Mom was out again.
She took Sho with her this time. Just Sho. She said that she would be coming back eventually. Mob didn't know why she said eventually instead of a real time. A real time would have been much easier for her to deal with. For her and dad. Something she thought that dad took it worse than she did.
"Did you mother tell you when she would be coming back?" asked dad. This was the third time he asked her that. Not that Mob was complaining. Dad could ask her whatever he wanted.
"No, she just said eventually." Said Mob pulling off her headphones to be polite even though the volume wasn't up that high. She was watching Frozen on her tablet, in English this time, because dad liked it when she worked on other languages. Dad was working on updating his list of leads. People sent him leads for where other espers were and it was his job to figure out if they were worth looking into. That meant that he might have been going on another trip.
She didn't want him to go.
But she also did.
But she said nothing.
"Did she tell you where she was going?" asked Dad. He had asked her that question a bunch of times, too. His voice sounded normal and he was still looking at his computer but she could see his aura. His aura looked worried and he was trying to keep it from looking worried. He was trying to keep it together.
He was really worried.
Mob didn't know what he was so worried about. Mom was just…she didn't know where mom was…but she said that she was coming back. Besides, she couldn't go anywhere that was very far away. She still had to be home in time to put her and Sho to bed. Also she was totally coming back home because all of her stuff was there. Mob couldn't think of a reason why mom would want to leave anyway.
"No. She just said that she and Sho were going out and that I should stay home and keep you company." Said Mob. Dad's phone vibrated. He picked it up with his powers. She saw his eyebrows furl together. It was kind of funny, like two caterpillars cuddling together, but Mob didn't say anything about how dad's eyebrows looked just like caterpillars. That would have been mean.
"Daughter, do you have any idea why your mother would be at the playground near the train station? There's a playground near the house that she takes you to, correct? Not the mention the one in the back garden…." Said Dad
"She didn't tell me why she would go there but maybe she went there because Sho was saying the other day that he wanted to go to a different park than the one we usually go to." Said Mob. She wanted to put her headphones back on and get back to Frozen. She would have wanted to come to the park too. She didn't know why mom would take Sho and not her. Well, she did like Sho better…
But that was ok.
Sho got mom and she got dad. That was how the Suzuki family did things. Nice and even. She wished that mom would have liked her just as much as she liked Sho. She also wished that dad liked Sho just as much as he liked her. She wished that everyone could just like everyone else and be happy with everyone else.
She also wished that she had light hair and blue eyes and also a talking cat.
But wishes did not come true outside of movies. In real life you had to work with what you had. In real life your mom went to the park with your brother and not you. In real life your dad never called you or your little brother by your names. In real life it was too hot outside and too cold inside and there was nothing you could do about it because you weren't allowed to play with the thermostat and also you were supposed to be working on not being able to feel hot and cold and it wasn't fair and-
And she went back to watching Frozen.
She liked Frozen. Even though she was having trouble with what everyone was saying, and it was weird hearing different voices coming from the characters, she still liked Frozen. She was laying on the floor of dad's office on her stomach. The vent was right behind her. She could feel the cold air on her legs and up her dress. She wished that she was allowed to turn the air down but she wasn't. It was fine.
The cold never bothered her anyway.
"Daughter." Said dad. She felt her headphones being pulled off of her head. She tried not to be annoyed even though dad just kept on asking her questions that he knew she did not know the answers to. If he wanted to know why mom had left then he should have just called her. He had a phone and mom had a phone and their phones had charge so he could have easily called her. Not that she would ever go off and say things like that to dad.
She was not Sho.
She thought before she spoke.
And dad liked that about her. She was quiet. Dad liked that. Dad liked it when she was quiet and stuff. Dad liked her better…and she kind of liked it…liked being the one that dad liked. She liked having someone who liked her…but she did wish that dad liked Sho as much as he liked her. She also wished that mom would just come back home already so she could make dinner and make dad stop worrying. She didn't like it when dad worried. It didn't fit him at all.
"Yes, dad?" asked Mob. She paused her movie. They were just about to get to the part where Anna and Kristoff fell off the mountain and into the snow. She liked that part because they were ok at the end. Next came Fixer Upper, which was her third favorite song in the whole movie, well not in English because it was hard to follow but she was still learning. She wanted to keep on learning but she couldn't because dad kept on asking her questions about stuff that she had already told him that she didn't know the answers to.
