We have a slightly-longer-than-usual chapter for you this time. Enjoy!
Narrator: If you will recall, when we left off last the clones were attempting to figure out a way to move the metal beam that they found.
Little Spock: Perhaps we should simply carry it. There are ten of us here; that should supply us with the needed strength to lift the beam.
Little Uhura: I don't want to carry a rusting beam! It'll chip my fingernail.
Little Alania: No, I can lift it! Really!
Little Kirk: No, I can lift the beam! All by myself.
Little McCoy: Ha! Yeah right. Go ahead and try.
Little Narrator: Jimmy goes over to the beam and tries to lift it. Beads of sweat form on his forehead. He grunts a few times, and takes deep breaths. Then he—
Little McCoy: You don't have to go into so much detail.
Little Sulu: Looks like you need help from Karate-Man Hikaru!
Little Narrator: All the clones help to lift the beam.
Little Snodgrass: Why am I in front? I don't know where we're going!
Little Kirk: Just walk straight, you moron!
Little Narrator: Eugene bumps into a wall.
Little Snodgrass: Owwww! My toe!
Little Kirk: I should be in front!
Little Chekov: (licks beam) This tastes kinda sweet.
Little Uhura: Ewwwww! That's sooooo gross!
Little Alania: Let's go! Eugene, just walk down the hall!
Little Snodgrass: Okay.
Little Narrator: The clones begin marching with the beam in a single file line. They keep bumping into each other and tripping, except for Spock's clone, who walks calmly at the rear.
Little Alania: Let's sing a marching song! (sings) The ants are marching one by one hurrah! Hurrah!
Little Spock: There are no ants or any other insect life except for gnats on this planet.
Little Sulu: I don't know. Uhura looks like a bug to me!
Little Uhura: (lets go of beam, slaps Little Sulu) You can't talk that way to me! I'm a lady!
Little Sulu: (sticks out tongue) No you're not! You're just a girl! And you have cooties!
Little Uhura: I do not!
Little Sulu: (singing) Uhura has cooties! Nah nah nah nah nah!
Little Uhura: (covering her ears) Make him stop!
Little Pearlgirl: What's a cootie?
Little Sulu: I don't know. But all girls have them!
Little Pearlgirl: (crying) No we don't!
Little Alania: It's boys that have cooties!
Little Narrator: By now everybody has set the beam down and they have forgotten about carrying it.
Little Chekov: Cooties sound yummy.
Little Sulu: You don't eat cooties! That's gross! ...I wonder how they taste, though?
Little Snodgrass: (nervous) I don't have cooties, do I? What's a cootie? Do they hurt?
Little Sulu: They're the most grossest things in the galaxy. And if you touch someone who has them, then you catch them too. Except for girls; they're born with them.
Little Uhura: We are not! Make him stop saying that!
Little McCoy: What about Vulcans? Are they born with cooties?
Little Spock: I am uncertain of what exactly a cootie is, but I highly doubt that Vulcans "have" them.
Little McCoy: Hah, you're just saying that! (yelling) Spock has cooties! Spock has cooties!
Little Sulu: Uhura has cooties! Uhura has cooties!
Little Uhura: (crying) No I don't! Make him stop!
Little Kirk: (walks up to Little Sulu) Stop it. You shouldn't be mean to ladies.
Little Uhura: See? He told you to stop it.
Little Sulu: Make me.
Little Kirk: (pushes Little Sulu) I'm the captain, so you have to do what I say!
Little Sulu: Hmmph. All right, fine.
Little Kirk: All right, everyone back to their places! Pick up the beam, and let's go!
Little Narrator: They are all picking up the beam to keep carrying it.
Little Uhura: You're not helping to carry it.
Little Narrator: (smugly) I'm the Narrator. My job is to narrate. I don't need to help carry things.
Little Uhura: (to Little Kirk) Make him help!
Little Kirk: (shakes head) No, we need him to narrate.
Little Uhura: What about me? Do you need me for something?
Little Kirk: Yeah, we need you to help carry the beam.
