There was a very long list of things that Mob was not supposed to ask about until she was ten.

But she was still nine. She was still nine and she wouldn't be ten until May and it was only August. Summer wasn't even over yet but still, with each day, she had more and more things that she wanted to ask Minegishi about. Words that she didn't know. No, not just words, but phrases. She knew what words meant and the ones that she didn't know she could look up on her dictionary app. Phrases were different. They were like little bits of code, words put together, and the order of these words made them greater than the sum of their parts.

At least that was what it seemed like.

She had no idea how people went around figuring out these codes, these hidden bits of meaning, from words. She sometimes wondered if they just memorized them all kind of like how dad said that she and Sho had to memorize fifty thousand kanji. She also sometimes wondered if it was just something that people were just expected to know. Like how babies just started talking one day.

She didn't know.

She was just clueless like that. Back when she had gone to school the kids in her class had always said that she was clueless. She was clueless and she was bad at talking and almost nobody wanted to play with her…those were not good times. It had been hard enough to understand the other kids, and she still couldn't even do that, but being friends with an adult was way different. Minegishi was twenty five, that was a whole sixteen years older than her, and sometimes it felt like those sixteen years might as well have been sixteen centuries. There was a gap between adults and kids and as good of friends as they were there was so much that she just could not begin to understand.

But Minegishi said that they would tell her when she was ten.

But that was a long time to wait. Even now Mob didn't know if she could wait. She was hanging out with Minegishi. They were at her house, well the house she was staying in, but not the house that she had been staying in before. They had moved again, this time to a different and much warmer part of Japan, but their living situation was still the same. Mob and Sho and dad lived in one house and then right next door Minegishi had another house…but Shimazaki also lived with them, now, because dad said that it made sense to bring Shimazaki around with them too. To keep him safe.

That was why she and Minegishi were playing in her house.

She didn't like Shimazaki all that much. Sho thought that he was the coolest guy ever. He thought that Shimazaki was like the blind master from those kungfu movies that he watched sometimes. Or like from his battle animes. Sho talked about him a lot. Dad took just him to work sometimes, a lot of the times, because they were doing stuff that she wouldn't like. Dad had said so. Dad had said, before, that she was supposed to be with him forever but then he went and only took Sho with him. Mob minded…a little…but it was nice hanging out with Minegishi.

And only Minegishi.

She hated how she didn't like Shimazaki. She was supposed to like everyone but she just…could not like him. She was supposed to be sweet and nice and like everyone, like mom had said, but she just couldn't like someone who was so mean all the time. He was mean in the mornings, he was mean in the evenings, he was mean on the weekdays, he was mean on the weekends, he was mean to her, he was mean to Minegishi, he said mean things about her and Minegishi…and also probably everyone else he had ever come into contact with. He certainly said mean things about a lot of people who Mob had never even met before.

Mob couldn't stand mean people.

Outside of her family, that is. She knew how mean dad and Sho could be but she didn't dislike them. She could never dislike her dad or her little brother. She could, however, dislike someone who had no relation to her. She wanted to tell Shimazaki that he needed to stop saying such mean things to people all the time and to learn himself some manners. He was so mean to Minegishi and they seemed to be friends….and she expected Minegishi to have at some point told him that if he didn't have anything nice to say then he should not have said anything at all.

Because Minegishi always spoke their mind.

They seemed mean, sometimes, but not mean like Shimazaki was mean. They were mean but more in a say what they felt all the time sort of way. Kind of like dad. He said that he didn't have time to tell lies. He said what he meant and meant what he said and if people didn't like it then they had better keep it to themselves. That was different from going around and breaking social rules, though, but Mob wasn't sure how that was different from breaking social rules so she just always made an effort to be nice. She had to be nice. Sweet and nice.

Like mom had wanted her to be.

So she was sweet and nice and she was not going to tell Shimazaki what she thought of him. That he was way too mean and that he would never make friends with anyone talking to and about people like that. She also didn't tell Minegishi that they could have made a much nicer friend. Someone who they both could have played with. Someone who didn't' teleport into their bedroom and step all over their doll city. He did that sometimes…and Mob didn't get why.

She didn't understand a lot of things.

