DotHack: Hating to Love You
Chapter 4 written by Vincent Noble Valentine...
This is the last thing on earth I need right now. Both Terajime Ryoko and Blackrose have been at each others throats the minute they both logged onto the Omega Server. And if fate wasnt't cruel enough they were both bickering over me, trying to get my attention. Granted they really didn't need to do that as I considered them both as friends but from the impression I got they were both in competition with each other on trying to win my affection. I don't really know how to handle this sort of situation, it's always so awkward at times and this sort of thing has only ever happened once but that was on 'the World' and in real life...well I've never really thought of things like this before.
Either way I look at it, the situation in the end can only be grim. I mean how do you try to tell someone you like them without hurting another person who likes you as well? There is never an easy way out if it regardless of how many people tell you that 'these things happen' and that they'll get over it eventually. But I seriously don't want to hurt the feelings of either of them. Why couldn't we just be friends?
I find myself mentally groaning as I walked around the party and conversed with various other guests, while trying to weigh out the pro's and cons of choosing one over the other. I even sought out advice from Wiseman and Helba but they both more or less said the same things. Knowing that their advice would help me somewhat I mused over pro's and cons again of each girl:
When it comes to Blackrose, I've known her longer than anyone online female wise that is. At first she was forceful, angry and tempermental so she was kind of hard to understand. She often changed her tone at times too going from rude to polite, to kind and then angry. In the past I often wondered what I said to even get myself into those sort of situations in the first place and when I couldn't come up with an answer I just went along with it and stayed silent, but in doing that still she would get annoyed. So you see trying to explain how Blackroses' character is, is complicated to say the least. But as time went along and we got to know each other better, I often enjoyed her company more over than any other person I had my adventures with and with time I also eventually got used to how she was and acted.
Concerning the pro's we were both Newbies when we started playing 'the World' so we basically had much to learn about the game and from one another. I don't think she trusted me completely until the church incident when I began doubting myself. Another Pro to Blackrose was her motives for playing the game in the first place, much like myself on wanting to help Orca who was in hospital, her brother Kazu too was another coma patient affected by playing 'the World' so we really we had a common goal.
As for her character itself, well it was the first time I saw someone dressed that way. It seemed brash and more revealing so I was curious to her character design, thinking about it I remember myself blushing in the real world when I first laid eyes on her so you can tell seeing her straight away made quite the impact. But after that particular incident I never gawked like that again not wanting another lecture about staring at her.
As for Terajima Ryoko, concerning the name for her character, it turns out that her name IS infact her real name in real life and much like her character I think it portrays how she really is in real life also. The choosen design portrays her innocence concerning the white sort of wedding dress and angel wings, not to mention her well spoken manner and her often being polite. It's very rare that I've seen or heard her swear or curse so it's my belief that she was brought up to more civlizied and proper. In other words her character seemed like the exact opposite of Blackrose if you know what I mean.
At times she's often ditzy and somewhat clumbsy as well. Add that reckless nature of her's and her wanting to charge into battle head on without thinking about any sort of strategy then you have someone who tries to hard to prove herself. NOT that it's a bad thing but sometimes trying too hard is reckless and can somewhat endanger herself as well as others, believe me I know! She's often told me also that her father doesn't like her being in contact with anyone who is male, her father must really be very overprotective of her and only wants to look after her well being, but at the same time it's restricting her from talking or being with who she wants to be with. It must be hard for Ryoko to live a life that. However from the past emails I recieved she told me that she discussed our meeting on 'the World' and must have spoken very highly of me for her father to actually consider wanting to meet me, but on a side note I worry about that. He probably wants to threaten me about taking good care of her and then if I don't he'd probably throttle me for it.
I often found myself shuddering at such a thought. Sure it's a good thing that her father would possibly approve such a relationship but it would be a watched or 'protected' one, meaning me and her couldn't be everyday average teenagers just laughing and enjoying life without my constantly worrying if I was doing anything or being constantly watched. So in all probability that side of Ryoko was a definte Con and would constantly worry me.