Little Uhura: Hmmph. (sticks out tongue at Little Narrator)
Little Narrator: Finally, after much tripping and stumbling, especially on Eugene's part, they reach the room where the adult Starfleet officers are caged in.
Little Kirk: Ta da! We can break the cage bars with this!
McCoy: That's the best your clone could come up with, Jim? A beam? They can hardly lift it! How are they going to break hard bars that are made of... of...
Little Spock: 64 iron, 21 steel, 10 bronze, 3.5 copper and 1 nickel.
Spock: 1.5 nickel.
Little Spock: (pauses for a minute and stares at bars) I was mistaken. It is 1.5 nickel.
McCoy: Whatever. How are they going to break those mostly iron bars?
Snodgrass: Maybe if my clone didn't help…
Little Snodgrass: Good idea!
McCoy: Even without him in the way, they're still not going to be able to do it!
Spock: Vulcans are stronger then humans, Doctor. I believe they could manage it. The bars aren't made of many durable materials.
McCoy: Sure, with your clone helping. What is my clone? Chopped liver?
Spock: No, you are not chopped liver, and nor is your clone. You are a doctor, as you so frequently point out.
McCoy: It's an expression, Spock.
Spock: Humans have many illogical expressions. I suppose it's because they are so emotional, so they need to express their emotions in illogical ways.
McCoy: Humans aren't emotional! You're just unemotional!
Spock: So if humans are not emotional, nor are they unemotional, what are they?
McCoy: (pauses; firmly) Better then Vulcans, that's what they are.
Kirk: Just give the clones a chance, Bones. I bet they can do it!
Spock: The chance of success is 87.4028—
Little Kirk: CHARGE!
Narrator: The clones race toward the cage carrying the beam. Little Snodgrass trips and is tripped over by Little Sulu, who is tripped over by Little Uhura, who is tripped over by Little PearlGirl, etc. Fortunately, when they trip, they let go of the beam. This force causes it to fly at the bars, ram against them, and shatter four of them.
Chekov: Een Russia, we make better, more stable cages.
Sulu: I'm glad we're not in Russia.
Narrator: Just when things are looking happy, Doctor Death bursts into the room.
Doctor Death: Muahahahahaha! Don't think you've escaped! (points big gun thing at them) I still happen to have my blaster 200000!
McCoy & Little McCoy: Great, just great.
Spock & Little Spock: I fail to see what is "great" about our current situation.
Kirk & Little Kirk: (sigh) It's an expression, Spock.
Doctor Death: Wow, that was interesting. Anyway, where's my clone?
Little Doctor Death: (tries to talk but can't)
Doctor Death: Did those stupid Authors mess around with your voice?
Little Doctor Death: (nods)
Doctor Death: Good. I hate crying little kids. Anyway, where are the Authors?
PearlGirl: Hello, Death-y. How'd the meditation go?
Doctor Death: Pretty good. I figured out what was wrong with my machine!
Alania: What?
Doctor Death: I forgot to press the button labeled, "You Must Press This Button to Make the Machine Work Properly."
McCoy: (rolls eyes) Talk about a dysfunctional mad scientist.
Doctor Death: What was that?
McCoy: (hastily) Nothing.
Doctor Death: Good. I sure hope it was nothing... where were we?
Kirk: I think we were in the process of escaping.
Doctor Death: Oh, right. But wait; you can't escape now!
Kirk: Why not? (smugly) As you can see, we have already exited the cage you left us in.
Doctor Death: (more smugly) Yes, but you've forgotten that I still have my blaster 200000 which I can use to vaporize you into a million particles of... vapor.
Kirk: (even more smugly) Maybe, but we still have... (to McCoy) what do we have?
McCoy: (shrugs) We have the beam.
Sulu: You know, there's something familiar about that beam.
Chekov: Eet looks like ze ones in ze transporter room.
McCoy: You know, I think it's the same beam that Uhura ripped out of the floor of the transporter room the last time we came to this planet.
