A/N Look, we all know the canon at this point. I'll mostly just be glossing over the parts that remain unchanged or barely changed because I don't see a reason to stretch the story so much.
Tricks of a certain fox - chapter 6/I will be the greatest
-/\/-
After kicking names and taking asses… or the other way around, Naruto returned to the viewing gallery. Smugly, he blew a raspberry at seething Sasuke. He showed everyone that his hard work could overcome any gap. He also conveniently forgot how he was only half-human and had unique skills at his disposal. Nope, that was his hard work at work (pun totally not intended).
The plates spun, announcing that the next competitors would be…
Uchiha Sasuke vs Uzumaki Karin
"The competitors please come to the stage," Hayate announced before coughing.
"Another Uzumaki? I'm gonna crush you." The black-haired boy growled before leaping over the railing, unconsciously mirroring Naruto.
Speaking of the Nephilim, he took another look at his teammate. Sasuke was acting strange. He was… it was as if a dark aura surrounded him. And he was acting strange. Well, stranger than usual.
Shaking Karin entered the arena and took her position. Sasuke simply scoffed at her, not even taking a battle-ready stance. The redhead seemed to give Sasuke an appraising look but suddenly froze.
"Ready? Begin!" The proctor declared, not paying attention to the state of the two participants.
Karin's hand shot up. She wanted to say something, but a black blur smashed into her, sending her into the wall. Not even for a moment did Sasuke stop his onslaught. He delivered punch after punch. Kick after kick. There was no break.
"I refuse! I refuse to be beaten!" An ugly roar echoed across the hall. "I'll get stronger! I will be the strongest!"
He went through a series of hand seals. The speed was indeed impressive. And so was the result.
"Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu." A rain of fireballs sailed at Karin, who frantically tried to dodge them. She managed to avoid the brunt of the attack, but some still smashed into her back, creating small explosions. As a result, she was sent cantering away. Sasuke pulled a Kunai and slowly approached the downed Kunoichi.
"I'm not gonna be weaker than that dobe." The boy scowled.
"Enough. Winner, Uchiha Sasuke." The proctor declared.
"Only good Uzumaki is a dead Uzumaki." Sasuke brought the Kunai down.
The sound of flapping wings and following soundwave knocked most people down. Before anyone could move, Naruto landed between Sasuke and Karin with two silver kunai blocking the downward slash.
"You won. Now get lost." Despite having almost all of the chakra sealed, Naruto managed to pull out enough to have his eyes transform. The usual blue hue was replaced with bloody red and black slits that bored deep into the onlooker's soul. A silver aura surrounded him.
The Jonins appeared to restrain Sasuke only seconds later. Kakashi was seen dragging the boy away. The Hokage just shook his head. This was a mess.
The fight between Shino and Kiba ended in the decisive victory of the former. Shikamaru managed to take out the Oto kunoichi. Kankuro didn't have much trouble with the last member of Team Shigeri. Several people winced when Gaara crushed Dosu Kinuta into fine bloody sand pulp. The body was hardly recognizable after that one attack. Rock Lee proved to be a superior shinobi when he beat Choji. Tenten, for all her improvement, just had bad luck with her opponent. Temari wiped the floor with her. Finally, the fight between Neji and Hinata had a rather… unfortunate ending.
Despite the unfavorable odds, Hinata kept on fighting. She kept getting up. She kept trying. It was until the proctor finally decided to take pity on the girl end declare the end of the fight when things truly became ugly. Much like Sasuke, Neji decided to disregard the proctor and tried to continue his assault. This time Naruto wasn't fast enough.
It was lucky that the Jonins, taught with the previous experience, were ready this time. Neji found himself locked between four sets of arms and legs that made even the slightest twitch impossible. Especially when less than a second Later Naruto also appeared, with his two Kunai ready to bring unimaginable pain. One rested on the boy's liver while the other was almost touching a place that no man wish to have a kunai near.
"Naruto. Don't!" Tenten and Lee simultaneously yelled from the gallery, rushing toward him.
"It's not worth it! If you hurt him, you'll be disqualified."
"Fine." The boy growled. Naruto then sheathed one of his blades. To the horror of everyone still in the room, he jabbed the other one through his hand. "But I will make him pay for what he did to Hinata. I swear it. I will make him pay for it."
"Do you think he takes drama lessons with Sasuke?" Ino muttered from the stands. She and Sakura were allowed to return to the stands after they regained consciousness.
"If so, maybe they should think about a refund…" The pink-haired girl responded.
