Dot Hack: Hating to Love you

Chapter 6 written by Vincent Noble Valentine...

I admit it, I'm a complete nutcase and I've lost it. That big party that I had thrown in the Omega server thanks to Helba turned out to be a huge success and I wasn't even there fully to see how the rest of it turned out because...well...I..err...was 'busy' doing other things to get another party going. And before you even think of asking, DON'T! The thought of it itself makes my cheeks redden everytime I think of it...and him.

It's been about a week since then and everytime a classmate tries to talk to me or god forbid even my own mother, they look at me concerned and worried like I've zoned out or something. My friends think I have the flu but I think my mother suspects more than they do on what's wrong with me with every suggestive nudge and knowing grin she gives me. And it's true what they say when it comes to lying to your own mother: You can't. Everytime I try to make up some excuse to hide the truth she just grins that little wider in an ever oh so annoying manner and replies with 'rigggght'.

And that isn't the worst part of trying to avoid the truth. After all the fibs I try to pine at her she decides to sit me down and tries, yes tries to give me this talk about the 'birds and the bees'. I'll say one thing about that subject, I was well ahead of that talk no more than a week ago with kite. Ugh and get this she even decides to slip in the question of asking if I used 'protection'. I swear I've never paled so much in life, let alone sputter in shock at my own mother's forwardness.

After that, I was pretty much a goner. That was a dead give away to mother if there ever was one as she giggled like she was a teenager, giving me those annoying smiles and suggestive winks. Hmph, and they say mothers are supposed to be all majorly worried and concerned about their kids when it comes to sex? Geez, not my mom! She's about as perverted as any horny teenager who got their first lay, always asking questions and how it was. God I think i'm gonna puke the next time mom gives me any more ideas or suggestive positions.

But that's the problem, well...err concerning REAL sex. Mom thinks I had sex in the 'real world' with some guy from college, she hasn't even got the slightest clue that I did it with a guy on an online game or rather 'the world'. Even if I tried to explain how I did that with Kite I think she would look at me like ive grown a 3rd head or something. Sure there's such things as 'internet' sex as they call it or cybering. That's how many people had 'sex' when it came to being online, but that to me is downright embarrassing! I mean geez what if mom actually walked in my bedroom while things getting heated and im sitting there getting off on what some guy types to me in a dirty private message?

I definetly DO NOT want to think of that. It's the most embarrassing not to mention the most life threatening worse case scenario that can happen to anybody. Especially when it comes to learning about the 'Birds and the Bee's all on your own. If I ever did that and mom caught me she would shriek bloody murder and ban my computer privledges for eternity. Lecturing me on how dirty it was and how perverts are out there on the web doing that sort of thing while she would be giving me a severe bollocking.

Let's face it mom, people DO do it every day. It happens 24/7 in real life or on the internet. And I ain't a naive 12 year old looking on the 'net' for my first time. It's warned to us by everyone; the police, the teachers at school, hell even my own classmates gossip about stuff like cybering and the dangers of that sort of thing, BUT with Kite this is different...

Well the whole experience with Kite was different. What we did in 'the World' I don't think or anyone who actually made the program actually thought people would do such things online in a virtual world. But we did and I was the one who started it and why? Because I didn't want that BITCH Terajime Ryoko to get anywhere near Kite!

Ever since kite saved her from one of those monsters, she's been acting like 'ohh I'm a sweet little angel, a damsal in distress' and like throwing compliments at him left, right and center while trying to act like the 'innocent' little virgin she thinks she is, always trying to get his attention. GRR it makes my blood boil just seeing her trying to throw herself all over him. White certainly doesnt suit that girl and nor does her character's outfit neither. As a woman myself, when it comes to getting a man we only have one goal in mind and thats taking him and making that person ours! That also means getting rid of any obstecles in the way or any other likely female prospects that any guy might have in mind and removing them completely until it's just him and you alone.

Hmph well I did just that, so in your face Ryoko!

Anyway moving on to more IMPORTANT things, yes mother knows. She knows I had sex with a guy, but she doesn't know or realize that I did it online in a virtual world. In another body persay, my Blackrose character. Honestly I didn't plan for things to go as they did nor did I imagine doing such things in 'the World' could be possible. But I was curious...I was curious when my mind always drifted away thinking, I was curious a little before I actually arranged the party in the first place. But I was more than certain that I wanted to see if it was possible by the time everyone started to arrive.

But when Ryoko arrived I was getting slightly nervous and believe me I hardly ever am when it comes to female competiton. But she's been trying to hint to Kite ever since day one and ever since I saw someone else actually trying to suggest a different sort of relationship with Kite...well I started to see him in a different light. I'll admit as stubborn as I am, it took a real long time for me to gradually notice him differently. Nothing ever seems to come to me clearly, let alone hit me like the peverbial shoe thrown at your head when you think about a guy in another manner, but it happened gradually, slowly.

