Quick Summary. : (Rin's POV) Somewhat of Diary Entries of Rin's after she has been able to serve the powerful Lord Sesshomaru. Mostly just Diary Entries. R&R Please read notes inside!
Other stuff : Baka - Stupid / Nani - What / Ohayo - Morning / Nii-san - Big Brother/ Gomen - Sorry/ Hai - Yes / Demo - But / Ota-san - Father/ Youkai - Demon/ Hanyou - Half Demon
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, pathetic? I know
Alright, you know the deal:
Blah - thinking
Talking- talking
My self - Me talking
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Odi et amo
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Sorry For the late update! I have been having some r/l problems, so I couldn't type very much!
Entry Three : A Glass Heart
It had been about half a day since I confessed my feelings to myself, and, I've been weeping every second. Especially, when I look in this mirror, the one showing the clearest reflection, and what do I see? A pathetic girl, who has fallen in love with a demon she's only known for a short amount of time. I cant stand to look at her. She's foolish, perhaps, even insane. What kind of woman falls in love with a demon? Even though, Lord Sesshomaru has done nothing to hurt me, mentally nor physically, I feel as if...as if...I am a whore. That's right, someone who uses charms to posses everything...because...to think I can have this forbidden feeling, its a crime. Besides, I overheard Master Jaken speaking to Lord Sesshomaru earlier, about a girl. I had token a walk to clear my mind and when I stumble close to the garden, I heard it all.
Kagura. She is suppose to be a high ranking woman from the north, with her brother, Naraku, in command of the whole entire north. This supposed, marriage that I heard about, is suppose to help us gain lands. Though, Lord Sesshomaru wishes not to, he doesn't have a choice. I feel as if I should tell Lord Sesshomaru now, my feelings that is. If I tell him now, would he deny the marriage to Kagura? I hope, I wish, I pray that he does. It is nearly morning, I have been up all night. Walking, weeping, and sighing, all of this I did. But, it does not matter anymore, what I think. I forget sometimes, that I am nothing but a servant here, I get no special treatment. What right do I have to honestly fall in love with Lord Sesshomaru? But...should I really keep my locked heart hidden deep? I don't know what to do anymore.
I have to tell him...
Oh...a knock on my door...I wonder who it is...
: Noon :
Hello, once again. Lord Sesshomaru was at my door earlier, and I couldn't even look him straight in the eye. He told me that we would be attending a small meeting with someone, my previous Lord, the one I had before I came here. I am troubled, I cant remember him or her, and for that reason I am scared. When Lord Sesshomaru saw my troubled face he told me I had nothing to worry about. My heart lifted, then sunk, I had plenty to worry about. I had forbidden feelings locked away, a owner to meet, a arranged marriage I have to destroy, but no, nothing to worry about, huh? I don't know what to do anymore, but, I shall get dressed right away, I am troubled, but, I shall be okay. Lord Sesshomaru will be there, and I know, no matter if he has feelings or not, he'll help me...I just know it..
: Evening :
Konbanwa, or good evening my dear treasure. I have most dreadful news, Kagura will be coming here to stay for quite a while! She has already arrived and is in her room, talking with Lord Sesshomaru. Not only do I have to pursue the destruction of this marriage, but I also have to go see my previous Lord tomorrow morning. Lord Sesshomaru has told me to be very behaved on both occasions, but, that Kagura is anything but something behaved. She is a most horrible woman, with eyes of piercing red devil's which I can hear the screech of, every time she looks at me. Not in such a friendly way either, it is a hard, devastating glare, which send chills up and down my spine. She has fingernails that are so long, that if she even slashed someone, it would leave a horrible gash. They were painted as the color of midnight, but, with red spots, I only hope it was paint, and not blood of someone else. She isnt even honestly, that good looking, in fact I could see Lord Sesshomaru cringe ever so slightly at her appearance. She as insisted on me calling her Lady Taiyoukai, I hate it ever so much. Taiyoukai is Lord Sesshomaru's last name, and she dare use his name as if she is already married to him! It makes the blood inside me boil.