"Your mother…she's never spoken to you about wanting to go anywhere, has she?" asked Dad. Mob had to think for a minute. Mom talked about having to go to the store a lot, and to go to register her and Sho for school, and to go and take the recycling out and stuff like that…
"Mom says that she has to go and do errands and stuff." Said Mob. Dad looked up from his phone and watched her. His eyebrows did the caterpillars cuddling thing again. Like they were trying to meet in the middle and cuddle but they couldn't quite make it. Mob wondered why dad didn't do his eyebrows. Mom did her eyebrows. It looked like it hurt. Mob watched mom getting ready sometimes. When she did her eyebrows and her makeup and painted her nails and stuff. Sometimes mom put makeup on her, too, even though she was only seven. Seven was too young for makeup, mom said, even play makeup. She could have makeup when she was in middle school, maybe. She didn't want makeup, no, she just wanted to do something with mom. Something where mom couldn't show Mob how much more she liked Sho than her…like now. Like how she had taken Sho to the park and not her…
"No, I meant to go to another place. To leave this place and go to another…possibly permanently." Said dad. Mob shook her head. Mom never talked about going places other than for errands. She didn't have any friends besides Fukuda but mom never went to visit him. Fukuda always came to them. The other day had been the first time that they had ever seen him outside of their house, actually, in all the years of her life that she could remember.
"You mean like run away from home?" asked Mob. That was a scary thought. Never seeing mom again…and she had Sho with her. She had Sho and if mom ran away from home with Sho then she would never see them ever again…and she'd be stuck with dad….
"Yes…in a sense. Has she ever talked about wanting to get on a train and leave?" asked dad. Mob shook her head. Mom had never talked about that…and that made her feel a world better. Which was good because she had started to make the picture on her tablet get all pixelated.
"No. Mom never talks about things like that. Why?" asked Mob. She wondered if that counted as questioning dad or just asking a question. She had trouble telling the difference, sometimes. She didn't want to get in trouble but she did want to know what had brought all of these weird questions on.
"Because she's been watching the trains for a while…never mind. Leave me. Find somewhere else to be." Said Dad. The door opened. Mob didn't need to be told twice. She was not Sho. She did what she was told. She felt bad that she had said the wrong thing, though, because now she was all alone.
It was still daytime.
But the castle could be just as big and just as lonely during the day as it was during the night. Well night was scary because the dark was scary…even though she was much too old to still be afraid of the dark. People feared the dark because they feared the unknown, dad had said, and that it made no sense to be afraid of this house at night because she had lived in it for her entire life. They had always lived in the castle and they always would. This was their home.
This was their castle.
It was castle Suzuki. Half of the Suzuki family was gone, though, so it was very lonely. Mob went to her room. She didn't feel like being alone in the living room and she did not want to go to the Treasure Room alone, either. It made her sad to be in there. She knew that Sho hadn't meant to hit her in the face with the kendo sword, Sho had drawn her an 'I'm sorry' picture and taped it to her face while she was asleep. Sho was sorry and she had forgiven him…even though she was the one who had upset him….and now everything was ok. She loved her little brother.
She missed her little brother.
She missed him so much.
She went to their room. She laid down on her bed with her tablet and went back to watching her movie. She put her headphones on and pretended that Sho was right there on the other side of the room watching his shows and playing with his toys and just being there and being Sho and she was on her bed and she was just being Mob and this was a normal day and everything was ok.
She was so lonely.
She reached over with her powers and pulled her box of chocolates out from under her doll, the one that looked like her, the one that watched her while she slept but would not come to life and kill her. Because dolls did not do that. Dolls did not come to life and kill you and then become you. That was just something that happened in movies that came on late at night and she and Sho were not supposed to watch for very good reasons.
She held her box of chocolates close.
It wouldn't melt. It was too cold in the house for it to melt. She pulled her blanket up over her legs and hovered her tablet in front of her. She clutched her box of chocolates to her chest. She knew that food was meant to be eaten but she just could not bring herself to eat those chocolates. Taro hadn't given her anything else, not even on her birthday, and he hardly ever talked to her since the other kids in their class started teasing him for liking her. She didn't hold it against him that he has stopped talking to her, she knew what it was like when people teased you, but it had still hurt. He had been the only person to ever want to hold her hand or to kiss her…not that they had kissed for real but nobody else had ever even wanted to kiss her before…
And they never would again.
But it was ok. Dad would have been upset at her for liking a boy who wasn't an esper anyway. She had to do what dad wanted her to do and to be who dad wanted her to be. Not that anyone would ever have wanted to be with her like that. Not a boy who was tall and nice to her and liked to spend time with her and talked to her and was always nice when he talked to her and…and she needed to stop thinking about this. She was fine. She was Mob. Nobody would ever want to be with her like that.
