A/N: Yes indeed, I've finally updated this one! Oh yea...go me! Don't worry, expect this to be updated regularly until it's finished.
Wesker shook his head as they walked into a dimly lit and somewhat creepy street. He was still seething over the movie. His biggest pet peeve was the fact that he wasn't even mentioned, not once. He knew if it hadn't been for him being a treacherous bastard why the mansion incident never would have happened, or the whole Raccoon City thing either.
As the rag tag team of survivors surveyed the area, Wesker took a deep breath calming himself so he wouldn't inadvertently kill someone. Not that he really liked the idiots he currently found himself traveling with, well maybe Spastic, but he might need them for zombie bait later on in the adventure.
Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...Ring...
Suddenly a large shoe came flying out of an apartment window hitting Spastic square in the face. Spastic let out a squeak of surprise and fell over on his back, unconscious. Wesker pinched the bridge of his nose, as an unknown voice screeched at the assembled survivors.
"SOMEONE ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!"
Ark wandered over to the conveniently place pay phone and picked up the receiver.
"Hello...what! What did you say? Hey wait!"
Ark then turned toward the group, placing his hand over the mouth piece.
"Uh, one of you Albie?"
Wesker turned a bright shade of scarlet as everyone else snickered at his nickname. He quickly shoved Ark aside and grabbed the phone.
"Hello?"
"Albert Wesker! Where the hell are you?"
"Mom?"
"You're out stealing virus data again, aren't you! To think after all the money your father and I spent on sending you to medical school and you turn into a hoodlum!"
"But Mom..."
"I suppose you're not going to be here for Christmas again are you!"
"Well, I..."
"Typical, after the hell I went through raising you! You'd turn you back on your own…"
"Oh wow, I…uh...a zombie is chewing on my leg, gotta go!"
Wesker slammed the phone down, cutting his mother off in mid rant and completely breaking the phone in the process. Plastering a smile on his face he turned back to the rest of the group.
"Alright, we'd better..."
The group looked at one another and then broke into wild laughter, while Wesker stood by the busted phone turning all different shades of red and scarlet. While Wesker was trying to figure out how to kill the idiots with as much pain involved as possible, a dude in a trench coat walked up to them. The laughter quickly died off, except for Spastic who was still giggling like a school girl. While Wesker started to sidle off in another direction, McDonald's reached out and smacked him. The little moron sniffled a bit and finally shut up. McDonalds rolled his eyes then turned to look at the dude in the trench coat. Turns out the dude in the trench coat was a tyrant. Wesker was now hiding behind Tofu, I guess his fear of tyrants had not yet abated.
"Uh...who are…you?" McDonalds stammered, trembling with fear.
"Why I'm..." He said in a scary voice. "...the host of "Choose That Route"!"
Flashing lights suddenly assaulted the little group and music started playing. Wesker let out a squeak of surprise and huddled closer to Tofu, while Spastic pointed at the lights and drooled. Mr. X turned to the Arcade.
"Route 1 is the Arcade. If you choose this route, you will be regularly attacked by a group of men called Cleaners!"
A group of guys dressed in black clothing waved at the survivors from the arcade. Tofu and McDonalds glanced at each other and groaned. Mr. X then turned to face the Hospital.
"The second route is the Hospital. Here, you will meet a psychotic man named Vincent!"
Vincent bows, from the doorway. Wesker peeks out from behind Tofu, squinting at their possible adversary.
"Well, that's not so bad..."
"The final route is the Library! This route will have a pudgy man chase you around. He lives in the sewers."
A pudgy man grunted from the steps as he bit into a doughnut. The survivors looked at each other, blinking rapidly and wondering just how a pudgy man with a mop could have become a boss character?
"You have twenty seconds!" Mr. X shouted as the Jeopardy theme song started to play. "Make your choice!"
Wesker came out of hiding and the group huddled.
"We can outrun the fat guy." Wesker glanced at the pudgy janitor. "I mean even you un-enhanced idiots can outrun that!"
"I agree." McDonalds mumbled. "Besides I hate hospitals."
"What if he eats me?" Tofu glanced at the pudgy janitor warily. "He looks like he would eat anything!"
"That's a chance we'll have to take!" Wesker muttered, grinning evilly.
They un-huddled.
"So, have you chosen a route?" Mr. X smiled warmly.
"Yup, Route 3!" McDonalds proclaimed loudly.
"Good choice! Ladies, show them what they've won!"
Three scantily clad and very sexy ladies came out and dragged the survivors into the Library, then bolted the door shut. The survivors glanced around at the dingy condition of the library while Tofu pouted and Spastic drooled.
"Damn it! I wanted to go to the arcade! At least then I could play Gun Survivor 2: Code: Veronica. I'd kick your asses at that arcade game. Uh...is that the fat guy?"
A fat, ugly little man walked over to them, holding a mop, a flashlight, and a doughnut shoved in his face.
"Mmmpp…Mmmppp…Mpppp."
"Uh, can't hear you, you have a doughnut in your face."
"MMMP! MMMP! MMMP!"
"Right…"
The man spits out the doughnut, looking irritated. McDonalds is ignoring him, opting to hunt for girlie books. Wesker is cleaning his sunglasses while Spastic begs him for a treat. Ark is staring off into space, looking comatose. Tofu looks to be the only one paying any attention to the now pissed off janitor.
"I AM ANDREW THE SEWER WOR…"
Tofu smile, then smashed him in the head with a trash can. Andrew hit the floor with a loud thud, unconscious. Tofu nodded with satisfaction and motioned at the rest of the group, who were still not paying any attention to what was going on.
"Alrighty, let's go!"