Dean lost track of how long they stayed in that embrace. He felt his heartbeat slowly begin to return to normal as the adrenaline from both of their almost-deaths started to dissipate.

Finally Dean managed to pull himself back, his hand coming up and resting on Cas' cheek for a second before he broke contact entirely. They pulled themselves up, Cas steadying Dean as he swayed.

"I'm okay." He dismissed, finding his balance. "We have to find Sam."

Cas nodded, still reeling somewhat from the whiplash of emotions. He managed to push it aside from now.

Sam was shocked when they caught up to him. "What the hell happened to you!?" His eyes looked over the not insignificant amount of blood soaking through both of their clothes and the bruising on his brother's head.

"Angels." Dean said simply. "Not demons."

"Shit." Sam breathed. "You get them all?"

"Yeah. Well, Cas did." Dean sighed. "Come on. I've got a hot shower calling my name."

"You want me to drive?"

"Not even a little."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fine."

.

Dean found himself silently looking in the mirror to catch Cas' eyes more than a few times on their drive back to the motel. He didn't say anything even as they dragged their stuff inside.

As soon as he could, he locked himself away in the bathroom, finally taking a second to breathe again. The hot water was soothing on his sore muscles, but it didn't help distract him enough from his thoughts.

It wasn't terribly unusual they both almost died on a case. And isn't that just great. He thought bitterly. But this time it felt different for more than one reason.

After he showered, Dean only spared a glance at Cas while he plugged in his phone and crashed on the motel bed. He knew it was the cowards way, but this wasn't something he wanted to address in front of his brother.

Sam didn't comment when he saw Cas pick up the impala keys from the table and let himself out. Dean didn't comment and he was too tired to look into it further.

By the time Dean was at Cas' side, the angel had already put a considerable distance between him and the motel.

The hunter didn't pray right away, needing a minute to center himself. He felt a little guilty, watching Cas, studying his expressions in secret.

The angel's emotions were… complicated. There was so much going on, Dean was having a hard time identifying any before the next one washed over him.

He was also restless. Dean could feel Cas' wings fidget and twitch, far more than normal.

Dean smiled gently. This felt like the angel equivalent to pacing.

The hunter was startled when the emotions shifted slightly towards annoyance.

Cas spoke. "I'm guessing by now you're already here."

Dean's face reddened. "Sorry."

The angel's expression softened and he began to look for a good spot to pull off the road. When he shut off the car, he didn't make any moves to get out just yet.

"Dean-" "Cas-"

They both stopped. Dean shifted slightly in his seat. "You go first."

"I'm not sure what to say."

"You think I do?"

"I could hope." He gave a weak smile.

"Yeah well, don't hold your breath." He felt the spike of confusion. "It's an expression."

Cas furrowed his brow for a second but let it go.

"I'm sorry. That's not how I… I didn't mean to just…" He took a second to try to organize his thoughts. "I meant to talk to you about it first."

Doubt.

"Yeah, I know." Dean sighed before Cas could call him out on it. He had already sat on it so long, it wasn't very likely he would have actually approached him about it.

Cas was quiet for a minute. "Why didn't you?"

"I don't know." Dean said. "I didn't know how. Or if I even should."

"Mmh." Cas breathed, thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry."

"It is alright."

A surge of affection washed through Dean's chest from Cas, and in spite of everything he smiled. He felt Cas start to push it away on instinct, like he had been doing since he found out Dean could feel his emotions, but he caught himself this time and let it settle in.

"So… we're good?"

"Yes. Of course."

Dean followed suit as Cas stepped out of the car, heading to lay back against the hood of the impala and look up at the sky. He let himself get caught up in the moment, allowing his mind to avoid over analyzing what was happening.

He took a deep breath. "Hey… I think when we figure out whatever this is… unless it's killing us, I don't really want to stop it." He tried.

Cas smiled, closing his eyes. "I'm glad."

Dean relaxed the tension from his shoulders and climbed up to lay next to Cas, letting himself get lost in the warmth between them.

.

