Chapter 52 – Real Friends
Harry stood pacing in the hospital wing. He looked down at his daughter who looked so fragile and pale, the scars on her face more prominent in this late hour of the night, or early morning which it actually was. Ron stood next to him, silent, but his presence was enough. Hermione sat in the hospital bed next to Anna's; Hermione had taken a few wounds in the battle but nothing major. He dreaded the moment when they would wake Anna up and he would have to tell her what had happened.
She had to stop doing this to him. He didn't think his heart could take much more. She had been stunned but Harry thought she had been the one who had been hit by the killing curse… Someone had though, someone Anna would beat her self up about his death for. Harry knew his daughter. She was not going to take this well, the enormous amount of guilt she would feel would be unbearable. Harry knew she wouldn't take his sacrifice as a good thing. She would say it should have been her; she would never forgive herself because she would be convinced it was her fault somehow. He knew all of this and he would be right.
"Ready?" asked Ron.
"Yes, do you think the others should be here?"
"No. Their friend died, Harry they are grieving. Let Anna hear it then she can see them, that way the others don't have to go through the pain of hearing it again."
"When did you get so smart Ron?"
"When he married me," Hermione cut in. Harry laughed quietly and turned to Ron who silently raised his wand and Anna came to life, she didn't immediately open her eyes but she started thrashing around, mumbling:
"No not again, please no. Don't let me go back, no please no," her eyes flew open when Harry sat down next to her and took her hand. Gasping slightly she drew her hand away and when it seemed she realized where she was she visibly calmed down and Harry took his daughter's hand again.
"How are you feeling?" Hermione asked.
"Ok, I think, I don't seem to hurt anywhere except I think I bruised my chest," she said rubbing slightly to the left of her chest above her heart. She looked around at all the gloomy faces, and she instantly knew something bad had happened.
"So what happened? How many did we loss," she asked, sitting up.
"We only had one death, but a good number of casualties," Ron said, sitting down next to Hermione.
"Who was it?" Anna asked. However, as she did the memories of her last battle came flooding back. Images flashed in her mind, she was hit with one of the spells, the stunning spell. That meant whoever had jumped in front of her had been hit with the other curse. They had saved her life. She had to know who it was.
Harry looked at Anna; his eyes said it was someone close to them. The look of pity in his eyes told her it was someone close to her.
"Who was it? Tell me."
"It was James Black," Harry said, quietly.
Anna walked slowly to the Gryffindor Common Room; she didn't want to go in. Going in would mean facing her friends, it would make everything much more real. She hadn't seen any of them since it had happened and for James not to be sitting with them was something that still seemed inconceivable. She had been out of the hospital wing for an hour now but she had been wandering around the castle trying to relieve some of the guilt she had been feeling ever since her dad had told her who had died. It felt like it was eating her away, her heart felt like it had been hit with a hammer repeatedly. It hurt so much it physically ached. As she walked into the common room it seemed unnaturally quiet. She scanned the room for her friends and didn't immediately spot them as they were sat in the corner with their heads down. They looked up with red eyes as she came closer. Before she could say anything the three boys had stood up and grabbed her by the arms and dragged her up the stairs to their dormitory. Anna, who was in too much shock to speak, let them take her.
"Sit down and don't speak until we have finished," Lupin said. Anna felt rather frightened they were all standing around her and she was sat on the bed looking up at them.
"It was not you're fault, James went out and fought on his own accord," Sirius began, he had his arms crossed in front of his chest and was giving Anna a look so serious it didn't suit him.
"We are you're friends and nothing you do to try to push us away will work so don't even think about excluding yourself from us," Remus continued.
"Feel upset, feel angry, feel hurt by what happened but use it to fight, fight for his memory. But don't let his death bring you to a stand still," Lupin finished.
Anna sat in shock she had expected hard looks and accusations for what happened, she hoped that they would just ignore her, but she had never expected this… this friendship and loyalty. She didn't deserve it. She knew she didn't and she would blame herself until either she defeated Voldemort or Voldemort defeated them. Before she could think anything else arms descended around her and she was engulfed in hugs. They had no idea how much she needed them. Or maybe they did?
The first Quidditch game was the second week of November against Hufflepuff. It had been pushed back because of James' funeral. The funeral was so final Anna felt, it was as though a part of her life was over from now on she had to concentrate, do her homework and figure out how to defeat Voldemort, no more messing around with love and relationship and friends. It was as though the fun and carefree time she had had died with James. The funeral was beautiful with James' brother and father, Remus and Sirius, both giving speeches both portraying the different sides of James. The flowers came in the carriage loads from everyone, it seemed, James had ever met. No one realized until that day how much his quirky sense of humor had touched people. Anna kept to herself that day, tears constantly falling down her face. She didn't speak to anyone, except to say to Sirius Black how sorry she was for letting him be in the battle. To which he replied if she ever thought that again he would flay her alive. That was the only smile she cracked all day.
Anna wasn't as nervous as usual for the Quidditch match she didn't have time to be nervous anymore. She didn't do much except research, homework; go to classes, and Quidditch practice. She avoided everyone, staying late in the library then going straight to her dorm room. Each morning she would wake before everyone, she often skipped lunch and dinner and ate quickly in the morning after Quidditch. Her friends were all busy with homework and Quidditch themselves so didn't have time to notice how she was treating herself. She thought they were burying them selves in work as well for the same reason she was. Which she was thankful for, she felt as thought she was punishing herself for letting James die and all the work kept her mind off the matters closest to her heart.
They had tryouts for a new Beater a few days after the funeral and the substitute who had originally been playing for James got it. His name was Chris Jones a fifth year but he was taller than even Lupin. The greeting he got from the team was one of reluctant welcome. Only Anna seemed to be able to be nice to him, the others just treated him as though he was not there only talking to him as 'the Beater.'
