefer not to discuss. He cared about the Chancellor—he was more than a mentor, he had been like a family member to Anakin. For years, Anakin had defended him when Obi-Wan spoke ill of him.

But that perception had shifted today.

When Anakin had knelt beside Obi-Wan's unmoving body, his heart raced. He struggled to breathe, to remind himself that Obi-Wan would be fine. Then Palpatine had told him to leave Obi-Wan, not once, but twice. And the Chancellor knew how Anakin felt about his former Master.

Palpatine came to walk beside Anakin as they headed toward the Senate transport.

Glancing around to make sure Obi-Wan couldn't hear him, Anakin spoke to the Chancellor in a low voice. "Why did you want me to leave Obi-Wan?"

"Oh, is that still troubling you, my boy?" Palpatine put his hand on Anakin's back affectionately. "I only said that because I was afraid his rescue would slow us down."

Having no desire to make a scene with his Master so near, Anakin smiled at Palpatine and repeated something he figured a Jedi should say. "I understand, Chancellor. The good of the Republic must come first."

But Anakin had been seething inside. Palpatine thought he was more important than Obi-Wan. He was most definitely i not /i more important.

Not to the Republic, not to the galaxy, and not to Anakin, who was the one saving all of their lives. Anakin knew that Obi-Wan would argue this point with him if he were to ever find out what Anakin thought, but that didn't matter.

Obi-Wan was a General and a Master on the Jedi Council. And Palpatine had wanted him to abandon him as if he were a wounded animal.

It stung. He had to wonder what kind of person Palpatine was that he could determine Obi-Wan's fate so casually. Anakin tried to talk himself out of it, but it was no use. Who did Palpatine think he was, to tell Anakin not to save his Master? He might be the Supreme Chancellor, but Anakin was a Jedi, the Chosen One, and he would never for any reason, leave his Master to die.

He rubbed his temples—he didn't want to think about it any longer.

Padmé adjusted the shower stream. "All finished." She turned him around to rinse off the rest of the soap.

He looked down sadly. She had soaped up his entire body and he had barely gotten hard.

As she turned off the water and picked up a towel, he stared down. He let his fingertips skim the edge of his partial erection as he remembered his Master's hand covering his, sliding up and down his shaft. "It's…beautiful…when you do that."

He jerked his hand away from himself, now completely hard, as Padmé wrapped a towel around his waist. She smiled at him when she saw his erection, giving him a little grin. It was supposed to be a promise of what was to come, but it filled him with dread.

She gave him a little nudge toward the door. "Let's get you into bed."

He nodded and began walking toward their bedroom. "I'm sorry I'm so distracted."

She patted his back as she followed him through the hallway. "I'm just glad you're safe."

He could not make love to her.

But if he stayed with her, he would have to eventually…after the baby was born.

When they reached the bedroom, he turned to face her and brushed a damp curl from her cheek. "I'm afraid I'll hurt the baby. I don't think I can do it. "

"I understand—I read that was a common reaction." She slipped her fingers under the fold of the towel. "We can do other things."

Anakin pressed his hand over hers, preventing her from pulling the towel off of his waist. "You don't have to do that, Padmé."

"I know, but I want to." She pried his hand away, and after a quick tug, the towel fell to the floor. "For you."

He tried pushing her shoulders back gently, but she was determined. "You've been gone so long, Anakin. Let me help you."

He sighed and closed his eyes as she maneuvered him to the edge of the bed.

He lay back and let her take him into her mouth. Her lips felt good around him, and it was easy to imagine that it was Obi-Wan's tongue licking him. Oh gods, he was a horrible person—he was going to let his pregnant wife suck his cock while he fantasized about someone else.

After he came, she picked the towel up off the floor and wiped her mouth.

He rolled over and grabbed her wrist. "We need to take care of you."

She shook her head as she scooted closer to him. "Actually, I'm fine for now. I just want to be with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, Anakin. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, angel." He kissed the top of her head. He wasn't lying—he had missed her, and he wished desperately that he hadn't gotten himself into this situation by creating a child with his wife and then falling in love with his Master.

He needed to see Obi-Wan—soon. He didn't know how much longer he could survive without knowing where he stood with his Master, now that he was going to stay married.

"Padmé, I have to go back to the Temple." He was definitely a person of the worst sort, and deserved to die a thousand times over for what he was doing, and for what he planned to continue to do—if Obi-Wan would have him.

She looked up at him and frowned. "But I cleared my schedule for the afternoon—I was hoping to have you all to myself."