I sigh again, shaking my head to clear the random thoughts from my head again. Why couldn't anything be simple? I look about around the Omega server again, counting the heads as my eyes roamed along. From my count everyone was here including Moonstone and his special guest. From the looks of things, he seems to be handling things very well. Always staying by her side and saying very little as possible as per usual. I guess that's understandable, he never really was a man of words when he first joined us and to this day he still says very little, except when he talks to his female compatriot. He only ever seems to talk or open up more when he's around her, but then again I find myself wondering is it necessarily out of choice? Myself and the others know for a fact that conversation with Moonstone is pretty much a dead end and no matter how much we all want him to open up, he wishes to remain quiet and reserved only to himself. I guess that's reasonable but then again with the amount of time he spends online with his friend I think that might just change with time.
Actually I believe people really do change with time. I hear it all the time from my parents and people I talk to at school. It's not that guys change by themselves it's the girls they hang around with that REALLY change you. let's say take your average popular guy in school known for relying on himself and has all the friends in the world, but add any random girl that he see's and falls for at first sight then you've got trouble. Guys turn from strong to weak in seconds maybe even minutes and are out to do anything to win that girl's affection. And even when they do eventually get with them they still seem completely different, literally following at the girl's every beck and call like a dog on a leash or perverbally wrapped around her little finger.
Would that ever happen to me? If I got with either girl would I be like a dog on a leash, would I really be any different then as people know me now? So many questions and far too many worries. I'm not really sure deep down I want this, it all seems far too complicated. But not only that there's also a definete downside of a relationship breaking up: What would happen after you've been together and you break up and things go sour? I've heard about all of this before too. You start as friends, then become a couple as boyfriend/Girlfriend, move on from there as lovers and then when you break up the friendship becomes a love/hate thing. You despise seeing the other person in public and hate then with all your heart, wanting nothing more to be as far away from them as possible but also deep down mourn the loss of someone that was once close to you, idly looking on as he or she laughs on enjoying life while blocking you out of existance.
And if that didn't sound bad enough, how do you react to the news that she moved on and found someone else to happy with? I can't imagine how anyone couldn't feel any more bitter than they already were. If that were me I'd say I would have reacted in that way, maybe even be more angry than before. Perhaps I'd put on a strong front and then wait only until I got home to break down mentally, wanting nothing more in the world to be with that person again. But no matter how much a person cries, tears won't bring back someone you love or care about. They decided to move on and the only possible way of getting over it is doing just that: Get over it, find other things to preoccupy your mind and move on. Any amount of things could happen there on out, they could talk to their past lover and wish them the best or they could just totally blank them and be bitter about his/her new relationship.
At the end of the day it all boils down to choice and choosing on what you think is right. Make that decision and go with it if your certain that it'll affect you positively in the long run and NEVER look back thinking of what if's. Just enjoy the memories you gained and learn from it. That's all that the best of us can do nowadays.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, waking me from my ever thinking slumber to turn to see Blackrose looking down at me smiling as she always was, genuinly. She seemed to be bright and happy as our eyes met and even though I wanted to say something, perhaps to go as far as saying 'hi' my lips wouldn't let such simple words come forth. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights or more or less like an idiot as she giggled mischeviously in her own little way as she grabbed my hand pulling me along with her as we now both dashed to the Omega server entrance and exit. I had a feeling that whatever Blackrose had in mind, it didn't concern anyone else here and definetly in a more 'secret' location. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I watched her enter the chosen keywords and gulped as she grabbed my hand again and held it tightly winking at me as we logged off from here and headed to the Delta server.
Author's note: Again a short chapter, sorry about that people. Once again thanks to everyone who have continued to read this and be patient for upcoming chapters. Your approval of my work shows that I am grateful. On a side note concerning the explanation of this chapter I put in the for most part as much or pretty much all I have learned or experienced when it comes to relationships. I'm not so sure if any out there can relate to some of the stuff I put down but I think maybe one or 2 may understand. I've been there and done that so I thought putting all the worries of getting into a relationship with ol' kite would further explain more about relationships in general and help the story on better. Anyways chapter 5 comin up soon and with the idea's I'm thinking, things could speed up very quickly. Reviews are welcome, laterz!
Signed Vincent Noble Valentine...