Wasuremono: The Things We Leave Behind
Author's note: Thanks to everyone who left reviews for the first two chapters! Many people have wondered about what Zoro and Robin are doing - well, that's my secret for now, but all will be revealed in time. Don't worry, it's nothing ecchi... or is it? Mwa ha ha!
Chapter 3: Swiss, a Cheesy Encounter.
"USOPP - FLYING - WIZARD - TSUNAMI - BEEEEEEEAM!!"
A stream of pressurized water sprayed forth from the mysterious masked man's gauntlet. The audience of children oohed as the attacking monster was doused by the attack. Growling, it backed off slightly, bumping into a tall building and knocking it over.
"Get 'im, Ranger Usopp!" one little boy yelled, jumping up in excitement. The ranger turned to the audience and flexed his muscles in a victory pose. Looking like nothing so much as a bright red insect in his carefully carved wooden exoskeleton, the illusion was completed by the feeding-tube-like proboscis sticking out of his helmet, quivering in pride, the only part of his skin visible.
Unfortunately, his confidence was a little premature. The hulking beast-man Meka-Choppadon recovered and reared up on his hairy legs, bellowing in rage as he advanced upon Ranger Usopp. A few of the children shrieked.
"It's just a costume." soothed the monster of one distraught toddler. "Although it's a very good one, isn't it? You can't even see the zipper. He's scary, isn't he?"
"Yeah, that monster's cool!" the toddler's worldly older sister proclaimed. "He's so much better than the stupid ones from the shows in town."
"RRRRGH!" growled Meka-Choppadon, turning to the audience and smiling broadly. "How dare you attempt to win the mighty emperor of the Cherry Nebula over with your words of faint praise!" He began to shuffle his feet and clap with joy. "I'll eat you all up!"
"Curses!" Ranger Usopp said, flinging himself to the wooden stage in despair. "Meka-Choppadon is too strong for me to defeat alone! If only my trusted partner, Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan were here to team up with me!" There was a long pause. Meka-Choppadon, advancing threateningly, got dangerously close to the prone Ranger Usopp, and had to start taking tiny baby steps to avoid actually reaching him. Finally there was movement in the wings.
"Lovely Star Valkyrie, um, Ranger Mikan is here!" came a woman's voice as the ranger in question shuffled onto stage embarrassedly in a costume much like Ranger Usopp's but painted a glossy orange.
"WHOA!" a pirate in the back row called. His friends whistled and catcalled at the form-fitting armor hugging Nami's figure. She was glad nobody could see the blush under her helmet.
"Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan! Use your mighty Typhoon Dynamite Magna-Shock!" Ranger Usopp shrieked. "I'll blast him with my Flaming Photon Bean-Shooter and the opposing energies will send him into the X-Realm forever!"
"Okay, let's just get this over with." the new arrival hissed under her breath. "Tycoon Dynamo Magma-Shock!"
"That's not right!" Ranger Usopp said, completely forgetting to say his own attack as two bursts of confetti popped out of the suits' gauntlets, drifting down over Meka-Choppadon, who grunted horribly and flung himself off the side of the stage.
"Oh no! The X-Realm!" he shouted from inside a hedge. "Curse you, Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers! You've defeated me!"
The audience of children clapped as the curtain came down, even if it did catch on their hero's nose and knock him to the floor. He gave a quick thumbs up to show he was unhurt before vanishing from sight.
"AAARGH!" Nami ripped the helmet off her head, revealing a face flushed pink. "These suits are horrible! How do you STAND it?" She ran her fingers through sweat-sodden orange locks.
"It's not so bad." Usopp said, wringing out his own soaked hair. "Maybe I should put some air vents in, though. Hey, great job, Chopper!"
"Thanks, I was kind of nervous." the little reindeer said, shedding the cardboard accouterments of his costume. "There were a lot more people this time."
"It's nice to know that Luffy's doing a good job drumming up publicity." Nami said. "I guess a lot of people were ready to get out of Tortugan for some fun. I just hope he doesn't get us involved in any battles."