They had lost track of time as the sun rose. Dean found himself jolting awake, right in the middle of a conversation about what films they should watch next. He glanced over as Sam sat up and headed towards the motel bathroom.

His phone rang beside him and he answered.

Cas spoke on the other end. "I'll be there shortly."

Dean gave a brief laugh. "Yeah, sorry." He hung up just as he heard the bathroom door open again.

Sam came back out, heading over to start digging through his bag. "I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's okay." Dean swung his legs over the edge of the bed, groaning slightly as he stretched out.

"I'm surprised you let Cas drive the impala." Sam admitted.

"Yeah well, it's that or keep you up all night. I don't exactly sleep anymore, remember?"

"Fair enough."

Half an hour later when Dean finally came out from the shower, Cas was back and had brought breakfast. Dean slid into the table across from his brother who was already halfway through a bagel.

Sam leaned back in his chair. "If we stop off in Idaho again, we should be able to make it back the day after."

"Actually I think we can do it all in one go." Dean said slowly.

Sam furrowed his brow. "Dude. That's a 27 hour trip."

"Cas can drive while we sleep."

"Cas can-" Sam trailed off, thinking about it for a second. He supposed with Dean actually letting Cas drive the impala, it was doable. And Cas didn't have a need for sleep.

Dean looked up at Cas. "That good for you?"

"Yes." Cas gave a nod.

Dean looked back to Sam.

He spread his hands. "Yeah, sounds good to me." Sam certainly wouldn't mind being home that much earlier.

.

When Sam's breathing evened out Dean dared to reach across the bench and catch Cas' right hand where it was resting. He gave it a squeeze. "I'll be back in a few." He said softly before moving away, positioning himself as far to the side as possible. He rested his head against the window, letting his mind go blank. Sleep came much easier now that he knew no nightmares were waiting for him.

It was significantly weirder being in the car while he was asleep on the bench next to Cas. "Hey."

"Hello Dean." Cas whispered back, taking care to keep his volume low to avoid waking Sam.

"If you get tired of driving don't worry about waking me up to take over again."

"I will be fine." Cas assured. "I'd rather you both sleep as long as possible. You don't get nearly enough."

"Thanks, mom."

Cas furrowed his brows, tilting his head.

"It's an expression." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Oh." Cas said simply, though his emotions betrayed he still had no idea what Dean was talking about.

Dean looked around him, feeling somewhat weird being in the middle of the bench sandwiched between Cas and himself.

Cas was thoughtful for a moment before finally voice a question he'd been turning over in his mind. "When did you figure it out?" That I loved you, went unspoken.

"The first night in Idaho." The hunter frowned. "I noticed a few times before but I didn't, uh… make the connection."

"You weren't sure if you wanted to act on it." Cas mused.

"I wasn't sure I should." Dean stressed.

Cas didn't say anything, but he nodded.

"I sort of seem to screw things like this up. Didn't want to ruin it. Us. What we had."

Dean frowned when he felt the mixture of emotions that followed that statement. He looked away, suddenly feeling selfish. He had been so caught up in being afraid of pushing Cas away, he had never considered how unfair it was to not let him in. To deny those feelings when they were reciprocated.

And this time he couldn't even hide behind doubt. When you can feel the love someone has firsthand it doesn't leave a lot of room for disbelief.

He felt the guilt creep in, but not from himself this time.

"Sorry." Dean said quickly, trying to dispel those emotions.

"I did not intend to force your hand."

"You didn't."

They fell back into an uneasy silence. Dean felt Cas' emotions tip towards uncertainty before he forced them back behind a wall like he had been trying for weeks. Still, Dean knew they were there.

It was worse when he could feel his own insecurities hurt Cas in real time.

"When you prayed to me today… I didn't know how badly you were injured... If you would be okay... If I would be able to get to you in time." Cas said softly. "In time to heal you."

"Worried about me?" Dean asked incredulously. "I had to stand there and watch you fight them all off without being able to lift a damn finger to help."

"Well it worked out in the end."

"You make sure it keeps working out." Dean prayed, closing his eyes as he replayed the fight in his head. "I've watched you die too many times."

"I know."

