To All Shinigami (and anyone else who took part in this madness) - What happened on Halloween shall never be spoken of again.
Aizen Sosuke - Just because it's Halloween does not mean you should send the entirety of Hueco Mundo to the living world to knock on doors and ask for candy. - I don't care how many spiritually-aware kids are traumatized by the widespread carnage that ensued, nor how many psychics are convinced it's the apocalypse, if you send Hollows to the human world, we will respond by sending the thirteenth and three quarters division after them. - Stop trying to counter us apocalypse-for-apocalypse. It was not the apocalypse! It was Zaraki!
Abarai-fukutaicho - The next time Kuchiki-fukutaicho offers to "help" you with your costume, run away. Run far away and do not return until Halloween is over. - No, it was not funny! You left a trail of fainted females, and more than a few males, behind you wherever you went! We had to assign a crew of straight men and bent women to follow you and move the unconscious bodies to the hospital. - You are hereby forbidden from ever wearing leather pants again.
Ayasegawa Yumichika - I...we...you see...that is...ah... Whoever put you in that fairy costume... We're not sure whether we should scold them, or congratulate them... We are very confused by this.
Hinamori-fukutaicho - From now on, all your Halloween costumes require authorization from at least two taicho. - No matter how cute you are, showing up at people's doors dressed in your shihakusho, a pair of glasses and one of Aizen's old coats and saying, "I'm Aizen-taicho! Can I have some candy?" is guaranteed to receive wary looks, at the very least. - Kira-fukutaicho was well within his rights to glare and slam the door on you. - Have you been missing your therapy sessions again?
Hitsugaya-taicho - Going around in Bankai does not constitute a Halloween costume.
Ichimaru Gin - Your "House of Terror" was not appreciated. By anyone. - While its name certainly indicated the unfathomable horrors that lay within, when you stand outside in a thong, bunny tail and bunny ears, it can be very misleading. - We are unsure your outfit can even be called a costume, considering the amount of time you spend wearing it. - This is going to come back to bite you in the ass, you know. Cthulhu was very displeased at having his sleep disturbed for a Halloween haunted house.
Inoue Orihime - When a group of Hollows knock on your door and ask for candy, you should not don your Vizard mask and join them in trick-or-treating. - Kuchiki-fukutaicho is the one who convinced you to dress as a bunnygirl for the party, isn't she?
Ise-fukutaicho - Your very convincing Cenobite costume is going down in history as the most effective Anti-Hollow weapon Soul Society has ever seen. While you may have only been trying to give them candy, the way you drove those hordes of Hollows before you as they fled screaming in terror is something we will never forget.
Ishida Uryu - When a group of Hollows knock on your door and ask for candy, you should not respond with a girlish shriek and slam the door in their face. This just makes them more determined.
Kira-fukutaicho - If you didn't want to crossdress, you should have investigated the character before allowing Kuchiki-fukutaicho to pick your costume. You should know by now that Kuchiki-fukutaicho's choice in manga is odd and the ideas it gives her even odder. In fact, you should have ran and hid the moment her eyes lit up at the sight of you.
Komamura-taicho - Just because your appearance is unique does not mean you are already wearing a costume. You should have known that excuse wouldn't work on Kusajishi-fukutaicho.
Kotetsu-fukutaicho - Drugging yourself into unconsciousness to avoid the chaos of Halloween was truly inspired. However, while no one could wake you and thereby could not include you in the "festivities", you missed a lot. Also, that bleeding head wound was caused by Kusajishi-fukutaicho slamming your head into the floor repeatedly in an attempt to wake you. Thought you should know.
Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentaro - For the last time, leave Kurosaki-taicho alone! Stop trying to dye his hair black! He is not going as Shiba Kaien for Halloween! - Alright, I stand corrected. I give up. Do whatever you want. He seems to think it's funny anyway.
