Sho knew that he was being a baby.

Of course wishes did not come true. Even if you folded a thousand paper cranes your wish would not come true. That was because there was no such thing as magic and wishes were just words. There was no combination of words that would magically bring his mom back. She was gone and he just…he just had to accept that. He didn't know why he couldn't. He was eight now, almost nine, and he was big enough to know that he was never getting his mom back.

It hurt.

"Sho, come on. If dad doesn't want you to come with then we can play." Said big sis. She was shaking him awake. The joke was on her, though, because he had always been awake. He had gotten up early that morning after not having been able to sleep all night…because he was such a baby sometimes.

"Go away." said Sho. He pulled the blanket up over his head. He didn't want to play. He didn't want to do anything. Well he did kind of want to do something. He wanted to yell and scream and hit things…and he probably would. If she kept on bothering him then he would have probably ended up yelling at her and maybe even hitting her…and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to be a jerk to her like that.

"But we haven't played together in a while. We could play Wii or we could go somewhere or we could-" said big sis

"Do you know what I want to do?" asked Sho. He sounded mean there. He shouldn't have been mean to her like that. She was his big sister and…and part of him knew that he was supposed to be nice to her and another part of him, the jerk part of him, didn't care one bit. That part also wanted to kick her. He pulled his blanket tight over his legs. There, now that his legs were trapped he didn't have to worry about kicking her…even though she did sort of deserve it for the way that she was being.

"I don't." said big sis

"Do you want to know?" asked Sho

"What is it? Whatever it is we can-" said big sis

"I want to sit here, ok? I just want to sit here and wait for tomorrow to happen." Said Sho. Maybe he would be less upset by the time tomorrow came. Maybe by the time tomorrow came around he could stop being a baby and he would stop caring that he had folded a thousand paper cranes for no reason at all.

"Why? What's happening tomorrow?" asked big sis

"Something. Nothing. I don't know. All I know is that tomorrow won't be today. Ok? I just…I want it to stop being today." Said Sho. Tomorrow. He would stop caring about this tomorrow. Tomorrow was another day after all…so by the time tomorrow came then this would all be a distant memory or whatever.

"Because dad left you here with me all day?" asked big sis. He did not need to be reminded of that. Dad said that morning that he'd had enough of him and needed a break. He was such a jerk…and that was why Sho was such a jerk. Father and son, jerks together.

"No! Because-because…." Said Sho

"Because why?" asked big sis

"Because you're annoying me right now! Can't you just go and do something else?! Can't you just go off and bother someone else?" asked Sho

"But….I'm just worried about you. You seem kind of…upset." Said big sis

"I'm upset because you won't go away." said Sho. She made a sound like she was sad, there, and he felt bad for being a jerk…even if he wasn't really sure if that was a jerk thing that he did. Maybe she was the one who was a jerk. She wasn't going away even though he asked her to after all.

"….do you really want me to go away?" asked big sis. She sounded sad there…and she had nothing to be sad about! It wasn't like she had made a wish and stayed up all night hoping that it would come true! She had given her wish away! Maybe if she had held onto her wish and then wished for mom to come back right at the same time that Sho had wished for mom to come back…maybe then mom would have come back…even if they were on the other side of the world…and he was just being such a baby. There was no such thing as magic and there was no such thing as getting wishes from folding a thousand paper cranes. All you ended up with were cuts on your hands when you spent a whole day folding a thousand paper cranes.

"I'm speaking plain Japanese aren't I?" said Sho. He spoke three and a half languages. She spoke four. Did she want him to tell her in all the languages that they spoke to leave him alone? Why was that such a hard concept for her to grasp? He didn't want to play. He wanted to be alone because otherwise he knew that he was going to lose his temper and then he would be a mean jerk to her and then…and then he would feel even worse because he had been mean to her. Mom always hated it when he was mean. She always wanted him to be nice…and he didn't know why he still cared what mom thought. She was gone and no amount of wishing and hoping was ever going to bring her back.

