Mukai was too little to crawl.

The internet had said so. Not that Mob needed the internet to tell her so. Mukai was clearly not up to crawling at her age. She was only three months old and her main concern should have been figuring out how to hold up her own head. She was working on that now, actually. The internet said that putting babies down on their stomachs and letting them hang out like that was good for them. It was called tummy time. Mob read it on this blog that a mom wrote. She didn't know what she would have done without the internet.

It wasn't exactly like her mom was around to teach her these things.

Or her dad. He was still gone. He had left yesterday, been gone all day today, and it looked like he would have been gone all night again too. He was gone just like he used to be gone when she had been little…for weeks and weeks at a time. She didn't want him to be gone for weeks and weeks at a time again. She didn't want him to be gone at all. Even though she knew that when he got back he was not going to be happy with them. He hated messes and loud noises so, of course, he would not like Mukai at all.

Even though it was totally normal for a baby to make plenty of messes and to be very loud. She was only three months old and she didn't have any idea what she was doing. The only way she had of communicating with them was crying and screaming and she couldn't help it if she threw out a lot or moved around so much that her diapers leaked everywhere…so gross…but not her fault at all. No, dad would not have liked that at all. Mob didn't know what she was supposed to do about it, though, because that was just the way that babies were.

Maybe she was too young to have a baby.

All the moms on the internet were adults. She was only ten years old. She was trying her best, she really was, but sometimes she felt like her best was not good enough. Like how earlier she had let Sho hold Mukai and then he wouldn't give her back until she threw up on one of his sketchbooks. Or like how, before, it had taken almost an hour to get Mukai to sleep. Or like how now Mukai was struggling to crawl away and Mob knew, from the internet, that it was normal for someone her age to have trouble crawling and stuff…but she still wanted to help. Even though she had done everything the internet said from putting the baby on her stomach to putting her blanket outside where there was fresh air and nature she still felt like she was doing something wrong.

But at least Sho and Mukai were having fun.

"I think she's got it this time. Come on little sis! You can do it!" said Sho. Mukai was trying to crawl away, he could tell by the way she was moving her arms and legs, but she didn't quite have it yet. That didn't matter. She was trying and he believed in her.

"Don't shout, Sho, you're making her nervous and she'll never learn to crawl if she's nervous." Said Mob. Being nervous made everything harder. She knew. She was nervous and she didn't even know why. Her braids were trying to fly away and she had no idea why. Things were going well. She had this. She was doing everything right. She was being a good big sister. She was taking good care of the baby. She knew that she was…even though Mukai kept on throwing up…and even though she was running out of clean clothes…and even though Mob hadn't given her a bath yet because she had read that babies could drown in one inch of water, which was a lot of centimeters, and that had gotten her nervous. She cleaned the throw up and snot and drool and stuff off of Mukai with a wet rag like the internet said but that was no substitute for a bath. If she didn't give the baby a bath then she would get sick and then if she got sick there was no one around to heal her so she would die and then if she died Mob would be responsible for a baby being dead and then Mukai would never grow up and also-

"Hey, what're you freaking out about? You know that she can do it. She's not a moron or anything like that." Said Sho. She had given him this big freaked out lecture earlier about worrying about him losing control of his powers but there she was freaking out over nothing. Mukai was a smart baby, even if she did have some kind of stomach problem where she threw up on your stuff, and she would learn how to crawl. She was trying and that was what mattered.

"I'm just…worried I guess. That's all. Nothing you need to worry about." Said Mob. She was the big sister and she was the one in charge and she was the one who had to worry about Sho and the baby and if she was doing the right thing. She was the one who had to make sure that everyone was clean and fed and alive. Sho hadn't done any schoolwork and also he needed a bath. She would deal with that later. Mukai was going to get hungry again and Mob still hadn't made her any more bottles. She had to make enough to last them through the night so that she wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night and make them.

Being in charge was hard.