"But did you see how fast he moved? I didn't know Naruto got so strong…"
"Yes… I'm… surprised as well…" Sakura nodded, but her thoughts were already drifting off. Both her teammates truly were becoming so much stronger. She needed to do something or she would be left behind too.
-/\/-
"What do you mean you won't train me!?" Naruto yelled at Kakashi when the teacher announced that he would be leaving with Sasuke for a month-long training trip.
"Look, Naruto. I know it isn't entirely fair for you, but right now Sasuke needs my help much more than you do. You've seen him during the preliminary battles. Orochimaru did a number on him and he must learn to properly control it. Don't worry." He gave the boy an eye smile. "I made sure to find you a suitable substitute."
"I'm here," Ebisu announced.
"And I'll make sure to find you a suitable substitute after I become a Hokage!" Naruto declared and vanished, accompanied by the sound of flapping wings and, surprisingly, an orange flash.
"Did he just…"
Kakashi chuckled lightly. "We're in danger."
Naruto meanwhile, was already arriving near Hokage tower. More precisely, he appeared on the Hokage monument and took a free-dive right onto the Hokage tower. Mid-fall, he flipped through hand signs.
"Angelic art: rainbow feathers."
Chakra focused in his palms for a moment before he twisted in the air and sent it at the monument.
The paint splattered all over the four heads. Chakra-infused paint formed of his grace. It was a trick Naruto figured on his own. He was still trying to figure out that part of his power. An advanced form of his mutated henge. Instead of transforming himself, he only transformed his chakra. Right now, paint was about the only thing he could do. Mostly because of how well he could understand it. Paint and his silver kunai. Those he could replicate with ease. Not that he planned on revealing it to anyone.
Seeing his beautiful work done, he quickly substituted himself with a nearby sheet and then landed on the rooftop below.
The monument has been transformed. The first Hokage had a rather impressive mustache added to his image. The second Hokage had a nice visage of a wolf. The third Hokage looked like a monkey. And the fourth Hokage wore a golden horned helmet and had a green jumper. It just suited him for some reason.
Naruto giggled before jumping off the roof and making his way to the Hokage's tower, making sure to arrive from a different direction than the Hokage monument. The painting should've been fast enough to push any suspicion away from him, but it didn't hurt to make sure.
Ignoring any possibility of important meetings or even any other work, he stormed the Hokage's office. There, he was met with terrified Ebisu and Kakashi.
"He just… He used that Jutsu! We are doomed!" Ebisu cried.
"Lord Hokage… I am not yet sure how, but Naruto managed to master the Hirashin. We're done for. Now nowhere is safe! There is no escaping his pranks now!" Kakashi moaned. "How am I to protect my precious!?"
"There, there…" Sandaime chuckled. "Naruto has mastered this Jutsu several weeks ago." He lied rather easily. There was no need to spread more panic and reveal that Naruto was able to use the 'Hirashin' for months.
"He… did?"
"I sure did!" The blond cheerfully announced. How did they not notice him barge in, he couldn't figure out.
"Naruto. It is… a pleasure to see you." Hokage chuckled again. When you live so long, you tend to learn how to find amusement in simple things. Or become a bitter old fool like Danzo.
"Jiji! Can you help me write an official demand to return an Uzumaki to our village! I promised Karin to get her to be my family."
"Oh? I guess I could… But what is it that I am hearing about you skipping training?"
Naruto huffed at the accusation. "I haven't. Kakashi-sensei is trying to skip on training me in favor of Sasuke."
"So you believe you are more important than Sasuke?"
"Well… I guess no. But he's also shouldn't get special treatment."
"I agree. That is why I ensured that Ebisu would teach you and you wouldn't be left behind."
"But that closet pervert is useless! I've already beaten him once." Naruto proudly declared.
"You didn't! You've just tricked me!"
"Uh-huh." Naruto quickly weaved some signs. "Hāremu no Jutsu"
All three men were knocked out when a whole gaggle of girls started to suggestively hug them.
"Perverts!"
There was a crash outside the window, causing a small rucksack, but Naruto ignored whatever was going on there.
Once the trio woke up, the first thing they saw was a really smug Naruto sitting there and waiting for them.
"Is this proof enough?"
"This should really be an S-Rank kinjutsu…" Ebisu groaned.
"I'm inclined to agree…" Hokage mourned. How was he supposed to have people respect him when a mere genin could knock him out with one Jutsu?
"Cool. Anyway, Jij, I was wondering if you could help me write an official… um… missive! Yes! It's called a missive! I found a cousin!"
