Mob loved her little brother Sho.
"Big sis….I had a bad dream."
So of course she'd let him sleep in her bed.
She had been shaken awake in the middle of the night. It was late, her clock said 10:18, which was very late indeed. She could tell time and she could sort of do math. They had gone to bed over two hours ago. That was more than a hundred minutes, which was a very long time indeed, and she was groggy from having been asleep for so long.
But she loved Sho so she didn't mind.
She pulled her blankets to the side and let him lay down. It was dark in their room, they didn't have their nightlight when dad was home, but she could kind of see him. He was red, a little, kind of like dad's color. He had a little bit of color to him, now, but only when he was upset. Like now. He was really upset. He climbed into her bed fast and pulled the blanket up over his head. Mob put her stuffed cat on top of him for protection. It was big and fluffy and could scare away all of the bad things that could get them.
"Don't tell dad." Said Sho, his voice muffled by her blanket. Mob put another stuffed cat on him. Two were better than one. Those cats were brother and sister. Brother cat had a cape because he could fly, he used to be called Super Cat until dad got her Princess Cat. Now they were brother and sister cat.
"I won't tell dad anything." Said Mob. She used her powers to put another stuffed animal on top of them. This time it was Mrs. Unicorn. There had been a Mr. Unicorn too but Mob got upset once and she accidentally broke him. Mom tried to sew him back up but it was no use. Mob couldn't remember what had happened or what she had been so upset about…sometimes when she got really upset she couldn't remember things that happened to her….but it had something to do with Sho and dad…
Right. Dad had been mad at Sho.
Nothing good ever happened when dad was mad at Sho.
"Promise?" asked Sho
"Promise." Said Mob seriously because a promise was a serious thing, the most serious thing that a person could do was agree to promise something. When you promised something then it had to happen, like how Fukuda promised to visit again or mom promised to take them to the animals shelter again or dad promised to rule the world for them.
"Cross your heart, hope to die, stick a needle in your eye?" asked Sho. Mob nodded. Of course. A promise was an important thing and she wasn't going to break it even on pain of death and needles in her eyes. When you promised someone something you had to keep it. To break a promise was to break someone's trust and breaking trust was the worst thing that you could do. It was like stealing from them, almost. Stealing their trust. Mob didn't know what she'd do if she couldn't trust her family, her mom and dad and little brother. Dad said that family was the only people in this world that you could trust, that everyone else in the world was untrustworthy, and that family was the only thing that mattered. Mob knew that there were a lot of people in the world, more than a hundred, and she wondered how all of those people could be untrustworthy. She didn't ask, of course, because dad hated it when they questioned him. He was their father and they had to do as he said, he had told her, and she was very good about doing what s hews told. That was why dad never had to punish her like he had to punish Sho all the time.
"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." Said Mob. She reached down and found Sho's hand. It was all shaky. She held it in hers until the shaking stopped. She thought that it had been a very long time. The clock said that it was 10:29, which had been more than a hundred seconds probably, which was a long time. A hundred of anything was a lot.
It must have been a very bad dream.
Especially since he was still kind of shaky. Sho wasn't afraid of anything. Not heights, not bugs, not worms, not crossing the street, not the big slide at the park, nothing. He was the bravest little brother that a person could ask for so if he was still all shaky then whatever he had dreamt about must have been very bad. Mob had bad dreams too. She dreamt that she was all alone and that she didn't know anyone, not even dad, and that she wanted to go back to her family even though dad was taking her back to her family.
It made no sense.
But nothing was scarier than being alone.
"Sho, you don't have to be afraid. I'm here. You're not alone." Said Mob as she used her powers to put another stuffed animal on top of him. This one was Princess Teddy Bear. She used to be Queen Teddy Bear but then mom got her an Elsa Bear and now that bear was a princess. Not a princess of the world, like dad said that she was, and mom said that dad was just playing pretend, and dad said that he wasn't, but a princess of her toys. That seemed like it would be easier than being a princess of the world. The world was big and she was small. Bigger than the castle.
Mob would have rather been a princess of the castle than a princess of the world.