She has this white and black fan which she carries around everywhere. Even when I was asked to show her to her quarters, she kept it above her mouth or down at her sides. I am beginning to think she will strike me with either her nails or her fan if I do something horrid. I am glad she will not come to my room any time soon, that reminds me. Earlier, before Kagura or Lady Taiyoukai came, I was able to get a bigger room down the hall, in the wing of where Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken sleep. It is a large room, and has a perfect sized window, in which I can see the moon and the small garden with the pond, perfectly. The bed is most comfortable too, and I even have a tea table! Many wonderful paintings are around the room, and a small bookcase full of a few books of my interest from the study sit across the room, next to the large desk I have. There is a lock on the door, which I am also thankful for. Master Jaken tells me it is the most wonderful room a servant has ever been able to stay in, though, I will be staying in here a lot. I am afraid I wont be able to walk around freely with Kagura afoot.
Naraku, Kagura's brother has also come, and he gives me this ever so scary smirk every chance he gets. It isnt a scary smirk of 'hmm-your-just-so-alone' more of a smirk of 'your-quite-interesting' it scares me just as much as Kagura's fingernails. When we where eating supper, I sat next to Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken. Though, every time I looked up to either side of me, I always spotted Naraku smirking at me, and licking his lips. I have my eyes wide open every time I am near Naraku, I am scared he might attack me and force himself on me. I wish...I wish I could tell Lord Sesshomaru, but I know, he will most likely believe whatever it is Naraku tells him over me. I'm terribly frightened, and I shall not leave this room without someone I know and trust guiding me. Should I tell Lord Sesshomaru what is happening? I think I should, but, right now, I am more concerned about what I am to do, with everything. I don't want to do anything, believe it or not, I just want to be left alone...for now and forever...
: Early Morning/Dawn :
This has been the first time I have cried myself to sleep, and I do hope it shall be the last. My eyes are a bit red, but, it will pass in time, but, I don't feel at all better from yesterday. My heart, in fact, feels as if it has been shattered….as if someone has stricken it and it broke and flew high, so high and far, that I would never be able to see it again. But, I have little time to write, because I shall be going to see my previous Lord soon, the sun is just rising and I can see the Jasmine and Cherry Blossom plants and trees growing. It is a lovely sight to watch every morning, and since I will be locked up in here for a while, I decide to cherish this time, and the time I have with Lord Sesshomaru. Lord Sesshomaru...even the sound of his name makes me heart swell, but, in a sad way. I can't believe I allowed this to happen to me, I must be a disgrace, I am getting so emotional over it. But, if anyone were ever to read this, I do hope that...they never feel the pain I suffer...
Time is passing by so quickly. I'm sorry...I must go get ready, before more tears drop...farewell...for a little while..
: Midnight :
I have returned, and might I must say today has been the worst day ever to exist! I wish everyone in this entire house was gone! I want to be alone! I can't take it any longer. I'm...I'm going crazy...its too overwhelming...make the pain stop...but, I suppose you are wondering why I feel this way? But...at least he cares a little. But, I am still upset! Well, I'm sure you would too, after this tale is told... :
It was so close to breakfast when Lord Sesshomaru, Master Jaken, and I were leaving to Lord's house. I was dressed in a spring kimono, the one that I wear on special occasions, Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken were also dressed in kimono's. I hadn't said a thing to either one of them, and I knew they were begging to tense, well, Master Jaken was. On the ride there, it was completely silent, an awkward silence, but I dare not open my mouth. I was much too busy glancing outside along the road, anyhow. It was a beautiful day, and on days like this, I was sometimes allowed to sneak away and play outside with a few younger maids, but today, my mood certainly did not match the weather. And I would of much rather stay inside and write or stare out the window, instead of coming to this awful place.
The mansion we came to was huge, so huge I thought it was twice as big as our own. Although, I knew that was nearly impossible, out mansion was the largest in all of the western lands. When we stepped out of the carriage we were riding in, I spotted a young man, no more then the age of around nineteen, who was standing at the front gate. He had midnight black hair, which flowed out of a braided ponytail, and, he looked, rather happy, to see me. When we approached him, he had tan, very tan skin, as if he had been out in the sun too long, he looked, as if he hadn't aged in forever. Suddenly, a small pain hit me in my heart and I felt the need to wince. Lord Sesshomaru glanced at me and I immediately overcame it, I cant let him think I am week for feeling a small pain, it was probably nothing in any event.
