Mermista stalks through the crowded streets of Brightmoon, groaning dramatically as she thinks through whatever just happened.
The love potion worked. It worked better than Mermista would have expected if she'd expected the love potion to work, to the point that Glimmer is apparently madly in love with Double Trouble. Seahawk put some of it on Adora and Catra's eyes too, which means either they're going to be frustratingly cutesy forever or there's another catastrophe going on in the forest somewhere. And Mermista may or may not have put some of it into Scorpia's eyes and then led Perfuma straight to her.
"It's not my fault," Mermista groans out loud. "Scorpia's an idiot and Perfuma's a doormat, they were never going to get together if I didn't help them a little."
That doesn't change the fact that she willingly and knowingly brainwashed someone who's kind of an ally of the Rebellion and hypothetically part of the Princess Alliance.
"I'll fix whatever mess that caused," she mutters as she continues onward, brushing off curious passersby.
It takes her more than an hour and a tough interrogation of a seagull, but at last Mermista tracks down the mysterious old lady who sold her the potions. Madame Razz, apparently, who is a bit crazy and lives in a cave.
"Go figure, it's the one who ticks all the 'obvious scam' boxes who has real magic." Mermista isn't one to barge in uninvited, so she taps on the rock next to the cave entrance. Pretty soon, an old lady pops out who looks a lot like the one who sold her the potions. Her hair is down to her knees, which makes a magic user, completely insane, or both.
"Hello," Mermista says, not even groaning out loud, because sometimes politeness helps.
"Oh, hello there," Madam Razz says, peering at Mermista. "Is that you, Mara dear?"
Mermista only groans quietly, in a massive effort of restraint.
"No, I'm Mermista. You sold me love potions –"
"That's a shame. You look a bit like Mara from a distance. Well, come in and have some tea."
Mermista spends way too long sipping an herbal tea that tastes like lawn clippings and listening to Razz talk about her precious Mara, who might have left yesterday or last century, before she can't take it any more and speaks up.
"A few weeks ago, you sold me some love potions. Do you have the antidote?"
"Antidote?" Razz peers at her for a few moments before nodding. "It turned out using magic to solve your problems didn't work, and you've learned a valuable lesson, right?"
"I'm a princess. I deal with all my problems using magic." Mermista only narrowly avoids pointing out that Razz is swiftly turning into one of her problems.
Razz shakes her head disapprovingly and rummages in her cloak before producing a small green vial.
"Three drops into each eye, and they'll be good as new and hate you again."
"Thanks for the help," Mermista gets out through gritted teeth, and ducks out of the cave before Razz can start another story about Mara.
…
Catra bursts out of the underbrush to find Adora and Scorpia both draped over Perfuma's shoulders, both laughing at something she said, and tackles Perfuma to the ground, claws in her perfect princess face.
"What are you doing?" Perfuma cries, and before Catra can try to articulate the issue she's wrapped securely in vines, dangling from a tree.
"Let go of me!" she hisses, flailing at the vines, which don't disappear.
"Wow, Perfuma, you did so good!" Adora leans into Perfuma, trying to give her a hug that she sidesteps. Oh, sure, nothing but false modesty and innocence now, when she just stole Adora from –
Not stole, since Adora does not belong to Catra. They're not romantically involved. Period. It would be ridiculous to suggest that Adora has feelings for Catra, since she's made it clear time and again that Catra's her friend and sometimes enemy, nothing more.
Whatever Perfuma's done with her seduction or plant pheromones or whatever is still bad.
"What did you do to Adora?! And also Scorpia, who I totally didn't forget about!"
"Me?" Perfuma has the unmitigated gall to look wounded. "You're blaming me for whatever cruel joke this is? Your moral stature is as pathetic as your physical."
"We're back to the short thing?" Catra wails. "I'm barely below average height! Not short! Shut up!"
Nobody's listening to her, of course. Perfuma looks all upset, and Adora and Scorpia are both trying to hug her, so Perfuma also looks like she's suffocating. Catra doesn't care.
"Scorpia, we don't have to fight," Adora says. "I'll let you have Catra, and I'll take Perfuma."
"You can have Catra!" Scorpia snaps, and they fall to slapping and bickering.
"I'm a person! You can't just trade me around like this!" Perfuma says, but nobody seems to be listening to her.
"Let me down from this stupid tree and I'll help you," Catra offers, which seems very generous in the current situation. Perfuma scowls, but does release the vines, dropping Catra onto her face.
"Cats don't do that," Scorpia says, then snorts.
"Shut up," Catra mutters, brushing the dirt off her knees. "Okay, all of you stop being stupid."
"We're not stupid," Adora says. "I've just realized that pursuing you is never going to work out since you're mean, and Perfuma's not mean so she's the love of my life."