Hokage smiled softly. He hadn't seen Naruto this happy since forever. Yes, the boy was cheerful, but there was something especially pure about the happiness he radiated whenever something related to his family appeared.
"Of course, Naruto. We can work on this tomorrow. Today, I hope you'd go and meet a student of mine, Jiraya."
"The one that can give me back Kurama? Sure! See ya!"
Naruto dashed through the (luckily open) window.
"He… didn't ask where to find him?" Ebisu scratched his head
"Do you honestly believe that's gonna stop him?" Kakashi sighed. His student was so… *shudders* youthful.
-/\/-
Naruto ran through Konoha's rooftops.
"Okay… Jiji said that his student is super strong and brilliant shinobi. So he must look the part, right? Hm… if I recall that book Tenten forced me to read, Jiraya naturally had white hair…" Naruto rapidly made his way around, trying to spot any possible white-haired super-shinobi.
His mad dash brought him toward the edge of Konoha. There, a group of girls was having a bath in a natural spring by the waterfall. Naruto couldn't help himself but prepare a nice little prank for them. Standing slightly away from the edge of the cliff, he pulled a scroll and unsealed its content. A box full of more sealing scrolls stood proudly in front of him. each scroll was labeled to make it easier to remember where which of his tools rested.
He carefully took out a scroll labeled simply 'blueme'. Giggling at the misdirecting name, he unsealed one of the vials inside and quickly poured it into the water. The agent would evaporate within two hours, but it would be enough time to create some very… colorful girls downstream.
"And they wanted to fail me on chakra chemistry." Naruto giggled. "I knew that stuff before I even joined the academy." He quickly returned the scroll to its place and sealed the box back into the scroll, which he then carefully hid in his mesh shirt. He then took position on top of the cliff and watched as the water in the spring got a slightly darker hue. The women didn't notice anything at first. He giggled. Their skin started to gradually turn blue. The process was slow enough that one couldn't notice it until it was already too late.
"No. No. No!" A desperate yell came from a bush on the opposite side of the lake. "So much research potential! Wasted!"
Did someone figure out his little blue trick? It was almost impossible…
Deciding to investigate, Naruto flapped his wings and appeared on the tree near where the yell came from. Well, he tried. Without Jiton, it was hard to maintain a steady position after landing. So he crashed. right onto a white-haired old dude.
"Hey! Watch it, gaki!"
"You watch it! Why are you peeping on those girls?" Naruto figured out what was going on. He wasn't clueless, okay? (He was, but don't tell him that)
"I was doing research." The man huffed. "Not that a gaki like you could understand the unique and sublime art like that."
"Uh-huh." Then, an idea came to Naruto. "Hey, old perv, since all old dudes know one another, have you perhaps seen Jiraya somewhere?"
"Prepare to be amazed! From the east to the west! From the north to the south! The gallant, the skilled, the…"
"A simple no would be enough. Feathers! If I wanted to see kabuki I would've visited a theater or something."
"Stupid gaki! I was about to tell you that I am Jiraya of the Sannin!" The man yelled.
Naruto took a critical look at the man. "Yeah, no. I don't see it. Sure, you're old and wrinkled and have white hair, but… You know what, prove it."
"I don't have to prove anything to you, brat."
"Teach me a new Jutsu," Naruto demanded.
"No."
"Come on! If you're really Jiraya, then Jiji said you would train me." Naruto lied. Technically, Hokage only said that the two were to meet, but even that pervert would be better than Ebisu of all people.
"Yeah, right. I have much more important things to do than babysit you. There is research to be done."
"You mean peeping, you pervert?"
"I'm a super pervert!" Jiraya declared proudly.
"That's even worse. But you're gonna teach me." He wouldn't let it go.
"No."
"You will. Or I will show you precisely why even ANBU fear me. Your research will fail every single time. I will follow you through everything. I will make sure that all women see the truth. And then help them catch you. Did you ever hear what Kunoichi do to perverts?" Naruto's voice started to grow darker and darker. At the end of the speech, he laughed maniacally.
"Damn. Fine. I'll teach you… One Jutsu."
"Yes! What is it? Will I be able to knock mountains with a single strike? Defeat whole armies with just a glance?"
Instead of answering, Jiraya kicked Naruto in the rear and had the boy land in the spring, which the girls vacated in a panic a moment earlier after the dye finally run its course.
"You're gonna master water walking." The man laughed as Naruto jumped out of the water as if it was boiling.
"Do you have any idea what's in there?!" the boy squeaked. He would probably be okay after just a short dip, but if he stayed there too long, his skin would take at least three days to return to normal.
"Then better master that fast."