Being an adult was hard. She felt like an adult, sort of, or at least what she figured an adult felt like. Tired. No wonder mom had slept all the time back when she lived with them. It was hard being in charge of a little brother and a pretend baby sister. It was hard making sure that everything got done. It was hard thinking of everyone all the time. Also it was hard getting up in the middle of the night with a baby. She was so tired. She was more tired than she had been when she was little and she would stay up extra late on school nights hanging out with dad.

But it was ok, though, because she had everything under control and she was being a very good big sister. Dad trusted her and she was not going to betray his trust.

"What's there to worry about? She's happy and I'm happy and you're happy. Well you should be happy. Be happy right now!" said Sho. She had better not have still had some crazy ideas in her head about him losing control or something like that. He was not going to lose control over his powers or himself. Even if she was being very annoying. Even if she was always so annoying. He loved Mukai and he had to be better for her.

Even though it was hard.

He wanted to kick her for thinking that he was going to lose control. He just rolled over on his stomach and kicked the ground a few times. He would have to work hard, extra hard, the hardest he had ever worked at anything to be a good big brother for Mukai. For however long she planned on staying. Maybe even forever…though he doesn't know how to feel about that. Dad would be coming back and if dad adopted her then he would have more competition…but she was just a baby…but she wouldn't be a baby for her whole entire life. That would have been awful. He didn't know what he would have done if he had a nine year old's brain in a baby's body. He sort of wished that she did, though, because then she would have understood things like how she needed to be clean and quiet when dad was around or he would punish her…or how she was not supposed to upstage him around dad because dad only had so much niceness inside of himself and most of the niceness went to big sis already.

Also dad might decide that two girls equaled one boy and then he would decide that they would inherit the world and he wouldn't need Sho at all anymore…and that would have just been the very worst….

"I can't just be happy because you tell me to be happy…but I am happy. Mostly." Said Mob. She knew that this could have been a lot worse. Mukai could have been crying. She could have been crying and screaming so loud that Mob's ears rang and other people noticed…like Minegishi. They had been a big help and all but dad trusted Mob with this job and he would not have been happy to know that she'd needed help with the job that he gave her.

She had to make dad proud even if he wasn't around.

"Mostly? Come on, big sis. You're worried over nothing. You're even more worried now than you are when dad's around." Said Sho. It made no sense. He felt on edge a lot of the time when dad was around. Now he was totally gone. He could have been gone forever and this…this wasn't as bad as it should have been. Not as bad as it felt when he woke up and mom had been gone.

Well mom had loved him.

She had loved him in the real way. Dad didn't love anyone, he just cared about people listening to him and stuff, and that was why he liked big sis best. She was the most like him and she always did what she was told. He tried. He tried to make dad love him but…but it was hard. It was really hard. It was like there was this other Sho inside of him who wanted to do bad things. Bad being things that dad didn't like…which was just about everything. Dad was just…he was dad. He was gone too…

And maybe he was never coming back…

If he was gone forever, though, then who would take care of them? Would they still be able to boss the Awakened around and make them bring food and toys and pencils and stuff? Without dad around would they be ok? Sho didn't know. He didn't know if he would come back and if he didn't come back then…then he and big sis would be orphans…

He didn't want to be an orphan.

"Well it's just…I don't know if I'm doing a good job." Said Mob. She wished that she had paid more attention to mom and all of the things that she did. The internet told her what to do but there was no substitute for her own mother. It was like how she could watch origami tutorials all day on YouTube but dad only had to show her a couple times and she got it. She wished that mom had told her what to do…she had no idea if she was doing this right….

Mukai was smiling, though, so Mob must have been doing something right.

"What? Why?" asked Sho. Of course she was doing a good job. Well by mom standards. He didn't want another mom, especially not his big sister pretending to be his mom, but she was good at acting like a mom was supposed to act. She was always telling him to eat right and dress warm and take baths and do his school work and she bossed around Mukai too. She was always telling Mukai when she had to eat and sleep and stuff even though Mukai could figure out for herself what she needed to do and when she needed to do it. Being a baby didn't mean that she was dumb. She would tell them when she needed something.