Like why Minegishi and Shimazaki were even friends to begin with. That was why they agreed to stay in the same house. If they weren't friends then they could have lived in separate houses like Fukuda, he had always lived apart from everyone, so they must have been friends…and that made no sense. Minegishi said that they would explain to Mob all the details of their relationship with Shimazaki when she was ten years old.

She didn't want to wait that long.

"...the counsel of princesses sentences you, blonde roller blading doll, to hard labor in the salt mines. Prime Minster Else, if you will." Said Minegishi. They were prosecutor Snow White and bailiff Merida. Mob was Prime Minister Elsa and her cabinet of princesses. They were playing totalitarian state. Mob may have zoned out just a bit.

"Huh?" asked Mob. She had been thinking too much. Minegishi sighed and put down the dolls in their hands. They put them down in the salt mines, which was just a plate with table salt on it, and looked at her for a really long time. Mob wished that they would just say what was on their mind. They knew that she was bad at reading faces. Their aura, at least, didn't seem to be too mad. That was good. Aside from the one time when she had been listening outside the door while they got all cuddly with Shimazaki they hardly ever got actually mad at her.

"You know you're the one who wants to play dolls day in and day out." Said Minegishi. Mob nodded. She did like to play dolls. It was just so much fun to have someone who wanted to play dolls all the time, not just when she begged all day, and who didn't complain either.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was just thinking." Said Mob. She was still thinking. She could see the time on Minegishi's watch. It was getting later. Sho would be back soon. He probably wouldn't come back with dad. She wanted to spend time with dad and Sho…but she also wanted to play dolls with her friend. That wasn't possible if Sho was back. He wanted to spend time with her but he also hated playing dolls. Dad never played dolls with her, they only did things that he liked when they were together, so really this was her only chance to play dolls.

But it would be ending soon.

Because every time Sho came back it was Shimazaki who brought him. Whenever Shimazaki came back then Minegishi went to hang out with him and told Mob not to go anywhere near their house until the daytime. No matter what she saw or thought that she saw she was not supposed to go anywhere near the house next door.

Even if it did look like they were fighting sometimes.

"Well think about who you're going to sentence to the salt mines next. Or don't. They're your dolls." Said Minegishi

"I really am sorry. I was just thinking…but I'll stop now. Come on, let's play before you have to go." Said Mob as she used her powers to hand Minegishi back the dolls that they had been playing with.

"I don't have to do anything…unless your brother is coming back. Then, yeah, I'm gone." Said Minegishi. Mob didn't blame them. She loved Sho so much, she loved him more than anyone else in the world, but she knew that he was not for everyone. Minegishi thought that Sho was an annoying little boy…and he could be annoying and he was a little boy, so that was ok…well not totally ok but not as un-ok as it was when Shimazaki called him a brat. That wasn't nice at all. Sho was not a brat.

"It's getting late…so we should play as much as we can." Said Mob

"Right. Because it's not like we have time to continue the never ending saga of this princess dystopia." Said Minegishi

"We might not have time tomorrow. Dad might have something for you to do and then…and then I'll be here all alone unless Sho stays." Said Mob. Those weren't fun days. Minegishi had stuff that they had to do besides play with her. They were not her babysitter like they called themselves, they were her friend, and that meant that they still had their other job. They were an enforcer…and Mob had no idea what that meant….but she knew that they didn't actually use plants to suck the life out of people and then use their bodies as plant fertilizer.

"I can guarantee you that your dad has nothing for me to do here. This is mostly more of Shimazaki's area of expertise." Said Minegishi not looking up at her. Mob knew that they missed their old job, whatever it was, and Mob even felt a little guilty…but it wasn't like she was forcing Minegishi to be her friend. That would have been mean. She and Minegishi were friends because Minegishi wanted to be friends with her. There, that was the thing of it.

"Oh…ok. But um…you don't have to be my friend if you don't want to be. I mean if you want to get back to your old job you could. I wouldn't stop you." Said Mob

"Yeah, I know I can quit whenever I want. I just don't want to. I'm the one who said that we were friends, remember? Now come on, where were we?" asked Minegishi

"You did say that we were friends but I just…I remember how, in that time when I was in your house when I shouldn't have been…and I'm sorry about that, I just remember how you told Shimazaki that you missed-" said Mob

"Didn't I tell you never to talk about what you heard?" asked Minegishi. Now their aura looked a little bit mad…but not the same sort of mad that dad got at her…so it was ok. Less mad. Less mad was good. She didn't mean to make her friend mad, she was just worried, and she could not help being worried. Dad said that it was one of her good traits, being concerned about others, even though she should have been a full person on her own…though she still wasn't sure how that one was supposed to work since people needed other people to survive and stuff.

