Mob only had one pair of shoes that still fit.
Sho had none.
"I am not wearing those." Said Sho with his arms crossed. It was too hot for winter boots. Those were the only shoes he had that fit. Those and house slippers but he was not going to wear house slippers outside. Well he would have if that wouldn't have ruined them. Anything was better than what his big sis had decided to propose.
He was not wearing his sister's shoes!
"Come on, little brother, please? I want to go to Coney Island. We've never been there and the internet said that it was fun but we can't go unless you're wearing shoes." Said Mob. School was done with, well what they called school, and now they could go and have fun. They needed to do something fun. They had been inside all day and the day before that and the one before that. Dad said that it wasn't safe for them to go outside.
And now it was.
But they couldn't go anywhere if Sho didn't put her shoes on. They fit him just fine, she didn't see what the problem was. They weren't her pink shoes, those had broken apart a while ago, these were blue. Well they were her blue Elsa shoes but blue was still a boy's color…not that she understood why boys were so weird about colors. Pink was just fine and boys could like it just as much as girls. Girls were actually luckier than boys when it came to colors, they could like all of them, while boys had to follow a bunch of stupid rules.
"No. I am not wearing your shoes! I'm a boy!" said Sho. Nope. No way. He was not wearing her shoes. He did not want to be made fun of. Also her feet had been in them. You were not supposed to share shoes like that. It was gross even by his standards. He would rather have tied bread bags around his feet than wore his big sister's old shoes that she had been sweating in and also had a princess on the side…though it was cool that they lit up when you walked….
"I know that you're a boy Sho, we just took a bath last night, but you have to wear shoes. Yours don't fit you anymore and it's too hot to wear snow boots. Please? Come on, there's rollercoasters. You love rollercoasters." Said Mob. She did not want to be in this house for a moment longer and she knew that he didn't either. He could have worn his old shoes…but they hurt him really bad and they were going to be walking around all day….but then again her feet would be hurting too.
She was giving him her last pair of good shoes.
Hers didn't fit so well either, the front was coming off and she had glued the bottom back on, but she didn't want a new pair of real shoes. Mom had gotten her those shoes. Mom had gotten her those and she had picked them out with love and…and she was not going to just get rid of something that mom gave her. Dad always made them throw away things that were broken or they had stopped using. She was not throwing away the last pair of shoes that her mom had gotten her.
She'd rather Sho wore them until they fell apart.
Besides, she had her dress up shoes. She had a bunch of pairs of dress up shoes and they weren't so bad. Ok, they were pinchy and slippery and the plastic made her feet all warm and gross and also the heel was hard to walk in but they were fine. She didn't want a new pair of walking shoes…and even if she asked for one those aura guys were bad at picking out shoes. It had taken them almost a day to come back with boots for her and Sho last time she had sent them out for stuff. She couldn't buy her own shoes or clothes or other stuff….could she? She didn't know how. That was one of those things that mom knew how to do.
Mom was gone.
And Mob was not her mom.
"I'll wear snow boots then. It's not that hot out. I feel fine." Said Sho
"You only feel fine because there's air conditioning here. I know it's only spring here but it's super hot and your feet are going to be too hot and then you'll get all mad at me." Said Mob
"I'd rather be way too hot than wear your shoes! Why can't I just wear my shoes? I don't care that they don't fit anymore and that they're way too hot and that they have a hole in them." Said Sho
"Because they're too small, they hurt you, and they have a hole in them. I can't let you walk around like that. Come on, I want you to be comfortable. Your feet will feel better in my old shoes. They don't fit me anymore but I know that they'll fit you. Please? I want to go outside. Don't you want to go outside? And Coney Island sounds fun. A whole island that's an amusement park? Doesn't that sound fun? Or maybe we could go somewhere else. Just please, Sho, put on my old shoes." Said Mob. She held her shoes in her hands and tried to hand them to Sho.
He wouldn't take them.
"I'd rather wear bread bags on my feet than your shoes." Said Sho. He was not wearing her shoes. He was not a girl. He was not wearing girl's shoes. He was not wearing girl's shoes that she had sweated in and stuff. He did not need to wear her shoes. He had his own shoes. He had his own shoes that his mom had gotten him before she left last year. She had gotten him those shoes and he could still cram his feet into them. He was not sending those worker guys out to get him more shoes. They picked out bad shoes and also they were not his mom.
Mom was gone.
And big sis was not mom!
"Bread bags? But then where will we keep the bread?" asked Mob
"We're out of bread!" said Sho
"Oh. Then tell those weird aura guys to get us some…and maybe get you some shoes, too, because you don't want to wear mine." Said Mob
"I wouldn't wear your shoes if the world was flooded with pee and they had stilts on the bottoms." Said Sho
"That's mean. There's nothing wrong with my shoes. You can't wear your shoes. You're going to end up getting hurt. I don't want that." Said Mob. She was not going to get mad or anything like that. She was just going to keep on being nice. She was going to keep on being nice and being a good big sister. Mom would have wanted that. Dad wanted that. She was a good Daughter. She had to be a good Daughter and that meant being a good big sister and taking care of her little brother.
