Abarai-fukutaicho - Giving your 'Battleship' game to Kurotsuchi-taicho was ill advised. We have not seen hide nor hair of the entire twelfth division for more than two weeks. Whatever consequences come of this, we're blaming you.
Aizen-taicho - Stop encouraging Kuchiki Rukia. If she asks you to pose for the Shinigami Women's Association's swimsuit calendar, you are to just say no.
Ayasegawa Yumichika - Soifon-taicho does not appreciate your attempts to liven-up her wardrobe.
Hitsugaya-taicho - In the future, if your fukutaicho is passed out drunk over her desk, do not attempt to wake her with smelling salts unless you like cleaning up vomit.
Ichimaru-taicho - You and Aizen-taicho have both been warned. You are not to pose for nude pictures, whether they are photos or hand drawn. Seireitei has a reputation to uphold. You will also be paying for the time and money spent to acquire and burn each and every copy of the Shinigami Women's Association's swimsuit calender, the yaoi calender and the "luv bunney" calender.
Kuchiki Rukia - Stop stealing strands of hair, fingernail clippings, articles of clothing and/or vials of blood from your brother, taicho or any other male close to you and blaming it on the twelfth division. You are not the "inside agent" for the Shinigami Women's Association, nor any fanclub.
Kusajishi-fukutaicho - Please stop hiding your candy in other divisions and forgetting about it. It is beginning to attract flies.
Kyoraku-taicho - You are not a woman. Stay out of the women's baths.
Madarame Ikaku - Setting Ayasegawa's hair on fire was evil and vindictive. It doesn't matter what he said. You will find other outlets for your anger.
Matsumoto-fukutaicho - Filling your taicho's desk drawers full of oatmeal was not an appropriate way of telling him that you want time off.
Sasakibe-fukutaicho - Please stop switching my tea for yours. It is a most unpleasant surprise.
Ukitake-taicho - Hitsugaya-taicho does not want to play dress-up. Put away the tutu.
Yamada Hanataro - The next time you feel the need to cover yourself in Hollow bait to get out of duties in the living world, you will instead be sent to the twelfth division for experimentation.
Zaraki-taicho - You are hereby banned from performing konso on human souls unless there is absolutely no other choice.