"You are." Said big sis. She was still standing over him. His back was to her but he could see her aura. He wished that she would have gone to play with her friend or something…but they weren't around. He couldn't see their aura. She only played with him when they were at work.

"So then you're either deaf or stupid." Said Sho

"That's not nice." Said big sis

"I know that it's not nice. It's true though. I told you in plain Japanese that I want you to leave me alone. If you can't understand that then you must either be deaf or just plain stupid. Which is it?" asked Sho

"Neither. I'm worried about you. You're acting like-" said big sis

"Like a jerk? Well newsflash, I am a jerk. Dad's a jerk and I'm a jerk too because I'm his son." Said Sho. Maybe that was why mom had left. Maybe she knew that he would have grown up to be a jerk and then she left to spare herself his jerkiness…or something like that. He didn't know. He just wanted to be left alone.

"I wasn't going to say that, Sho, you know that I would never call you names. I was going to say that you were acting like something was really wrong. What's wrong? Why won't you tell me? If you would just tell me then I could make it better." Said big sis. She thought that she could make it better?! She was always thinking like that. Thinking that she could do anything just because she was more powerful and dad liked her best and left her in charge all the time. Well she couldn't!

That time he did try to kick her.

"Leave me alone. Unless you can grant wishes, and I know you can't, then you should just leave me alone." Said Sho

"I wish you wouldn't kick me and hit me and yell at me and call me names and stuff like that, little brother." Said big sis

"See? You can make wishes but you can't grant them." Said Sho. His back was still to her. He had to keep his back to her. If he looked at her then he might have ended up yelling at her or hitting her or something like that. He didn't want that. He didn't want to fight. Not with her.

"You're right, I can't grant wishes…but I can still make them and I wish that you would just stop it. Just stop yelling at me and kicking me and just…please just tell me what's the matter. I'm here for you, Sho, I love you the most." said big sis

"Maybe you should have saved your wish then. Maybe if you had saved your wish then you could have wished for me to stop kicking you." Said Sho. That would have been a good use for a wish. If she had wished that he was less of a jerk to her and her wish was granted…that would have been really nice. But that was not how things worked in the slightest.

"Sho….please just tell me what this is about." Said big sis

"It's about….you know what this is about!" said Sho. This time he did turn around to face her. She was looking at him. He wished that she would stop. He didn't think, he just threw his pillow at her. For a minute he worries that she's going to make it explode like before, like she did when they had their great big fight, but she doesn't do anything. She just lets it hit her in the face.

This makes him even madder.

She wouldn't fight back! She wasn't fighting back because she knew that it would make him feel like more of a jerk than he already was! She should have just fought back and then they could have been in a fight and then…then he wouldn't have been such a jerk! If she was a jerk too then-then it all would have been ok. They would have been jerks together and then it wouldn't have mattered how mean he was. Mom wouldn't have thought that he was a jerk if she had two jerk kids! And if big sis was a jerk too then dad wouldn't have liked her any better than he liked him.

But she wasn't a jerk. She was bossy and annoying but she wasn't a jerk.

"If I knew, little brother, then I wouldn't have asked you in the first place. I don't ask questions just to hear myself speak. Can you please just tell me what this is about?" asked big sis. She sounded just like dad there. That was word for word what dad would have said. She even got the tone right….

Sho had no choice.

He rolled over, sat up, and pushed her. He pushed her by hand and with his powers. She went flying to the ground….and she looked up at him…and he knew that he had been a jerk….but so had she! She was the one who had been talking like dad! What, did she think that she was dad too, now!? She already thought that she was mom! Why did she need to pretend to be both of their parents!?

"That hurt." Said big sis. That was all that she was going to say?! She should have been the one…the one to say sorry! She should have been the one to tell him that she was sorry about pretending to be mom and pretending to be dad and making him fold all of those paper cranes in the first place! She was the one who got them started on that and she was the one who got his hopes up!