"And you won't get hurt in those?" asked Sho pointing at the dress up shoes that she was wearing. Dad said that her shoes were ridiculous but also that you weren't supposed to ever talk about what a girl was wearing. Ever. Even though her shoes were so dumb. She always slid around when she tried to run in them. Dad said never to tell big is that her shoes were dumb. Girls hated that.
He didn't care what she hated.
Because she didn't care what he hated.
"I probably will but that doesn't matter. I just want you to be comfortable." Said Mob. She would probably hurt herself in these, she slid around just trying to walk around this apartment, and even now she probably would have been sliding around if not for the carpet they had put here to make a pretend genkan because people in this country kept their shoes on inside for some reason. She didn't care if she ended up falling down and breaking all of her bones. She just wanted Sho to be happy.
"Stop being like that…" said Sho. He hated it when she got like that. Like he was the only person that mattered in the whole world or whatever. Sometimes he wished that he had a regular big sister. The kind that argued with you and said that you were annoying and stuff like that. He had seen families like that where the big sister was just as much of a jerk as the little brother.
It would have been better if she had been a jerk right back.
At least then he wouldn't have felt so bad about the way he could be sometimes. At least then they would have been even. She kissed up to dad and showed off with her powers and bossed him around like she was their mom but she wasn't really a jerk. Not like how he was a jerk. How he could be a jerk. Like now he was being such a big jerk towards her and all she wanted was for him to be happy…
She said that.
She was always saying that she wanted him to be happy, that all she wanted was for him to be happy, but then she went and bossed him around which she knew made him all happy. She was always hanging out with dad, too, when he was around and they were always so boring together. He was tired of that. He was tired of it always being big sis and dad. It wasn't fair. It used to be fair back when they'd had a mom but not they didn't have a mom and the whole thing was just so unfair…the most unfair thing ever…
"Like what?" asked Mob
"Talking about how much you love me and how you want me to be happy and stuff." Said Sho
"Oh…that bothers you? Why? That's how I feel and it's a good way to feel. I love you and you love me. I don't want anything other than your happiness and you don't want anything other than mine. We're brother and sister and best friends, too." Said Mob. She felt that way, she really did, even when Sho was being mean to her. Even when he was being so mean and so difficult that she just wanted to-to-to-well she wasn't going to. She was not going to just lose control like that. She was not going to lose control even a little bit. She pulled her aura back in close and tried to keep her feelings calm and level. She loved Sho, she really did, and when you loved someone it didn't matter if they acted terribly towards you. You still loved them and you cared about them and you never, ever, left them.
She was not mom.
She was not going to leave. Even though she totally could have. Even though she could have taken back her shoes and left Sho all alone…she wasn't going to….and she was a bad person for ever even feeling that way. That was not the sort of person that she was. She did not think mean thoughts about her own little brother. She loved him. She knew what it was to be alone. She knew what it was to have no one. She knew what it was to look around and to have everything be different to be all alone-
She had never been alone in her life.
But she got the feeling that she knew the feeling. She dreamt about it sometimes. She's small and everything is big and scary and she doesn't know anyone, even her own dad, and it's just…the worst. She doesn't ever want to be alone and she doesn't ever want Sho to know what it is to be alone. She cares about him and she will not ever be the sort of person who would be mean to him.
It didn't matter how he treated her.
"It bothers me because you're always talking like that. Like you would set yourself on fire or something if I told you that I was cold." Said Sho. He was so mad at her sometimes…and he didn't know why. Well he did. She was dad's favorite person in the whole world and because she was there he was all alone. She had their whole family, now, and then she still told him that she loved him the most in the whole world. That hurt. He wished that she was more of a jerk. She was always trying to make him happy and stuff…and he was sick of it! He wished that she would do the same stuff to him that he did to her. Sho wished that she would just yell at him or call him names or pull his hair or drink all of his milk when his back was turned or something.
But she didn't.
And she never would because she was born right and he was born wrong. People weren't supposed to be like he was. Mad all the time. Well sometimes he was happy or something for a little bit but he was mostly just mad. Being mad made him do mean stuff, dumb stuff, stuff that he regretted the minute that it was done with. He didn't understand…and he sort of did…but he also didn't…
It was complicated.
