This was the worst birthday ever!
And it was only one in the afternoon!
And he had barely gotten any fun stuff done!
And also there was snow in his shoes and it was really annoying!
"I hate today! I hate it!" shouted Sho. He really did. If mom had been around then none of this would have happened. If mom had been around he would have spent his birthday at the animal shelter or the pool or the library or anywhere but at the damn sled hill where there were stupid crazy girls there who followed you around just because you went sledding with them once and then they tried to hold your hand and then when you tried to run away from them they caught you and then they kissed you and then it was just the grossest thing in the whole world!
This was a terrible start to being eight.
"But it's your birthday, little brother, you can't hate your birthday. This is the anniversary of you being born and the day you were born was the happiest day of my life." Said Mob. She didn't really remember it but she did remember being so very happy that he was there. She was still so very happy that he was born. She loved having a little brother. He was the best little brother that she could have asked for…even if he did push her down the sled hill and then throw snow in her face.
"Stop talking like you're mom." Said Sho. That was the last thing he wanted to hear, her pretending that she was their mom. She had been doing that since mom left. Why didn't she just stop it already? She was not their mom. They didn't have a mom anymore. Just a dad.
"I am not talking like I'm mom…and don't mention mom. Dad's home." Said Mob. Her eyes darted over to where she could see his aura. He hated it when they were upset or when they fought…and Sho was upset and they had fought….
"No he's not. He said that he had to deal with idiots today." Said Sho
"He is too home, I can see his aura. Come on, we can go somewhere else like to a different sledding hill or something. Remember, you said that you wanted to go sledding? We can still do that-" said Mob
"I don't want to go sledding anymore." Said Sho. He never wanted to go sledding again. It had been fun…and then it hadn't. It hadn't and he didn't want to go back. He just wanted…he didn't know what he wanted to do but he did know that it did not involve sledding.
"Ok, we can do something else." Said Mob. She took her boots off quickly. There were lots of things that they could do inside. Like play Wii. Or draw. Or jump on their beds even though she knew that they weren't supposed to.
"I don't want to do anything else." Said Sho. He mostly just wanted to be alone…even though they got scared when they were separated….but maybe he was too old to be scared of being away from his big sis. He was eight now after all. She was eight too. Sometimes their birthdays overlapped. She was still older than him. Maybe dad was right and they were too old to act as childishly as they always did. Maybe then he was right not to like his birthday anymore. Dad didn't like his birthday, he had said so, so maybe Sho just took after dad.
"Do you want to-" said Mob
"If you start singing that song, big sis, I swear to God-" said Sho. No. He was not going to hear that song again. She thought that it was funny, and it had been the fist million times, but now it was just annoying. Yeah, he got it, there was snow on the ground. There was snow on the ground and she was the big sister with powers and he was the little sister, brother, without powers and their live were just like Frozen complete with a jerk for a dad. He got it.
"I wasn't going to sing, I know how you feel about that song, I was just going to say if you wanted to open your presents then you can." Said Mob. He hadn't wanted to open his presents that morning. That had been so weird. Usually that was the first thing he wanted to do. Mom had always told him to wait until the end of the day. Mob hadn't had to keep mom's rule. Sho hadn't asked. He just slept in and then asked to go sledding. They didn't have to do any school stuff that morning because it was Sho's birthday, dad had said. He had also said 'happy birthday' to Sho.
"What's the point? Dad got me art supplies and you got me animals." Said Sho tossing his hat down on the ground. He kicked it, too, just to keep from kicking his big sis. His birthday sucked. Sure he got a lot of presents but that didn't mean that it was immune from sucking.
"You don't know what kind of art supplies or what kinds of animals." Said Mob. She was almost pleading with him, now. He was tossing his hat and scarf around, now. He was mad. She could see his aura, that was how mad he was, and she had no idea how to fix this. To make matters worse she could see dad's aura getting closer. Great.
"I don't have to know. You guys get me the exact same things every single year." Said Sho crossing his arms. He kicked his boots off in the makeshift genkan. He didn't care if he got snow everywhere. It wasn't his house. This was just a house they lived in. He wanted to be in his own house with his own stuff and his mom and…and he wanted it to be the way it was before. When he was six. He had eight for not even a full day and he was already sick of it.