"Cas I mean it… I couldn't… we just started figuring this out… If you had…"

"Dean-"

"If you had died today, before I could even, before we could…"

"I didn't."

"I'm sorry Cas." Dean managed, taking a deep shaky breath.

"It is okay."

"No, it's not." He paused. "But we'll make it okay."

Castiel smiled gently, glancing over at Dean where he slept against the window.

"Hey, my eyes are up here." Dean teased, feeling the mood lighten. Cas relaxed fully, his wings stretching out for a moment before settling down against his back. The angel's smile didn't fade and it made it impossible to prevent one of his own.

"My apologies."

"You are forgiven." With that, the last bit of tension left and they found themselves once again in the familiar comfort they had built over all the nights they had together so far.

When the sun finally crested the sky, it was Sam who woke first. He groaned, pulling himself up from where he laid across the bench, stretching out to the best of his ability. He let out his breath in a big sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face. "Mornin' Cas." He mumbled. He looked up to see his brother still asleep against the window and frowned. "Uh, both of you." He corrected awkwardly.

Dean grinned, unable to respond yet. Cas casually reached a hand across the bench and gave Dean's shoulder an abrupt shove. The hunter instantly snapped sideways a couple feet, the wake-up more disorienting than usual. But the smile returned quickly enough.

Sam just watched the exchange. He was surprised by the ease and fluidity of their interactions these days. They certainly had been developing more of a sort of rapport as they were forced to spend more time together.

Cas started looking for a place for breakfast. "Still want pancakes?" remembering a discussion from an hour back.

"Obviously." Dean grunted, rolling his head back and forth to try and ease the discomfort sleeping in that position had caused.

The relaxing wake-up was short lived however as the hunter quickly got lost in his mind.

Just as when they first returned from the hunt, Dean withdrew as soon as they stood in the daylight. In the diner he spared only quick glances at Cas from time to time, mostly choosing to stare into the burnt coffee in his hands.

Sam didn't seem to notice. He was talking about something to do with the angels they just fought. Dean hoped it wasn't important, or at least that Cas was paying attention if it was. He just couldn't make the words mean anything.

He hid a half grin as a thought occurred to him, and he reached out to Cas. "You getting any of this?"

Cas glanced sideways, making eye contact with him for a second, his expression stoic but his eyes betraying the slight surprise at hearing the prayer. He gave an almost imperceptible nod though before turning his attention back to Sam.

Dean just smiled a little deeper, turning back to his coffee.

The rest of their journey home, they spent mostly in silence. Sam fiddled with the radio, finding some channel that Dean only half objected to. Every time he looked in the mirror though, he saw Cas staring back at him.

It felt just a little overwhelming. He could feel Cas' gaze on him even when he wasn't looking. "Your face is going to get stuck like that if you don't move it." He caught the eyebrow and head tilt and he gave a quiet but exasperated sigh. "It's an expression."

Cas simply gave a single nod.

Dean cleared his throat. "We're almost home." He announced out loud, getting Sam's attention from whatever it was he was reading.

He had never been more relieved when he saw the bunker come into view.

.

If Dean had to pick a word to describe the next week, it would be 'awkward'. He was aware he was handling this, whatever this was, poorly.

Nothing had changed. Or at least nothing obvious. Which Dean didn't want to admit was kind of the problem.

Nights were spent mostly watching movies or with a walk to the lake.

Occasionally Cas would even sit on the chair in his room and they'd just talk until Dean finally passed out and they could move off for their normal routine.

But during the day Dean found himself staying somewhat distant. It felt like whatever they had was fragile, and if he looked at it too hard it might shatter. And when Sam was around he kept himself even further.

Following Cas towards the library after he fell asleep, he was surprised to see Sam still awake, nose in some old dusty book.

Sam looked up, blinking a few times and stretching out. "What time is it?"

"1 a.m." Cas replied.

He pushed his chair back, standing up. "Guess I should sleep." He started for the door. "Goodnight Cas..." He looked around awkwardly, eyes resting decidedly a few feet from Dean. "Dean." He turned and headed towards his room.