"You said to never ask about what I heard. I'm sorry I just…I just don't want you to be unhappy…because I care about you and stuff." Said Mob. She wished that she had something to put in her milk. That was the downside of being in her own house. Minegishi kept all of their bottles in their top drawer and they only shard when they were at their house…but Mob didn't really like going over to their house to play because they shared with Shimazaki now.

"Yeah, Mob, you're just a bottomless well of love and caring." Said Minegishi

"Thank you." Said Mob. They said the nicest things sometimes. That was one of the reasons why Mob had no idea why they were friends with Shimazaki. He never said nice things like that. He never said nice things to anyone.

"I'm fine, you know. I miss my old job but this…hanging out with you is nice. Ok? Now, where were we?" asked Minegishi

"The salt mines…." Said Mob. She wondered what it was about Minegishi's job that they missed…or what their job even was. She had no idea. That was one of those things that she wasn't supposed to know about until she was ten. Well that was very far away. She didn't want to wait until May…but she had to…even though she didn't want to.

"Mob…come on. I know that look. I know that you want to ask me something and I think I know that it's something that I already told you that you were way too young to know about yet." Said Minegishi. Mob nodded. She was too young to know. She was always 'too' something. She was 'too' something to go with dad, too. Too left out. That was what she was, too left out. Dad left her out of whatever it was that he did all day these days because she was a girl. Too young. Too much of a girl. Too something. Too something that always left her getting too left out. Because she was different. She was always so different all the time…and it…was not good. Not good at all. She didn't….it was not nice to think like that. It was not nice at all and she had to be nice. She had to be nice all the time and it was so…so hard…to be nice all the time.

She maybe wished that she could have been more like Minegishi.

They seemed mean but they just said what was on their mind. They said what they meant and meant what they said and sometimes it seemed sort of mean but it wasn't, not really, because the truth wasn't mean…not mean in the sense that being mean was mean. There were so many levels of meanness…and she didn't want to think about that. Meanness. She wanted to think about niceness. That was what she was supposed to be, to do, be nice all the time…

"I know. I just feel…I just feel sort of…left out…I guess. But I know what you said and I won't ask you." Said Mob

"Good. I'm not trying to be an asshole-" said Minegishi

"You aren't being an…that word…and you never could be, Minegishi." Said Mob

"Thanks. You're a sweet kid….not the best judge of character but a sweet kid…and, yeah, being left out sucks but I'm not telling you because I know for a fact that you are too young to hear it, ok? I'm not trying to leave you out of anything." Said Minegishi

"I know but it just feels like it. Like how my dad won't bring me with because I'm a girl…" said Mob. She wished, sometimes, that her family was more even. It had been even, before, when she had a mom…but now she didn't. Now she was the only girl in the family…and she didn't like to think about it. She hadn't thought about it that much, actually, when she had been taking care of Sho all the time. She hadn't had the time to think about it.

But now she did.

She had been different for her whole, entire, life. She had always looked different than everyone in her family and acted different…and it was not easy being different. Even now she was different. She was left out because he was different…and that wasn't fair…but a lot of stuff wasn't fair at all. That wasn't fair, that life wasn't fair, but there was nothing that she could do to make it any less unfair than it already was. Like the very long list of things that she was not supposed to ask about until she was ten. That wasn't fair. Or how she had to stay home because she was a girl. That wasn't fair either.

"Your dad is a sexist asshole." Said Minegishi

"Dad isn't a…that word. Either of those words. Dad can be kind of mean but he's not a…that word." Said Mob

"Fine, ok, he's your dad and you love him no matter what but you have to admit that he can be pretty damn sexist." Said Minegishi

"I don't know what that word means." Said Mob. She would have googled it if it weren't impolite to pull out her phone while she was in the middle of talking to her friend.

"It means he has one set of rules and expectations for you because you're a girl and another set of rules and expectations for your brother because he's a boy. It isn't fair that he thinks less of you because you're a girl. The world can be kind of sexist, actually, and I hate it." Said Minegishi

"But…isn't that how it goes? Boys can do some things and girls can do others? Like how kids can do one thing and adults can do another?" asked Mob

"That's different. Adults are different from kids. Men and women? There aren't that many differences between them you know." Said Minegishi. Mob didn't have the first clue as to what Minegishi meant. She knew that boys were one way and girls were another. There was some overlap but, really, they were different. Right?