She had never been shy about telling them when she needed something.

But she was being good now. She was on her stomach practicing holding her head up and whenever they looked at her she smiled. She was happy and that…that was the way to tell if big sis had been doing a good job. His best memories of mom weren't of the times she bossed him around or acted like she knew him better than he knew himself. His best memories of mom were the ones when they were happy together.

Being happy together was what mattered most.

"Because there's so much that you're supposed to do and I don't know if I'm doing all the things that I should be doing or even if I'm doing them right." Said Mob

"Well you've been extra bossy lately so, you know, you must be doing something right. Mom was bossy a lot but she took good care of us…and we were happy. I'm happy and Mukai is happy so that means that you're doing this right." Said Sho. He knew that he was not supposed to mention mom, dad would have been mad if he knew, but dad was gone and Fukuda was gone and the only other espers around would not have told on him so it was ok to talk about mom.

Well not ABOUT mom.

Not about how much he missed her. Not about how he sometimes stared up at the ceiling at night and thought about where she could have gone to or why she had left him. Not how sometimes he wanted to scream at her and kick her and tell her off for leaving them and how sometimes he wanted to throw himself down on the ground and beg her to come back and never leave again. That was not the sort of thing that they talked about.

And especially not in front of Mukai because she was an orphan and that would have hurt her little baby feelings and hurting a baby's feelings was worse than hurting a kid's feelings because babies were little and small and couldn't even fight back.

"You mentioned mom." Said Mob. She felt around with her aura. The only espers that were near were Minegishi and the others. She relaxed a little bit. Minegishi was not a tattletale and she knew that they wouldn't let the others tell on her. Maybe that was a good thing about dad being back. They could talk about mom.

At least a little bit.

Not in the way that she wanted to talk about mom, of course. Not about how much it hurt that she was gone. Not about how much it hurt that Mob was mad that she was gone. Not about how Mob wondered, sometimes, what had happened to her. Not about how first she was gone and now dad was gone…but at least dad had a good reason to be gone. He was on a mission. He had taken Fukuda so that meant that not only was he on a mission but a dangerous one. That meant that if he never came back then…then it would not be her and Sho's fault. Then it would not have meant that dad never wanted to see her and Sho again.

"I know. Are you going to tell on me?" asked Sho. Dad was gone but he could always come back. Then she could tell on him and then dad would be mad at him and he would love her more…but she was not like that. She wasn't like that and he didn't know where he had gotten the idea that she was…because she had never told on him before…so she wouldn't tell on him now. Dad just sort of knew when he was bad.

"No. Of course not. Even if dad were here I wouldn't tell him. You know that the last thing I want is for dad to punish you." Said Mob

"Well I was just making sure. I mean…that's one of his big rules and you are his favorite kid after all." said Sho

"Don't." said Mob. She was not dad's favorite…not really. If she was dad's favorite then he wouldn't have just left her all alone with Sho and a baby. Well she had her friends to help her but…but he had been the one to hand her baby Mukai and he had said that he was hers…which didn't seem like something that you did to your favorite kid…even though dad spent the most time with her. Maybe neither of them was the favorite.

"Don't what?" asked Sho

"Say that I'm the favorite. I don't want to be the favorite. I wish that dad loved you as much as he loved me. Even more, actually. Dad's love….it can be a lot." Said Mob

"What? Watching TV and talking about kendo or whatever is too much for you?" asked Sho. She didn't know the things he knew and she had not seen the things that he had seen. She only knew the 'fun' parts of dad. She only knew that boring things he wanted to watch on TV and the boring games that he wanted to play. She only knew the boring work that dad did, too. The stuff where you told people what to do and typed stuff up and ran messages from one department to another. She didn't know what really happened, the bad things, the things that happened to people who did bad things. She didn't know just how much went into learning how to run Claw and how to eventually run the world.