"Yeah well a lot of stuff hurts!" said Sho

"Like what? Sho, if something hurts then you have to tell me so I can call Fukuda and he can fix it." Said big sis

"This isn't something that he can fix! Ok?!" said Sho

"Just talk to me…please…" said big sis. She looked like she was going to cry…and he was just the biggest jerk in the whole world. It felt like that, anyway….but she was being a jerk right back. She was the one who wouldn't shut up about him telling her how he felt. He couldn't talk about it. Not with her or with anyone.

They weren't allowed to talk about mom.

"What? You want me to talk? Well then here, I'll talk. Leave. Me. Alone. There. Was that enough talking for you?! Was it!?" asked Sho. Big sis got up and wiped her eyes. His eyes met hers. He was not going to sit there and spill his guts to her. Besides, she wouldn't get it. She still had dad. That was why she didn't use her wish on getting mom back. She still had dad and no matter how much time he spent with dad he would never…he and dad would never be as close as dad and big sis were….

It wasn't fair.

She didn't say anything. She just left the room. She left the room and she left him alone like he had been asking her to all morning….but he didn't feel any better. Actually he felt worse. Once she was gone then he had nobody to be mad at but himself. He had lost control again and he had been such a jerk to her…but she had been a jerk too! That was what he told himself, that she deserved it, because she just would not leave him alone.

And also she had gotten his hopes up.

If she hadn't been folding all the paper cranes then he wouldn't have thought about mom and the story she had told him back when he was little. If he hadn't remembered her and the story then he wouldn't have gotten the idea to fold a thousand paper cranes in order to wish her back into his life. He had been such a baby….there was no such thing as magic…and wishes didn't come true even if your mom told you that they would.

Mom had lied to him.

She was a traitor like dad had said. She had lied to him about getting a wish if he folded a thousand paper cranes and she had lied to him about living him until the end of time and she had lied to him about always being there, too. It had been lies on top of lies on top of lies. So why did he want her back? He didn't! At least dad and big sis had never lied to him! At least dad and big sis were always going to be there! What had mom done for him besides lie and disappear and-and-and-and betray him! That was what she had done! She had betrayed him! He didn't care if she ever came back because she was a traitor and a betrayer and a liar and-and-and-

And she was his mom.

She was his mom and that made everything just so much worse. He wanted her back. Even if she was a liar and a traitor and a betrayer he still wanted her to come back. There were oceans between them now, probably, if she had stayed in Japan. That was far. Oceans were far and plane rides were long and…and he didn't care. He wanted his mom back.

He couldn't even remember what she looked like.

That sent him jumping from his bed like a kangaroo with bedbugs. He jumped out of bed and fell to the floor. He rolled over onto his stomach and took his box of pencils out from under his bed. He used his powers to bring over a bunch of paper cranes. He unfolded them until he found one made with blank paper. He had to…he had to remember what she looked like.

Think brain! Think already!

Trying to make himself picture mom just made it harder to picture her. He picked up a brown pencil…that was not the same brown as her hair…but it would have to do. Maybe if he didn't' press to hard. He started with her hair. It had been brown and soft and puffy, too, sometimes. Her skin had been pale…but not like his and certainly not like big sis'. No, she was more peach colored. Her skin would come next. She was tall, too, much taller than him…he thought. He didn't know. He had grown since he had seen her last. Maybe she hadn't been that tall at all. Maybe he had just been short. He had been six after all when she left…

He drew her tall.

He remembered that she wore a yellow dress sometimes so he drew that too. She also had red fingernails. He drew those too…even though now her hands looked way too big. He wished that he had stared this as a sketch first. That way he could have worked out any mistakes before the color. He was being such a baby starting straight from coloring. He was always such a baby. This drawing sucked and he sucked and everything sucked.

He half expected big sis to come in and tell him not to even think the word 'sucked' even though that wasn't a bad word at all.

