Rating: M/Strong R

Warnings: Anakin/Obi-Wan Slash

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Chapter Five

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
-Peter Ustinov

Anakin sat up quickly, gasping for breath. He tried to inhale deeply and focus, but he was shaking too hard to calm down. He looked over to see his Master stirring beside him.

Obi-Wan blinked and shifted onto his back, reaching up to place his hand between Anakin's shoulder blades. "What is it?"

"I had a dream." Anakin shuddered at the memory of watching his wife die. It was true that he didn't love her the way that he should, but he was still her husband, and it was his duty to protect her. He would not let another one of his dreams come true. "It was about Padmé."

Obi-Wan patted his back. "I'm sure it was just a nightmare."

"Obi-Wan." Anakin pushed the cover off of him and stood, grabbing his leggings and yanking them on. "Don't." He walked out into the living room, shoving the door so hard that it slammed shut behind him. This couldn't be happening to him—not again.

Obi-Wan was behind him suddenly, his voice low and patient as always. "Don't what?"

Anakin shook his head. "Nothing."

Obi-Wan put his hand tentatively on Anakin's shoulder. "Please tell me what's wrong, Anakin."

"No." Anakin jerked away from his Master's touch—he was not going to sit around and listen to Obi-Wan give him a fucking Jedi platitude. Not when he was about to lose someone else that he cared about. "You'll just blow it off."

Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin's wrist and spun him around. "Where is this coming from?"

"My mother—the dream—it was real." Anakin felt his voice shake as it increased in volume, but he didn't pull away from his Master's grasp. "You said dreams pass in time. But they don't—not mine."

Obi-Wan frowned. "You never told me what happened to your mother, Anakin."

Anakin tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling—he couldn't look at his Master right now—not while he talked about this. "She died. Exactly as my dream showed."

Obi-Wan's grip on his wrist slackened until his fingers were loosely touching Anakin's arm. "I had no idea. You never told me."

"What was I supposed to say?" Anakin snorted. "That I was on Tatooine searching for my mother? The one I'm not supposed to care about?"

Anakin stared straight ahead. He had forgotten how angry he had been—how he had partially blamed his Master for his mother's death. As he remembered his mother's broken words and the swollen welts on her face, he feared that he would never forget those words spoken so casually, "dreams pass in time." All the feelings of resentment returned, making his heart beat faster. Fuck. He didn't want to be angry with Obi-Wan—he loved him.

"I'm sorry." Obi-Wan moved his hand from his Padawan's wrist, and wove his fingers through Anakin's. "I wish I had known." He led Anakin to the sofa and sat, pulling Anakin down next to him. "You didn't bring it up after Geonosis. And I figured I should leave well enough alone."

Obi-Wan rubbed his fingers up and down Anakin's back; Anakin supposed his Master was attempting to soothe him, and to Anakin's surprise, it was working. Already the knowledge that Obi-Wan was listening to him was helping—Anakin felt the pounding of his heart decrease a little bit.

"After we got back, your leaving Naboo against my orders just didn't seem important. I was just glad to have you alive."

Anakin pressed his hands against his eyes—no, no more crying. It wasn't Obi-Wan's fault—he wasn't the one who had failed. Anakin was the failure—he was the one who ignored the Jedi teachings and still couldn't save his mother. "I'm sorry, Master. It's not your fault."

Obi-Wan increased the pressure of his fingers against Anakin's back. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I saw her suffering. When I got there…it was exactly as I had seen in my dream." Anakin shivered in the night air. "Tuskens had taken her. I…killed them. All of them."

Obi-Wan reached over and picked up a blanket they kept folded at the foot of the sofa and wrapped it around Anakin's shoulders. "You've been holding this in for three years?"

"I told Padmé, right after I did it. But I don't think she understood. Her eyes sort of glazed over. I think she just wanted to pretend."

Obi-Wan pulled the blanket tighter around Anakin. "Pretend?"

"She wanted to pretend…that I'm not a monster. To pretend that I'm not a bad person."

