In case ya didn't notice, Kali is writing this fic.
And this was planned to be a oneshot. But since you all assumed it wasn't, I decided to be nice and add more. (partially cos I had the idear for more in my head.) Thank me! I am being nice to you, mine readers!
"The Murray is displeased with the behavior of your shadow. "
"She was just pissed off at me, that's all."
"Shall the Murray have a talk with your shadow?"
"She's not my Shadow, she's a Shadow!"
"The Murray is confused. How can there be a Shadow without a person?"
Sly sighed. "Shadow is a name. Of a raccoon. Not the slightly darkened area that follows my material person."
Bentley looked up from his computer. "That implies that part of you is immaterial."
"Yeah… The soul. You may have never heard of it, but I assure you, there is one."
"Now Sly, there's no need to get angry and accurate at me. And I'm sure even your soul is materialistic and wants to own everything."
"Not the point. I'm going to bed now."
"At nine thirty? Why?"
"The Murray senses defensiveness and annoyance."
"Then the Murray would be correct." Sly started up towards his bedroom.
Murray looked at Bentley and shrugged. Bentley turned back to the computer, saying, "We'll get the diamond in a few days when we buy it off of the Malloy family. Until then, Sly will sulk because Shally or Shadick or whoever the Malloy kid is hates him."
"The Murray is sad for Sly's sake. Knowing Sly, he would try to force her to not hate him."
"Which would result in his immediate death. The Malloys have a history of a bad temper."
"Ve are meetink the gentleman caller on Friday. Is that okay vith you, Gordon?"
"Do I not even exist?" Shadow said from where she was bent over the oven.
"Not vhen you are beink irrational."
"Then apparently I would never exist. And neither would Gordon."
Gordon turned a page in his weekly planner, checking if Friday was free. "I'm always rational. I might not be logical or sensible, but I'm always rational. You, on the other hand, are always logical and sensible, but rarely ever rational."
"I take offense at that."
"Good. That makes sense, and is logical." Gordon hid a smile as he penned in a meeting with the Cooper Clan. He then ducked, avoiding an oven mitt making a beeline for his brain. "You have to stop trying to brain the brain." At that pun, he ducked again, missing a rubber spatula.
At this point, dear readers, I am using a trick the coolio Semine taught me. I am pushing the great cosmic fast forward button. It is also known as the plot fairy, which patches up all plot holes, such as why Sly is not currently stealing my computer to stop me writing. Wait—Gimme, you half assed raccoon! ((whack!))
"Are you sure this is the place?" Bentley adjusted his glasses as he stared at the Russian restaurant.
"It's the address… And I'm sure Karina would be happy with it." Sly pushed the door open and lead the way. The gang entered and sat at a booth in the back.
"The Murray is unsure of our correctness. The place is…"
"Eerily, spookily empty." Sly looked around, taking in the red upholstery andlighting, or, more correctly, lack thereof. "Very spooky."
About a half hour later, a rat waiter came up to them, set down six bowls of borsht (with difficulty) and ran away.
Another half hour later, Sly noticed that the shadow next to him was slurping the borsht. "Uhm…. Hello?"
"Hallo. Excuse me, let me finish this delicious borsht. Are you goink to touch yours?"
"No, Karina."
"It vill put flesh on those villovy bones of yours."
"I like my willowy bones. Where are the others?"
"You cannot see them? Shadow vill be pleased. Shadow, come out."
Deeper in the shadow, a voice squeaked, "Make Gordon come out first. I'm trying to eat my borsht with a knife and fork. And he likes Sly. So he should go out first."
"Don't lie, sister dearest. We both are contending for the same, probably straight, man. Damn. You get all the cute ones."
"Brother dearest, you lie. And you got that whore."
"He was only asking for directions. How many times do I have to tell you?"
There was a distinct whap sound from the shadows as Karina yelled, "Be courteous to our guests. They vill be givink us vast amounts of money. Come out, both of you!" And with that, Karina let herself, in all her six foot six glory, be seen. Gordon, in his rather smaller glory, followed. And sulkily, Shadow followed, rubbing the back of her head.
"So, for courtesy's sake, I'm Bentley, this is Sly, as you may know, and this is uh… The Murray." They waved.
