The Other One

Her cigarette burned down quickly as she leaned out her bedroom window. The breeze was picking up, the air like static as the sun was setting beyond the shoreline. She waited anxiously for her signal to leave - to run into the forest and quiet her mind briefly before betraying herself once again.

She despised the life she lived now despite loving her ability to outrun them all.

Except for one, she thought. She could never run far enough. Not in her mind, body, or heart. Regardless of how much faster she was or how far she ran, memories could not be escaped. It wasn't only the memories of what they had shared that swallowed her whole at night. It was his. The knowledge of how he still saw her, loved her, and lusted for her was torturous. His voice in her mind, the grief of losing the future they had planned together, had made her emotionally unbearable at times.

He was always in her mind. The others were convinced that she instigated their quarrels, never seeing how he treated her alone. The truth was, he wanted to be on her mind. He insisted that he didn't. Even as he held her, cuddling in the bed that they had once shared.

The other one. The traitor.

Wanting what couldn't be, a life she could not have never got any easier. Every time she let him use her body, she told him it was the last time. Every time she ran from him in tears, he let her run off to brood for a while before finding her alone. She couldn't stand to be alone with him anymore. She couldn't tolerate the way she longed for his touch, for his sweet, hot breath against her skin. She despised the way he made her feel, now more than ever.

Wanton. Used. Unworthy.

A dirty little secret. Just another traitor.
 At one time, she had felt justified. Her heart had been broken, and she wanted to share that pain with the people that caused it.

In wolf form, things were simpler. Sharing thoughts made specific topics off-limits. She was good at hiding her thoughts among the pack-mind, especially now that the rest of the pack actively avoided her thoughts. He had ordered her not to think about it when phased anyway. She was trapped alone in her own private hell, dying to get out and unsure how she would do so.

How do you love someone for years and force yourself to walk away? He was barely even trying to, she thought. In the end, they had both failed. The temptation was too great, the ache for him too painful. And so, Leah would go.

This has to be the last time. It has to be.

As her cousin returned from patrol and jogged behind her house towards his own, she knew it was time to go. Once clear, she crawled out of her bedroom window and ran into the forest. She stretched languidly once phased, relishing the comfort of her second self. The wolf allowed her to be entirely physical, ruled by instinct alone if she chose. The wolf didn't need cigarettes to calm its haunted thoughts. The wolf didn't need to drink a fifth of whiskey and pass out on her cousin's beat-up old sofa just to escape the living nightmare of its life. The wolf didn't need to cling to the scraps of a cheating man's affections while it died a little more inside every time they touched.

For the human side of her, things were not so simple. The human in her wanted him just as much as she ever had. His voice moved her, as familiar as her own. He knew every curve of her body better than the hills and valleys of the lands they patrolled daily. He knew how to manipulate her feelings, convincing her to admit how much she still loved him. Convincing her to give in and physically love him one last time.

Darting through the woods at record speed, she kept her mind entirely silent. She knew exactly where to go, where to wait for him to find her. When he located her, there would likely be screaming, usually because she had run so far away. She would remind him, again, that the distance was necessary. At times it seemed as if he wanted them to be caught. The fighting was inevitable and often fueled their need. They were toxic for each other at best. The rest of the screaming would come afterward as she writhed desperately underneath him. She would tell him, again, that this was the last time. She would mean it when she said it, knowing fully well that he would disregard it. She had said it so many times before, and she believed what she said then, too.

This hurts too damn much.

She knew he needed to move on as badly as she did. He had made his choice and fully claimed the woman he said he couldn't live without. It pained him to be away from her for too long. It hurt his heart to be away from either of them, he claimed. He loved them both. What was he supposed to do? She knew that the decision would come down to her. At least she wouldn't devastate him as irrevocably as she had been.

I did not screw his best friend. I am the one who was not enough.

Bastard.

She had never loved, never truly wanted anyone but him.

The heavy breeze shifted quickly into a strong wind, and she looked up at the cloud-covered sky. Meeting tonight was a terrible idea. She needed to leave before the forest turned to pitch and clouds opened up above her. She gasped as large hands grabbed her waist from behind, tugging her backward. Hot breath on the back of her neck made her shiver. Goosebumps prickled her skin as he remained silent, his mouth hovering over her neck and his groin pressed against her backside.

"We have to hurry," she said, looking back up at the sky. "And Sam? This is the last time." She had expected him to argue and for their familiar dance to begin. Like the storm building around them, the tension between them was palpable.

A moment later, his mouth was on her neck, and all of her resistance disappeared. They did not stop when the sky opened up, and the wind howled around them. They did not stop when the sounds of her cries were only drowned out by the crash of lightning nearby. After, they stood together in the pounding rain, rinsing away the remnants of their indiscretions.

Guilt came to tear her heart in half, the same as it always did. Even while she berated herself internally for her weakness, she knew Sam would crawl back to her for more. He would come back as long as she kept giving in.

She didn't say a word before phasing abruptly and running for home. There was nothing else to say. She had already told him that it was the last time.

She already knew he didn't believe it.