"Well then what do you want? I have a whole bag full of this country's money and I'm sure that the driver will take us to a toy store if we asked." Said Mob. They left their toys at the places they stayed but it was ok because they repeated places. This was a repeat place, her dolls were still here. She would get him whatever he asked for. She needed to make up for not being there for him. She had been too focused on having fun that she hadn't noticed that her little brother needed her. This was all on her.
"I want…." Said Sho. He wanted a lot of things. He wanted girls to leave him alone. He wanted dad to be at work. He wanted to be back at his own house. He wanted his birthday to have passed already. He wanted to have celebrated his birthday with his mom. He wanted his mom to have been there to chase stupid crazy girls away. He wanted his sister to chase stupid crazy girls away if she was so bent on pretending that she was mom. He wanted his big sister to leave him alone if she wasn't going to actually be helpful. He wanted his dad to be far away at work. He wanted his dad to take his sister to work with him since he liked her best. He wanted his dad to stop liking his sister best just because she had powers and Sho didn't. He wished that she had been born wrong and he had been born right.
What was there to celebrate? She had been born right and he had been born wrong.
"Yes?" asked Mob. Whatever he wanted she would do for him. She would have the driver take him wherever he wanted and she would do whatever it was that he wanted to do. Even if it was to go and find animals to play with even though dad hated it when they played with animals. She didn't care. She just wanted her little brother to be happy.
"I-I want…." Said Sho. He didn't know what he was supposed to say to her. There was no point in telling her what he wanted. She couldn't give him what he wanted. Nobody could give him what he wanted. He wanted…he wanted to BE her…to have her powers…and there was no way that it was going to happen. She was eight and he was eight and then she would be nine and she would still be her and no matter how much older he got he could never be anyone other than himself.
"Whatever you want, little brother." Said Mob. She faced their boots the right way with her powers. Dad was coming. He cared a lot about manners and stuff like that. He cared about them being quiet, too, and they hadn't been quiet at all. Dad would not like it…how they had been…and he was going to be so mad at them…and he couldn't be mad at Sho because it was his birthday…but of course he would be….he was always mad at Sho….
His aura got closer.
His footsteps got closer.
She took off their coats and put their hats and gloves and jackets away where they belonged. Dad cared about messes and about them being quiet and about them getting along and she needed to make sure that dad didn't get mad at Sho on his birthday…and this was all her fault, anyway, because she had been too busy having fun on her own instead of watching out for her little brother…she was such a bad big sister and Daughter and she couldn't blame dad for getting mad at her…in fact she welcomed it…
She didn't care if Dad got mad at her just so long as he didn't get mad at Sho.
He seemed a little mad…or at least his aura was….but he wasn't doing anything to Sho and that was what mattered.
"I want some peace and quiet from the both of you." Said Suzuki as he came upon his children. They should have been gone all day. It was Son's birthday after all. They should have been out there finding fun. They should not have been in the house. He needed peace and he needed quiet and he needed space. They were just so…draining…sometimes.
"Yes dad." Said Mob quickly. She covered Sho's mouth with her hand to keep him quiet but he licked her…which she didn't mind too much…but then he reached up and scratched at her hand…which hurt.
"You have something to say?" asked Suzuki. He wanted nothing more than to either lose himself in work or just sit and stare at the void until it stared back. He hated this time of year. Masami loved it so he hated it. He didn't care if she was gone, she was a traitor after all, he just….couldn't like anything that she liked…no, that was childish….he would figure it out later.
If the children would only give him some peace and quiet.
"Sho probably does but it might be something that would make you mad so I'm covering his mouth. He's just upset because of what happened when we went sledding. I'm working on calming him down so he can have a nice birthday." Said Mob. She kept her hand over Sho's mouth while he scratched at her. She didn't care if it hurt, she just wanted Sho not to get punished on his birthday of all days. He could still have a happy birthday…maybe….
She felt dad's powers tugging at her hand.
And she let him tug her hand away. She was weak, a little bit, and he was strong. Well maybe she could be stronger but she did not want to fight with dad. She just wanted them to have a nice day. Why was that so much to ask? Why couldn't they just have a nice day with no fighting and no getting mad at each other and nobody getting punished?