"It's not likely. Tortuga is pretty quiet and boring, and even if he did start something, he could take care of himself, and it wouldn't come out this far. This part of Torona Island is technically outside the borders of the country of Tortuga - Sherry told me that back when she was sailing the seas, she and her pirates were so debauched that Tortuga abandoned the land around her hideout rather than contain such immorality. Officially, this part of the island doesn't even exist."
"That's crazy! Are they really that puritanical?" Nami paused. "I didn't realize that - and I sent him out to attract attention! What if they send word to the Marines we're here?"
"I doubt it. They hate the world government even more than they hate pirates. Besides, I had a talk with him about not starting trouble. I think even HE got the message."
XXXXXX
"STOP, CRIMINAL!!"
"Where is he?"
"He just... bounced... out of the street, up into the sky!"
"Witchcraft!"
The city guards, resplendent in their highly impractical skintight blue-and-gold finery, charged up and down the back alleys in fruitless pursuit of their quarry. Luffy, squatting on the sill of a second story window, looked down in dismay.
"Crap, and I promised not to start trouble. I probably shouldn't have hit that guy. But he deserved it! What kind of town has a crazy law like that?"
"Um, Mister?" a young, quavering voice inquired. "What are you doing in our window?" Luffy turned to see two children dressed in the same traditional Tortugan gray smocks he'd seen all over town.
"Hi!" the pirate captain grinned. He peeled a sheet of paper from the stack he carried and handed it to them. "Next time you're free, why not come and see the amusement park?"
The children studied the poster. "Father always told us that was a wicked place." the eldest, a girl, said skeptically.
"What? He did? He must be an idiot or something." Luffy dug around in his pockets. "What did Nami say.. oh yeah, this is a 'special premonitional offer'." He handed the children each a pink ticket bearing the words "Good for One Free Reindeer Ride."
"ATTENTION, MISCREANT!" A voice boomed from the street. "You are in violation of City Code 121: Showing bare arms in public! City code 388: Dangerous conduct in the streets! And city code 72: Attempting to solicit a prohibited substance from a vendor!"
"WHO THE HELL MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO EAT MEAT?" Luffy yelled, leaning out the window. "That's the dumbest law I've ever heard of!"
"What the-- there he is!" an officer in the street below gasped as his head jerked up. "Sergeant, he's over here!"
"Uh-oh!" Luffy stretched one arm out the window and up to the roof. "Ha ha, I should get going! Remember to come visit!" The arm pulled his body after it, and in a moment, he was gone, with only the sound of their chimney being knocked over to prove to the children that it hadn't been a hallucination.
"Well..." the eldest said to her younger brother as they carefully perused the flyer listing the park's attractions. "... perhaps it wouldn't hurt for us to go and take a look..."
XXXXXX
"I'm not putting this helmet back on!" Nami snapped.
"What if some kid saw you with your helmet off?" Usopp complained. "It would ruin the realism if they saw your face!"
"It WOULD be embarrassing if people knew it was me parading around in this thing." Nami reconsidered. "Okay, I'm putting it back on, but just long enough for us to go find some shade and cool drinks."
The three actors, two of them clacking woodenly, stepped off the side of the stage. Usopp needn't have worried - most of the crowd had quickly dispersed after the show had ended. The few who remained were either in the process of gathering their belongings, or lounging comfortably on the grass.
The only person they saw who didn't look happy was a girl of about seven or eight, who was searching for something with a look of increasing desperation on her face. She blinked back tears as she cast about futilely.
Usopp approached her. "What's wrong?" he asked tenderly.
"M-my doll - Icca-chan." the girl sniffled. "I put her down right here to watch the show, and she's gone!"
"Ah! This sounds like a job for Ranger Usopp and his assistants! What's your name, little girl?"
"It's Moli. Will you really help me?"
"It's our mission to help those in need! I'm sure Icca-chan just felt overheated and went off looking for something to cool her down. Do you have an article of clothing from the missing person?"
"Well, I have her hat." Moli held up a tiny, tattered patchwork cap.
