Memory's Moon: The Long Way Home
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Just as it had been so many years ago, the shine grounds were open to him; open, empty, waiting, frozen in a moment of preserved time as the rest of the world changed. Just as the time of youkai had passed, so had the time of human magic; at least, out of all the human countries who had so strenuously stamped out anything they could not explain in terms of science, Japan's shrine traditions still survived. Shinta had been a shining example of such a pass; a rootless onmyouji, he had mostly earned his way doing exorcisms and various odd jobs, yet the Higurashi had accepted him, because magic had become so rare.
In any case…
The humans, including the girl-child, were all still asleep- the girl seemed to be in no trouble- so it was safe to stroll around. His nose wrinkled slightly as he caught his own scent; a recent one, but not as recent as when he had come to see the girl-child last. And old, old in its fashion; the smell of ancient times, the smell of stopped time, sluggishly set in motion. His visit the night before had been quite timely, then; neither too early, nor too late. Time was a mysterious thing indeed, never a single beat out of place, even with the miko's time-twisting magic.
Sakura… the smell of pale sweet spring… the smell of Shinta's memories.
His hand clenched so tightly that the smell of blood bit into his nostrils, sharp and steely.
Shinta, he told himself firmly, is dead.
Memory danced before his eyes, hazy with the fog of years, fading in and out with disjointed clarity. Yet he still remembered their conversation that day, when he had planted the seeds of death in her mind… when he had told her of her father's final legacy. Not in so many words, of course; Shinta would have hated him beyond the grave, friend or no, if the youkai had come right out and said something to the effect of 'here, your father wants you to sacrifice yourself for the good of your allies- oh, did I mention he's now a cursed sword that will erase your memories and quite possibly kill you from despair in the process?' because that really wasn't the human's intention at all. Shinta wanted his young daughter to be happy. It was just that Sesshoumaru held the opinion that the quickest route to the girl-child's 'happiness' was for her to forget everything, and stay as far away from him -them!- as possible.
The thought pricked him, as it had pricked him before, a needle that jabbed him time and again, bleeding him bit by bit, a tiny wound that never stayed closed, never healed.
Kagome, a tiny voice finally whispered in his mind, Kagome is dead, too.
Yes. That was it. He shook the pooled blood from his hand with a short, curt gesture, like a swordsman flicking his blade clean of gore, as if he would sweep the regret, the hopelessness, from his very bones.
Yes. The girl-child was dead to him.
He went to the holy tree, pressed his still-bloodied palm with its four bitten crescent moons into the cool, slightly rough bark, and felt something in it reach out, touch the bitterness, take it away in a wash of stinging moisture lingering around his lashes. The smear of blood remained, a clear reminder to Higurashi's woman that he, Sesshoumaru, had not forgotten their unfinished business with her dead mate's wishes-
-dead. Both of them. All of them. Dead.
He turned and leapt skywards, trying to outrun the surge of desperate despair that rose up, dark and overwhelmingly familiar.
But how do you outrun something that you carry with you? that tiny voice breathed, almost sadly. He gritted his teeth until a fang sharply snapped - the bit of bone rattled in the cage of his jaws, blood spurting from the abused stump, the front of his mouth afire with searing, twisting, sweet distracting agony as he ground down fiercely on his own exposed wound.
Shinta is dead.
Kagome is dead.
Father is dead.
And then, almost savagely, he thought, but I am alive.
----
Once upon a time, there was a flickering fire, a sleeping hanyou, a sleeping kitsune and two sleeping humans.
Once upon a time, a youkai lord had stilled by an ancient tree and gazed at a tiny human miko sitting by the banks of a stream, far away from any of her companions.
Once upon a time, he had come to stand beside her curled-up form, and she had smiled up at him, an ancient, dusty, worn-away smile almost scintillating in its bittersweet brilliance.
Once upon a time, he had almost returned the rare smile, but instead he had told her a story.
"Over the mountains is a sword."
"A sword? Why a sword? I can't use a sword."
"It matters not."
"…if you say so, Sesshoumaru-sama. So what about the sword?"
"It is a legendary blade."
"We have more 'legendary blades' than we know what to do with…"
"Toukijin is not a 'legendary blade'."
"… okay, never mind. What about this blade?"
"It is said to be able to grant any wish… for a price."
"Like the Shikon no Tama? Is Naraku after it, too? If it grants wishes, then…"
"Even Naraku would hesitate to pay this price. But you might be able to."
"…what price…?"
"Your memory. The memories of everything you cherished…"
"For Naraku… no… for Onigumo, that would be… Kikyou?"