Because she wasn't trying hard enough.
"Get on with it, Son, just say your piece and then be quiet." Said Suzuki. Maybe if he just let Boy get it over with he could get it out of his system for the day and then they could have just a day, an hour, a moment of peace. Why couldn't they just have one peaceful day? Why did Son have to quarrel with everyone? What went through his mind that made starting fights with his father and sister seem advantageous?
"It's my birthday and I'll be mad if I want to." Said Sho. This was his birthday and for once dad was not going to tell him how to feel. He was going to feel how he felt. If he was mad then he was mad and if he was sad then he was sad and if he wanted to kick the walls and throw his toys around then he was going to kick the walls and throw his toys around. It was his birthday after all.
"What are you so angry about? You're eight years old. What could you possibly have going on that could make you THIS upset?" asked Suzuki. He tried to keep his voice level but he could feel some exasperation mixing into it. This child…how had Masami dealt with this child day in and day out for the first six years of his life? A year and a half, almost two years now, had passed since Masami left…and he was not going to think about that.
About her.
About how she had always been able to calm Boy down when he got like this. About how she had always been so good with the children. About how this was the beginning of the Christmas season and had she been there she would have had some Christmas activity to keep the children occupied with or some birthday thing or something to keep them from getting bored or whatever and fighting with each other like this and driving him up the wall with their never ending quarrels.
"Sho's just upset because when we were at the sled hill some girl kissed him. That's all, nothing serious." Said Mob. She didn't get what was so upsetting about a girl liking him. He said that he didn't like anyone like that but he was eight now and she had been liking people since she was five or six. Maybe he was one of those boys who liked other boys…but he had never liked a boy either. He would have told her if he did. They were best friends, they told each other everything, and if he did only like boys like that then he really should have said so to all the girls who tried to kiss him.
That would have saved them a lot of grief.
"Nothing serious!? Some girl kissed me, the grossest thing ever by the way, and you don't think that it's anything serious? You don't care at all about me! If you did then you would have made her stop the minute she kept on trying to hold my hand! You don't care about me at all! You just care about bossing me around! That's all! You don't care what happens to me!" said Sho. He could see his aura then, he was just that mad, and he wanted nothing more than to push her…so he did….
He only had powers when he felt like acting like a jerk.
"Sho, I said that I was sorry! I already said sorry so many times! What else can I say? I can't go back in time and change what happened so why can't we just forget about it and have a nice day? Please, little brother?" asked Mob. She let herself be pushed against the wall of their makeshift genkan. She didn't want to fight back even though she was a lot stronger than him. She hated fighting and she would never, ever, ever have done anything to hurt her little brother. She wasn't dad.
"You can-" said Sho
"Daughter. Leave us." Said Suzuki. This child would be the death of him. He could not begin to understand this human being that he had made. Why would he be upset with his sister about that? Or upset at all? Well he was only eight. How old had Suzuki himself been when he started to notice the opposite sex? Sexually around twelve or thirteen but romantically he must have been about six.
He did not understand his own Son one bit.
"Dad, please don't punish Sho. Punish me. I'm the one who didn't take good enough care of him." said Mob. She wondered if she should have kowtowed. She wanted to kowtow, she was just that sorry, but dad hated that. Sometimes. Sometimes he liked it when people groveled to him and sometimes he hated it. It depended on his mood…and she had no idea if he was in the mood to be groveled to or not.
"Daughter, leave us. Don't make me tell you again." said Suzuki. His aura tapped against hers. She left without further protest. He could feel her aura as she left his presence. She was very worried. He wondered what she was so worried about. It wasn't like he had any reason to punish her. She had done nothing wrong despite what she believed.
The children were very strange creatures sometimes.
"If you're going to punish me can you at least be fast? It's my birthday." Said Sho. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He wondered what it would be this time. Slammed to the ground? Into a wall? Or maybe just smacked a bunch of times. Whatever. He didn't care. Dad could do whatever he wanted.
"I should punish you but I won't." said Suzuki. He couldn't punish the Boy without having any idea what it was that he was punishing him for. Well, being a nuisance and quarreling with his sister were his most obvious crimes but…but that had come from a place that Suzuki did not understand.