"I wouldn't set myself on fire because then I would be dead. I'd give you my clothes, though, if we were lost in the woods in winter or something. Or maybe on a mountain and the air was thin and cold and we were going to freeze. I can use my powers to keep myself warm, sort of, so I wouldn't need my clothes. I would give them to you and then try and save us both." Said Mob
"…..I wouldn't wear your stupid clothes anyway…"muttered Sho
"But you would freeze!" gasped Mob. She could just see it. It was like that movie she and Sho saw on TV about the people who got lost in the woods in the winter and then they started to eat each other…or something…something bad like that. Something that she did not want to remember. Why did they make movies like that? And why did they put them on TV? Not being able to understand what the people was saying was actually worse, it made the whole thing worse, and she wants to stop thinking about this. she wanted to reach out and take Sho's hand like she had when they had been up late watching scary movies….but now was not the time. She knew what happened when he got like this. She really didn't like it at all when he got like this. He could be so nice sometimes, like they were real best friends and not just brother and sister best friends, kind of like how dad could be really nice sometimes. Maybe Sho got it from dad. They were father and son after all.
Dad could be mean one minute and then nice the next.
Mom was nice all the time but then she ran away.
Mob hoped that she was more like dad than mom. She thought about it, sometimes, getting away. When she felt trapped. When she was trapped. When it was just her and Sho and they were trapped and he wouldn't stop being a jerk and stuff and there was no way out. She thought about crawling out the window and running down the street in her bare feet even though that would have been a dumb thing to do. You were not supposed to go outside without shoes on, you were not supposed to run away from your little brother, you were not supposed to go off on your own without your little brother, and you were not supposed to go off on your own without your little brother in a country where you barely spoke the language and didn't know anyone or anything oh-
"I don't care. I don't care if I freeze to death and you have to keep me in the fridge or else I'll melt. I would never wear your stupid dumb girl's clothes even if they were the last clothes in the whole world! Even if when I walked down the street people laughed at me because I was naked!" said Sho. He knocked the shoes out of her hands and they it the rug. She looked at him for a while. Her hair did the thing where it stood up. He watched her hair float and then her shoes started to float and then the lights started to flicker.
He wasn't afraid of her.
He wasn't afraid of anything. Not even his own dad. He was not afraid of his own big sister when she got like this. She was such a bossy annoying annoyingly bossy person! There was nothing scary at all about her. He wasn't scared. There was nothing scary about her. He was fine. He was fine and she was fine and everyone was fine. He wasn't afraid at all.
He could see his aura.
"Yes you do. You do care. You care about yourself and I care about you." Said Mob. She could see his aura. She could see her aura. She could see both of their auras and how both of their auras were pushing against each other's…which was almost as bad as pushing each other….and she never wanted to push her little brother. She loved her little brother. She loved him the most out of everyone in the whole world…even if he could be kind of a jerk sometimes….
"I would rather walk around naked than wear your clothes and I would rather walk around barefoot than wear your shoes." Said Sho. He was not afraid of her or anyone else. He was not afraid at all. He was not the person who was scared. He was not scared.
"You don't mean that. I know that you don't mean that. You don't mean a word of what you just said." Said Mob. She kept her feelings inside. His aura was pushing against her and he was close enough to her that he could have pushed her…and he had in the past…and he could have pushed her again and…and then she would have just let herself get pushed….because she did not want to fight with Sho. She did not want to fight with anyone. She did not like fighting at all. She just…she just wanted to go to Coney Island!
Conceal, don't feel.
Calm down.
Exorcism of your emotions.
"I mean it. I am not wearing your shoes. I am not wearing your clothes even if we were going to freeze to death. I am going to wear my shoes and only my shoes." Said Sho
"They don't fit." Said Mob. She sounded like dad, then, when he got mad. She wasn't mad. She was not mad at all. She was just…she was just…her aura was just being weird. Her aura was being weird and she…she was fine. She was fine and this was fine and all she needed to do was to get Sho into her shoes and then they could go and have fun because they had been inside for too long…
Much too long.
"I don't care." Said Sho. He didn't. He would wear his shoes until they fell apart and then he would put them back together with glue. These were from mom. These were the last shoes that mom had ever gotten him. Mom…big sis was not their mom. She was not their mom no matter how much she wanted to be. How she was always pretending that she was.
"Yes you do." Said Mob. She was not going to lose control. She was not going to be mean. She was going to calm down and help Sho calm down and then they were going to have a nice day together. Together they'd had so many nice days before…and she wanted them to have all of the nice days. She wanted him to have all of the nice days that existed in the world.
"I don't. I don't care." Said Sho. He knew that he was being a jerk again…and she didn't want to be…but he just could not stop it. He was so mad…and he didn't even know why. Well he did. Because she was bossy. Because she had no right to boss him around. He didn't care if dad left her in charge. She was not their mom!
