First post of 2006. Happy New Year everyone!

Narrator: Most of the clones are wandering aimlessly around the room. My clone is pouting in a corner over not being allowed to narrate. Little Doctor Death is still playing quietly with his chemistry set—until, that is, Little Chekov wanders aimlessly over and trips over it, knocking it over.

Little Doctor Death: Hey! Watch it! (suddenly notices the other clones) Hey, you're not supposed to be out! I'm telling Big Doctor Death!

Little Kirk: (walks over) You can't do that.

Little Doctor Death: Why not?

Little Kirk: 'Cause I'll punch your lights out, that's why not.

Little Doctor Death: (smirks) I'm not scared of you.

Little Kirk: (makes a fist) Oh yeah? You should be.

Little Alania: (comes over) Hey, hey. Don't fight. It's not nice.

Little Kirk: But he's gonna tell on us that we escaped!

Little Alania: Oh yeah? Well, I can make him keep his mouth shut!

Little Kirk: How?

Little Alania: (proudly) I'm an Author, that's how!

Little Kirk: But you're just a little Author! The big Authors control the story.

Little Alania: (smugly) It doesn't matter. I'm still an Author; I bet I can keep Little Doctor Death from talking. Ummm... (thinks for a minute) Okay. (snaps fingers) There!

Little Kirk: Did it work?

Little Doctor Death: (tries to talk but can't)

Little Alania: Hah, it did work! (singing) I'm aa-an Author! I can control the sto-reee!

Little Sulu: Hey, let me try! I want some ice cream! (snaps fingers; nothing happens) No fair!

Kirk: Hey, instead of wishing for ice cream, why don't you try to get us out?

McCoy: Yeah, we could use a little help!

Spock: My clone could make a cutting torch out of some of the cloning machine's wires.

McCoy: (rolls eyes) Of course, your clone could do it! What about my clone? I was just as good when I was a kid as you were!

Spock: I'm sure our clones could work together to make something hot enough to melt the bars of our cage.

McCoy: My clone doesn't need your clone! He can do it all by himself! Right, Lenny?

Little McCoy: (blinks) Bars melt?

Little Kirk: Oh course they melt, stupid! You know when you hold a Kit Kat Bar in your hand for too long? It gets hot and your hands get brown stuff on them.

Little Uhura: Ewwwww. Melted chocolate is gross and sticky.

Chekov: In Russia, kids get the finest education. My clone could surpass all of yours in mental brilliance.

Sulu: (says something in Japanese to his clone, who laughs and looks at Chekov)

Chekov: (glares) What did you say, Hikaru?

Sulu: I guess in Russia, foreign languages aren't a priority.

Chekov: Who'd want to learn Japanese?

Kirk: ATTENTION! (everyone stands still and looks at Kirk) Jimmy, go find a way to get us out of here! NOW! Otherwise, I'll give you a bath!

Little Kirk: Noooo! Not a bath! (runs out door)

Narrator: The little clones all follow, except for Little Doctor Death, who still can't talk.

McCoy: Good. Those idiot kids are gone!

Spock: It was most illogical, Captain, to send away our only hope of escape. My clone could have constructed a crude welding torch and gotten us out.

McCoy: Humph. Your clone this, your clone that. Well, my clone could... ummm... (thinks) He could...

Spock: Your point is, Doctor?

Kirk: (trying to change the subject) Hey look! This cage is locked!

McCoy: (looks at him strangely) What, did you think we were staying in here voluntarily?

Kirk: No, no, I was just looking at this lock... it's the kind that needs a key. Is there any way we could get it open?

Sulu: Well, we could use a lock-pick.

Kirk: Does anyone have a lock-pick?

(pause)

Kirk: Don't tell me we didn't bring a lock-pick! We really ought to be more prepared when we go on these missions.

McCoy: Well, we usually assume that we would be able to burn through the bars of any cage with our phasers.

Kirk: Oh.

Alania: (digging around in some of Doctor Death's junk) Hey look! It's a computer!

Pearlgirl: (comes over) Turn it on! Does it have internet connection?

Alania: It won't start up.

Pearlgirl: Here, I know how to make it work. This is a method that never fails.

Narrator: Pearlgirl kicks the computer. The screen flickers for a moment and then it stays on.

Alania: Wow. Incredible. (clicks something with mouse; disappointed) Nope, no internet. But look! It has Minesweeper!

Pearlgirl: (rolls eyes) Oh boy.

Little Doctor Death: (tries to say something but can't)

PearlGirl: He's still mute. That clone of yours is a good Author!

Alania: (smiles) Thank you. I was talented at a young age.

PearlGirl: But I was the best at playing Barbies, you must admit.

Little Narrator: I'm going to talk about the clones now! They're walking around the building, looking for something to break the bars with.