She felt alone in the castle, sometimes, because it was so big and she was so small. The world was even bigger than the castle and she was so much smaller than the world. Dad said that she and Sho would inherit the world, that meant that after he and mom died then she and Sho would be in charge of the whole world. Mob didn't want to think about that. Mob didn't want to think about when she was be all grown up and she and Sho would be all alone because mom and dad were dead. It was scary when dad said things like that, things like 'all things have their time and all thigs die' and 'one day I won't be here and when that day comes you and your brother will have to rule the world in my place' and other such things.
There was nothing scarier than being all alone.
Maybe that was what Sho was so afraid of.
"I know that I'm not alone. You're here and you're trying to bury me. Of course I'm not alone." Said Sho
"I'm not trying to bury you, I'm trying to make you feel better. You're not alone, Sho. I'm here." Said Mob. Sho turned away from her. Her stuffed animals fell to the ground. She picked them up with her powers and put them back on her bed where they belonged. Sho thought that she was trying to bury him? Why? Why would she try and bury her little brother? He was her little brother. It was like dad said, one day it would just be her and Sho…and if she buried him then it would just be her on her own. All on her own. Her very own. In this castle…in this world…without mom or dad or Sho…just her…Suzuki Shigeko…Mob…
"I know that I'm not alone! I'm here and you're here and we're here together! And mom's here and dad's here!...why does dad have to be here?" asked Sho. His voice was sad, there, and shaky. And he was still shaky. Mob tried to hug him but he just pushed her away with his shoulders and kicked her with his foot. Mob didn't kick him back. Big sisters weren't supposed to kick little brothers even if they kicked you first. That was just not the thing to do. Mom said that she and Sho had to get along, had to be friends, and that she had to take care of him because he was her little brother.
She would have taken care of Sho even if Sho wasn't her little brother.
"Because his trip is over. He always comes back when his trips are over. That's what dads do. They come back home." Said Mob
"Well why did he have to come back? He keeps on coming back and…and he just messes everything up!" said Sho. Mob reached over and covered his mouth with her hand before dad heard. She got very still and very quiet. Dad had already punished Sho that day. She and mom had been in the yard playing while Sho had been punished. Mob couldn't remember for what. Mom had been worried about Sho and she kept on saying things like how she warned him and how he knew what dad was like.
Sho licked her hand.
Mob pulled her hand away really fast. Ick. Brother germs. She didn't let her powers jump out and do something, not really, but all of her stuffed animals went flying to the other side of the room. That was better than what could have happened so it counted as a victory. Mom said that she shouldn't use her powers that often, that she had to be sweet, and dad said that power was nothing without control. Both of them would have been mad if Mob had done something like break a window or shake the house. But she hadn't so that counted as a victory.
"You're gross. Now I have your germs." Said Mob as she wiped her hand on Sho's head to give him back his germs.
"No, now I have your germs. Now I have girl germs and that means that I'm going to turn into a girl." Said Sho
"I don't think it works like that. If I worked like that then I'd turn into a boy because now I have your boy germs. I don't want to be a boy. It's too hard." Said Mob
"Is not. Being a girl is harder. At least I don't have to have mom messing with my hair all the time." Said Sho
"Is too. At least I don't have to run around and climb and jump and stuff." Said Mob
"That stuff's fun." Said Sho
"It looks tiring. Also it makes mom and dad mad." Said Mob
"….everything makes dad mad." Said Sho. Mob had to think about it. She had to try really hard to remember the times when dad was happy. He was a lot like her, she took after him because she was his daughter, and his face didn't move around like other people's did. People were always making faces about stuff, faces that Mob had trouble reading, so she just didn't bother at this point. She could see dad's colors and his colors were much easier to read. He didn't get super happy, not like mom and Sho did, but he did get happy about stuff. Everyone got happy about stuff but some people got happy about different things than others. Like how mom got really happy when cilantro was on sale, she liked it, even though it tasted like soap. Or like how Sho got excited when they found chipmunks in the yard and even tried to bring them inside even though mom said that wild animals belong in the wild. Or like how she got excited when her pink dress with the lacy parts was washed even though Sho said that getting excited over clothes was the dumbest thing ever.
