This was the grossest thing ever!
It really, really, was!
Girls were the worst!
They really were!
"Sho, stop spitting. It's gross." said big sis. Well it was easy for her to tell him to stop spitting. She hadn't been through what she had been through. She was a girl, too, and she would never be able to know how he felt. Girls were the ones that did stuff like this.
"I'll spit wherever I want to!" said Sho as they walked up the path to the house they were staying at. He didn't know what she was complaining about. He had spat out the window while they were in the car. It wasn't like he was spitting on her or anything. No, that would have been wrong. She was his big sis and you did not spit on your big sister. That was crossing a very important line. You did not spit on girls no matter what they did to you.
"Please don't spit in the house…or spit into a cup or something. Dad won't like it at all if you spit in the house." said big sis. As if Sho cared at all what his dad thought. Well he kind of did, he didn't want to get punished again, but sometimes it felt like dad just punished him whenever he felt like it.
"You don't get it." said Sho as the door opened. They took their shoes off outside the door and then left them in the front hallway. There was no genkan here, people in this country wore shoes in the house, but they were Japanese and Japanese people knew better than to wear shoes in the house. Dad had said so and big sis had took it upon herself to remind him every single time that they came back to this house that they were Japanese and Japanese people did not wear shoes in the house…even if it wasn't their house.
"I don't understand at all, you're right, so can you explain it to me?" asked big sis. She was always saying that she didn't understand. She didn't understand why he was mad at her sometimes. She didn't understand why people always spoke English to him and Chinese to her. She didn't understand why dad liked her and hated him. She didn't understand why mom would have wanted to leave. She didn't understand a lot of stuff.
She was lucky not to understand.
Because sometimes understanding things really sucked.
"What's there to understand? A girl kissed me on the mouth and it was gross and now I have to spit all the time and for the rest of my life." said Sho. He didn't understand girls. They were always trying to hold his hand and kiss him and stuff. He didn't know why that girl had taken it upon herself to follow them around all day. He didn't know why she had spent the whole day trying to hold his hand even though there were a million other boys in the park and they might have wanted some strange girl to hold their hand. He didn't understand why she had snuck up on him while they were watching the fireworks and kissed him.
On the mouth.
For real.
That was a thing that had really happened to him.
Girls were always chasing him and trying to kiss him, and sometimes they caught him and kissed him, but never on the mouth. It was gross. The whole thing was over in ten seconds but it had been the grossest ten seconds of his life. Big sis had been all happy for him….and of course she would be…she was a girl. That was what girls did. They spent their whole lives thinking about kissing and watching movies where people kissed and it was just all kissing all the time with them!
"Sho, you can't spend the rest of your life spitting. It's a gross habit." said big sis. The faced their shoes the right way and made their way into the house. It was all lit up even though it was late. Dad must have still been up. He didn't care. Dad could stay up for the rest of his life if he felt like it. It wasn't like he cared about them or what they did. Not like mom. She had always asked them how their days had been and she always listened when they talked. She was nice like that.
He wasn't supposed to think about mom.
Dad had said so and dad was the boss and it was easy for him to say things like that. He didn't care that mom had gone. If he cared then he would have found her and made her come back. He was just annoyed that he actually had to have him and big sis come with him on his super long trips. He didn't care at all about mom. He didn't even want to talk about her. Not that Sho knew where she was, where she could have gone to, but he did know that she was never coming back…and it was because of him.
Random girls followed him around and stuff but his own mom had left….not that he wanted his own mom to follow him around and kiss him and stuff. That would have been weird.
"Well then what am I supposed to do?" asked Sho as they walked through the house. This was weird. This house looked, from the outside, like it was squished between some other houses. There were people who loved on either side of them. People with auras. People who worked for dad. It was weird having people so near…but he didn't care if they got grossed out because of all the spitting. He had to do it. This was his life now.
"Um….I don't know." said big sis
"See? You can't even think of something else for me to do so I'm going to spend the rest of my life spitting." said Sho as they made it to their room. Well not their room, they had a room at the castle, but the room that they were sharing here. At least there were bunkbeds here, that almost made up for the fact that this was not where they lived and they were so far from home that they had raced the sun here….
A glass floated into his hand.