When we were invited inside the castle, my stomach felt completely hollow, as if I hadn't eaten anything in ages. I also, felt the need to cry my eyes out looking around the hallways. There were small spots of red everywhere but Lord only told us it was a new idea for decoration he came up with, I didn't believe it one bit. There were also, only a few servants, they looked worn out and thin, not to mention a few of them were bruised on their faces or their arms. I did my best to not yell at him for not taking care of them. When we passed by his bedroom, I felt, sick. I wobbled gently and next thing I knew, I was gasping for air up against the hallway walls. Lord Sesshomaru looked at me, and tried to calm me down, but, out of nowhere, all I can remember is me falling to the ground. Nothing but black, but I do know...I had a dream..
: Dream/Flashback :
There was a small girl, no more then perhaps the age of six, no, maybe seven. She had a most non-optimistic appearance on her face, and she limped down the hallway. Suddenly, a man, that looked, just like Lord had appeared! He looked the same as he did now, and the small girl let out a cry of pain as she was thrown against the wall. She curled into a little wall, mumbling and sobbing. Lord picked her up and opened the door to his room. He shut the door and many servants stopped to look. The girl let out cries of 'Please Lord! Stop!' but, then, I saw the little girl inside, he was...he was lying on top of her, licking her...stomach...she was bleeding right below, and she cried so much, so much, that it hurt me. She shook her head as he smirked and licked from her nose going down...and down..
"No! Please! Lord! No!" she cried, he stopped and looked up.
"Do not worry. I wont make it so bad. Your good in bed. Just relax and let us play. Your a very tasty woman. Very tasty indeed." he said, licked his lips.
"Please!" she tried to shove him away.
"Now, now. Calm down, or I'll make it hurt even worse! Your my little girl, aren't you? Rin?" he said, then, it all went black...again..
: End :
I remember...when I woke up...Lord Sesshomaru was sitting across the room leaning against the wall. I felt ashamed to be in his presence. I felt dirty, angry, confused, scared, lonely, I just felt...so hollow though...when I thought about it. Perhaps...perhaps it was all just a dream, not a memory, but, as I sat up, I had seen and felt something. Guilt. I felt so guilty that I let that crime, even in my dreams, go on. It was horrible and I wanted to scream and run as far away as I could. To just try and find something to wrap myself in so tight that the pain would not seep out and that no more pain would seep in. I had been crying, both in my dream and while I slept. Lord sat across from Lord Sesshomaru and once I saw him I let out a low, angry growl, which I didn't know would attract such attention, from both him and Lord Sesshomaru.
"Now...Rin..." Lord said with a horrid smirk, "A bad memory perhaps, of something from a previous or new owner?"
I gritted my teeth and stood, all anger surging though me, I couldn't take it any longer. My life had been fine, no, it had been wonderful. Then out of nowhere this woman comes and this other man comes and now this...this...this rapist heart-less monster dares to speak to me as if it were nothing more then a small nightmare that a child may have. No, I didn't deserve this. Then was when I somewhat snapped. I stood up and walked over to Lord and slapped him a good bit across the face. Lord, Lord Sesshomaru, and even I was shocked at this action. Lord stood up and was close to hitting me in return, but, Lord Sesshomaru stopped him, and he was thrown against the wall. It was time to leave...
On the ride back, I wept quietly to myself. Tears of anger. Tears of sorrow. Tears of every emotion that anyone has ever even thought of. All except for happiness or emotions relating to that. Though, when we had stopped to make a short trip, Lord Sesshomaru sat next to me, he told me it was alright, that I wouldn't have to go back, not ever. He wouldn't allow such behavior on my half again, but, he said that man deserved each and every pain he has gotten. Lord Sesshomaru told me, no, promised me, that I would be safe. When he said that, I couldn't help myself, not one bit. I had broken down and cried clinging to him. He only tensed slightly, but, no movement. He let me weep, like the pitiful human I am. But, he promised me, it was going to be okay. It will be alright. Somehow I know it will. Because...I think Lord Sesshomaru...cares for me...even if it is just something he has to do. It makes me smile...I feel so happy, so thrilled to know, someone doesn't want me to get hurt. And I cried some more, but when I was done. I was glad...just to be hanging to his arm...
Muhahahaha, I'm going to end it there. Hope you like it. I know, I cant spell, do anything right with checking, but, the story is good though, right? whimpers lol R&R because I wub you 2