Dean winced when felt the sharp flash of disappointment quickly washed away by understanding before it was masked with a more neutral emotion. Cas grabbed the laptop and didn't mention it.

The next night Dean insisted they stay in his room, wary of another run in with Sam. He found himself lying next to himself on the bed, exactly in the position he had fallen asleep.

Cas looked up when he heard Dean's breathing even out.

"On the bed." Dean prayed and Cas corrected his gaze.

"Are you sure you do not wish to watch a movie?"

"Yeah… I'd rather not." Dean lied. He wished he had remembered to grab his laptop before he passed out. But he really did not want to experience the emotions that accompanied seeing his brother the day before.

Confusion settled in over the sort of neutral comfort coming from Cas. "What do you wish to do?"

He didn't have an answer. "Uh… we'll…"

"We could choose a book?"

Again the library. "No. We can just talk or something." He winced.

"Talk." Cas repeated, doubt building.

"Is that so unusual?"

"Yes." Cas said simply. "You do not usually engage in simple conversation without the distraction of location or alcohol."

"That's not…" Actually that was very true.

"A walk or drive perhaps?"

"I don't-"

"Dean, why do you not wish to leave this room?"

Dean froze.

Cas tried to piece together the common risk in the entire bunker. "You are avoiding your brother?" He considered it further. Dean was effectively invisible. "You are trying to avoid me seeing your brother." He furrowed his brow, looking up towards where he knew Dean was.

"No." Dean was aware that even in a prayer his voice sounded strained.

"Why?" Cas asked,

He was quiet. He watched Cas patiently wait for whatever explanation he was going to give. "I just… yesterday when you… when you guys talked. You-" Dean cringed as he felt the same exact emotions race through him. "...You felt like that..."

"Oh." He said softly.

"Yeah."

"You do not wish for him to know about this yet." It wasn't a question.

"I don't know." Dean admitted. "I'm not sure how to... you know."

"Alright."

Dean stopped, feeling another flash of guilt. "It's not like-"

"You don't have to explain yourself." Cas tried to reassure him.

"I mean he'd be okay with it-"

"It's okay."

"I'm not trying to hide it or anything-"

"Dean." Cas implored, just a little too loudly.

The hunter found himself pulled back into his body, waking at the noise. He took a second for a sharp breath before looking up as Cas looked back at him. He could do nothing to stop the sharp sudden laugh at the absurdity of what just happened.

Cas' expression softened and a more gentle look replaced the frustration.

When he finally caught his breath again, Dean sighed, letting his head rest back against the pillow. He frowned. "I'm sorry, man."

"I know." Cas said softly.

"I'll work on it."

"I know."

Dean closed his eyes, feeling utterly undeserving of that forgiveness. He sighed again, sitting upright. He hesitated, waging a small mental war with himself before he made his decision. "Come here." He held out an arm.

Cas just looked at him, and for a second Dean didn't think he would move. Cas finally got to his feet and bridged the gap, settling on the bed to lean against him.

Dean wrapped his arms around him, surprised at how reassuring it felt.

Cas finally relaxed against him letting his head rest against his chest.

"I don't regret it." Dean said softly.

"I know."

They stayed like that until Dean drifted off again, arms still laced around him.

.

It was noon when Dean poked his head into the library. Cas looked up from his book.

"Hey, grab the keys to your truck."

"Why?"

"Gotta grab some stuff. I'll meet you up there."

Castiel marked the page and stood, following close behind.

He wasn't surprised when Dean slid behind the wheel. He was content to be a passenger in his own car, honestly preferring it. Something felt strange about driving when Dean was awake. He was surprised when they pulled up outside the mattress store a couple towns over.

Dean shut off the truck, looking up, his face growing a little warm. "I just figure with everything… We wouldn't have to move after I fall asleep."

Cas tilted his head in question.

"If I fell asleep on you I mean… you know. There isn't enough room if I didn't just sit on myself."

Understanding clicked into place and Cas nodded. "Of course."

Dean beamed a wide grin. "Need enough room for the three of us. You, me, and me."

Cas couldn't help but smile too.

"Come on, let's go."