"Here, spit into this at least." said big sis
"But then what am I supposed to do if I need water in the middle of the night?" asked Sho
"Um….get another glass?" asked big sis. Well that would have made sense. That would have been something that he could do. He could have gotten up in the middle of the night and gone through the dark in this strange house and found the kitchen and drank some of this funny tasting water, apparently the water in other countries tasted weird and gross, and then he could have walked through the dark and back to this strange room which was not his room even though Dad had called it his room and-
"You do it, then, since you care so much." said Sho
"It's not that I care….I just don't want you to get in trouble, little brother." said big sis. She hardly ever called him little brother. That was just not the way it worked. She was big sis because she was older and he was Sho because, well, he was Sho. He was just Sho and that was his name…even though dad never called him by his name. Dad didn't even know his name, it felt like, and even though he didn't even know his own son's name he thought that he could just punish and punish and punish over and over again for stuff that wasn't even bad!
Mom never punished him. Not like dad did.
"No, you just don't want dad to get mad at you because you're not taking good care of me." said Sho. She thought that she was mom. Dad treated her like she was mom. She was not mom. Mom always took good care of him, the best care, and that was who he needed. His mom, not his bug sister. He did not need…he did not want his big sister to take care of him.
"I-I'm not?" asked big sis. She was sad. She didn't look sad but he knew that she was sad. Her voice got kind of small and she held her braids down with her hands. He didn't know why he wanted her to feel sad, he just knew that it made him feel better….and that was just the worst….
"Nope. You're taking the worst care of me ever." said Sho. Maybe he just wanted her to feel bad because he felt bad so much of the time. Sometimes he felt better, well it was more like he forgot about what he felt bad about, but then it came back. He wished that he could have been like her. She never got like this. Sometimes it was like she didn't have any feelings at all.
"How can I take better care of you? Please tell me and I'll do it." said big sis. How could she? She could have been…if she could have put cinnamon on everything for him…if she could have patted his head and told him he loved her…if she could have drawn with him…and played with him….and been more like…
If there was some way to trade his sister for his mom he would have done it in a heartbeat.
"You could….maybe next time you see a girl following me around and trying to hold my hand and trying to kiss me then you could tell her to go away!" said Sho. He wasn't going to tell her that he didn't want her around anymore, that he rather would have had mom, because….because he didn't want her to be gone, too. He still loved her and he still cared about her. He just…he wanted everyone to be together…and he wanted mom to be there to take care of the both of them. Mom always let him hide behind her when girls tried to kiss him. She laughed and said that it was cute but she always kept them from kissing him.
"I tried…..but she didn't understand Japanese and I didn't understand her language, either." said big sis
"That's not an excuse. You should have just spoke girl to her." said Sho. Sometimes it seemed like girls spoke their own language. He certainly didn't understand them. Big sis
"But….we don't have a secret language or anything like that." said big sis
"So you're just weird, then?" asked Sho. He was trying to hurt her. Sometimes he just….tried to hurt her. He didn't know why. He didn't know why he was so bad sometimes. He was so bad all the time and she was so good….because he was born wrong and she was born right. It always came down to the fact that she had been born right and he had been born wrong.
"I don't think that we're weird….I think that you're weird. Boys are weird. You're always fighting and stuff and doing gross stuff and it's just so…weird. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I should have been nicer to you. I should always be nicer to you. You're my little brother and I love you…and you're right, I wasn't taking very good care of you at all." said big sis
"No, you weren't." said Sho. That had been too much. She took a step back like he had just hit her…and he was the worst, wasn't he? The very worst. The worst little brother that a big sister could ever have had.
"I was just happy for you….because someone liked you…and you're allowed to have people like you. Dad said so." said big sis
"Dad doesn't get to decide who is and isn't allowed to like me." said Sho sticking out his tongue. Dad had to be the boss of everything and everyone. He didn't need dad to tell him that he could and could not like someone…not that he had anyone he liked. Not that he had ever been good enough friends with a girl to like her. Well a person. Mom said that he could like whoever he wanted but boys liked girls, that was how it went, well actually it was more like girls liked you and they chased you around and kissed you and then they laughed and ran away. He didn't get it.