But she wouldn't be coming in. She was watching TV, he could hear it. Fine. Whatever. He didn't want her around anyway. She would have just come in pretending to be their parents again. There was no replacing mom and he had no idea why she would ever want to be like dad. He was like dad and he hated it. Why couldn't he be more like himself and less like dad? He couldn't be like mom. Mom was nice all the time. Sho had no idea how to be nice all the time.

Maybe big sis could give him lessons.

She was always trying to be nice all the time. That was why she never yelled at him or hit him back. She wasn't that sort of person. She was a nice sort of person and that was who he was supposed to be, too, even though he had no idea how to be a nice person. Mom would have been so mad at him if she could have seen just how much of a jerk he was. Even picture mom was probably mad at him. Picture mom, real mom, his mom, other people's moms, no mom would ever like him. Not the way that he was. Even picture mom looked like she was mad at him…or at least she would have looked mad if he had drawn her a face.

He put his pencil down on the page.

And he couldn't remember her face. No matter how hard he thought he couldn't remember his own mom's face. He sucked! He sucked so bad! He was the suckiest son in the history of sons! No wonder dad didn't like him! No wonder mom had left! He sucked! He sucked! He sucked! He took his drawing and ripped it up. He threw the rippy bits around the room and then he just started kicking the bed next to him. He kicked and he screamed and he didn't know why he was kicking and screaming, only that it made him feel better, so he kept on doing it.

The room was shaking.

Pieces of plaster came down from the ceiling. The lights flickered on and off. Those were his powers. Sometimes he lost control of his powers, too, just like big sis did. Dad called it having a temper tantrum, not losing control, even though Sho did not have temper tantrums! He was not a little kid! He didn't get upset and throw tantrums! He just lost control sometimes, that was all!

Like now.

There was stuff flying through the air and hitting the walls and he didn't even care. This wasn't their house. They were never going back to their house. This was just a place that they were living at. This place didn't matter. He could gave brought the whole entire thing crashing to the ground and it wouldn't have mattered. In fact maybe he should have brought the whole thing to the ground. Maybe he should have used his powers to bring the whole house crashing to the ground and then they would have to move again and then-then-then he didn't know!

He didn't end up bringing the house crashing to the ground.

There was another aura in the room. It was brighter than his and stronger than his. Big sis. She was taking all the things that he was holding up and throwing through the air. It was like she was ripping them out of his hands even though she was all the way in the doorway. She was using her powers. She was stronger than he was. It wasn't fair. She was so much stronger and…and dad liked her best…and she probably didn't even want mom back! Why would she have wanted their mom back!? She had always liked dad the best! And now she even got to pretend to BE mom, too!

It wasn't fair!

"I told you to leave me alone!" shouted Sho. He shouted that at her a few times. She didn't listen. She just used her powers to keep him from breaking any more stuff. She walked towards him and as she walked more and more of their stuff got put away. He dolls went back to their spots and the paper cranes all lined themselves up on the floor and their beds even got made. He didn't ask her to do that. If he wanted their room to be clean then he wouldn't have messed it up in the first place.

"I know what you said-" said big sis. Good. If she knew what he said then she should have known enough to do what he said. She wasn't mom. She didn't just get to come in here when he told her not to and start bothering him when she knew what he wanted to be alone. What? Did she think that she could come in here and make him feel better? Like mom would have if she hadn't left them? Well she was not mom and she never would be!

"Then get out of here, Shigeko! Just get out! Now!" shouted Sho

"No. I won't do that. You need-" said big sis. She was standing over him now. She looked tall like that. But she wasn't tall. They were the same size. She wasn't mom and she wasn't tall. She was his big sister. She was only a year older than he was. She was not the boss of him.

"You don't know what I need!" shouted Sho

"Yes I do. You need-" said big sis. She said it like she was trying to be mom. Mom talked like that sometimes….and that made no sense. He could remember the way his mom talked but not the way she looked? He could remember her voice but not her face? What even was that!? What was the MATTER with him!?