"Not everything. Breakfast makes him happy, and when mom hugs him he gets happy, and when he takes off his shoes he gets happy, and when he tells us stories he's happy-" said Mob
"He doesn't act like it." Said Sho
"He does, you can tell by his colors. Colors are easier to tell than faces." Said Mob
"Well I can't see colors! Not those colors!" said Sho. Mob covered his mouth again but this time she put her hand in a blanket first. That way she wouldn't get his germs.
"You will, don't worry. Mom and dad say that one day when you're big and strong-" said Mob
"I'm already big! I'm already strong! Why can't I…what's wrong with me? It isn't fair! You can do all the stuff that dad can do and he likes you better and-and-and you don't even look like him but you can do all the stuff that he can do and he…he likes you but not me…" said Sho. He turned to face her, now. She couldn't tell what face he was making, it was so dark in their room, but she knew him well enough to tell that he was sad. Sad and mad at the same time. That was a Sho feeling.
She took his hand and held it in hers.
"Sho…I love you. I don't know what makes it so that I can do all of this stuff but you can't. I don't know how it works but I do know that dad said that you were his son and because you're his son that means that you'll be just like him, ok? So now you don't have to worry because you know that we just have to be patient. Dad says that it's important to be patient." Said Mob
"….it's not fair." Said Sho
"I know. I wish you could do all of the stuff that I can do. If I could give you my powers I would." Said Mob
"Don't say stuff like that." Said Sho
"Why not? It's the truth. If we could trade places, except for I'd still be a girl and older, I would. I don't want you to be upset, Sho. I want dad to like you as much as he likes me. I want you to be happy more than I want anything else in the whole, entire, world." Said Mob
"More than a cat?" asked Sho
"More than two cats." Said Mob
"More than a little sister?" asked Sho. Mob had to think really hard about that one. She really, really, really wanted a little sister. Someone to play house and dolls with who wouldn't complain the whole time. Someone who she could watch movies with love and kissing and stuff with who wouldn't make throwing up noises. Someone who was more like her. Someone who looked like her, too. Nobody in her whole, entire, family looked like her. Mom had brown hair and dad and Sho had red hair but she had black hair. She was also the only person who had brown eyes. She hoped that her little sister looked just like her….if she was ever getting one. Maybe the baby factory would be opened again at Christmas time or around her birthday, maybe.
"More than two little sisters." Said Mob after a while. As badly as she wanted a little sister who looked just like her and liked all of the same things she liked she wanted Sho's happiness more. She wanted Sho to be happy more than she wanted anything else in the world, and that was the truth.
"I wish…I shouldn't wish that we could switch places but sometimes I do. Sometimes I wish that dad loved me as much as he loves you. Sometimes I wish that I could just…I don't want to be a normal person. Dad's always saying that the worst thing that you can be is a normal person and I…I know that mom's a normal person and I know that people at school are normal people and I like them a lot but…but the only normal person that dad likes is mom…and I just…" said Sho. He was crying, now, at the end. Mob could hear him sniffling. She covered his mouth so that dad couldn't hear him. Mom and dad must have been asleep by then, it was so very late, but she didn't want to risk it. He didn't lick her hand that time but he didn't stop crying.
She used her powers to push their dresser in front of the door. She didn't know why she felt so scared, dad would never hurt them, but she was scared. She was scared for Sho. She wished as hard as she could that he got powers right then and there. She wished that there was a way that she could pass her powers on to him as easily as she could pass on a cold. But she couldn't, she could only hold her little brother while he cried. He was crying now and he was trying not to cry but that was just making his crying worse and Mob…she had no idea what to do.
She wished that dad wasn't home.
The thought comes suddenly. It's unwanted. She loved her dad and she loved her mom and she loves her little brother. She has a family and she loved each and every one of her family members. She loves them and if she loved someone then she never wished that they would go away. She never even wished Sho away, even when he was being annoying. Not now, of course, he was not being annoying now. He was annoying when he threw her toys around or changed the channel on the TV while she was watching it or borrowed her tablet without asking and then forgot to charge it or when they were taking a bath and he splashed her even though they weren't allowed to splash…those were times where he could be annoying. This was not one of those times.