Kuchiki-taicho - It's your own fault. You shouldn't have tried to refuse to participate in Halloween when Kuchiki-fukutaicho was so adamant. - Just because she forced you to dress like a vampire and then proceeded to get so drunk she tried to seduce Kurosaki-taicho does not mean you should head her off by getting into character and seducing him first. - Even if it was worth it when his brain seemingly overloaded, shut down and he passed out, crushing the jack-o-lantern, knocking over a set of candles and setting his clothes on fire. - I will be wanting a copy of those pictures, if you don't mind.
Kuchiki-fukutaicho - Your bunnygirl costume was absolutely indecent. Stop taking your cues from Ichimaru Gin.
Kurotsuchi-taicho - Putting on your Halloween costume should not involve the phrase "altered my genetic sequence to incorporate squid DNA". - In fact, you don't need a costume. Just come as you are.
Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho - "Lady Godiva" is only a proper costume choice if you're not actually naked. - Please wear a wig next time. Your hair is not long enough to obey decency laws. - Halloween is not just an excuse for public nudity. Don't believe everything Kyoraku-taicho says.
Kusajishi-fukutaicho - We must admit, you were the cutest little princess at the Seireitei Halloween Party. You were also the only princess at the Seireitei Halloween Party who came dressed in a sparkly pink dress covered in the blood of her enemies. - Going home to wash up after that impromptu Hollow slaughter wouldn't have taken up too much of your time. You would still have made it in time for trick-or-treating.
Kurosaki Isshin - Stop rolling Seireitei and blaming it on your children. - Get back up here and clean up your mess!
Kurosaki-taicho - With those contacts and your hair dyed black, I must ask... Have you ever looked into past life regression?
Kyoraku-taicho - Just because you are a taicho does not mean you can force all the females in your division to dress as pirates for Halloween. You are not a pirate captain and they are not your "saucy wenches".
Madarame Ikaku - Has anyone seen Madarame? He never turned up after last Tuesday's "toga party". All we've found is his sheet, some drag marks and a trail of crushed cookies which disappears abruptly. We believe the cookies may be chocolate chip, and they taste suspiciously like cardboard.
Matsumoto-fukutaicho - Wearing a g-string and painting your breasts to look like missiles is not an acceptable costume. The thigh-high stilettos do not make up for the fact that you did not have anything on the TOP HALF!
Sado Yasutora - When a group of Hollows knock on your door and ask for candy, you should not respond with a mixed bag of Snickers, Pocky and candy apples.
Shiba Kukaku - Forcing your family to dress as zombies and re-enact a scene from Thriller on our rooftops does not mean you "took Seireitei by storm". That was actually one of the highlights of an evening including such sights as proudly naked women, Eldritch Abominations, Kira in drag, Abarai in tight pants, trick-or-treating Hollows, bunnyboys and bunnygirls, oversexed and drunken pirates, Ukitake-taicho crying all over Kurosaki-taicho, and both Kuchiki trying to seduce Kurosaki-taicho at the same time.
Shihoin Yoruichi - It is not recommended to sit outside Urahara Shoten in your cat form on Halloween and hiss at passersby.
Soifon-taicho - I must say, we were all quite surprised by how well you pulled off your "Yoruichi-sotaicho-sama" costume, even if I do find it a bit disturbing.
Ukitake-taicho - Just because it is Halloween does not mean Hitsugaya-taicho wants any candy. - Also, please watch your alcohol intake. Despite his costume, that is still Kurosaki-taicho. As your two third seats can tell you, official policy states that he is not Shiba Kaien. - Of course, official policy has been wrong before...
Unohana-taicho - Refusing to treat our Shinigami for stomachaches and hangovers due to massive quantities of candy and alcohol is cold, cruel and just plan evil. - I did not overindulge. Those candies were tainted!
Urahara Kisuke - No, you may not bill Seireitei for the fees required to get Shihoin out of the pound.
Yamada Hanataro - Dressing as a prince, complete with crown and scepter, did not help stop the rumors.
Zaraki-taicho - No one wants to hear your drunken, perverted ramblings about what you want to do to Matsumoto-fukutaicho, Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho, Inoue Orihime, Soifon-taicho, Kuchiki-fukutaicho and Kurosaki-taicho. - Also, that was not a woman. That was Kira-fukutaicho and he did not appreciate your hand up his skirt.