"You need to do what I told you! Don't you remember what I said!? Don't you ever LISTEN?! I told you to go away! I said that! I SAID THAT!" shouted Sho. He was standing up, now, because he had to be. She was not taller than him. She was not the boss of him. She was not their mom no matter how much time she spent pretending that she was! She was not mom…he had no mom….

"I know what you said but…but you're upset! You are so clearly upset and…and I hate it! I hate that you just won't let me help you! Sho, you are my little brother and I love you! Even when you act like this! No matter how mean you are or how many times you yell at me or hit me or kick me or call me names I will always love you! Now please just tell me what's wrong!" said big sis. Her aura was pushing up against his. Her hair was floating around her head. Her hands were clenched into fists. The shook at her sides.

She was mad at him.

"Sh-shut up." Said Sho. He was mad right back. Now they were mad together. He didn't want to hear about how much she loved him. He didn't want to hear about how she wanted to take care of him. He didn't need her to love him or to take care of him. He didn't need anyone to take care of him. He could take care of himself. He was a complete person all on his own. He didn't need her or mom or dad or anyone.

"No. I will not shut up. Something is wrong with you right now. I don't know what it is and I don't know if it's something that I can fix but I am going to try. I love you and it hurts me to see you like this. Now tell me what's wrong." Said big sis. She was talking like dad now. That way of talking where you were trying super hard not to have any feelings. That was how dad talked when he was mad at them, mostly Sho, and Sho did not want to hear it from his own big sister.

"Nothing's wrong." Said Sho. There was no point in telling her, she couldn't make it any better, and anyway even if he did want to tell her he wouldn't. Not after she had ordered him to. She was not the boss of him!

"Now you're lying to me. You were yelling and breaking things and you lost control of your powers too. I know what it's like to lose control like that and don't worry, I won't tell dad, I just want to know what's wrong and I am not moving from this spot until you tell me." Said Big sis

"You're not mom, you know. Just because you boss me around and say some of the same stuff that she did…that does not make you mom." Said Sho

"I know that I'm not mom but…but that doesn't mean that I can't care about you. I care about you more than anyone else in the whole world…and I wish that you would just believe me when I tell you that." Said big sis

"Stop it." Said Sho through clenched teeth. She didn't listen. She never listened. He didn't want to talk about it. What did he have to do? Hire a skywriter! Move some clouds around until they spelled out a message in the sky that even she wouldn't be too clueless to understand?

"No. I will not stop it. Just tell me-" said big sis

"I can't remember mom's face! Ok?! Is that what you wanted to hear!?" shouted Sho. He pushed her as hard as he could. She took a step back but didn't fall. She caught herself with her powers. She didn't even start crying or anything. She was still just staring at him…like she was dad and he was doing that thing where he stared at you like he was a Martian trying to understand humans.

"Sho-" said big sis

"I can't remember her and I tried to draw her and-and-and I can't! Ok?! Do you get it now!?" shouted Sho. She took a step back but aside from that she just kept on staring at him. He grabbed her by the arms and shook her. She didn't stop staring.

"Sho, if you wanted to-" said big sis. Sho didn't listen. He was past the point of listening. Now he was talking. All the words came up like word throw up. He couldn't help it.

"I thought that she would come back, ok?! I thought that if I made a thousand paper cranes and wished hard enough that she would come back but-but-but I was stupid! I was being a baby! There are no such things as wishes. Mom is gone and she is never coming back and-and-and I can't even remember her face! Ok!? And that's why I want you to leave me alone! The stupid paper cranes were your idea and you're the one who got my hopes up and-and-and-" said Sho

"Sho. Stop yelling at me." Said big sis. She reached a hand over and for a moment he's got the crazy idea in his head that she's going to hit him. But she doesn't hit him. Of course she wouldn't, she's big sis. She just called her tablet over with telekinesis.

"I don't want to play anything right now. I just want to….wait for tomorrow to happen. I don't know." Said Sho as she stared scrolling through her tablet. A game of air hockey or a temple run tournament would have been fun…but Sho just didn't feel like it right then.