This was one of those times when she was sad for him and scared for him and being all sad and scared made all of their toys go everywhere and the bed float and…and a whole lot of other stuff, too, that she should not have been doing. Dad didn't like her when she lost control of her powers like this just like how he didn't like Sho when he lost control of his feelings like this…
And she saw red.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw red. Dad was moving. He was awake and he was moving. She shook Sho. He was clinging to her, now, and it was hard to shake him but she did. She shook him as hard as she could even though she didn't have a lot of room to move her arms. She didn't want to use her powers for this, they were doing enough as it was, and she could have accidentally hurt him…and that would have been bad…worse than this…
"Sho! Stop it! Dad's coming!" said Mob. She could see dad's aura and it was getting closer and her powers were still being weird and Sho was still sad and if dad saw how bad they were being he was going to be so mad and whenever he got mad at Sho he punished him…and that was the worst because sometimes Sho got really hurt and he was always sad and mad afterwards…
"No he's not!" said Sho. Mob pulled him close and pulled her blanket up over their heads. She shushed him over and over again as dad got closer and closer and closer…there was so much red…there was so much red that it almost seemed like there was red right there with her…and a different kind of red…which was weird because dad was always the same kind of red…
"He's…he's not…" said Sho. He was crying, sort of, but not the loud sort of crying. This was more hiccuppy. Usually they would go to mom if they were crying this bad but they couldn't because dad was home and dad hated it when they were weak and childish like that. Dad hated a lot of things.
"He is…it feels like he's out there but also…well it feels like someone's here but not him…it's weird. I don't know. It's weird…" said Mob. She let her colors touch these new colors. That was…weird. Scary. So scary, so many scared feelings, that she had to pull her colors away from these new colors. As soon as she pulled away the new colors, a different sort of red, softer, went away and it was dark underneath the blanket again. The only thing she could hear was Sho's breathing….and footsteps coming down the hall.
"Sho, stop breathing like that!" said Mob. He heard her, she knew that he heard her, but he was still breathing like that and no amount of hugging was making him stop. No amount of hugging or head kisses or telling him that everything was going to be ok was making him stop…
Dad hated it when he got like this.
The door creaked opened. Mob closed her eyes and she tried to pretend that she was asleep but she knew that dad knew that she was awake. She knew that he could hear Sho breathing like he was about to cry and that she was awake even though it was after bed time….and she knew that he'd get mad at them. Mad at her and punish Sho. She never got punished, just ignored and sometimes yelled at, but Sho got punished for real and she…she didn't want that.
"Son. Daughter. Explain." Said Dad. He must have been tired. He used fewer words when he was tired. He usually sounded like that right when he got back from his trips. That was why mom hardly ever took her and Sho to the airport to see his plane come in. When he sounded like that they were on thin ice, like the kind that was on top of the duck pond that they were never supposed to walk on because they could fall in and drown and Sho sounds like he's drowning and she feels like she's drowning but she can't because then they would both be drowning-
She made herself stop feeling like that.
She took her feelings, her powers, and smooshed them down into a little ball like Sho did when he ate bread. It hurt, a little, but the things in their room had stopped moving and had hit the ground. She was controlling her powers. That was good. She was supposed to control her powers. Power was nothing without control. Dad always said that.
"Nothing. Bad dreams. We're fine." Said Mob. She didn't want to use a lot of words either. The more words she used the more likely it was that dad would know that she was lying…sort of. It wasn't nothing, they were being bad, they were letting him down, and that was wrong…but she had to keep Sho safe.
The thought made no sense. There was nothing to be afraid of. This was dad. Dad was just how all dads were.
"Good. Go to sleep." Said dad before he closed the doors. She watched his colors as he went down the hall and to his and mom's room. She could see them through the walls. She closed her eyes and she could still see them. She wasn't seeing with her eyes, no, but with her own colors. She could only see dad's colors, those other colors were gone now. No matter how big the castle was she could always see dad's colors when he was home. The other colors were new.
But gone.
And Sho was quieter, too. He was clinging to her but his breathing was back to normal. That was good. It was good when he was calm. It was good that dad had been too tired, or maybe he was feeling too nice, to punish Sho. Mob loved dad. She didn't want dad to go away. She didn't wish that it was only her and mom and Sho who lived in the castle.
Sho was falling asleep, he was doing the little kicks he did while he drifted off now, and that was good. She didn't want him to be awake and be sad.
She just wanted her little brother to be happy.