Part Two

Curled up on her sofa, Phoebe tugged the blanket tighter around herself. Three in the morning and she'd tried everything from warm milk to a warm bath but she still wasn't the least bit sleepy. And, she groaned, with her luck, she'd probably pay for her attack of insomnia by falling asleep at the morning staff meeting.

She scanned the room, still not used to the new shadows created along the walls. She felt safe, though admittedly, not as safe as back in her old room at the manor, but wondered if it had been smart to move. They'd been warned to expect a terrible evil to attack and what gave her the right to endanger innocents simply because she'd felt the urge to escape?

And what was it she wanted to escape from exactly? What freedom did this new condo give her? She was still living a double life, hiding her magical one from her new neighbors. So what did she really want? A life of her own? Didn't she have that at the manor?

A tear trickled from her eye as she finally acknowledged the truth, "I want to be free from the past." No more reminders of what had once been and might never be again. Every relationship she'd had in the past two-and-a-half years had failed or barely gotten started. Drake had helped her believe in love again but it hadn't changed anything. She was still alone. Not that it was always a terrible feeling either. A part of her actually relished in the freedom of not trying to force love to happen. And without her powers, she barely had her premonitions back, the condo seemed the perfect opportunity for a fresh start.

It wasn't like when she'd fled to New York after Grams had died. The bonds with her sisters were stronger than ever. And she had a job she loved, one that fulfilled her and rewarded her.

"But then I had to go and find that letter," she sniffled. And remind her of all she'd lost in the name of love. Fate seemed determined to keep her alone. And that thought confused her even more. How could she be content with her life as a single woman and yet be so miserable at the thought of never finding love again? "Maybe I should just go to a bar, get drunk, and go home with the first guy I see," she sat up, "maybe then I'd see what fate really has in store for me." But she let the blanket fall to the sofa as she stood, "And maybe I should just read that damned letter."

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She leaned back against her pillows and turned the sealed envelope over. Her stomach was all in knots of fear. Why hadn't she been able to call for a single premonition while touching it? Would she ever earn back the full extent of her powers? Phoebe stared at the envelope. What if he'd written something that might've changed some of the choices she'd made? What if reading the letter only reinforced the fact that she'd never be able to earn his forgiveness? What if reading it only made life worse?

With a deep breath, she used her letter opener to slit the crease of the envelope. And with trembling fingers, she exhaled and removed the single sheet of folded paper. Her heart pounded and she looked up to the ceiling as if that would provide her with added strength. "Oh, god," she uttered as she choked back on the nausea rising in her throat. She closed her eyes and took several more deep breaths. She couldn't do it. She was too afraid of what she'd learn.

"Read it…"

Phoebe sucked in her breath when she heard the whispered sound of his voice. But when she opened her eyes and looked around her bed, she found herself still alone. She was so freaked out by his letter that now she was imagining his voice. It wasn't real. Cole wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere.

"Read it…"

"All right," she snapped. But her annoyance faded as her fingers, once again, began to tremble as they unfolded the letter. And tears blurred her vision as she tried to read his written words.

Dear Phoebe,

If you're reading this, then I'm dead. And that's probably for the best. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on. No matter how much good I try to do, evil traps me tenfold. I'm not using that as an excuse but it seems that, no matter how much I try to convince you that our love is strong enough to overcome all that evil, I only wind up hurting you and pushing you further away.

Until now, you never feared me and that has both amazed me and worried me. What if I was never meant to be anything but a demon? What if that was my true calling and you were an inconvenient distraction? Maybe you were right when you once told me how scared you were that you enjoyed being evil. Maybe that's the true reason we connected – our evil sides attracted each other. Maybe there was never any hope for us and we were doomed as the pawns used in some greater master plan.

I hope, for both our sakes, my death wasn't at your hand. I forced you to vanquish me once and have always regretted the pain it caused you. And I don't relish the thought of tricking you into doing so again but it's the only way to spare us further pain.

Please know, above all else, I tried. I tried to end it when I finally accepted that we would never be. I tried to be good. I tried to love. And how I tried to be the man you would have been proud to love.

I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Forgive me for not regretting loving you and doing everything within my power to hold on to that love. Forgive me for the pain I caused your sisters. Forgive me for hurting you, betraying you, for failing you.

And know that when I took my last breath, it was with you in my thoughts and in my heart. And maybe one day, if the Fates are kind, we will meet again – if not in this life, then in some future one. Because love transcends all else and always will.

My love forever,

Cole

Phoebe let the page fall into her lap as she covered her mouth with her hands and cried. She rolled onto her side and cried for Cole. She cried for herself. And she cried for the future that would never be.

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