"He is. He said that you could be with whoever you wanted because there are barely any girl espers but I can only be with a boy esper because he said so." said big sis
"Well it's not like anyone likes you like that anyway." said Sho. There weren't any other esper kids at all. He was all alone. That was fine. He didn't need any other kids to play with…even though it got kind of annoying only being able to play with his big sis….and he didn't even want anyone to like him anyway. Not like that. It was so gross.
"I know. That's alright. I don't mind." said big sis. He wished that she did mind. He wished that she would just yell at him or push him or something like that. Something he saw the other brothers and sisters doing. When they went out he saw brothers and sister fighting all the time….but big sis never fought with him.
It would have been easier if she was mean to him.
It would have been so much easier if she had been just as mean to him as he was to her. Then he would have been less of a jerk. He didn't want to be a jerk, he didn't like to be a jerk, but he just sort of…was a jerk. Maybe because he was dad's son. Maybe that was why dad only called him 'Son'. Maybe when he grew up then he would be just like dad…
The last thing he wanted to be when he grew up was anything at all like dad.
And not just because of the weird eyebrows.
"Someone would probably like you. I don't know why girls care about that so much, liking people and kissing them and stuff, but I guess that there's some one out there and he'll like you a lot and want to do all of that stuff that girls like to do." said Sho. He just wanted to make her feel better. As her little brother he was supposed to beat up any guy who liked her, that was just what little brothers were supposed to do, but he did want her to be happy. She never got mad…she just got sad…and she was never going to get mad.
"Thanks….and I'm sorry that I didn't tell that girl to leave you alone. I was just so happy that someone liked you that…that I didn't stop and think about if she liked you back or not. I just wanted you to be happy…because you're unhappy a lot of the time." said big sis
"I'm not unhappy. I'm never unhappy. We live at Disney Land, I can't be unhappy. We don't have a bed time or a bath time or a wake up time and we don't have to go to school. I'm very happy. I'm the happiest kid in the world." said Sho. He was not going to talk about how sad he was. She was sad enough because of him already. Besides, not every part of his life was bad. He had to…to do like the song that mom liked said to do…and only think about the positives. There were some….but they didn't outweigh the fact that he didn't have a mom.
Well he did have a mom.
She was just gone. She was gone somewhere and she was never coming back. She was gone. She was gone and he…he was all alone with big sis and dad. Dad was….he was not mom. Big sis was not mom…and when he thought about it…it was so much….so maybe he should just have looked at the good parts of it.
"Ok. I'm glad that you're happy. I mean I thought that you were upset but I'm glad that you're happy. I'm sorry that your first kiss got wasted, though, those are supposed to be special. Mom said-I mean I know that they're supposed to be special." said big sis. Mom had talked them about that once. When he was so grossed out because big sis kept on watching the kissing part of Frozen. Mom said that first kisses were special and you always had to ask…and he hadn't had anyone he wanted to kiss and he still didn't…so he wasn't sad about that. Nope. Not at all. It wasn't like there was someone he wanted to kiss and he would never see him again-
Because you were not supposed to kiss boys.
Nobody had ever told him that to his face but he knew that girls were with boys and boys were with girls. Well dad had sort of said that. He said that when Sho grew up and got married and had kids then he would understand why dad did all the things that he did. Sho didn't know if he wanted to get married when he grew up…because he just could not imagine liking a girl like that….but having a bunch of kids to be friends with would have been nice.
He was not going to grow up to be like dad.
"I don't care about that stuff. You know that I don't care about that stuff. I'm just upset because it was so gross. The grossest thing even. Even grosser than the time we found that dead bird in the yard." said Sho
"Oh. I'm really sorry." said big sis
"About what?" asked Sho
"I'm sorry that it was gross for you. Don't worry, when you get older and you find your most perfect person, dad says that there's a most perfect person out there for everyone, and she kisses you then it'll feel so nice that you won't even be able to keep your feet on the ground." said big sis. Sho stuck out his tongue. Girls were so weird about that….but at least she seemed a little bit happier. She just wanted him to be happy, that was all, and he….he should have wanted her to be happy, too. He should have been a better little brother to her.
He put his spit glass down on the ground.
"I'm tired of spitting. I'm going to go brush my teeth."