"Yes. Sho. You do. I want…I want us to get along…and I want you to just put my shoes on so we can go. We've been inside for days and days because of what happened…I don't know exactly what happened but dad made us stay inside so it must have been bad…and I just…I know that you want to go outside and you can't unless you're wearing shoes that fit and I want you to wear mine-" said Mob
"Why do you even care?! They're my feet and if want to wear my own shoes until they fall apart then I don't see any reason why I can't!" said Sho
"Because they're too small and you'll get blisters! And they're uncomfortable! And you have to wear my shoes!" said Mob. She was losing it. The lightbulb above them burnt out. Something hit her over the head. She should not have been losing it like that. She should have been better. She should have been a better big sister to her little brother.
She was the worst.
"You are not the boss of me! Just because dad made you the boss of me does not mean that you're the boss of me!" said Sho. He could see his aura and he could see it pushing against her aura…and her.
She took a step back.
"I am the boss of you! Dad making me the boss of you does, actually, mean that I am the boss of you! Why won't you just wear my shoes! You're being such a jerk about this! They don't even fit anymore! The only person you're hurting by being like this is you, little brother, and me because I just want you to be happy! Why are you being like this!? Why do you want to wear shoes that don't fit?!" said Mob
"Because mom got me these! Mom got me these and if I don't wear them anymore then I'll have to get rid of them! Also your shoes are girl's shoes!" shouted Sho. He wiped his eyes. He didn't know when he had started crying….or even that he had been…but he was. Big sis was crying a little too. He reached over to wipe her tears away.
She took another step back.
"Oh….I get it…." Said Mob. She did not want Sho to push her again. She took a step back. She felt…calmer. Her heart was pounding and her head was pounding and her aura was still being all weird but…but she was feeling better. She understood how he felt. He missed mom too.
They both did.
But they weren't allowed to talk to each other, or anyone else, about how much they missed her.
And it was hard.
"I….that's why I wanted you to wear mine. Because mine don't fit anymore and whenever we outgrow our stuff dad makes us get rid of it…and I don't want to do that. I don't want to get rid of something that mom gave me…I don't want to get rid of…mom…" said Mob. Even though she knew that she was breaking one of their biggest rules. They were not supposed to ever talk about mom. Dad had said so.
Dad wasn't there.
But he still made all the rules.
"Well I won't. Why should you get to keep your shoes when I'm going to have to get rid of mine? You get everything already, you know, you get everything and I get nothing." Said Sho. This wasn't fair. She got dad and she got…she got someone and he didn't have anyone. Not mom. Mom had just gone and…and he got left behind….because he was born wrong. Dad thought that he was born wrong and so did mom and big sis…she always….always rubbing it in his face that she was born right and he was born wrong. Not with words but with her powers…and the stuff she could do with them…and it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair.
"That's not true. We get the same things-" said Mob
"No we don't! You have dad and I don't have anyone! You're not mom! You don't get to pretend that you're mom just because dad puts you in charge! It's not fair how you have dad and I don't have anyone!" shouted Sho
"That…that isn't true! You have me and I have you! We have each other and we will always have each other! I am not trying to be mom….I'm really not….I just want to be there for you. I want to be there for you because…because if I'm not there for you then who will be?" said Mob. Dad didn't hate Sho like Sho kept on saying that he did…but he was not happy with Sho either. He was not happy that Sho was the way that he was…and he was never there for Sho….but that was ok. Mob was there for Sho.
She knew that she wasn't their mom and she hadn't been trying to be.
She just wanted to be the best big sister that she could be. It wasn't fair. Sho was right that it wasn't fair. Mom…she should have taken Sho with her. Then Sho could have had someone. He didn't have anyone. Just her. And she had dad and that meant that he didn't…and that wasn't very fair either. Nothing about any of this was fair.
But she was not the one who decided what was and was not fair.
"Yeah…you're right." Said Sho. If she wasn't there for him then who would be? Not dad. Dad barely even liked him….if he liked him at all. Not mom either because she had run away. It wasn't fair…a lot of stuff wasn't fair. He had no idea how to go and make it more fair. He wasn't the one who decided who got a fair deal and who didn't.
He didn't decide what was and was not fair.
"Come on, let's go outside already." Said Mob. She grabbed her good shoes with her powers and knelt down on the floor. Sho could put his own shoes on but she liked doing this for him. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was trying to be mom. Mom used to do this for them when they were little. She was gone but they at least still remembered her…and maybe that was it. Maybe the memory of her wasn't in the shoes she had bought them but in…in the way that they had her in their brains…and in how she remembered the things that mom did and then she did them too…
Maybe that was it.
She was glad that Sho understood, too, and she was glad that he finally agreed to wearing her shoes. Now they could go outside and have fun and make good memories. They could make god memories together like they had with mom…not that either of them was planning on leaving the other…but they had memories and those were for forever…or at least until you forgot them...but while they were in your head then it was like they were forever. She got Sho into his shoes and then they left just like how mom would have gotten them out the door.
Now she had no more shoes that fit. She really didn't care.