Uhura: (looks at beam) Whaddaya know, it is. (picks up beam) It's been rather useful, hasn't it?
Doctor Death: (laughs maniacally) FOOLS! A metal BEAM is no use against my BLASTER! Get back in the cage NOW! My cloning machine is fixed; I can finally make some quality clones!
Kirk: (getting back in cage) You know, you're an unusual sort of villain. I never thought I'd meet a villain who didn't want to take over the Enterprise.
Doctor Death: Enterprise? What's that?
Chekov: That's the ship you sent the fake distress call to.
Doctor Death: Ohhhhh. What's so great about it?
Kirk: (raising his voice) What's so GREAT about it! Did you just ask what's so great about it? I can't believe you asked that! Spock, can you believe he asked that?
Spock: Yes, because I heard him ask that question.
McCoy: (snickers) With your pointy ears.
Spock: That is correct, Doctor. I did hear him with my ears, which are in fact pointed.
Kirk: (smugly) I guess I'd better tell you what's so great about the Enterprise. She's the BEST SHIP IN THE QUADRANT! In fact, alllllll of Starfleet! She can reach warp 8, if she has to! Her dilithium crystals are 95 pure, aaaannnnddd I've never had to replace a single one! Her hull is a beautiful silver sheen and she has a wonderful, comfy, captain's chair! She has—
Narrator: As Kirk rambles on, a glint appears in Doctor Death's eye. It grows and soon becomes a greedy light that McCoy notices.
McCoy: Psst. Jim. Be quiet.
Kirk: I'm not done yet! Plus, she's got 197 bathrooms and—
Sulu: Wow, I didn't know we had that many bathrooms.
Chekov: Keptin, maybe we shouldn't be telling a mad scientist why he should take ower our ship.
Kirk: He wouldn't dare! The only way he could manage to take over a ship as great as the Enterprise is by threatening to shoot all the bridge crew if they don't take him aboard.
McCoy: Jim?
Kirk: Yes?
McCoy: Stop talking. Now.
Doctor Death: Change of plans. I'm not going to clone you. Not yet.
Kirk: What are you going to do?
Doctor Death: I'm going to... (dramatic pause) TAKE OVER THE ENTERPRISE! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Kirk: (gasps) You wouldn't dare!
Doctor Death: Oh yes I would. (waves gun threateningly) Take me to the Enterprise, or I'll shoot you all.
Kirk: How? We don't have our communicators...
Doctor Death: We'll go in my shuttlecraft.
Kirk: Oh.
Doctor Death: (waves gun) All right, all of you start walking. We're going to the shuttle bay.
McCoy: What about the clones?
Doctor Death: I'll shut them back in the maze... or on second thought, why bother? I'll soon have control of the Enterprise, and then I can throw them into the brig! (dreamily) You know, I've always wanted to throw someone into the brig. (snaps out of dreamy expression) Anyway, they can come too.
Kirk: What about the Authors?
Doctor Death: Authors? Huh?
Narrator: Doctor Death looks over at the two Authors, who are crouched over a computer in a corner arguing over something.
Pearlgirl: Hey, look! It's a French Galleon! Sink it with your Privateer!
Alania: Are you kidding? Privateers only have half the firepower of a Galleon. Plus I'm carrying some cotton.
Pearlgirl: But you would have had the attack bonus! You could have destroyed it!
Alania: Yeah, or I could have lost my one remaining Privateer, just like I lost my other one when you told me to use it to attack that Frigate!
Doctor Death: Hmmmmmm. The only reason I wanted them here was to make evil clones of them. Then I could use the clones to get revenge on you. But taking over your ship is an even more evil! And, it's colder.
Chekov: Huh? Colder? Don't you mean cooler?
Doctor Death: Haven't you heard of the old Klingon proverb, "Revenge is a dish that is best served cold"? (waves gun) Go through the door that says Shuttle Bay! All of you! Time to visit your little ship! (cackles evilly)
Dun dun dunnnn! The suspense! How will our heroes escape this time! You may find out… if you leave a review.