And he wanted to.
Because he did not understand this child one bit. Angry, willful, defiant. That was what this boy could be. Suzuki may have been the same when he had been young. He didn't know. He didn't have very many clear memories of his childhood. He remembered getting so angry sometimes…angry enough to explode…but that was not Son's problem. He never exploded, only showed his aura, but that may have been the equivalent of an explosion for him.
"Then what do you want?" asked Sho. He wondered if it was something worse…though he couldn't imagine anything worse than dad punishing him. Well maybe punishing big sis on his behalf…that would have been terrible…the thought of her being punished hurts him. He's a jerk but he's not so big of a jerk that he wants his sister to get hit or anything like that.
"Explain to me why you're being so quarrelsome with your sister. It doesn't, and has never, made any sense." Said Suzuki. Why was this the child he couldn't understand? Well understanding Daughter could be difficult…but Son was an enigma. The machinations of his mind were incomprehensible.
"Why do you care? You never care. You don't care about me at all." Said Sho. He could feel dad staring at him. He wished that dad would just hit him or something already. In some ways this was worse. At least if dad hit him…he understood it when dad hit him. That was normal, regular, not at all like this. Dad never asked him what was bothering him. Dad didn't care about him. Dad didn't care about anyone other than big sis.
"That isn't true. I care about you. If I didn't care about you then I would have left you in Japan." Said Suzuki
"….I wish you had…" said Sho
"Well that is not an option. You're my only Son and I care about you. I am not abandoning my only Son in Japan. I have no reason to. You are a trial. You have been a trial since the day you were born but that doesn't mean I don't care about you." Said Suzuki. Maybe if he'd had another Son it would have been different. Maybe if Daughter had been another Son it would have been different….no. Son was all that he had left of Masami….even if Daughter had been born male that fact would not negate his feelings towards his Son. The boy may have been a trial, draining, annoying, all of it….but he was still half of Masami. He was all he had left of Masami…
"Well you should have! Then you could have had big sis and only her! You could have had each other without me and-and you both could have been happy and then I could have been happy! You like her the best! You've always liked her the best since the day I was born! You even said so yourself!" shouted Sho. He knew that shouting at dad was dangerous. He hated loud noises, he hated being disrespected, and he just plain hated Sho sometimes…it felt like. Dad could have smacked him…and maybe he should have. Then they at least could have been done with whatever this was.
"I favor her, that's true. However, that does not negate the fact that I also care for you. To a lesser extent, of course, but I do care for you. I don't know why you would think that I didn't. You're here, aren't you?" said Suzuki
"Well I wish I wasn't. I wish that you had never even had me." said Sho
"That's…strange. Why would you wish for the cessation of your own existence?" asked Suzuki. He felt like this should have been something he should have noticed. Son wished he were dead? Why? His life was good, charmed even. He spent his days playing and drawing and running around like a little nuisance. He got almost everything he asked for and…and what else could he have wanted? The thought of Son ceasing…it isn't good. Sure he could have had some peace but he would also never see another one of Son's drawings…and he was such a good artist. He would never again see the little glimpses of Masami within the Boy either….
"I don't want to stop being here, I wish that I wasn't here in the first place. I wish that…sometimes I wish that I had never been born! Ok?! I was born wrong and SHE was born RIGHT! I'm…this…and she's THAT! And she's all that you care about! Now it's just you and her…and I don't have anyone! Because of the way that I was born! I'm all alone all the time!" shouted Sho
"Your sister is your constant companion. You're never alone. You aren't making any sense right now." Said Suzuki
"It's not the same! She had you and I had mom-" said Sho before his head smacked against the wall beside him. He didn't fall down. Even though his head hurt and his ears were ringing he didn't fall down or cry or anything. He was eight now. He was not a little kid anymore. He hadn't cried in years.
"Don't ever mention your mother again." Said Suzuki. Lowly. Dangerously. The children never to mention their mother. She was gone. She was gone and she had betrayed them all by leaving. It was best if they acted like she had never existed. Then, maybe, they would be able to move on. To exorcise Masami from their minds. To stop thinking of her day in and day out. To have just a moment of peace.