Little Kirk: Quick, let's find something! I don't want to have a baaaaaaath.

Little Spock: Why do you dread being washed?

Little Kirk: Because... uh... they're icky! And sometimes I get soap in my eyes!

Little Spock: I see.

Little McCoy: I bet you don't see! I bet Vulcans like baths!

Little Spock: I do not dread being cleaned.

Little Sulu: I like being dirty!

Little Chekov: I have to wash my face. Otherwise, I get pimples.

Little Uhura: I doubt it's possible for you to be any more pimply than you are now.

Little Snodgrass: I'm afraid I'll drown in the tub.

Little PearlGirl: I get to play with my Tanning Barbie. If you get her wet, her skin turns brownish.

Little Alania: Baths stink.

Little Spock: It is impossible for any of them to give you a bath, seeing as they are currently in a cage.

Little Narrator: The little clones blink for a second. Then Little Kirk spots a beam laying in one of the rooms.

Little Kirk: That looks like a beam from a transporter room. I know all about starship transporter rooms. (smiles) I've got… what that word again? Intelligimance?

Little Spock: (raises eyebrow) Intelligence.

Little Kirk: I know that because I've got intelligence!

Little Sulu: Let's use the beam to smash open the cage. That's what Mighty Marvo does in the comic books!

Little Kirk: Mighty Marvo is a wimp compared to me!

Little Uhura: I read about Wonder Women. She defeats evil, gross spiders without messing up her hair.

Little Sulu: Wonder Woman is a sissy.

Little Spock: I believe with the right amount of force, the impact from this blunt object has a 87 chance of bending the cage bars.

Little McCoy: None of us speak Vulcan! Talk in English!

Little Spock: (raises eyebrow) That was English.

Little Kirk: He said that if we use the Force, the beam will break the cage door.

Little Chekov: Is anyone here a Jedi? I can't use the Force.

Little Alania: I bet I could. All you have to do is "let go of your feelings."

Little McCoy: That's easy for Spock!

Little Kirk: Okay, Spock! Let go of your feelings and pick up the beam with the Force!

Little Spock: I have no feelings to let go of, but I will need everyone's assistance to lift the beam.

Little McCoy: Ha! He can't use the Force!

Little Spock: I am unsure to which "Force" you are referring. Could you perhaps explain?

Little McCoy: Haha, we've discovered something that Spock doesn't know!

Little Kirk: The Force is from Star Wars. It—

Little McCoy: (puts hand over Little Kirk's mouth) Don't tell him, then he would know everything!

Little Narrator: Maybe we should get back to the task at hand.

Little Sulu: Right. Moving the beam.

Little McCoy: Well, it looks like we can't use the Force. So how will we do it?

Little Alania: Ooh! Ooh! I know!

Little Sulu: What?

Little Alania: I'll use my amazing Author powers to lift the beam. (smugly) That's even better than the Force.

Little Pearlgirl: No, let me use Author-powers! You already had your turn!

Little Alania: But I'm better at it than you!

Little Pearlgirl: No you're not! I'm just as good as you.

Little Alania: And anyway, it was my idea.

Little Pearlgirl: SO! (starts to cry) I... want... to... have... a... tuuuurrnnnnnn!

Little Uhura: (nervously) Maybe you ought to let her do it...

Little Alania: (stubbornly) No. I'm not going to.

Little Kirk: All right, then do it then, if you're so good at it.

Little Alania: All right, all right, don't rush me.

Little Narrator: Little Alania walks up to the beam and looks at it.

Little Chekov: What are you waiting for?

Little Alania: (looks at him disdainfully) Using Author powers isn't like picking your nose, you know.

Little Chekov: How do you know? Have you ever tried picking your nose?

Little Alania: (blushes; hastily) Of course not.

Little Pearlgirl: (stops crying) You do too—

Little Alania: (steps on Little Pearlgirl's foot) Be quiet! What do you know?

Little Pearlgirl: (screams) Owwww!

Little Kirk: (talking loudly to be heard over Little Pearlgirl's screams) Uhh, maybe you should leave your sister alone, Alania—

Little Alania: Don't call me Alania! From now on I will be addressed as, "Your Highness, the Great and Exalted Author"!

Little McCoy: You can't do that! The big Authors are in control of the story, not you!

Little Alania: Humph. Well, I should be. I'd do a better job of it.

Little McCoy: Look, can you just lift the beam already!

Little Alania: (sulkily) All right, fine.

Little Narrator: She snaps her fingers, but nothing happens.

Little Kirk: Why didn't it work? I thought you said you could do it.

Little Alania: Err, umm, I can! Let me try again!

Little McCoy: I think she needs some more practice.

Gasp Will the clones be able to rescue the Enterprise crew from the cage! Oh, the suspense!