"You are not a monster, Anakin."

"You weren't there—you didn't see…"

"You made the wrong choice. You did not behave as a Jedi should." His Master lifted his hand and ran his fingers through the curls at the back of Anakin's head. "But that doesn't mean you are a monster. You can learn from your mistakes."

Anakin finally found the courage to turn and face his Master. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"I'm not, I'm simply stating a fact. Your actions don't mean that you are a bad person, just that you let your emotions control you."

"It was more than that."

"What do you mean?"

He hesitated, but then decided that he would continue. His Master was sitting next to him on their sofa in the middle of the night—all because he cared about Anakin. Obi-Wan hadn't even taken the time to put on his pants before rushing after Anakin. He owed it to him to tell the truth. "I felt the darkside, and I didn't try and stop it." He winced as he studied Obi-Wan's face. "Do you hate me now?"

"No, Anakin, of course not." Obi-Wan lowered his arm from Anakin's neck and wrapped it around his waist. "You watched your mother die, killed a village of Tuskens, fought at Geonosis, lost your arm, and got married all in the space of two weeks?"

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you." Obi-Wan patted Anakin's back one more time before pulling his arm away. "Come back to bed with me." His Master stood up and gestured toward the bedroom. "We can talk there."

Anakin followed, grabbing Obi-Wan's hand as they walked. "I can't believe you're not lecturing me."

"Was I really that bad?"

"Not lately, no…but I always felt like there was a wall between us. I felt like I could never be totally honest, or you would think less of me, or tell me that I was breaking the Code."

"I suppose I felt that it was my duty, as your Master, and later a member of the Council to admonish you. I hate it that you've felt so distanced from me."

Anakin didn't want that distance to return—he and Obi-Wan had come so far in the past two days. He grasped his Master's shoulders before he got back into bed and stared into his eyes. "It's my fault too—I wanted you to do and say things that go against the Code. That's not fair either."

Obi-Wan smiled. "It's all right—you've been through a lot."

Anakin let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. He was so relieved that Obi-Wan wasn't angry about his earlier outburst. He stripped his pants off and lay down, pulling his Master close to his body. But when he tried to kiss him, Obi-Wan put a hand on his chest.

"Anakin." He raised his eyebrows as a warning. "Now tell me about this dream—the one about Padmé."

Anakin nodded solemnly. "The dream shows her screaming, and then dying in childbirth—I could feel her fading." Anakin closed his eyes. "I can't let her die."

"We'll find a solution. Do you think she will agree to see the healers?"

"Maybe." He opened his eyes to stare at his Master. "But how will we avoid the Council?"

"Bant will see her—as a favor for me."

"If the Council finds out…"

"I am willing to take that risk if it means keeping Padmé safe. And we won't lie to Bant. I will tell her the Senator wants a second opinion." Obi-Wan paused. "But I think a more prudent option would be to confess your marriage to the Council—they might be willing to help with Padmé's health as well."

"Is that what you want me to do?"

"You must decide for yourself."

"I don't know if I can do this…"

"It is part of our reality, Anakin."

"I'm sorry, Master."

Obi-Wan brushed his thumb across Anakin's cheek as if to tell him that an apology wasn't necessary. "I know your dream of your mother was true, but women haven't died from childbirth on Coruscant for over three hundred years."

"I know, Master. But that doesn't matter—Sandpeople had never attacked my mother before either, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"Point taken. I will do everything I can to help you."

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"You would do the same for me."

Anakin gave him a small smile, happy that Obi-Wan realized how much he was loved—Anakin would do anything for his Master. Anakin shifted his weight, but no matter how he turned, part of him was still uncomfortable. "This bed is small."

"Well, the Temple did not intend for two Jedi to be in the same bed—ever."

"You are breaking rules left and right, Master." Anakin grinned. "I'm proud of you."

"Don't get too smug, Padawan."

"Can we talk about something else now?" Anakin motioned for Obi-Wan to roll over. "Besides my dreams? Or do you want to go back to sleep?"