Despite what dad said.
Dad said that when she grew up she would have to get married and have a family. She didn't know who she would end up married to…or how happy she would be. She heard mom and dad talking through the vents, sometimes, well she and Sho did. Sho was better at tones and stuff and he said that mom always sounded either sad or mad when she and dad talked. They didn't spend a lot of time together either, mom and dad, and Mob didn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to spend time with her. She wanted to be married to someone who wanted to watch TV with her and play videogames with her and go to the park with her and hold hands with her and maybe even kiss her for real.
Mom and dad never did any of that stuff.
Not that she wanted to watch her parents hold hands and kiss. Sho had seen them kiss once and it had been the worst day of his life, he said, and Mob believed him. Mob wanted someone who wanted to spend time with her, though, for real. Not like how dad spent time with mom. Mob didn't know if it was how being married was or how dad was as a person. She knew that she didn't want to be married to dad, though, or a person who was like him. She needed someone to be nice to her. She needed someone who would want to spend time with her.
She needed someone who would make her feel less alone.
But she was alone. She was all alone…and she didn't know when she would be less alone. Dad told her to go away and mom was gone with Sho…and she didn't even have a friend she could play with. She had dolls. So many dolls. Dad called her dolls her friends. Dad always said 'here, a new friend for you' or something like that when he bought her a new doll. Her dolls were not her friends.
Her little brother was her friend.
Her very best friend.
But he was gone and she was alone. No matter how high she turned up the volume she was alone. She wished that Sho was there. Even if he wanted to jump on her bed and throw her dolls around and tell her that she was boring and that all of her toys were boring she wanted him there. But he wasn't there. She was alone, all alone.
She felt s shift in the energy around her.
Dad's aura. Dad was moving. She sat up, pushed the blanket off of her, and hid her chocolate box back under her doll. She kept her aura still and tried to stay calm as she felt dad's aura coming closer to her door. She knew that she hadn't done anything truly bad, like losing control, but she was still worried. Dad had been the one to kick her out after all. Dad had been the one to kick her out and now he was looking for her and she had no idea what it was that she had done and-
"Daughter." Said Dad before he opened her door. He never knocked. Mom usually knocked. Mob didn't know why she minded whether or not dad knocked. It was his house and he could choose not to knock if that was what he wanted to do. It was his room and his door and his house and his world.
She just lived in it.
"Dad?" asked Mob. She took off her headphones and pushed her tablet to the side. Dad hated it when she didn't pay attention to him when he was talking to her. Well he hated it when Sho didn't pay attention to him when he was talking to them but she did not want to act like Sho. She knew what happened to people who acted like Sho.
"Are you hungry?" asked Dad. Mob nodded. It was summer, mom had called it high summer, and the sun went down a lot later than it usually did. That didn't change the fact that it was almost dinner time according to the clock on her tablet.
"Yes." said Mob
"Do you want dinner?" asked Dad
"Yes. That would be nice. Do you want me to make it? I know how to make some stuff." Said Mob. She knew how to make dinner. Mom had been showing her how to do more and more things. Like how you had to put butter or oil in the silver pans because they didn't have the nonstick stuff on them. Or like how to add seasonings to the paste sauce that came from the jar to make it taste better. Mom was showing her things because one day she wouldn't be there. Mob had thought that mom meant that she wouldn't be there when Mob became a grown up but she had meant, it seemed, times like these when she was busy being out in the world with Sho and Mob had to stay home and keep dad company.
"No. Your mother was very upset the last time I let you make dinner…I'm not entirely sure why…but she was very upset. Here." Said dad. He used his powers to toss her his phone. She watched him do the password with his powers. She knew those numbers. That was mom's birthday.
"Find food." Said dad before he left the room. She held dad's phone in her hands. His phone. She had used mom's phone a million times before. It had a pink case and her wallpaper was a picture of her when she was little and her lock screen was a picture of Sho was he was a baby. Dad's lock screen was black and his wallpaper was plain blue. He didn't have any games, either, but this was dad. He didn't much like games.
She didn't snoop.
Even though she wanted to. Snooping was wrong. Snooping on your parents was even more wrong. She had to respect other people's privacy. Even though she wanted to know what it was that dad did on his phone all day if he didn't have any games….he had whatsapp and wechat and some stuff in languages that she couldn't read…and she also knew that reading other people's texts was wrong. Like the one time when Fukuda had sent mom a text while she and Sho had been playing with picture filters, the cats ears was still the best one, and then Mob had read it to mom and she got sent to her room for invading mom's privacy…
And dad did much worse to people than send them to their rooms.
