Aizen Sosuke - Our plans to counter you do not involve zombies. You should not be taking steps to counter zombies. There will be no zombies. This is not a zombie apocalypse. We did not get the idea from Kuchiki Rukia's movie night. Kurotsuchi-taicho is not working on a virus to turn otherwise healthy beings into flesh-eating, brain-craving horrors. There are no zombies involved. Zombies do not exist. There will be no zombies. This is not a suspiciously specific denial.

Abarai-fukutaicho - Kurotsuchi-taicho's theme music is not the song from "Psycho". He does not have theme music. None of our Shinigami have theme music. Stop playing "The Imperial March" when I enter a room. In fact, you are now forbidden to possess any musical recording device, be it high-tech or a phonograph! And change your ringtone! You are not "big pimpin"!

Ayasegawa Yumichika - You may not run through Seireitei with a terrified look on your face, screaming at the top of your lungs, "OH GOD! YACHIRU RELEASED HER BANKAI! RUN!". The mass exodus of every single Shinigami and absolute chaos as they descended into Rukongai en masse was not funny. We have yet to recover all those who made it through a Senkaimon. Because of your stunt, Urahara Kisuke has made it clear that any Shinigami who turns up on his doorstep requesting sanctuary, no matter how frightened they are, will be turned away without question.

Hinamori-fukutaicho - That cake is not a lie. You will share it with the rest of your division.

Hitsugaya-taicho - There have been reports of some recent unapproved construction in the tenth division. After a thorough investigation, I must unfortunately request that all construction be halted, the moat filled in, the oubliette permanently closed off and the spikes removed from the pit. If you wish to continue using the pit, it must only be a place of temporary detainment.

Ichimaru Gin - Stop taunting us and pointing out our ineffectiveness by running naked through Seireitei wearing nothing but bunny ears and a cottontail and declaring, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the Gin-bunny man!"

Ise-fukutaicho - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, no female Shinigami will be trusted to chase after him. We lose more loyal Shinigami that way...

Kotetsu-fukutaicho - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, no female Shinigami will be trusted to chase after him. We lose more loyal Shinigami that way...

Kotetsu Kiyone - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, no female Shinigami will be trusted to chase after him. We lose more loyal Shinigami that way...

Kuchiki-taicho - Control your sister. Now.

Kuchiki Rukia - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, no female Shinigami will be trusted to chase after him. We lose more loyal Shinigami that way... - No, you are not defecting! Get back here!

Kurosaki Ichigo - Just because you are now to be treated with the same respect as if you were a taicho does not mean you get to create your own division. Especially if you intend to call it your harem. Especially if you intend to fill the upper ranks with your nakama. - Kuchiki-taicho would like a word with you, immediately.

Kurotsuchi-taicho - Proper containment is a must.

Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho - "Kill it with fire" is not the answer to a situation that has gone out of control. Yes, fire is an effective technique to stop the spread of disease, but when chased by a certain escaped secret experiment, the only thing that is worse is if it is also on fire.

Kusajishi-fukutaicho - Yelling "Bankai!" and having Zaraki-taicho pounce your opponent is only funny the first time.

Kyoraku-taicho - We will not be making peace with Hueco Mundo. Please cease all plans for an Arrancar-Shinigami Mud Wrestling Invitational Championship.

Madarame Ikaku - There are no Arrancar, Vizard, Hollows or Youkai in our ranks. If you continue making claims to the contrary, no matter how much evidence you may have, you will be arrested.

Matsumoto-fukutaicho - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, no female Shinigami will be trusted to chase after him. We lose more loyal Shinigami that way... - "He just grabbed me, tossed me over his shoulder and kept running!" is no excuse. Especially when followed with, "I had a very nice view."

Omaeda-fukutaicho - When Ichimaru Gin runs naked through Seireitei, you may not strip naked and join him. Even if it is a deterrent to the female Shinigami.

Soifon-taicho - No matter what your spies in Hueco Mundo might have told you, there is no such thing as a Menos Rave.

Ukitake-taicho - We did not know that it was possible to remove an Arrancar's brain through his nose with a knitting needle, and honestly, we really didn't want to. Despite your illness, you have a firm grasp on the title of Seireitei's Most Fearsome Taicho.

Unohana-taicho - We understand that the fourth division is overworked and under a lot of stress. However, responding to a polite request with "I'm not your god damn slave!" is a bit excessive.

Yamada Hanataro - If Unohana-taicho instructs you to stand guard over Shinigami who are prone to escape with your shikai at the ready, do so and do not protest. You are a healer. Any damage you inflict can be repaired.

Zaraki-taicho - For stepping out into Ichimaru Gin's path and clotheslining him into unconsciousness, you are to be commended. However, that does not mean you get whatever he was carrying as "spoils of war". Release Matsumoto-fukutaicho at once!

This chapter is dedicated to the awesome AppleDoodle. Your reviews are a bright spot in my day and I always look forward to them.