"Okay, but you must take off that stupid seal Orochimaru-teme put on me," Naruto demanded, remembering why he needed Jiraya in the first place.
"What seal?"
In response, the boy lifted his shirt to reveal his usual eight-pronged seal surrounded by five marks.
"I see… Sensei mentioned something about it… Lemme just…" Unexpectedly, Jiraya jabbed his hand into Naruto's stomach, making the boy double down. He had to fight to keep the lunch in. He was very much certain that there was no need for it to be so brutal. He would get his revenge later. "There!" The old man smiled. Try now."
Naruto walked back to the edge of the spring, grumbling about sadistic perverts. He carefully channeled some grace to his feet and took a step forward. He had to adjust it several times until the water stopped running away from him. A few more steps. Another two. He was standing on the water. He did a test run. Everything was working perfectly.
"I did it!"
"Incredible… at first try no less." Jiraya smiled.
"Kurama! I did it."
"Yeah, great job… for a mere human." The fox laughed inside.
"Who is Kurama?" the old man asked, curious. Then, a realization dawned on him. "You can actually communicate with the Kyuubi!? You can't trust him! He's a demon!"
"His name is Kurama, and he's not a demon."
"Let me talk with him." The demon demanded.
"Sure." Naruto then scratched his head. "But how?"
"Step into the cage."
"Naruto. No. Whatever the demon is telling you, it's all lies."
"Said the self-proclaimed super-pervert." Naruto chuckled. His voice was much deeper, harsher. And his eyes turned red with black slits. His whiskers were now more pronounced.
Jiraya screeched like a little girl.
"Apparently, also an idiot… I don't have time. The seal is too tight."
"You're a demon."
"I'm a Biju. There is a difference. Heh, according to that feathered bastard I'm closer to an angel than a demon."
"You? An angel? That's a good one." Jiraya almost forgot who he was speaking with. "And what's with that attitude? You're almost… friendly."
"Am not!" Kurama roared, though it lost some of its potency coming from Naruto. The boy wasn't exactly the epitome of terrifying. "And as for 'rampaging monster'? That was not my choice. I learned that I can get my satisfaction from humans without killing them. Some bastard put me under a genjutsu and forced me to obey him."
"Forgive me if I find it hard to believe… And what could cause such a change of heart?"
The fox growled. "That bastard you call the fourth Hokage. That equivalent of a supercharged crested tit, when he first learned about me, decided to, in all his infinite wisdom, torture me until I finally learned a lesson."
"Minato? Torture? Now that's a tall tale." Jiraya scoffed. "Pull the other one." The fox seemed much less threatening now.
"He sent me to another dimension. Turned me into a human. And forced me to endure inhumane conditions in a contraption they called…" Naruto's body shuddered "High School."
"Wow… that must've been… something."
"I was literally unable to kill! If I did, I had to start again! Human bodies are so fragile! And if anyone died because of me, I had to repeat everything again! It was horror! It was terrible! I thought I would never escape! I almost lost hope. But then, I found a much easier way to cause people I hated unimaginable anguish. I just pranked them. Much less trouble too. It's so easy to get you humans angry." Kurama laughed.
"Minato somehow taught you to prank people instead of killing them… I mean… Okay, honestly, nothing will surprise me now. My student has tamed the fox…"
"I'm not tamed! I'm a wild fox!"
"Whatever you say." The man was clearly mocking him.
"Listen, the time is running out. The fourth Hokage sealed me inside Naruto to protect his son. I have a standing deal with the boy. He does pranks in my name and I let him use my chakra. Not that he figured that second part until the fight with Orochimaru…" Kurama groaned. "He's smart but dense… Anyway, he knows almost everything about his heritage. The only missing piece is that you're his godfather. Oh well, now he knows it all." The fox was clearly mocking the man. "If you want a longer discussion, do something about that damned seal!"
The fox traits vanished and Naruto collapsed onto his knees, shaking slightly. "Ugh… My head…"
"Gaki? You okay?" Jiraya slowly approached him.
Only to receive a powerful haymaker.
"I'm fine… godfather of mine," Naruto smirked dangerously. "Now, what was that Jutsu you promised to teach me again?"
"Damn gaki…" The sannin groaned.
A/N 17/08/2022 Sorry if you got an alert. No update here. This work is sadly becoming the first fic I'm abandoning. The writing is so clunky and forced that I can't continue. There is a very high chance that I will rewrite it at some point in the future, but currently, I have other things to deal with first. Like finally writing an update for Winter Sea. I have exactly 1.3k words for that one.