Quick Summary. : (Rin's POV) Somewhat of Diary Entries of Rin's after she has been able to serve the powerful Lord Sesshomaru. Mostly just Diary Entries. R&R Please read notes inside!

Other stuff : Baka - Stupid / Nani - What / Ohayo - Morning / Nii-san - Big Brother/ Gomen - Sorry/ Hai - Yes / Demo - But / Ota-san - Father/ Youkai - Demon/ Hanyou - Half Demon

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, pathetic? I know

Alright, you know the deal:

Blah - thinking

Talking- talking

My self - Me talking

Special Bulletins : A special thanks to all who reviewed! HoshiiNoTenshi - Yeah, I thought that question was gonna be funny! Haha! Glad you like her personality! So do I! lol simplyelena - yah, my spelling check has been off and my 'd' botton isnt working too well, so I have to hit it like seven times for it to work! Pretty pathetic, but yeah, no one is good at spelling, well, not that I know off! lol Glad you liked the story, in any event! Odi et amo - yeah, I cant spell that good! Haha! Glad you think its spiffy! I need to use that word more often! lol SugarN'SpiceRin - I'm seriously glad you love it! You've never read one like this? Well glad mine was your first! Please keep R&R everyone! Oh and btw, I will throw in a few Japanese words here and there.

Entry Two : Seeing Though Golden Eyes

The once beautiful and platinum colored stove, was now a dark blazing red and black color. It produced an awful smell of burning, and as a result, I was to make a large and formal apology to Lord Sesshomaru. Honestly, I didn't mean to almost destroy the stove, but, I should of warned both Master Jaken and Lord Sesshomaru that I hadn't a clue on how to cook. Though, I think Master Jaken was much more furious with me. As I sit writing to you, I am somewhat confined until Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken find a way to repair the stove, it looks as if we won't be eating too well until then, either. I feel utterly ashamed with myself. The most handsome men of who might of considering to marry or propose to me, now find me a laughing matter. It is not funny, not in the least. The maids are all talking about it, as well. But, I honestly, didn't mean any harm, but I feel useless. I cant even distribute a proper lunch to Lord Sesshomaru, now my lunch is nothing but rice cakes.

Lord Sesshomaru had not reprimanded me as much as Master Jaken did, but, they both had said the same thing, 'When the snow falls outside it is very difficult to find stoves.' Though, I have decided to sneak out just after sunset to go and find one. I have a great deal of money that I am suppose to spend for my new room, across the hall from Lord Sesshomaru's, but, making this up to him, is a bit more important then clothing or maybe a wonderful new hair clip or that new set of colorful ties, I've had my eye on since last month. But, to think of such selfish things at this time is more unbecoming of me, but, I cant help it. Though, I have to perfect myself in many ways to please Lord Sesshomaru, perhaps if I try to attend to watch the maids cook more often, but, I already cause trouble..for everyone.

Even if I do sneak out this evening, it will be very difficult for me, considering so many things scare me, I haven't been outside walking around on my own since I first came here, just thinking about it, makes me shiver. I decide to leave soon, maybe I could get away from this place, I feel, somewhat like a locked bird, inside's it cage, only allowed out, once its Master or Owner lets it. I have decided, I'm going to try and get away from this place, maybe, I can start life a new somewhere. Though, I don't know where that sudden thought has come from, but, I'm so scared, could I really survive on my own? And what about men and children, if I have a husband, and have children, will he leave me and the pain of birthing, I just don't know what to do. I wish the answers came to me, instead of me trying to find them.

Oh my! Please excuse me! Lord Sesshomaru's calling me!

: Evening :

Hello again, my little book. I cant believe what has happened now. I had spent most of the afternoon in Lord Sesshomaru's study, helping him prepare things. He said it was 'payment' for his stove! I don't even have to go buy one, he has found a better one and replaced it! When I sat in the study, just about an hour ago, Lord Sesshomaru and I had a very nice conversation. No Master Jaken in sight. We sat on the balcony, watching the snow fall, I was blushing throughout are whole conversation. It was like heaven had shined its light on me if only for that hour that we had talked, I felt as if I was bless for a life time. Wouldn't it be wonderful? If I could just sit and watch or sit and talk to Lord Sesshomaru all day? I find my feelings for him puzzling, but, I don't love him, not yet at least. But this is what our conversation was like :

"Rin, are you don't with all the organizing?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"And Jaken..?"

"Attending to the younger maids as you have asked me to tell him to do so, Lord."

"Very well, now, I have a question for you to answer."

"Yes? Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Do you want to leave this place?"

"Leave?"

"As in, spreading your wings to fly, you may if you wish to."

"N-No! I could never allow myself to leave your side Lord Sesshomaru!"

"Optimistic..."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Be off with you now."

"Yes...My Lord.."

He had asked me if I wanted to leave, and I could of honestly said 'yes' and never once look back here, but, something has drawn me to those amber-golden eyes of his. The ones that shimmer, but, its almost like I can see right though them. I wonder, does Lord Sesshomaru ever get lonely, locking himself up in his study sometimes? I wonder if he wants to marry or have children, I wonder, what its like to be him. Of course, I cant exactly picture myself in that situation, but, maybe, just maybe, if he'll open up to me more...but that, is a truly foolish thought. To think a mortal such as me, could be blessed with Lord Sesshomaru's love, I would truly die the day that happens, but, I need to know something, and I do believe Lord Sesshomaru is the one who can give me the answer.

Am I just a low-life mortal?

Am I really just that? A low-life mortal, with no stamina or anything? I-I want to know everything, about myself, about this mansion, its history, I want to know more about Lord Sesshomaru. I fear that I love him, but, if I were to say or tell anyone, it wouldn't be helped. He would, he would shun me away till time its self was ending. Is it so wrong to love a demon? Is it so wrong if a demon loved a human? What am I saying! Lord Sesshomaru, he's too good for me, and I fear, that the old saying of 'love at first sight' may be capturing me in its spell and forcing my heart to open. I don't want that, I don't want anything to do with him. I want, I just want, to fly away on open wings. To be able to soar high into the sky! To be able to scream till my lungs shrivel, to be able, to do what I want.

Those golden eyes, the ones so hollow, so thin, so...so...mysterious. They are going to haunt me forever. I just know it, and even know, when I write and think this, I cry. The streaming crystal tears of a pathetic mortal fall on this paper. The denial of feelings, and the flowing stream of hatred, not for anyone, but herself. Is life always this cruel? How...how can it be this way? I am not suppose to fall in love, with anyone, especially not a demon. I am suppose to be hated, to be served to others, to be tainted as the town's property. That is what everyone says, young or old, we, all women, will get saturated, so, what right do I have? What right do I have to be in love? It would be selfish and uncanny to do so, not to mention utterly humiliating, but I cant deny it.

I am in love with Lord Sesshomaru.

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A little short, but packed with emotions. R&R its the right thing to do!