Abarai-fukutaicho - Stop telling Matsumoto-fukutaicho that Hitsugaya-taicho is having a bad day and needs a hug.
Ayasegawa Yumichika - Cornflakes are to be eaten, not used as a substitute for paper mache.
Hinamori-fukutaicho - Your collection of Aizen plushies must be removed from public viewing. The shrine is making your subordinates nervous.
Hitsugaya-taicho - I don't know where you got that pack of Tasmanian Devils, but you will immediately cease all attempts to train them to attack on command using a picture of Aizen. Get rid of them. They are destroying property and mauling Shinigami. Unohana-taicho is overworked as it is.
Ichimaru Gin - Stop sneaking back into Soul Society for secret rendezvous with Shinigami. I don't care that they need their "Gin-bunny Sexy Fun Time". If you are seen, you will be executed.
Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentaro - "Official records are wrong!" does not make it any less true. Leave him alone.
Kuchiki Rukia - Keep your yaoi collection to yourself. While the rest of the Shinigami Women's Association may enjoy it, Zaraki-taicho has stated that the next time Kusajishi-fukutaicho brings home 'manporn', he will personally kick the asses of the entire SWA. He does not care that you are all female.
Kurosaki Ichigo - Leering at Abarai-fukutaicho suggestively and asking him how far down his tattoos go is not funny, no matter how high-pitched his scream.
Kurotsuchi-taicho - No, we will not be wrapping Kurosaki Ichigo head-to-toe in tinfoil and tossing him at Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.
Kusajishi-fukutaicho - No matter how many times you blow that dog whistle, Komamura-taicho will not heel.
Kyoraku-taicho - That CD of naughty sounds will be confiscated immediately.
Madarame Ikaku - Putting a cardboard cutout outside the door to the tenth division stating "You must be at least this tall to enter" and then attempting to bar Hitsugaya-taicho access is a very dangerous stunt. Unohana-taicho has explained to you the possible consequences of frostbite and will not be saving your extremities again.
Matsumoto-fukutaicho - If you ever again feel the need to do some spring cleaning, do not shove everything in your division out into the street, forget about it and go off drinking.
Quincy, Ishida Uryu - Stop using your skills with a needle and thread to sew Shinigami up in their futon. And stay out of Soul Society!
Ukitake-taicho - We applaud your creativeness in turning a debilitating illness to your advantage. However, even though that Arrancar believed you and appropriately freaked out, "Projectile Blood-Cough" is not a standard Shinigami ability, nor is it really soul-devouring acid.
Zaraki-taicho - If you find a bunch of perfectly good furniture in the street, you are not allowed to claim it as your own. Return it to the tenth division at once.