"Are we sure they're okay?" Perfuma asks, shuffling away from Adora.
"Of course they're not okay, not when you bewitched them with your – your stupid being nice, and your stupid plants, or something!" It's not quite the dramatic indictment Catra had intended, but it serves its purpose. Perfuma's eyes fill with tears.
"All I wanted was for everyone to get along," she says. "I never wanted this, I promise. I was okay with things the way they were. I would never brainwash someone to fall in love with me, I swear."
"Well, like it or not, that's what you did," Catra starts, and Perfuma gives a little dramatic sob and runs away, Scorpia trailing after her. Adora tries to follow them, but Catra grabs her arm.
"What's gotten into you?" she demands, shaking Adora (but fairly gently, since Adora has muscles now and Catra can barely move her). "Was this always how you felt? Were you just leading me on this whole time?"
Adora sways gently and then falls asleep. Catra lowers her down onto the moss – not very carefully, since she's angry and has a right to express that anger.
"Hey! You! Get over here and let me put the antidote in your eyes!"
Mermista snuck up on them, and is now shouting gibberish. Typical princess stuff.
"What antidote?" Catra asks. Mermista winces.
"Through no fault of mine, a love potion accidentally ended up affecting Adora and Scorpia. I now have to fix that. I have the antidote, but I need to put it on their eyes. Ugh."
Wait, a love potion?
So Adora was under the influence of magic that whole time she was draped over Perfuma? Could it be that Adora actually – no, it's still stupid to even imagine that she might have feelings for Catra.
Mermista steps across the clearing and peels back Adora's eyelids, putting three drops of a noxious liquid into each one. At the last drop, Adora shoots upright.
"What happened?"
"I'll explain later. The important thing is that you and Catra are clearly stupid in love and need to admit that."
"What? No!" It's perhaps not the most thought-out rebuttal, but reflexive denial is how Catra treats all her feelings except anger.
"Yeah, no, we're not –"
Mermista groans at them both and stomps away.
"Ugh, then just have a few more seasons of pining and nearly destroy the world because you're both idiots."
Catra chooses to ignore everything that just happened, and offers a hand to Adora.
"Come on, let's get out of this weird forest."
…
Mermista tracks down Perfuma and Scorpia very quickly, because the tracks left by a six-foot bug under the influence of mind-altering substances are hard to miss. Perfuma is cowering in a fence made of flowers, smacking Scorpia over the head with a leaf occasionally. Scorpia looks confused and entirely uninjured, but Mermista can't risk her losing any more brain cells.
"I need her to fall asleep so I can put the antidote to the love potion in her eyes," she calls over the fence, and Perfuma looks simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Yes, if Mermista needed any proof that her instincts are perfect when it comes to matchmaking, there it is. Perfuma was still holding out hope that Scorpia's sudden love for her might be real. It is, and they're both stupid, and Mermista's going to deal with that.
"We could wait until she falls asleep of her own accord," Perfuma suggests.
"No, that'll take forever. I can just put a bubble of water around her head."
"Mermista, that kills people!"
"I meant until she's unconscious, not dead!" Mermista groans. Stupid goody-goody Perfuma always ruining good plans. "Can't you knock her out with flowers or something?"
"Great idea!" Perfuma waves her hands around a little, and Mermista scans the area before deciding that nothing interesting's happening. Until a flower the approximate size of an anvil quite literally falls from the sky, snapping tree branches on the way, and hits Scorpia on the head. She keels over.
"So much for avoiding brain damage," Mermista mutters, then puts the antidote into Scorpia's eyes and (gently) slaps her awake. Scorpia sits up, looking dazed, and Perfuma drops the flower fence and rushes over to cradle Scorpia's head in her bosom.
"Are you all right?" she asks, and Mermista has once again had enough.
"Scorpia, Perfuma's clearly in love with you and too shy to admit it. Perfuma, Scorpia's clearly in love with you and too dumb to realize it. Are we clear?"
Both Perfuma and Scorpia are a potentially unhealthy shade of scarlet, but neither of them are denying it, so Mermista's work here is done. She gets up and heads back to the palace to make sure Glimmer's all right and Double Trouble didn't escape with any state secrets.
…
Double Trouble has found precisely zero state secrets, but they have something far more valuable. Inspiration.
They burst through the doors of Entrapta's workshop, where Lonnie is trying her best to make everyone remember their lines, with a flourish.
"Everyone, come here. We are about to put on the best play in the history of plays! It shall be remembered for decades as the Horde's greatest artistic achievement. There isn't a lot of competition for that slot, but we'll still be remembered. Time to rehearse, darlings. We have a lot of work to do."
A/N: the end of another story. If you enjoyed this, or didn't, let me know. If you have a story request, I'm always open. All the best.