"Karina. Shadow. Gordon, the gay sheep of the family." Shadow pointed to her friends in turn. Then she dug in her pocket, ignoring Gordon's protests, and pulled out the diamond. "Diamond, which I stole unfair and parallelogram." She placed the diamond on the table between her bowl of borsht and the edge, and proceeded to attempt cutting the soup.
"Fifty thousand dollars."
"After all the recon I had to do? We're not going lower than one hundred thou. And that's if I'm feeling particularly happy. As in, free private masseuse happy." This said, Gordon picked up his wine, peering at Murray as he sipped.
"And we had to do an equal amount of reconnaissance, plus deal with a change in plans as we realized that Carmelita was at the ball."
"Your own damn fault if you didn't check the guest list. Gordon insisted upon it." Shadow didn't look up from her borsht (which was not cooperating with her) as she spoke.
"I don't see how it's fair. We both put forth relatively equal efforts in achieving it. I, on the other hand, got there first." Sly stared at Shadow, measuring her reaction. Which was non-existent.
"Which is exactly why the diamond is in my possession, why I appeared at the ball early, and why I was at the dais a good five minutes before you were." Shadow picked up her milk and sipped a bit before again trying to cut the borsht.
"Seventy five thousand."
"Did you not hear me say no less than one hundred if you fund my private masseuse."
"Yes I did, mister Gordon. That offer was toward miss Shadow." Bentley smiled.
"I sadly disagree with my brother, given what it is, I would take no less than one hundred and eighty thousand." Shadow was getting more and more violent toward her borsht.
"You see, we need it for one of our jobs. We need to create a laser that would be focused enough to cut a hole out of the moon."
Shadow raised her eyebrows, her eyes still on the borsht, and said, "And the purpose for that would be…?"
"To stop a madman from using his moon base to destroy various cities on earth," Sly said simply.
"You should send that off to a science fiction magazine. I'm not giving it up."
"And that would be… why?"
"Because it's a bleeding family heirloom!" Shadow shouted, finally looking up from her borsht, half of which was on the table and her shirt.
"Oh…"
"It's the last diamond my family has claim to and I'll be tarred and feathered before I let some idiot raccoon with an ego issue take it from me! I don't care what you're willing to pay me!" Shadow stood up in her fury, and no doubt would have stormed off, had there not been several people stopping her from doing so.
"Shadow, sit down, dear. Ve do not half to sell the diamond. Calm down please." Karina gently placed her paw on Shadow's arm, but Shadow shook it off.
"I will not be calm as my dead family's memory is bought and sold like some… some…. tchotchke!" Shadow jumped up on the table and lept off, storming into the kitchens and out of the building.
The table was silent for a few moments.
"Well, I'm sorry, but we can no longer accept your offer to buy the diamond." Gordon picked up the diamond, put it into his pocket, and followed his sister's suit, stepping onto the table, helping Karina onto the table (the table groaned and shook with Karina's weight) and off to the car in the back.
After a few moments, Bentley piped up.
"That was smashing. Really, that could not have gone better. I mean, it's not every day you get such agreeable and attractive people to bargain with!" The turtle rolled his eyes and shot the still-swinging door a glare.
"The Murray thought the Russian thug an unnecessary measure by the Morleys."
"Murray, it's Malloy."
"The Murray does not know of what you speak."
"Their last name is Malloy. Not Morleys."
"The Murray is embarrassed."
Sly remained silent.
"Welp," Bentley said, "nothing for it now. You'll have to go in and retrieve it. Up for it?"
Sly hesitated for a moment before replying, "When am I not?"
Semine wanted 'The Murray' to say confusled, but I don't think 'The Murray' would say that.
She also wanted me to have Sly call Bentley 'bitch'.
Ooh! She just called me wench! I feel special!
Semine's words of wisdom for the day: "I…like…heat…"
Semine: I'd rather be poor and in love than rich and not.
Kali: But you can buy love.
S: Man-whores don't count.
K: Man-whores always count! Even your brother says so!
S: 'Scuse me! I don't have a brother!
K: Gordon will be sad to hear that, Shadow.
S: Shut up and write.
So. I'd plug, but I did an abbreviated plug in the last chappie. And before I forget, I want kudos. I, who am famous for not updating for years upon years, updated twice in one night. Twice in the same week. I wants me some reviews! Gimme teh lurve! Fire on a stick!
This is Kali; sleep deprived and out.