The trouble was that no one seemed to know. No one even seemed to care. They just attached inertial stabilizers (Whatever the heck those were) on each of the massive floating rocks and put an atmospheric bubble around all of them. On each of the chunks of land leftover from what had been the planet, there was some sort of a rave or party going on. Each of the chunks was moving around, and apparently to avoid collisions between the massive rocks, according to the Guide: "Party-goers must simply move to the appropriate side of their rock and began jumping in unison to deflect its' course away from the other rock." Jack didn't know much about physics, or how the heck these people kept track of where to jump to avoid being splattered, but the Guide said "There are a few occasional incidences where large groups of unknowing dancers are crushed into oblivion, but this is generally seen as all part of the fun."
He wondered why he had let Zaphod drag him down onto one of these places. "Whoooo-oh!" Zaphod cried with exuberance, "Now this is what I call a party!" He was immediately talking to a different woman with each head, managing to feel four ladies up with his three arms at one time and successfully dancing with six others. Apparently he was a well known man, as Jack heard shouts of "We love you Zaphod!" and "That suit is just so simply reviling!", and Zaphod laughingly responded to his adoring fans.
It was all a bit much for Jack, who decided to drift off towards a small clearing that had been made for a bar, and he took a seat at one of the stools and surveyed the madness all round. He wondered how a place like this operated, since there was no cover and apparently no charge for drinks. Looking it up in the guide, he saw that the planet's (They still had it listed as one, even though it was now several thousand massive chunks adrift and colliding at intervals) main imports were beer, liquor, drugs, alcohol, hard drugs, 200 pure alcohol, cigarettes and garbage bags for vomit. Charming. To finance all this binge behavior, apparently they took advantage of the massive number of children being born at these wild gatherings, and sold them off as slave laborers to the neighbouring planets. Well, it was good to see that he was in an advanced society.
The people dancing like mad all around were blue, green, pink, hominids, tripedal, tall, short and of more variety than he could imagine. Some appeared to be almost human, but they invariably had two tongues or talked through their nose. He had just about had it when what appeared to be a super-intelligent shade of the colour blue floated up next to him and ordered a drink. As he was getting up, someone somehow managed to shout over all the resounding din of music "Everybody get to the bar and jump! We're headed towards another party!" And with that Jack found himself amongst a solid mass of flesh that was jumping up and down insanely as one. The people on the other rock (Who were standing upside down, they used some other device to nullify gravity three metres off the surface) passed mere inches above their head as the two masses zoomed by each other. Some people jumped up to the other scene, to be caught and subsequently crowd-surf, and others came from above down below. With new recruits in hand, there were mad cries all round and the party intensified.
After the near-death experience, Jack had enough of this rock. He sought out Zaphod amidst all the people. "Hey there spaceman!" Zaphod gave him three hearty slaps on the back. "Having a good time out here or what? This is the best idea that you've ever had! Actually, it's the only idea you've ever had! Or at least the only one that I know about, and we all know that I'm the only one who really counts for anything." Zaphod was laughing, dancing, drinking and participating in sex acts illegal in many of the more respectable planets of the galaxy while talking to O'Neill. Jack thought his statement about being the only person in the galaxy who counted a little arrogant, but it was of course true. Unbeknownst to Jack, Zaphod had once been through the Total Perspective Vortex, the ultimate torture device which shows how utterly small and insignificant you are when compared to the infinity of the universe. The device shatters the minds of all who are put through it, with the exception of Zaphod, to whom it simply re-affirmed his long-held beliefs of being the most important lifeform of all time. For other reasons unknown to Jack, the circumstances of Zaphod's torture weren't exactly normal, but they didn't really matter to Zaphod.
The long and short of it was that Jack was at a loss of words to say. Well, not entirely. The trouble was that his words were almost all along the lines of "I'm going to throttle you, you ugly maniac! Get me the hell back to my team!". The most diplomatic thing he had worked out was "Nice suit, I really like the Black and White. I wonder if they have one in Sane.", when something more pressing came to mind. "Who the heck are those slugs?" He asked, indicating a pair of repulsively hideous green creatures, who repelled all the party goers around them. They were clearly out of place here.