"I can stay until the evening, but then I'll need to go back for the night." He wrapped his arms around her, and sighed when her felt the firm swell of her stomach press against his skin. "After I've been back for a few days I can slip away more often."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

After relaxing with Padmé for several hours, Anakin finally managed to escape from her apartment and return to his room at the Temple. When he saw that his Master wasn't there, Anakin collapsed onto the couch in the living area and put his head in his hands.

What was he going to do if his Master told him they couldn't be together? He knew Obi-Wan would say that it wasn't right—that Anakin couldn't be with both of them. And Anakin agreed with him—it wasn't right, but he didn't care. Now that he had finally touched Obi-Wan, held him, and almost made love to him, he couldn't give that up.

But he couldn't—wouldn't abandon his child.

Obi-Wan was going to turn him away—he could feel it. Anakin didn't blame him—his Master didn't deserve to be second to Anakin's other obligations.

His throat began to burn. "Not again, he groaned as the tears formed in his eyes—he'd already cried in the refresher at Padmé's apartment. But he had held back there, and here in his room with Obi-Wan, the place where he felt most comfortable, he let go of his restraint and sobbed.

He cried for the life that he wanted and couldn't have with Obi-Wan, he cried for the wife that he'd never love as much he should, and he cried for the change that his child would bring to his life.

He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn't notice Obi-Wan come into the room.

Obi-Wan knelt in front of him and grasped his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. "Anakin—what's wrong?"

Anakin kept his head down, not noticing the tears that soaked into his pants. "Padmé."

His Master rubbed his hands up and down Anakin's arms. "She didn't take it well?"

Anakin shook his head. "I couldn't tell her."

Obi-Wan's hands stopping moving. "Did you change your mind?"

Anakin's voice trembled. "She's pregnant."

Obi-Wan stepped backward, away from Anakin. "You didn't know?"

"No!" Aankin lifted his head and stared at his Master, whose mouth was open. "I had no idea…"

Obi-Wan forced his mouth closed, but continued to back away from Anakin.

Anakin wasn't going to let him walk away this easily. He jumped up from the couch and grabbed his Master's wrist. "Obi-Wan, please don't hate me."

Obi-Wan swallowed hard and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, Anakin knew he was going to lose his Master. "Anakin, I don't hate you. But—"

Anakin cut him off before he could finish, and pushed Obi-Wan against the wall, wrapping his arms around his Master's waist. "Then don't leave me—I couldn't stand it."

Obi-Wan did not return Anakin's embrace, but let his arms fall to his sides. "Anakin. I…don't know what to say."

Anakin squeezed his Master tighter, willing him to say they could still be together. "Say that it's a problem, but that we'll figure it out."

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin. Let's sit down." He wedged his arms in between them and managed to pry one of Anakin's arms away from him before leading Anakin back to the sofa. "Sit down."

Anakin obeyed, but continued to clutch his Master with one hand. "Master, please." Anakin could hear the desperate pleading in his voice, but he didn't care. He would beg if he had to. "Don't say it."

Obi-Wan pulled Anakin to him and kissed his temple lightly. "Shhh. Calm down for a minute. We're just talking." He ran his fingers under Anakin's hair, up and down the back of his neck. "Padmé is pregnant, and you have decided that you will remain married, is that correct?"

Anakin shivered against his Master, just relieved that the truth had been spoken, and that Obi-Wan was still touching him. That was something at least. "Yes. I am going to stay with her and raise the child."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I agree with your decision."

How could he be so calm? Anakin's heart was breaking and Obi-Wan was being his usual rational self. Anakin leaned away to study his Master, and was shocked to see that Obi-Wan's eyes were red.

Anakin reached up to touch his Master's cheek as a tear slipped out. "What does this mean for us?"

Obi-Wan blinked, and Anakin could tell he was struggling to keep his voice even. "I don't think we should be any more than partners. We cannot be more than that."

Anakin turned away as his tears came faster. "How can you say that—after everything?" Anakin waited, but there was nothing but silence.

He stood up unsteadily and stared down at Obi-Wan. "I love you. I love you and I always will—even if you don't want me."

Anakin knew he wasn't being fair—he knew Obi-Wan was trying to think of all the consequences of their possible relationship, but the rejection was just as painful as if Obi-Wan had said he never wanted to see him again.

The look of anguish on his Master's face didn't comfort Anakin as he stumbled toward his room and flung himself onto the mattress. He curled up on his bed and bit his tongue to keep himself from throwing up.

He heard Obi-Wan come into his room and kneel beside the bed. "Padawan. I—"

Before his Master could finish, Anakin heaved himself off the bed and rushed toward the refresher, barely making it to the basin before vomiting.

Before he could turn the water on to rinse out the sink, Obi-Wan was there, wrapping his arms around Anakin and stroking his hair.

