I'm so thankful for your kind reviews! never expected them, so a million times Thank you! You guys rock.
This definetly will have a third chapter and i think will be the last one, i'm praying for the right closure because so far i have no idea how to end this. Oh well.
Uh before i forget, sorry for the grammar mistakes! English is not my first language so sometimes something escapes me. I hate it, i'm a grammar nazi but from time to time my brain stops working, so again, i'm really sorry.
Idon't own Lost, etc etc.
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Kate feels a light appear, the hope again creeping through her, but soon she takes care of her walls, she isn't gonna bring them down again... not even if she has the suspicion that Jack and Ana are no longer an item.
She spends the next couple of days wondering why he hasn't come to the beach, thinking about his brown eyes, the way they reveal some green with the right light, the warmth that used to come out of them for her. Instantly she punishes herself, she remembers then the hard expression he had since she ran away, the way he had looked at her after she got caught by the Others and the way he pushed her away for weeks. She also replays a million times the scene in the waterfall, again and again, she thinks about his hands on Ana's body, his tongue entering her mouth.
She fully undestands now the way he felt when she ran to Sawyer, the betrayal and the anger, but specially the pain. And yet again she beats herself up, because she knows it's her fault. She is the one that screwed things over just when they seemed to be right between them.
She's determined to kill the feeling - the love - because this is not who she is, and she's made a lot of mistakes on this island that have cost her too much. She's determined and is sure she'll clam up again, leaving all this behind.
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A week has passed now and he's been trying to keep busy at the caves, still he hasn't gone to the beach, Ana's there, and he really wants to avoid her, but worst, Kate's there as well, and she's been haunting him for the past days.
"Why was she crying that day" Jack wonders "Why did she seem so sad, so broken", "How did she fell and hurt herself? she rarely falls..."
Her name has become a mantra he whispers softly, like maybe he'll figure Kate out by calling her name over and over again. He's tired of feeling this way, his body aches for her company, he would give the world to hear her voice calling him, to see those pleading eyes asking him for forgiveness, and yet, his brain keeps feeding his resentment, his anger.
He's also trying to play that game. The one where you're constantly finding the other person flaws, replaying the crap she made you have, the lies she told, every single second she spend with that other man, the way she used you to get things she wanted. He can't let her back in, she'll keep hurting him because that's who she is, a person that can't help destroying everyone around her.
"But, is she?" "Is she really that terrible person?" He can't seem to relate those green eyes, so full of caring, those eyes he can read so well, with the lies that come out of her mouth. He can't relate that passionate kiss she gave him with her feet running from him. He can't relate all the moments they spent together and that thing they seem to have, with all the moments she spent with Sawyer and that other thing they seem to share.
"Who is she really?" he asks himself, the woman he thought he knew, the woman that made him fall in love, or the manipulative criminal that apparently does have a connection with Sawyer?
"Is she like him?" "No, she can't be."
Deep down he knows she isn't, he's looked into her soul a couple of times, she has her dark secrets, but don't they all have those? Is weird how the fact that she's a fugitive doesn't affect his feelings for her. The problem is that he trusts her but doesn't trust her at the same time, not because her criminal past, but because she's a woman. A woman that has power over him, a woman who's bewitching him and made him fall again. He can't put himself into that position, but isn't him already there?
So one afternoon, despite his head telling him not to, Jack decides he's been MIA from the beach for too long and "they" must be wondering why's that. He kinda laughs at himself at some point, needing an excuse to go see her, at least to be in the same place as she is. As he walks to the beach he can't help but smile thinking about her eyes, the way she looks playfully at him sometimes, with a devilish grin spread in her face that makes him want to take her right there, or maybe those eyes full of passion that burn a hole into his soul when they're talking alone by the fire. He lets himself, just for a second, to delve into his love, and then snaps back out of it and forces himself to think about the way she nursed Sawyer with so much care, when she gave him that haircut or spent all her time in his tent for days.
Both of them are in that never ending circle, in their guts they know there's no use for trying to fight the urge they have to be together, but still, those fanthoms in their heads try to remind them of all the suffering, all the bad consequences that can come out of them, surrendering to their emotions.
Slowly their anger is fading away. The guards are still up but after weeks of being apart, the resentment is getting lost into their desire, a yerning has replaced the spite.
When he feels the breeze coming from the sea he starts getting nervous, Ana Lucia left his mind days ago, and even if he still feels bad for what happened she certainly isn't making him anxious. The thought of finding Kate sitting with Sawyer outside his tent almost makes him go back to the caves, but after Hurley greets him loudly with a "Dude!" there's no turning back. So he smiles and keeps going, delivering some water bottles and dried boar to some of the castaways; he realizes he's seen most of them over the week, almost everyone has gone to the caves for some reason, almost everyone, because nor Kate or Ana have shown up there.
He's trying to play it cool, so he's not searching the beach so obviously, but still, when her frame appears, slowly walking back to camp from the jungle, he can't help to jolt a little. She's alone, and she looks tired, but her hair is hunging loose upon her shoulders and she has that purple top he likes so much, and for Jack, there's nothing else to do, there's nothing else to fight.
Her presence alone, oblivious to his own, is enough to make him feel alive again, and then the most pure sense of happiness invades him. He's staring at her, lost in the sight of Kate, and even though Claire's talking to him, asking him for advice about Aaron's rash, he's not listening to her, he's too concetrated in the way her chest is rising when she breaths, how her curls are getting a little lighter from all the sun she's been taking, how she got some new freckles, how her lips seem fuller now.
Kate's concrentrated, trying to open her backpack to leave some fruit in Sayid's tent when she starts feeling a familiar fire. She looks up, and Jack has his eyes fixed on her. Instantly her skin's boiling and her heart's pounding out of her body. This is what she's been waiting all these days, to see him again, and now more than ever she wants to run to him and kiss him, to show him the truth about this whole situation, to make him understand this never was about anyone but themselves, not a third or a fourth wheel, but about their fears, about the crumbling walls and their attempts to keep them up, about the fact, so certain, so undeniable, that there's one feeling you can't fight, there's one thing that'll make your life turn upside-down, that'll make you do stupid things, but that never, never, will go away.
It feels like hours have passed, and they're still locked in eachother's eyes. Claire walks away smiling, the whole camp has always known something that Jack and Kate seem to deny most of the time but that's evident to everyone else. Their bodies are frozen, neither wanting to move, waiting for the other to take the first step. Kate knows she has to do it first, so she does, she convinces her body to move while silencing her doubts, slowly approaching Jack, cautiously, as if one wrong step would drive Jack away, until they're only a couple of feet away.
"That wasn't so hard" she says to herself, although what's coming next, she's sure, won't be as easy as her little walk. Still holding their gaze, another eternity passes by, until Jack opens his mouth:
"Hi."