"Here. So you remember what she looks like." Said big sis. She turned her tablet around and…and she had a picture of mom. It was mom and him and her at the table…and he remembered that day. They had been really little…and it had been Christmas time…and they had been decorating the cookies…and he had been so little…and it had been so long ago, four years ago almost, and-and-and-

A tear slid down his face.

She reached over and pulled her sleeve down over her hand. She wiped up his tears like mom did. Her tablet floated in the air. Sho didn't look at it. He didn't want to look at it. He didn't want to remember mom or think about her…and he also did. He wanted…he wanted his mom back…but he also didn't because she had left and even if she did come back those times…those times were over. There was no way that they could ever go back to how things were, not after she left, and not just because dad hated her now. Sho…he was mad at her…and she wouldn't have wanted to come back anyway. He wasn't supposed to be mad at her because she was his mom…but he was. He was mad at her and dad and big sis…and himself.

He was mad at everybody.

"Don't do that. I'm not a baby." Said Sho. He was not supposed to cry. He was not allowed to cry. But there he was just standing there and crying like he was a little baby and she was standing there, too, and she was drying his tears like he was a little baby and she was mom…and she wasn't mom! He pushed her hand away. She just went right back to drying his tears even though he never asked her to and he didn't need her to and-

And he didn't even know anymore.

"I wasn't calling you a baby. You're sad and I'm going to at least dry your tears. I'm going to do what I can to make you feel better." Said big sis

"Showing me a picture of mom isn't going to make me feel better. You're not even supposed to have that, you know. If dad finds out then you're in for it." Said Sho

"I know that I'm going to get in trouble if dad finds out but I also know that you're not going to tell dad on me. You're not like that." Said big sis

"Yeah, I won't tell dad." Said Sho. He had no reason to tell dad. He was a jerk, not a tattle tale, and he had no reason go around telling on his sister anyway. He had nothing to gain by getting her in trouble just like she had no reason to tell dad on him when he did bad stuff.

"Thank you. I won't tell him that you were drawing mom, either, and I'd hide your drawing for you when you're done with it. Dad likes to take your drawings, he goes through your drawing pile every day before he goes to work, but if I fold up the drawing of mom and hide it in your shoes or with your plastic animals then maybe dad won't be able to find it." Said big sis

"I hate it when he steals my drawings." Said Sho. He didn't know why dad did that. He stole them and then he put them up on his office walls, sometimes, or sometimes they just vanished. He didn't get dad one bit sometimes.

"I know but he isn't going to stop. We can't tell dad what to do, he tells us what to do, that's why he's the dad and we're the kids." Said big sis

"Yeah, I know. I know that he's the boss of us and he can do whatever he wants and we get no say in it at all…and it doesn't even matter if he takes my drawings, I can always draw more. He won't get my drawing of mom, anyway, because I ripped it up." Said Sho. He picked up one of the rippy bits and held it between two fingers. She reached out and took it. Her aura filled the room and before Sho knew it the bits and pieces of his drawing had come back together.

Almost like new.

"Here. See, now you can finish." Said big sis. She held out the drawing. He took it. He couldn't do things like that….no matter how much he tried he couldn't do things like that. She could. He…he didn't know how he felt. He was happy that…that he could finish his drawing but also sad that…well about mom…and now he was mad at her too and all she had done was help him.

He didn't know.

He just didn't know.

"Thanks." Said Sho. That was all that he could manage to say. That was what he was supposed to say when someone did something nice for him. Thanks. He said that even though there was so much more he wanted to say to her…much of it mean…some of it not mean…but he didn't say anything.

He just said thanks.

And then he went back to drawing. He was sad and mad and happy and…and a whole lot of other feelings. Feelings that made him want to scream and cry and break things…but he didn't. He didn't scream or break things because he had already done enough of that and he was tired of being a jerk. He didn't cry, either, even though he wanted to cry more than anything else in the world.

He didn't, though, because he was through acting like a baby.