"No, it's not that. It's more like…it's more like how he can be so…bossy. I guess that would be the word for it. Bossy." Said Mob

"You're seriously complaining about dad being bossy?" said Sho

"Yes. You complain about him being bossy all the time so I know that you won't tell on me." Said Mob

"You're right, I won't tell on you, but that's just a weird thing for you to complain about considering how bossy you are." Said Sho

"I'm not bossy…when I don't have to be. I'm not as bossy as dad. He's bossy all the time." Said Mob

"You seriously think that you're less bossy than dad?" asked Sho

"Yes. I'm bossy when I need you to do something for your own good. Dad is bossy when he needs someone to do something for his own good…if that makes any sense. He just…he has this idea of who I'm supposed to be and who you're supposed to be and it's just…kind of a lot. You know?" asked Mob

"Well, yeah, of course I do. It's hard knowing that when you grow up you have to rule the whole world. You're lucky. You just help dad out with some stuff here and there and then when you grow up you won't have to do anything at all. I have to run the whole world when I grow up." Said Sho. She always had it easy. Not only was she dad's favorite but also didn't have to grow up to be the ruler of the world. Parts of it sounded fun, like being able to tell everyone what to do all the time and stuff, but there was a lot of work to it too. Even just running Claw day to day was somehow both exhausting and boring at the same time. He would have to do it, though, because unless dad had another boy…he hoped that dad wouldn't….he would be the one to inherit the world.

"I still have to do things. Dad said that I'll never leave his side, that I'm not allowed to, and helping dad with what I help him with is hard. It's a lot of things to remember and people to remember and…and you don't have to do the things that I will. Even when you grow up you'll be able to be dad and have people do things for you but I'm just going to grow up to be me. When I grow up I'll just end up doing all of the same stuff that I'm doing now but I'll also have kids…my own kids. Taking care of kids and babies is…it's hard. It's hard and I don't know how I could do that and also help run the world." Said Mob. Mukai had rolled over onto her back now. She was still smiling. Mob loved her little smiles. She loved her laughs. She loved it best when she was asleep, though, because Mob was just so…tired. They'd had this baby for two days now and she was already so tired….no wonder mom had slept so much back when she had been around.

"I don't want to be dad…though. I want to be me." Said Sho. It wasn't fair. Other kids got to grow up to be whoever they wanted to be. When he was little people would ask him all the time what he wanted to be when he grew up. He used to always say that he wanted to be like dad. Sometimes like mom but mostly like dad. Now he knew better. If he had it his way then he would grow up to be like himself.

But of course he did not have it his way.

"Me too…but I don't think that it works like that. I mean…I mean I don't know how I works but I don't think that it works like that." Said Mob. Mukai had rolled back onto her stomach now. She was flailing around trying to get back onto her back. Mob reached over to help her. She moved Mukai back onto her back like she wanted to be.

But now she was acting like she wanted to be on her stomach.

She was supposed to be on her stomach. The internet said that letting her play while she laid on her stomach was very good for her. Sometimes people didn't always want the things that were good for them, though, and it was hard finding a balance between giving people what they needed and what they wanted. Baby Mukai needs to learn how to hold her own head up, she sort of could but she wasn't there yet, and Mob had to be the one to help her learn even if she wanted to be on her back….and she couldn't even seem to decide if she wanted to be on her back or her stomach.

Was that being bossy?

Dad was bossy. Sho was always saying how bossy she was but dad was the king of being bossy. Probably because he was going to be king of the whole world soon. To be king of the world you had to be bossy. Well her dad may have been a king but she was not a princess…even if she was wearing her Cinderella dress that day. She wasn't a princess because she did not ever want to boss people around. She could help people, make sure that they were doing things that were good for them, but she was not going to be bossy like dad was. Dad wanted things the way he wanted them and he only let people be the way that he wanted them to be. Mob didn't care how people were just so long as they were safe and happy.