Mob found the Demae-can app. Mom used this one to order stuff when she was too tired to cook. She usually just got pizzas from there even though they had more stuff than pizza…a lot more stuff it seemed…all kinds of food. Every kind of food that had ever been made it seemed….all the foods that anyone ever could have wanted…
Mob wanted a milkshake.
And fries.
And Sho liked pork curry. Spicy pork curry. The kind that made you cry while you ate it.
Also mom liked cheesecake with toppings on it.
And dad liked breakfast food…but for some strange reason there was no breakfast food on this. None at all. That was weird. What if someone wanted to eat breakfast for dinner? What if someone's dad really liked breakfast food? What if someone's dad loved breakfast more than any of the other kinds of food that they sold in the city? What then?
Dad had also complained, before, that what the rest of the world called sushi was pure and utter garbage. He must have liked it, then, if he complained about how bad a job all the other countries in the world did. Dad said that Japan was the center of food and culture and everything that was good in the world came from Japan. Mob thought that was a mean thing to say about the other countries but she never said anything about that.
Dad liked sushi.
He had liked it on New Year, anyway, and Mob wanted to get something that he liked. She could have cooked but mom had gotten upset that she had ruined one of the fancy silver pans…and also dad told her to find food. So she found food. Ordering was easy. She had no idea if she had spent a lot of money or not, mom was always saying that things were expensive but dad was always saying that they had plenty of money…and the kids at school said that she was rich because of where she lived and stuff…but she had no idea if she was rich…
She didn't think that they were rich.
Rich people drove around in limousines and wore fancy clothes and jewelry and stuff like that. They had a big fancy house, though, well dad said that their house was fancy. Anyone with eyes could have seen that it was big. Mom said that it cost a fortune to heat and cool the house. Dad said not to worry about money because there would always be more money. Mob hoped that she hadn't spent too much money.
She didn't want to make mom mad.
She didn't want to make anyone mad. She was going to be a good Daughter to both mom and dad. She had to be good. She was good. Dad told her all the time that she was good. She made her bed like a good Daughter and she set the kitchen table like a good Daughter and she was very quiet like a good Daughter. She had to be a good Daughter. She had to be good so that dad would keep on loving her. She needed at least one person in the family to love her.
Mom loved her.
But she loved Sho more.
But that was ok. She still had dad. She went back to be with dad after she finished with the table. Dad had come to talk to her so maybe it was ok to be around him again. Also he was in the living room, now, and not his office. Also she had to give him back his phone. That was a good reason to go and sit next to him on the couch while he watched one of his documentaries that wasn't in Japanese.
He put the subtitles on for her after she sat down.
"You found food?" asked Dad. He didn't look at her, not with his eyes anyway. She could feel his aura settling down onto her. She let him look at her. It wasn't like she could have done anything to stop him.
"Yes." said Mob. Dad clicked his phone opened. His aura was still settled down onto her. She felt it prick at hers like when she dragged her feet down the carpet.
"You were certainly hungry." Said dad
"I wanted to get dinner for everyone. I wanted to make everyone happy." Said Mob. She watched TV because dad was watching TV. She would have rather been watching one of her shows but she didn't say anything. She didn't want dad to get annoyed with her or mad at her or anything like that.
"You're just like your mother." Said dad
"I am?" asked Mob. She didn't look a thing like mom. Also mom was good at talking to people and stuff. She never said the wrong thing. If anything Sho was the one who was just like mom. He looked just like dad, minus the caterpillar eyebrows, but he acted just like mom. That was why mom liked him best. She was just like dad, mom said so all the time, and that was why dad liked her the best.
"Yes. Your mother….before you and Sho were born your mother made me dinner. She made far more food than two people could ever have been expected to eat because she wanted to make me happy. So she made all of my favorites. A bit like you did just now. You're a lot like her, Daughter." Said dad. Mob nodded.
"Thank you." Said Mob. There was nothing else that she could say. She was…she was interested, now, in what it had been like in the times before she and Sho had been born. Mom and dad were a whole seven years younger back then. Mom and dad…she wondered what they had been like back then. What had they been…doing….together back then? They must have been closer, right?
Dad must have been nicer to mom, right?
Mob didn't know. She didn't know and she didn't ask. She just watched TV with dad until the food came. Well until she felt an aura prick at the corners of her perception, one of those copy paste auras, and then there was a knock on their door. That was weird. Delivery people always rang the bell at the front gate. Also delivery people never had auras, too.
