They were so very cute.
Shigeko and Sho had, at some point that night, passed out. They were propped up against each other as they sat, curled up, and the end of the couch. Sho's head rested on her shoulder, her head rested on top of his, and they were both dead asleep. It made sense, it had gotten very late. Fukuda had made them dinner again, well the children had helped, and then they had begged him to stay. They had literally gotten down on their hands and knees and begged him to play with them. Playing turned into TV time, bath time, and more TV time. It would have turned into bedtime, it should have turned into bedtime, but Masami was loathe to pop the bubble that they existed in.
It was so nice.
"You don't have to keep doing this." said Masami as the muted TV played some commercial in the background. The room was flushed out in white and blue. It cast dancing shadows around the room despite the fact that the occupants of the room were still.
"I want to." Said Fukuda as he watched the kids sleep. They were so precious. Shigeko's sleeping face was the same as her awake face just with closed eyes. Same impassive look. Sho, on the other hand, slept like a dog. All scrunched up expressions and little kicks every now and again. Fukuda wondered what it was that he was dreaming out. That they were both dreaming about. Shigeko's aura moved even though she herself was still. Rotating. Pink and blue in equal measures. Sho still had no aura to speak of.
"I…I want you to…too…but you can't keep doing this." said Masami
"If you want me to go then I'll go…but only if you want me to go." Said Fukuda
"You know I don't want that." Said Masami
"Then I won't go." Said Fukuda
"It's not about what I want, though, now is it? It's never about what I want." Said Masami
"It is. This is about what you want. Masami…Masami this is about what you want." Said Fukuda
"No, it's not. It's always about what HE wants. Even this family…the kids…he wanted kids. I mean I wanted Sho and I love Shigeko but…I don't know. It's his world and we all just live in it I guess." Said Masami
"No. That's not true. He just…he wants it to be his world and he can't…he can't see anything beyond what he wants…and that's not fair to you, to any of you…and I'm sorry." Said Fukuda
"Why? You're not his keeper any more than I am. This is…this is the life I chose. With him. This is my life." Said Masami softly. She closed her eyes and leaned back. The couch wasn't that big. She ended up leaning into Fukuda. She could feel it, the energy that surrounded him, and it was…warm. Touichirou was like touching a balloon after dragging her feet across a wool carpet. Fukuda was like leaning back against a heater on a cold winter's day.
"You deserve better." Said Fukuda, his hand over hers. She had such soft hands. He had noticed, before, but he had never….the darkness was making him braver. The cover of the darkness and the fact that Suzuki was half a world away. Masami was…she deserved so much better than this. He had watched her grow dimmer and dimmer and dimmer as the years went by. It all came to a head recently and…and she did not deserve that. If he had been there for her…more so than he had been…he should have been there for her.
"Better than these two? What could be better?" Said Masami as she ran a hand through Shigeko's hair until she got to Sho's. They were so close…and so cute. Adorable. They loved each other so much. Even with Touichirou's influence they were so close and loving….even Shigeko. They were not the problem here. She should have been grateful for what she had, for them. So what if her husband was about as warm and loving as a snowman? She had these two wonderful children and they had her. She had always wanted children. She had always wanted to take care of something smaller than she was.
She had gotten what she wanted.
So why did it feel like this? Why did it hurt to look at them? They were her children…and she did not regret having them. She regretted….she didn't know if she regretted who she had them with. Touichirou hadn't meant to hurt her. There was something about him, something in the way his mind worked, and that was just how he was. He couldn't help it. He hadn't meant to be so very cruel…but that didn't mean that his words hadn't hurt her….
How much did intentions matter?
"Just….better. I don't know, maybe I'm just overstepping." Said Fukuda
"You are…and you know that I'm not the one who'll mind." Said Masami
"Let me deal with him." said Fukuda
"How could you possibly deal with him? You work for him." said Masami
"I just will, alright? He needs me. He doesn't like to acknowledge it but he needs me." Said Fukuda
"There's no one in this world that he couldn't replace." Said Masami bitterly. There was millions of women in this city, this country, and billions on this planet. If all he wanted was a baby factory then he could have taken his pick…and if he was so unhappy with the children, child, that they had made together then there was nothing stopping him from going back to the drawing board.
"There are people in this world that are irreplaceable." Said Fukuda. She was so…he had never seen her look so bitter before. He reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. She leaned over into him. Her hand never left her children's hair.
"Not to my husband." Said Masami. She put emphasis on the word husband. That was…that was a gesture of intimacy. That was…it could be seen as platonic. It could have been seen as more than platonic. She didn't know what she wanted to see it as.
Touichirou had not done that before…on his own, anyway.