She wasn't as bossy as Sho said.

But she knew that there was no changing his mind. He thought that she was bossy, and sometimes she had to be because he had to change his clothes and take baths and eat from all of the food groups, but she wasn't bossy like dad was. She didn't care if he liked animals or wanted to draw pictures all day and stuff like that. She just wanted him to be happy and she saw nothing wrong with that. Why wouldn't she want her little brother to be happy? She loved him more than anything.

Well actually it was a tie now.

She loved Mukai a lot. Baby Mukai wasn't her for real little sister because she hadn't come from mom and dad. That didn't mean that Mob loved her less than Sho. She had just met baby Mukai yesterday but she already couldn't imagine what life would be like without her. The good parts and the bad. The parts where she rolled around and played and smiled and also the parts where she was up all night crying and threw up everywhere and also she went through diapers so fast….but that was ok because she was a baby and Mob had to take care of her. To think that just the other day she had been normal, totally normal, and now she had a baby to look after…

She loved Mukai as much as she loved Sho…and she hoped that Mukai didn't grow up to think that she was bossy…like Sho did….

"I don't know either." Said Sho. Big sis was being bossy again. She kept on trying to put Mukai on her stomach even though she wanted to be on her back. Sho hoped that when Mukai went to her new family, if she ever went to her new family, that she didn't have anyone to boss her around. He hoped that she ended up being the big sister even though he had no idea how she could ever be bigger than anyone. He hoped that she grew up to be whoever she wanted to be and not who other people told her to be.

He hoped that she grew up to be happy.

And he hoped that she didn't end up being mad at everything like he was. He wasn't mad at her but he still felt this…kind of low level anger…towards big sis. Kind of like how if you ate four churros in a row your stomach was upset a little bit but not enough to throw up unless you spend more than six turns in the spinning teacups. He felt close to being mad…but he wasn't. Even though big sis was bossing around little sis like she always bossed him around…and even though she didn't realize how easy she had it.

She really did have it easy.

Sure she was the one who did all the diaper changes and a lot of the other baby stuff but she at least liked it. He liked parts of what dad did, mostly bossing people around and watching the fights that dad got into, but he didn't like everything that dad did. What happened to the Awakened…that bothered him…and also how weird people could be with dad…and also the traveling all over the world all the time was a lot, too. It was all just…a lot.

Things got harder the older you got.

He wished, for a moment, that he could go back to being Mukai's age. She didn't have to worry about anything at all. She only had to do things like learn how to sit up and walk and talk and crawl and things like that. She didn't have to worry about letting anyone down or making anyone mad. She didn't have to worry about someone liking her better and replacing her. She didn't have to worry about anything at all. He and big sis did all of the worrying for her.

Things must have been a lot easier being her age.

When you were a baby then nobody expected anything of you. Nobody ever looked at you and thought that there was something wrong. Sure you could be annoying when you were a baby, all the crying and throwing up and stuff like that, but you were just a baby. That was good….just being allowed to be what you were. Not being forced to be what you were supposed to be. Babies…they were so lucky. They got to be who they were and nobody ever told you that you were wrong for what you were…and also you didn't have to worry about anyone other than yourself…and he did worry about baby Mukai…because she was so little but she wouldn't be little forever. One day she would be a kid and then someone might treat her the way that dad treated him…and even though he knew that there was nothing at all that he could do about what happened to baby Mukai or who ended up taking care of her or…or what life would be liked for her…

He was the older brother now…at least for now…and at least for pretend.

Being older was hard. He had never been the older brother before…and now he was…and it was a lot. Even when he felt like he was ok, when he could breathe for a moment, his mind still went back to dad. Where he was, when he would be back, what he would do when he came back…and he didn't know why. He didn't know why he felt the way he did and he wanted to stop feeling that way. He wanted to just be able to…just stop worrying about things. About himself and dad and the past and the future and all of it.

He wished he could be more like Mukai…even though she couldn't even crawl yet.