Obi-Wan complied, and rolled over until his back was facing Anakin. "No, we can talk about anything that you want."

Anakin scooted up against him, and snuggled closer to his Master until every part of skin possible was molded to Obi-Wan. "Can I ask you something?"

"Why does that question fill me with dread?"

"Come on, don't make me beg." Anakin ran his fingernails lightly over Obi-Wan's lower back.

His Master sighed happily. "Oh, that feels good."

"I'll keep doing it if you answer my question."

Obi-Wan put on a show of groaning and shaking his head, and then laughed. "All right, I'll accept your offer."

Anakin resumed scratching his Master's back, raking his short fingernails back and forth across Obi-Wan's skin. "Were you ever with a woman?"

"I was with Siri a long time ago."

"You slept with Master Tachi? There were rumors that you had—that's one reason I had no idea you would be interested in me."

When Obi-Wan nodded, but didn't speak, Anakin felt terrible. Anakin realized that Obi-Wan did know what it was like to lose someone that he cared about, and he knew his Master felt much more deeply than he ever let on. "I'm sorry. I should have been more sensitive when she was killed. I knew you were upset."

"It's fine, Anakin. You didn't know. And we weren't involved when she died."

"Did you love her?"

"I cared for her. But it was clear to me that I find women suitable only as friends."

"I'm glad." Anakin released his grip on Obi-Wan's waist and crawled over him until they were facing each other again. "Master, I will not lose you." He placed his mouth against Obi-Wan's lips carefully.

Obi-Wan made a face, but this time Anakin wasn't ready to heed his warning.

When Anakin slipped his tongue into Obi-Wan's mouth, he tried to push Anakin away again. "I don't think kissing is a good idea."

"Surely we can share the rest of the night?" He studied his Master's face. "Just kissing? To take my mind off of the dream?" Anakin knew he'd want much more than the contact of their lips against each other, but he was willing to accept that limited contact if it was important to Obi-Wan. He could always sneak into the bathroom later on and take care of his physical needs.

Obi-Wan laughed. "You are shameless, do you know that?"

Anakin smiled at him before turning serious again. "Please promise me that you won't push me away."

"I promise."

Anakin tried to ignore the ache of his erection and keep his word about just kissing, but when Obi-Wan turned his head slightly and swept his tongue across Anakin's bottom lip, he gave up trying to be good. Anakin pulled Obi-Wan up against his body and wrapped his arm around his waist.

His Master groaned as their bodies met again. "This is just kissing?"

"Of course." Anakin's lips twitched and he knew that Obi-Wan would say he was smirking again. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Obi-Wan didn't answer. He gripped Anakin's hips as Anakin began to very slowly thrust against him. He loved the way Obi-Wan's erection felt against his stomach. It was rigid and insistent, even though his Master liked to feign restraint.

Anakin closed his eyes, and licked his lips before meeting Obi-Wan's mouth again. As much as he wanted his Master's hard length in his hand, he didn't want to push too far, and he cherished the sensation of their faces so close together.

He opened his mouth farther and let Obi-Wan's tongue push forcefully against his own. To Anakin's delight, Obi-Wan rolled onto his back, flipping Anakin on top of him. He continued to grip Anakin's hips, encouraging him to keep moving. Anakin lowered his mouth to Obi-Wan's, and this time pushed his own tongue inside.

Anakin's stomach flipped over at the reality of being on top of his Master, and he came quickly, but continued to move against his Master until Obi-Wan finished a few strokes later.

Anakin fell onto his side and shoved the sheet in between them to soak up the mess. They lay silently for a few minutes until Anakin spoke. "I still feel bad about earlier. I shouldn't act that way toward you…"

Obi-Wan brushed Anakin's hair back from his face. "Don't give it a second thought."

Anakin exhaled. He was still worried about Padmé, but he felt much better knowing that Obi-Wan was going to help her. And Obi-Wan had allowed Anakin to love him again, even if they stopped a bit short. It was enough for Anakin. He pressed his lips to his Master's head and whispered, "I love you."