As Obi-Wan handed him a damp cloth to wipe his face, Anakin noticed that his hands were shaking. He bent forward and rested his forehead against the cool duratile of the basin. His breathing calmed as his Master continued to run his hands through Anakin's hair.

Obi-Wan let go of his hair and handed Anakin his toothbrush and paste. "You'll feel better."

Anakin nodded and managed to brush his teeth without vomiting again, while Obi-Wan watched him in silence. When he was finished, Anakin pushed past his Master and lay back down in his bed, pulling the covers up to his chin.

Obi-Wan followed and sat down on the bed. He slipped one hand under the covers and then under Anakin's tunic, just above the waist of his pants. He rubbed Anakin's back while he spoke. "Anakin…I was going to say that I love you too. But—"

Anakin should have been able to celebrate this admission. Obi-Wan had said he loved him, but now he was going to ruin those words by saying they couldn't be together. Anakin choked back a sob. "But what?"

"But this…what we have…it cannot be."

"I knew you would say that." Anakin didn't even feel angry any longer—his voice was barely a whisper as he closed his eyes. "And I know you are driven to do what's right."

"Padawan. You're scaring me. I expected fury, but not this…despair." Obi-Wan shook Anakin's shoulders. "Aren't you going to scream at me?"

Anakin huddled further under the covers. "I can't help it, Master. I feel like I'm losing everything."

Obi-Wan leaned in close to Anakin's face. "Don't pull away from me." He kissed Anakin's cheek softly. "I still need you."

Anakin opened his eyes to stare at Obi-Wan, whose eyes were red and watery again. "If you need me, then please, just this once, make love to me."

Obi-Wan sat up straight with a look of surprise on his face.

"I won't ask you ever again. Please Master."

"Anakin…you have no idea how much I want to say yes."

"Then say it, Master."

"All right." Obi-Wan wiped the escaped tears from his face. "But this has to be the first and last time."

Anakin sighed in relief and yanked Obi-Wan down next to him, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could.

Obi-Wan allowed himself to be enveloped by Anakin. For several minutes they lay together unmoving, until Anakin leaned forward and tasted his Master's lips.

Obi-Wan gave him a wry smile. "I'm glad I had you brush your teeth."

Anakin grinned at his Master through his tears before kissing him again. Anakin opened his mouth to meet Obi-Wan's, and sighed at the warm feel of his Master's tongue running over his bottom lip.

Obi-Wan rolled Anakin onto his back without breaking the kiss. He supported himself with one hand as he began to massage the back of Anakin's neck with the other.

When Anakin brought his hands up to rest on his Master's hips, Obi-Wan pulled away from the kiss and shook his head. "You lie back and relax, and let me take care of everything right now."

"But I want to touch you."

"And you can, but not yet." Obi-Wan stood up. "I'll be right back." He returned quickly with an extra pillow, some body oil, and a towel.

"Sit up." Anakin sat up while Obi-wan placed an extra pillow behind him. "These pillows are so flat—everyone needs two."

Anakin snickered as he lay back against the pillows that Obi-Wan had arranged on the bed. "I don't think the Temple had this in mind when they issued these."

Obi-Wan smiled at him as he took Anakin's hand into his and squeezed it. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better. No matter what happens, I don't ever want to lose you."

Anakin swallowed hard and nodded. "I feel better because I'm with you." Anakin waited for the warning that this was their final time together, but it didn't come. Instead, Obi-Wan crawled on top of Anakin and kissed his forehead first, then his nose, and then his chin.

He smiled as Obi-Wan pulled his tunic off slowly, stopping to run his tongue along Anakin's shoulder. Anakin moaned—he was already rock hard, and the feel of Obi-Wan's lips against his bare skin was making his erection strain against his leggings.

Obi-Wan pulled Anakin's arms from his sleeves, stopping to kiss his the outside of his hands, his palms, and his fingers, both cyber and real.

His Master bent forward and kissed Anakin's chest, working his way down to his stomach before untying the strings on Anakin's leggings.

Anakin though he was going to lose his mind. Lying still like this was not easy for him, but knowing that Obi-Wan was doing this to increase his pleasure made it more bearable.

But when his Master tugged his pants down and gave his erection just the briefest lick, Anakin raised up and grabbed Obi-Wan around the waist with one hand, while attempting to stick his other hand down Obi-Wan's pants.

Obi-Wan laughed, but pulled Anakin's hand away and pushed him back against the mattress. "Anakin, there will be plenty of time for me later. This is your first time with me. I want you to remember it."

"I always remember everything I do with you, Master. And this….how could I ever forget it?"

TBC