REVIEWER NOTES

Mia

PearlGirl: Howdy! Glad you read the story! We really need to write more plays and stuff.

Alania: Say hello to Cactus Flats!!!!!!

Queenofinsanity

PearlGirl: Thanks for reviewing. Sorry it took awhile to post. Heh heh. A really long while. You know, homework and school. Blah, blah.

Alania: Actually, if you want to know the truth, we had totally forgotten about this story. But we remembered! And now: the story! I doubt you all want to wait any longer…

Chapter Four: Enterprise Crew vs. Tornado of Death

Narrator: We now go back to Snodgrass, who is going inside through the secret door. It opens up into a room with no visible doors or windows. The ensign steps in and, what a surprise, the door slams shut behind him and, surprise surprise, when he tries to open it, it's stuck. This is really clichéd.

Snodgrass: That's good. In clichéd stories the heroes always win.

Narrator: You're a sad excuse for a hero.

Snodgrass: Actually, being in this room isn't bad. At least I know I'm safe from any of those stupid robots that like to kill red-shirts.

Narrator: How can you be sure?

Snodgrass: Errrr. Wellllll… thanks for ruining my happy feeling!

Narrator: You're welcome. Now we switch to Dr. Death, who is on the telephone.

Dr. Death: Hello, operator? Yes. I'd like to speak to the Authors. Can you connect me to them? What do you mean you can't? You don't know who they are? Nitwit! I will annihilate you when I take over the world!! Muahahahaha! No, I don't want to talk any psychologists!!

Narrator: Dr. Death slams down the phone. Then he hears a voice from behind him.

Voice: Silly mad scientist. You don't have to call us on the phone.

Narrator: He turns around and sees PearlGirl and Alania standing next to his machine.

PearlGirl: What's this? (points to sinister-looking machine)

Dr. Death: That's my... uh… my… slushie machine. Ha ha. I haven't finished it yet!

Alania: I want some lemonade.

Narrator: She snaps her fingers and a glass of lemonade appears in her hand.

PearlGirl: So, Doctor, how do you like being back in a story? No hard feelings about how the last one ended, right?

Dr. Death: Heh heh. Of course not! I love being the defeated bad guy. It's my job!

PearlGirl: I'd love to chit chat, but I'm working on another story at the moment. Quite busy, you know. The story would go to pieces without me.

Dr. Death: Wait! There's something I'd like to show you two. Just step into that room over there.

Alania: Okay.

Narrator: They step into the same room that Snodgrass is in. Dr. Death steps in behind them and then slams the door violently.

Dr. Death: MUHAHAHAHA!!! My master plan will now be put into action! (He slowly and dramatically pushes a large button on the wall of the room. Nothing happens.)

Dr. Death: (looks at button) What?! It's not working!! (hits button repeatedly and without result) I don't understand it! (to Authors) I seem to be having a slight mechanical malfunction.... er, wait just a minute while I try and fix it. (quickly leaves the room)

PearlGirl: (leans against the wall) What's his problem?

Snodgrass: Hey, you two look vaguely familiar... have we met before?

Alania: What? Don't you remember us?!

PearlGirl: We're the Authors, dimwit!

Snodgrass: Ohh, that's it. By the way, are you twins?

Alania: (rolls eyes) And I thought my memory was bad.

PearlGirl: (sighs) No, we're not twins. Remember that, okay?

Snodgrass: I'll try.

Narrator: A loud clamor is heard from outside the room. It sounds like someone is screwing around with a complicated piece of machinery.

Alania- ...Which is no doubt what's happening.

PearlGirl: (exasperated; to Dr. Death) Aren't you finished yet?

Dr. Death: (from outside door) Nearly...

PearlGirl: Good, because I'm getting tired of waiting.

Dr. Death: (to self) Heh heh. If only they knew what they're waiting for...

PearlGirl: What was that?

Dr. Death: Nothing. (loud crashing noise) Aaaargh! #$&!!!

Narrator: Many loud crashing noises ensue. It sounds as though some one's angrily kicking a complicated piece of machinery.

Dr. Death: Maybe someone is!!

Narrator: Now we will switch scenes.

Dr.Death: Wait! I can get this working! I know I can!

Alania: Go ahead and switch.

Narrator: Okay. Now's the fun part. We get to see Kirk, and the rest of them running frantically, with a HUGE dust cloud in close pursuit. It's gaining! Better hurry up, Kirk! You need a workout.

Kirk: I do not!

Narrator: Then how come the dust cloud is getting closer? Spock is in the lead, but amazingly, his Vulcan powers of strength are not enough to get him clear of the dust cloud.

McCoy: (panting) Ha!

Chekov: In Russia, we don't have dust storms.

Sulu: Lucky you.

Uhura: I can't run anymore!