It was like sweet intoxication. How had she become so starved for affection…proper affection? How long had it been? Before, way before, back before even Sho had been born Touichirou had been affectionate…when she asked. She thought, back then, that it was cute. How she had to spell everything out for him. The way he always held her when she asked and caressed her when she asked and…and that had just been the way that things were between them. At some point she had stopped asking and he had stopped doing. Pair bonding. That was the point of it…and Touichirou couldn't see the point since they were already a pair. They had two children together, where could she possibly go?
"Even to him." said Fukuda. He didn't pretend to be Suzuki's closest confidant and best buddy for life or anything but he did, somewhat, understand the man. He spoke, occasionally, of Masami. He didn't wax poetic but there had been times, rare times, when they had come back to Japan together after what felt like eons on planes, trains, boats, and whatever other means of conveyance that they could find. Times when Suzuki would, out of blue, say something like 'I hope she's been well' or 'She's probably still awake' or something like that. Statements which sounded like idle chatter but really were amazing things because of the simple fact that it was a rare occasion when Suzuki Touichirou thought of someone other than himself.
He cared for Masami.
He cared for her in his own way. Not the way that mattered. Not the way that she deserved. She deserved so much better than what he could give. Nobody deserved to be treated the way that she had been treated. He would never have treated her like that. He would have done better by her. He would have made her happy. He would have-
He got off that train of thought.
"I could be anyone." Said Masami softly. She leaned back, into him, just for some more of the sweet intoxication that was human affection. Affection from another adult. From a man. From someone who was not her child. From someone who she did not have to explain human affection to.
"Don't." said Fukuda. He knew that he was getting close to a line, very close, and that if he were to get any closer then he ran the risk of stepping over it. If he stepped over it then…then all of this would just disappear. This was not his family, this was Suzuki's, he was just….just keeping it warm for him. That was all. Coming over, making dinner, and then playing pretend.
He could not cross that line.
"it's true. To him I could be literally any woman on the planet." Said Masami
"That's not…it's not true. The way he is…you're just about the only person in this world he gives a damn about. I've never heard him mention anyone else in the way that he mentions you." Said Fukuda mostly to keep himself from that line. This was not his wife, this was not his family. This was…this was Suzuki's family. Suzuki Masami, Suzuki Sho, and Suzuki Shigeko.
"Well who else would put up with this?" asked Masami with a laugh so bitter that it could have put a clove to shame. He hated it. That sound…and he never wanted to hear it from her again. His hand was over hers. His hand was….this could be platonic. She would read this as platonic. This was nothing more than purely platonic. This could never be anything more than purely platonic.
"Masami…" said Fukuda
"Who besides me would put up with…with him?" asked Masami. She knew that there was a line and she knew that she was crossing it. She felt drunk. She hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since that glass of champagne two New Year's Eves ago but she felt drunk. That was what this was, intoxication. Sweet intoxication. The sweetest intoxication that there ever was. Human touch. Human affection. The lot of it.
"You'd be amazed what people are willing to put up with…when it comes to him." said Fukuda. He would not tell her the lot of it, the whole of what it was that her husband did to people. There was nothing that either of them had to gain from him disseminating that information.
"I…I'm sorry. I hadn't…as difficult as it can be to be married to him I can't…I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to work for him….not that I even know what it is that you do." Said Masami. There she went, whining again. She had nothing to be upset about. She…she had a family and a nice home and Touichirou could be draining but…but at least she didn't work for him doing whatever it was that he did. She still had zero clue what he did even after all of these years.
"Fix him up. Fix you guys up. That's what I do, I fix things." Said Fukuda with a shrug. That was the simple way of saying it. His powers…the way his powers worked. He was a healer, a fixer, even though it felt like he was about to ruin everything….
"You can't fix everything." Said Masami softly. Her hand was over his. His hand was over hers and her hand was over his and it was…this was platonic. This could be nothing other than platonic.
"But I can try." Said Fukuda. The line was there….and he could not cross it. Even though she was there. Even though her hands were so…so soft. So wonderful. She really did have beautiful hands. Everything about her was just so, incredibly, beautiful.
She was close.
He was close.
It was dark.
It was silent.
Then it wasn't.
"Sho…stop kicking me…"
Masami broke away from Fukuda like he was on fire. Her children had…they had been right there. Her children had been right there and she had been about to…she didn't even know what. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. Maybe she was just being weird. Maybe she was just starved for adult affection. Maybe she was just terrible.
She didn't know.
But she did know that she had two children that needed to sleep in their own beds or they'd get up in the middle of the night, not be able to fall back asleep, and then be very cranky come the next morning. Therefore there was nothing else to do but pick Sho up, motion for Fukuda to pick Shigeko up, carry them to their beds, and tuck them in.
And then go to bed.