"Yeah, because that's going to make it all better. If we act like she never existed, that we always just had you, then everything's going to be ok." Said Sho. He glared at dad while he said that. He glared and his aura showed and he wanted nothing more than to push dad. To shove him into the wall and make his head hurt and his ears ring. To give him a bump on the head like the one Sho could feel forming.
He did.
Well he tried to, with his powers, but it didn't even phase dad. Because he wasn't big sis. Because he would never be his big sis. Because no matter what he did she was still born right and he was still born wrong and that…that was just his life. That was his life now. That was how his life had been since the day he had been born.
"If you're going to try and challenge me then I would suggest you wait until you're bigger and stronger." Said Suzuki. That he understood. Son trying to pick a fight with him. Dominance, proving himself, or just blowing off steam so he didn't explode. For once in the Boy's eight years of life Suzuki could confidently say that he understood the Boy.
"I'll never be big enough or strong enough to fight you and you know it." Said Sho. He wished that he was. He wished that he was older than eight. He wished that he was as old as dad. If he were dad's age then dad could have been an old man and then Sho could have hurt him like dad had been hurting him his whole life. Those were jerk thoughts, he knew that those were jerk thoughts, but he couldn't help it.
"I suspect as much but I don't have confirmation of that fact." Said Suzuki. He wished that his Son were strong enough right now. Daughter could have challenged him if she wanted to…but he had no intention of making her a Scar. Maybe a division leader…no. That wasn't high enough. Something above division leader….something that would keep her closer to him. An elite amongst elites. He had some espers which were above even the level of his top elites…and he'd had this idea for a while to gather them together…but where would that leave Son? If he had his elites amongst the elites at his side at all times it would draw attention to the failure that his own Son, the child he had fathered, was…and he could not have that. He could not shatter the image of himself that he had built up.
As it stood now Son was still little better than one of the Awakened…
The Awakened. A thought, a mad thought, a dangerous thought takes root in Suzuki's mind. One that he had managed, in the past, to exorcise. His Son would not have survived, before, because he had been a child…and people died during these experiments. Even recently at the Eighth Division Compound….but that had been a normal person. Son may have been almost nothing but he was far from normal.
Sho was his son.
"I was born wrong and she was born right….and I'll never be anything…" said Sho. He wanted to go to bed and wait for tomorrow to happen. This was the worst birthday ever. He hated his birthday. He hated being reminded of the fact that no matter how much time passed he would never catch up to her. There was nothing that he could do but be…him. The person that he was.
Suzuki Sho.
"That isn't true. You could be something." Said Suzuki. Risking Son's life…the thought of losing Son hurt…but did it hurt more than the fact that eight years had passed and still nearly nothing? Even Son was starting to feel it…and that was…he did not like the fact that Son felt like that.
"How?" asked Sho. Mom had always said to give it time…and Sho had been giving it time. He had bene giving it so much time…and still nothing had happened. He was still himself and big sis was still herself. That was…nothing had changed. Nothing at all had changed.
"If there were a way, maybe, to help you become more than you are…even if it were dangerous…would you do it?" asked Suzuki. Son would most likely survive. That was his Son. He was not going to lose his Son….and his Son was not going to go through life being little better than one of the Awakened. He was not going to be eclipsed by his sister…who was not even his sister, technically. His child was not going to be eclipsed by the child of two nobodies from nowhere.
He was not going to let that happen.
"Of course I would." Said Sho. There was a way to fix him, to make him better, and he was going to take it. He wondered….was dad lying to him? If there was a way to fix him then why hadn't dad done it before? Why had he waited this long? He could have been…for all of these years he could have actually been…he could have been someone. Someone better than what he was. He could have been someone….someone who was born right.
He could have been big sis.
Not in the sense that he could have been a girl but in the sense that he could have been…he could have been….he could have been someone dad could have liked. Loved. He could have been someone who could do the same things that big sis and dad could do. There was a way and dad hadn't said anything before….but he had also said that it was dangerous. Sho didn't care. He did dangerous things all the time. Just that morning he had gone down a steep sledding hill standing up on a sled with his eyes closed. He didn't care about danger. He laughed in the face of danger.
There was a way to fix him.
This was the best birthday ever.