Dad hadn't been worried.
He just went to the door, got the food with his powers, and then told the copy and paste aura person to go back to his post. Mob watched the person from behind dad's legs. He had the same aura as all of those other people….but he looked like a regular person….and he was even shaking a little when dad talked to him…
Dad closed the door and told her that it was dinner time.
"Daughter." Said dad as he clicked his chopsticks together with his powers. Mob never used her powers while she ate, and rarely used her chopsticks, but she decided that the best thing to do to stay on dad's good side would be to copy him. So she used her powers to use her chopsticks too…even though eating fries with chopsticks was kind of weird.
"Yes dad?" asked Mob as she dipped a fry into her shake. Mom never let her do this on the rare times they had junk food like this. She said that it was super gross.
"Did your mother tell you when she would be home?" asked dad for what felt like the hundredth time. Mob didn't let any of her feelings show. Not on her face and not on her aura. Good daughters did not get annoyed at their dads for asking questions that they had already gotten the answer to.
"No. She just said that she would be home eventually." Said Mob
"That is a very long timeframe." Said Dad
"It is." Said Mob. There was some silence between them, then, which Mob used as an opportunity to continue to dip her fries. She loved this, the mixture of salty and sweet, and she wished that she could have eaten like that all the time. She wished that…well she wished for a lot of things. She wished for a lot of things that could never come true. Mom would never let her eat junk food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner just like dad would never like Sho as much as he liked her.
"Why do you do that?" asked dad as he ate his food. He ate very slowly and deliberately, like it mattered which of the little pieces of fish and rice got eaten first. Sho ate like that too. Well he ate animal crackers like that.
"Do what?" asked Mob
"Dip your fries in your drink. Why do you keep on doing that?" asked dad
"I like the way it tastes. Do you want to try?" asked Mob
"No. I don't care for sweet things, you know that." Said dad. Mob nodded. Dad didn't even out syrup or powdered sugar on his pancakes. Very strange, in Mob and Sho's opinions, though Sho was the only one who voiced that particular opinion.
"Ok, but the salty and the sweet taste good together." Said Mob
"Do they really?" asked Dad. Mob nodded. She wondered why dad hated sweet foods so much. She didn't know if she could ask.
"Yes. They taste good while they fight it out." Said Mob. One of her fries floated off of her plate, dipped its self in her shake, and then flew over to the end of dad's chopsticks. He put it in his mouth, made a face that Mob knew better than to so much as smile at, chewed slowly, and then took a drink of water.
"That…was vile." Said Dad
"I'm sorry." Said Mob
"How can you possibly eat like that?" asked dad. Mob was tempted to ask him the same thing. She had seen him eat plain pancakes three times a day, before, and one time he ate two whole omelets with so much ketchup on them that she could barely even see the plate. She said nothing, of course.
"I just like it I guess." Said Mob. They were all entitled to their own opinions, mom had said so, and so had dad but on a separate occasion to when mom had said it.
"Here. Try this. Broaden your pallet." Said Dad. He floated a piece of pink fish with rice over to her side of the table. She took it with her chopsticks and put it in her mouth.
"Slowly. Actually taste what it is that you're eating." Said Dad. Mob did as she was told. It just tasted like tuna and rice to her. It didn't have enough flavor. It needed mayonnaise but not the spicy mayonnaise that Sho liked.
"There. Wasn't that better?" asked Dad as Mob finished chewing and swallowing. Mob nodded and then took a sip of her milkshake. Strawberry with whipped cream and strawberries on top and a poke stick, too. Nice and sweet like she liked it.
"Yes dad." Said Mob. If dad said that it was better then it was better. She didn't agree but…but she had to because dad was her dad.
"I've had better though, but if you want good you have to be nearer to the water. I'll take you with me next time I go…and when you get older." Said Dad. Mob nodded. When she got older…but wasn't she older already? She was old enough to cook and take care of herself and Sho…she was older now…but not old enough to come with dad….
Did she even want to go with dad?
Would she and Sho be alone with dad…or would dad leave him alone with mom? Would mom and Sho be lonely together…or would they be happy? Happier than they were now? Was Mob happy with dad? Dad liked her better like mom liked Sho better….and she liked dad a lot…and she liked the rest of her family…
She missed mom and Sho.
But they came back, eventually, just like mom had said before. They must have had a big day, too, because mom went to bed as soon as she got home. She barely even said 'hi' when she came in….
But she came back. Dad could stop asking, now, about when mom was coming back. That was what mattered the most.