"By the immaculate toothbrush of Zarquon!" Zaphod shouted, "Vogons! Let's get out of here!" He urgently grabbed Jack and ducked down below the crowd. Jack didn't know what Vogons were, aside from ugly of course, and didn't want to find out. But they had the notable problem of having no transport, since the Heart Of Gold had dropped them off and then left.
"Well how the heck are we going to leave?" Jack asked dryly. "I don't suppose Thor will just come along and beam me up?" He was very surprised at the reaction his sarcastic remark had on Zaphod.
"Thor? Thor's here? That guy owes me a favour! Quick, where is he?" Zaphod demanded of Jack.
Thor? Owe this guy a favour? Somehow Jack doubted that. "Well I don't know!" Jack yelled over the noise, "How could you find anyone in this place?" He demanded. The fact that he had managed to find Zaphod only a few minutes ago slipped from his mind conveniently.
"Hmm, that is a tough one." Zaphod admitted. "The guy has super hearing, but it may be hard to get his attention. The one thing I know he can't take is insults." Zaphod took a deep breath, "I may as well try it..." He looked like a man about to die.
Thor? Not be able to take insults? Jack had never insulted Thor before, but couldn't imagine him as being prone to provocation.
"Thor you great ugly yellow-bellied lout!" Zaphod shouted, "You miserable no-good weakling who couldn't box a duck to save his life!" He shrieked out into the cacophony. Jack was having very odd mental pictures of Thor boxing a duck.
Thunder boomed out from all around, but the dancers just took it in with the beat. Zaphod, however, soon felt a heavy hand come down on his let shoulder from behind. Jack turned and saw that the hand was attached to an oak tree of an arm which was in turn attached to a huge man with a barn-sized torso. The man had wavy blonde hair beneath an iron helmet. "Whoa." was all Jack could say. Apparently this Thor had about eight hundred pounds on the Thor he knew.
"WHO DARES PROVOKE THOR GOD OF THUNDER!" The figure cried out as thunder crashed down at his every word. He raised a colossal hammer easily with his left hand. Jack moved away from Zaphod, not wishing to receive divine retribution from what appeared to be a nine-foot tall Norse God due to being associated with Zaphod.
"Oh, hey there Thor buddy!" Zaphod laughed somewhat nervously. He knew Thor owed him one, but was more than a little afraid that insulting him wouldn't go over well, even if it was only to get his attention. "It's me - Zaphod...remember?" He was getting more and more nervous.
A dim light appeared in Thor's eyes at mention of the name. He was not exactly the brightest, say, of all the Gods, that was more Odin's thing. He just liked big noises and heavy things. But the gears of his memory were turning. Recollection dawned upon him. "Zaphod! It's been too long! Care for a few Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters?" For once Zaphod was on the receiving end of a hardy slap on the back, and it almost smashed out most of his organs.
"Sorry, buddy. We're awful busy. I'm going to call in...you know...that favour you owe me." Zaphod spoke quietly.
"Oh." Thor spoke quietly, "...That."
"...Yeee-ah." Zaphod agreed, "Anyways, we need you to take us far, far away from this planet pronto, we'll go anywhere! We're being chased by Vogons, no doubt under the employ of my psychiatrist!"
"No problem." Thor declared. He picked Jack and Zaphod up easily with one hand and smashed his hammer to the ground. They soon found themselves to be somewhere totally different.
"Thanks." Zaphod said, exhaling deeply. Thor said it was no problem, and vanished with another loud BOOM of his hammer striking the ground. Jack couldn't help but be curious.
"What was the...favour...he owed you?" Jack inquired.
"Oh. Ah, you see...He was having difficulty operating certain, you know...regions...as well as he used to." Zaphod whispered.
It took a moment to click with Jack. "Oh. Those regions."
There was an awkward pause. "Yeah. Well, you can see how if that ever got out about a Norse God he would be the laughing stock of everyone in the galaxy. So, naturally, he went to me, since my virility is known (so far) to over 42,525 fine ladies of our galaxy (and counting). I helped him with his...problem. Speak of it to no-one." Zaphod told Jack.
"No need to worry there, I've already heard just a little too much on the subject" Jack quickly ended the topic. "Anyways, let's find out where the hell we are." They would soon find out, and would not like it one bit. You should never ask dim-witted Gods to take you "anywhere", as they were about to find out.