"I…I don't get it….but I'm bad at getting a clue." Said Mob. She really was bad at getting a clue and she was not afraid to admit it.

"It's not your fault. Just remember that you can be whoever you want to be, live your life however you choose, and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something just because you're a girl." Said Minegishi

"But my dad says that I can't come with him because I'm a girl and the work that he's doing right now isn't for girls to see…and also he's my dad and he gets to tell me what to do." Said Mob. Minegishi sighed and rubbed their eyes. Then they said a bad word and stopped. Maybe because they still had salt on their hands. Mob used her powers to push the salt away. Getting salt in your eyes was the worst, like getting ocean water in your eyes, or like when your little brother got mad at you and splashed salt in your face at dinner.

"You…I know you. You hate violence and your dad's right about that. It's not because you're a girl, plenty of people men and women hate violence, but it is because you'll freak out if you knew the full extent of what happens while your dad is here…and also that's why I can't tell you certain things about my job or my past. Ok? Me, myself, I am not trying to leave you out. I don't want to freak you out, ok? And I bet that your dad doesn't want to freak you out either. He's just being a sexist asshole about it…" said Minegishi

"Oh. Ok…um…is that why you keep it a secret? If you're a boy or a girl? Because you're afraid of people being…sexist?" asked Mob. It seemed like it would be a bad word, because it had the word 'sex' in it which was not a word that she was supposed to be using, but she wasn't sure. She'd have to figure it out later. Minegishi said a lot of bad words but most of them she knew to be bad so she knew not to use them.

"It's not a secret, Mob, I just don't feel like either. Never have. Even when I was your age I never felt like a boy or a girl." Said Minegishi. Mob nodded. She didn't get it but she nodded. She never thought too much about it, she just knew that she was a girl and it wasn't really a feeling…but when she thought of herself as a boy it felt wrong…so was that how Minegishi felt all the time? She didn't know. This was sort of complicated.

"I…kind of get it. Like when I think of being a boy it feels wrong. So does being a boy or a girl feel wrong to you? Both options?" asked Mob

"Honestly it doesn't feel like anything. Anything but ridiculous. You know I was only a few years older than you when I went to middle school and I was forced to wear this ridiculous uniform and put in this box….and expansion to the same box I had been put in for my entire life…just because of something that I was born with. Something that I had no control over. I decided pretty early on that I was going to live my life on my terms and here I am." Said Minegishi. Mob tried to imagine it, younger Minegishi, well younger than they were now but older than Mob was now, and it was kind of hard. Imagining all of this was kind of hard. Maybe she was just too little to understand.

Maybe there was a reason that there were some things that she wasn't supposed to know about when she was ten.

The idea of boxes…now that she had heard it she could imagine it…she could imagine that at least. She was in a box. This box was called 'Daughter'. This box was called 'Suzuki Shigeko'. This box had the things that made her the person known as Suzuki Shigeko, the person known as Mob, in it. She wasn't the one to put all of the things that made her up in that box…but she could only take things from the box to make up herself…and it felt unfair. It felt like something else added to the long list of things in her life that were unfair…and she was so tired of things which were unfair. Sort of like how Minegishi had been tired, too, of things which were unfair.

Live her life on her own terms.

Dad would never have let her go and do something like that. She was just a kid, first of all, and second of all she was supposed to be a good Daughter. She couldn't live her life on her own, being only who she wanted to be, because she didn't exist on her own. She still had to be with dad and be his Daughter and be Sho's big sister and be Shigeko Suzuki….she had to also be sweet, the sort of sweet that her mom had wanted her to be…

So she was in a box but she couldn't get out of the box…but that was…ok…maybe.

"OK? Now enough philosophy and vocabulary and whatever else we were talking about. Can we please just get back to our game before your brother comes home and Godzillas his way through Doll Town like he does every night?" asked Minegishi. Mob decided to get back to playing. She was getting tired of thinking about things that she had no control over, things that were unfair, things that gave her a headache.

Maybe there was a reason that she had to wait until she was ten to know about that very long list of things…because then it might be easier to understand.