Narrator: Uhura falls over and is swallowed up by the cloud. Then ensigns 1-5 are also overtaken. Then Sulu and Chekov disappear into the swirling dust. Only McCoy, Kirk and Spock are left, but the storm is closing in rapidly.

McCoy: I can't run anymore! (bravely) Go on without me!

Kirk: Okay, if you say so.

McCoy: Hey! You're supposed to-

Narrator: McCoy is cut off as the dust cloud envelopes him.

Kirk: (gasping for breath) Well, (pant) at least we died bravely, (gasp) fighting for Starfleet-

Narrator: Fortunately, at that moment the cloud of dust overtakes Kirk and he disappears into it. A minute later, Spock joins him. About 10 minutes later, the dust settles, and the land is once again a barren wasteland of sand. Nothing remains of our heroes, or the other random red-shirts.

UBP: Dun, dun dunnnnnnnn.

Narrator: Oh no!! What a dreadful cliffhanger! Too bad we have to find out what happens with Snodgrass and the Authors before we find out whether Kirk & Co. survived the sandstorm. Muahahaha.

Snodgrass: You're starting to sound like Dr. Death.

Narrator: (shrugs) Whatever. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Dr. Death is still trying to fix his machine. I think.

Dr. Death: No, I'm done now. The stupid thing is as fixed as it's going to be. (comes back in room)

PearlGirl: You think all that kicking helped?

Dr. Death: (grumpily) None of your business. Ahem. (dramatically) My master plan will now be put into action! (pushes button)

Narrator: There is a blinding flash if light, a whirring sound, aanndd... it's time to switch scenes and see how Kirk and Co. are doing.

Dr. Death: (groans) Not now! I want to find out if my machine worked!

Narrator: (sticks out tongue) Well, I guess that's just too bad then. We see a barren wasteland with sand that's settled after the storm. Then there's a movement in the sand. Something is stirring. A pointy ear emerges. Then a head, followed by about half a neck. Mister Spock shakes sand out of his hair, glad no one is there to see him so undignified.

Spock: Captain? Can you hear me?

Kirk: (bursting his head out of the sand) Yes, I can hear you Spock. (tries unsuccessfully to shake his face clean of sand) I need a shower.

McCoy: (pops his head out near Kirk's) I couldn't agree more, Jim.

Kirk: What do we do?

Spock: I am attempting to dig my body out of this vast amount of sand.

McCoy: It's no use. I'm stuck tighter than a sardine.

Narrator: There is movement off to Spock's right. Chekov's head appears a minute later.

Chekov: I don't like sand.

McCoy: I like it when I'm on top of it. Not under it.

Spock: Can anyone reach their communicators?

McCoy: Mine fell off. It's probably waaaay under here somewhere and I don't feel like going to get it.

Kirk: No! We must not admit defeat! If we survived that sand storm, we can survive anything! Or at least, I can.

McCoy: Your ego needs adjusting.

Kirk: Where's Sulu?

Sulu: (pops his head above the surface) Right here, Captain.

Kirk: Well, Bones, I'm finally getting that relaxation in the sand you keep pestering me about.

McCoy: I meant on a beach!

Sulu: So where are all the red-shirts?

Kirk: (hopefully) Maybe they're all dead.

Red-shirts 1-4: (poke heads up through sand) We're here!

Kirk: Drat!

Red-shirt 2: Hey, I just realized something!

Chekov: Vhat?

Red-shirt 2: I went through a desert sandstorm, and survived! I survived! I'm a red-shirt, and I survived!! (as an afterthought) Maybe I'm not going to die. Maybe I'm an important character after all...

Kirk: Don't get your hopes up. There's still plenty of time for you red-shirts to die.

Sulu: Speaking of which, I don't think all of them did survive the sandstorm. Weren't there five red-shirts before?

Kirk: (glances at red-shirts, thinking) You know, I think you're right. (brightens) Well, that's another one down, I guess.

Narrator: The remaining red-shirts glance nervously at each other.

Red-shirt 3: (grumpily) Why'd I agree to go on this mission anyway?

Red-shirt 4: We didn't agree, remember? They just sort of dragged us along.

Red-shirt 3: (glumly) Oh.

(pause)

Kirk: So... can anyone climb out of the sand?

Narrator: For a couple of minutes everyone struggles to pull themselves out of the neck-deep sand. No one succeeds.

(pause)

Kirk: Well, um, can anyone reach their communicators? We could have Scotty beam us up...

Sulu: (gasps) Don't tell me you're giving up!!

Kirk: (indignantly) I'm not!

Sulu: But I thought you said that you'd never admit defeat by beaming up!

Kirk: Err.. I said that?

Sulu: Um, yeah.

Kirk: Well, you're right! We don't need Scotty!

McCoy: Good job, Sulu. You reminded him.

Alania: Reviews! PLEASE!!!!!!

PearlGirl: Please tell us what you think!