"I do not know. I cannot say."
"I…"
"Your memories against the future of the people you desire to protect, Higurashi."
"I… don't have the shards anymore. Is that why you…"
"No."
And once upon a time, he had turned away from her, the deed done, and disappeared into the moon-dappled forest, distant from the world, distant from her angry, silent tears, thinking, so this is Higurashi's daughter.
----
Had she just seen… or was that a moon-shadow…
She pressed her hands against the glass, straining her eyes to be absolutely certain that her sleepy eyes weren't playing tricks on her. But no- the pale vision remained, a graceful gliding ghost, moving peacefully over the pristine moonlit grounds as if winter's touch still lingered, though the seasons had changed.
Whatever it was… it wasn't human. She was strangely sure of it, so sure that her bones hummed with the certainty of it. But on the other hand, it didn't seem like a vengeful spirit either…
Coming to a decision, she abandoned the glass of water she had been nursing and, as quietly as she could, padded over to the main door. The pale being was still outside; she felt it move like warm wind brushing across her thoughts, steady but distinctly… odd. It was the sort of feeling she got off some people; those kind people who ran the candy store, for instance, or, every so often, in the crowd of Tokyo's daily pilgrimages toward work.
Magic, huh… why not? Even if Mama wasn't telling her anything, Souta had told her something of what she had apparently forgotten. That she had once saved him from a possessed Noh mask… although his version of the story seemed fantastic and awfully edited for some reason, something in her had uncurled at the halting narrative, like a sleeping seed waiting for the first touch of spring, and it had finally come.
Magic. The person was magic. Maybe it could tell her what her dreams meant…
She slid the door open.
Cold night wind bit at her face, tangling petals in her hair as she reflexively flinched backwards, and when she opened her eyes again, the courtyard was empty.
But a dark smear, glistening fresh and black in the cool light of the distant moon, lay imprinted on the Goshinboku's flawless trunk.
No ghost this.
It was real.
Magic was real.
"Damn it, COME BACK!" she yelled after the retreating sense of the being, and, stuffing her feet into her shoes by the door, ran after it, ran as she never remembered running before, passing through twilight streets as she blindly tracked the burning, distant presence that was so alien, she might have been chasing the moon itself.
She'd made the mistake once- even if she didn't remember it anymore, which was the whole problem- whatever the reason was, she wasn't going to make the same mistake again. Even if she killed something in the process. Probably herself.
----
Even as distracted as he was, he felt her shift and trail him like ripples in his wake, somehow alerted to the sense of his passing.
Higurashi had spoken truly- his child was so much more than her former soul ever was. Not that the human had ever said how he knew; even Higurashi himself didn't know how he knew. Just a feeling, he called it.
But in this case… it was annoying. And Sesshoumaru did not entertain annoyances. He put them to work, usually- Jaken had been such a useful annoyance... But if the girl-child realized what had been taken from her…
No.
He paused on a roof, turning back smoothly to face her presence, as befitted one who had been his charge for so long.
Is this what you wanted… Shinta?
His claws, released from the disguise-spell, flexed, once, involuntarily.
Is this what you wanted me to do?
Ending it for her, for him… for both of them.
Taking her memories but not her pain…
…charging me with her destiny…
…was it a sign that you wanted her to return to… this?
-No.
This red cord you bound on us, I'll break it myself-
"Sesshoumaru-sama."
Suddenly there was nothing in his line of sight but a raised mirror, reflecting not himself but a dark, endless void, and beyond the void-
-cerulean blue eyes…
----
A/N: Hehe, another cliffie. Of sorts, anyway. Sorry for the wait, but I'm just coming into my exam period which- as it does every year- coincides with my birthday. (gloom) Can't wait until I graduate, then I'll never have to study on my birthday again!
Try and spot all the symbols in this chapter- they're your hints for what will probably be the next chapter. And thanks to everyone who reviewed- even if it was to say you liked it and to please update. (BTW… where did all my regulars go off to?)
This story- quite possibly the fastest multi-chapter completely self-contained story and the ONLY one remotely approaching completion in my history of writing- will soon be coming to an end. And here's to hoping it'll be good and I'll pull through for you guys. HOWEVER, I will only be putting that final chapter out after my last exam- which is on the 7th of November. So now you know when to expect my last instalment. Although I might squeeze in one more chapter before then, to neaten up a few loose ends in preparation for my final grand flourish. Hahaha, you'll just have to keep waiting I guess. Sorry.
Side Note (21.10.05): Proofread, saw several glaring errors, fixed them. Enjoy