At first it made me scoff and roll my eyes seeing her acting the way she was, being like Ryoko always was when she liked the guy but I knew and first met Kite on 'the World' before she or anyone else ever did, other that Orca that is. I've been his partner and friend from day one and I've been with him all the way on our crazy adventures trying to stop the phases and to free the coma patients, my brother Kazu included. I never really thought of Kite in any other way than just a friend. But like I said, slowly and gradually things between us were changing.

We were becoming more friendlier and used to each other's company that I wanted to be with him until the end. I was becoming less bitchy, frustrated and stubborn around him as I first was. As I was supposed to be. But when Ryoko entered the scene and joined our growing numbers things changed for me even quicker. My thoughts and my feelings for Kite were moving in directions that I never really thought about and before I knew it, I was secretly getting jealous of seeing Kite with anyone else.

Thinking of someone else having his company instead of me being there often depressed me a bit and confused me a lot. But being stubborn as I am, I was always good at hiding my emotions that no-one even noticed or could tell how I was feeling or what was on my mind. But even by standing beside him or fighting with him side by side, I always looked at him from afar with my eyes always watching him.

I was even crazy enough to send him an email actually telling him that I was falling in love with him, but added that I was only joking. I didn't have the guts to bring myself to delete the 'just joking' part, fearing that he wouldn't feel the same or he might just ignore me completely. I never did ask him to what he thought about that email and he never really brought it up in any conversation we had...but I did get my answer in another way and I know he really does care for me that way.

So now comes the most worrying and embarrassing situation. A week has passed and I've invited him to come over to meet me face to face. What we did online wasn't the real thing, but it was close enough and when he does eventually arrive, I'm a little more than nervous about how it will be in real life. I don't need to worry about mother barging thru my bedroom door catching us in the act either. She is on a business trip for her company and she'll be gone for days and as for Kazu, he's staying over at his friends house since I gave him permission to crash with his friends as long as he didn't go online while he was there. I didn't want him going into acoma a 2nd time.

So here I am, in my house. Tapping my fingers on the kitchen table with my nerves shot to shit as I try to picture what he really looks like and what will happen when he gets here and even as my mind wanders, my mothers not so helpful suggestions actually start to linger in my mind.

This isn't going so well. A week ago things between me and Blackrose changed drastically and now I find myself walking nervously up the stairs of a huge apartment building to her front door. I don't mind the exercise of walking up 10 floors of stairs to get to her flat, it's just that if I took the elevator then it would have speeded things up too quickly for my liking and I'd be at her door. I've tried thinking over what's going to happen and what Blackrose looks like but the more I do the more nervous I get, to the point where it feels like I'm going to be sick.

I care about her alot, I really do. But the thoughts and idea's running in my head aren't helping at all. I've thought about all the scenario's that can happen, good and bad and I really don't know what's going to happen when she opens that door. But this is Blackrose were talking about here, I shouldn't be nervous but I am. This is completely different to logging onto 'the World' and seeing who else is online. This time I was going to meet her face to face and seeing what she really looked like for the first time. I never really talked to my parents about what happens when you meet a girl, it never occured for me to ask when all I cared about was my school work and playing 'the World'.

But ever since I saw Blackrose for the first time in 'the World' and her character's outfit, the cogs in my head have been turning and I was getting ideas about her or any other girl in a different matter that I never would have thought I would think of. But from then to now, I think I know more than I bargained for when it comes to 'sex'. Since the online fiasco we had in Delta Hidden Forbidden Holyground, my mind has been nothing but a constant blur of questions and ideas that would embarrass me if my parents ever asked. I thought being a normal 16 year teenager was easy but not when my hormones have gone all out of whack. I go to bed thinking about her, I dream about her and when I wake up I think about her and with as little clothing as possible as embarrassing as it sounds.

I haven't been able to think clearly about anything but Blackrose since that day, but when she invited me over to meet her today at first I jumped at the chance of wanting to see her inperson, now my hearts pounding with every step that I take closer to her front door that I can hear it ringing in my ears. I want to appear calm and collected but I can't seem to stop my nervousness nor the beating of my heart now as I stand right infront of a blue door, reading the house number 119 idly in my head and checking the paper of directions I was given to confirm I had found the right place.

Smoothing down my blue shirt and placing the directions in my side pocket I find myself breathing in and out slowly and with shaky but nervous fingers I lightly knock on her door. I wait patiently placing my hands at my sides as my ears pick up soft footsteps from the other side and before I even get the idea or the notion of perhaps maybe thinking this was a mistake and I wasn't ready for this, her door opens and my mouth feels like it hits the floor as I see her for the very first time...

Author's note: MWAHAHA, thought you were going to get a lemon in this one eh? Shame on you people. I like a good cliff hanger as much as anyone and besides I'm going to be getting into that in chapter 7. Why? cause 7 is my favourite number and with this chapter I just wanted to express the growing feelings of teenage love further between the two. So sorry if your all dissappointed out there but be rest assured I am going to be working on chapter 7, so the more reviews the better, GRRR! Laterz!

Signed Vincent Noble Valentine...