The morning of the game came and Anna got up and went down to the changing rooms without even going in the great hall. She found everybody was already in the changing room when she got there. She got changed and sat down waiting for Remus's pep talk.
"Ok first game of the season, we can do this, as long as we focus on the game and don't let our attention wander. Let's go out there and do our best… or in other words win." Remus said. Remus, Lupin, Sirius, Kayle, Nicky, Chris and Anna went out welcomed by the cold grey morning. The game started on Oliver Woods whistle and Anna had to remember what Remus had said, she couldn't let her attention wander. But what did it matter if it did; it was only a game it wasn't life or death. She sighed wishing she could be flying without a purpose not having to look for the snitch just letting the coolness of the air wash over her, leaving all her worries on the ground. Gryffindor were up by 20 points. The Hufflepuff seeker was following her closely. She saw Lupin pass the Quaffle to Nicky and Nicky score. As she watched the beaters she remembered James flying up there with them, he always winked at her when he came close or said some funny comment. She didn't realize until now how much of an impact he had had on her life. All her friends had, even Lupin. Before she met them she was just existing, keeping quiet not letting people in. Now even with all the tragedies in her life she felt like she was finally living not just existing. These people she had come to call friends had touch a place inside of her, a place she never knew could be touched like that. That place was her heart.
She was dragged out of these thoughts as the Hufflepuff seeker went speeding past her she looked around and spotted the snitch only a few meters away she turned her broom quickly in the correct direction and speed toward it. The Hufflepuff seeker was closer but she was catching up, she urged the broom faster, she was catching up when a bludger came hurtling toward her and went right into her ribs. Trying to ignore the loud cracks and feeling suddenly dizzy Anna speed forward she stretched out her hand and felt her hand close around… nothing. She had lost the game for them. The Hufflepuff crowd went wild, Anna slowly flew down to the ground but when she stood she almost fell over, hands caught her and held her as she tried to stay upright.
"Take her to the hospital wing," Oliver Wood told Sirius and Lupin who were holding her up. They tried to walk her up there but Anna couldn't stand properly mainly because Lupin and Sirius were trying to hold on to her, she could have managed fine by herself. Halfway there Lupin stopped.
"Look this isn't going to work," he bent his knees and put an arm under her arms and picked Anna up by the legs and carried her the rest of the way to the hospital wing.
"Lupin, I can walk," she said, indignantly.
"No you can't," he said.
"I can, I have had worse it's only a broken rib if that it doesn't even hurt," Anna argued.
"I've been holding you up you can't walk this is bad."
"Lupin! Its not bad believe me," she said, Lupin looked at her and read her eyes as he realized that she was telling him she had been through worse when she was captured. They were at the hospital wing by now so he put her down. Madam Pomfrey came over to her the usual scowl vanished as she saw who it was. Anna sighed why couldn't she be like normal?
"What happened?"
"It was a bludger," Lupin answered.
"Well I am sure you will be fine where does it hurt?"
"Her ribs," Lupin said, then mimicked where it was on his ribs.
"Are they broken did you hear a crack?"
"Yeah they are broken," Lupin nodded.
"Well lie down Anna," Madam Pomfrey said. Anna stood looking at Lupin.
"What?" He asked, after a few seconds and Anna didn't move.
"Oh, I am sorry, I thought you were Anna," she said, sarcastically. They walked around the curtain and Lupin rolled his eyes and followed them and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Madam Pomfrey looked at him as did Anna.
"What," he asked again.
"Can I have some privacy please," she said, as though this was the most obvious thing in the world. Rolling his eyes but turning a pinkish color Lupin left and sat the other side of the curtain. Anna lay down and let madam Pomfrey look her over. She asked Anna to lift up her shirt so she could see the area of impact. Anna did and Madam Pomfrey gasped at the sight of the scar on Anna's stomach from the sword. Which had never properly healed, it was still red and raw, Anna usually put a bandage on it but she hadn't had time this morning and she had forgotten it was there otherwise she would have never have let the matron see it. Anna could see Lupin standing up on the other side of the curtain.
"What," he asked, for the third time in as many minutes. She quickly put her shirt down blushing.
"Nothing," she said, irritably. Then added, "can I just have the potion please?" to Madam Pomfrey quietly.
"You call that being a beater!"
"She could have died."
"I don't know why we picked you in the first place."
Anna was walking back to collect her school things when she heard these voices coming from the Quidditch changing rooms. Confused she quickened her pace. As she opened the doors the shouting got louder. She was shocked at what she saw. Lupin, Remus and Sirius were standing over Chris who was sitting on the bench. He looked terrified.
"What are you doing?" She asked in disbelief.
Three faces looked at her all seem screwed up in anger.
"We were telling the new beater here how to play Quidditch," Remus said, innocently.
"Well that's not the impression I got," she said, testily.
She was met with silence, and three guilty faces.
"Go back to the common room," she said shortly. "NOW!" she shouted when they didn't move. They quickly got up and hurried out the changing room like dogs with their tails between their legs. When they had gone Anna sat down next to Chris and they both sat with their heads bowed.
"Sorry about the bludger," he said quietly.
"It wasn't your fault, none of it was. You know they don't mean any of it right? They are just trying to deal with the pain of losing James, who was a brother to Remus and was practically a brother to us. Don't let them do that to you again. I doubt they will, they know they did wrong and bloody hell will they know it when I get back up there."
Chris laughed.
"I'm serious, they went too far. Far too far."
"Thanks Anna." Chris said, his brown eyes coming back to life.
"No problem," she replied and they got up to leave, she grabbed her books and Malfoy and Nott's mountains of homework which she was still doing and they started up the grounds to the castle doors.