"Perfect! Chopper, take a whiff of this and see if you can get the scent!"
"I'm not a bloodhound, but I'll do my best." Chopper stepped forward and took the hat, inhaling a deep whiff of it. Moli shrank away from the little reindeer. "Th- the monster..." she gasped.
"Oh, don't worry. Mecha-Choppadon has reformed after his defeat in battle. He's my apprentice now." Usopp reassured the girl. "As part of his training, I'll have him track down Icca-chan!"
"I thought we were going to get OUT of these damn suits..." Nami grumbled under her breath, though she couldn't help but smile in the concealment of her helmet. "Usopp's really going overboard with this," she thought, "but it's so sweet of him..." And she didn't hesitate to follow the others as Chopper picked his way uncertainly across the park, following the faint scent of old and well-loved cloth and stuffing.
XXXXXX
" ...atmeatmeatmeatMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEAT--"
Luffy would have simply body-slammed down onto the platter of beef sandwiches face first if Sanji hadn't stuck one foot out, with practiced grace, and caught the charging captain before he could reach the table. He used Luffy's own momentum to loft him easily over the table entirely, sending him crashing into the underbrush.
"This meat is for everybody who worked hard today, especially Nami-san and Robin-chan. We don't need your faceprints in it." "I worked hard! I was in town all day and ran all the way back here! Anyway, why do we have to wait for Nami, when she's not even here?" Luffy picked himself up, gesturing at the folding table where the four members of the Going Merry crew not involved in the "Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers" show had gathered for dinner.
"I'm sure she'll be along any minute. Robin-chan, you may start, if you wish," Sanji purred.
"Thank you." Robin reached for a sandwich, as did Zoro, while Luffy scooped up seven of them.
"Did I say you could start?" Sanji grunted at the swordsman. "This dinner's for people who've been helping with Nami-san's money making exercise. You haven't done a thing."
"What you do is you business." Zoro said. "I never said I would help. I was with Robin all day. I don't see you withholding food from HER."
"Robin-chan was helping!" Sanji snarled, unpleasantly reminded that while he'd been preparing popcorn and meat buns, Robin and that stupid swordsman had been off somewhere else, doing unknown things, and who knows what horrors the brute was perpetuating without his watchful eye around? "Unlike you, she can handle more than one thought at a time. It so happens that, while she was off humoring you at whatever you've been boring her with, she was also making the park's haunted house a big success!" Sanji could still see in his mind's curly-browed eye those children running out of the shack, screaming about disembodied hands and severed heads that talked. Even dismembered, Robin was so beautiful.
"Umph, thmph sandwhmph are fo gmph!" Luffy said delightedly, his cheek's bulging like a hamster's, oblivious to his crewmates shooting dagger glares at one another. "Fo gmph! Fo gmph!"
"Only for your workers? That's a shame. I was hoping I could have some." a cheerful voice called from across the clearing. Luffy looked up in interest at this new arrival, as did the others, but the most reaction came from Sanji, whose eye practically had a heart attack at the vision in black that stood before him.
She was tall and voluptuous - statuesque - and dressed from head to toe in clothes as different in style and fashion as they were similar in color. From her floppy broad-brimmed hat to her leather bustier to her cutoff jodhpurs, there wasn't a thing she was wearing that matched any other part of her outfit. Yet it all hung together, somehow, with every inch of her bizarre costume the same inky color as her hair and lipstick, and all of it decorated with great gobs of jet black feathers.
Sanji couldn't get her over to the table fast enough. "By all means! Sit! Eat!"
"Hypocrite." Zoro snorted. The newcomer chuckled, and reached over for a beef sandwich, which she devoured in two bites.
"It's pretty good, I guess." she said, smiling. "Mind if I have another one?"
"No! No! I made it especially for you! By the way, may I ask who you are?"
"My name is Swiss." the woman said around her second and third sandwiches. "I'm here with some friends. I guess I've seen you guys around the park before, now that I think of it. You're the one who was selling cotton candy, right?"
"You should have come and said hello then, Swiss-chan, I would have given you some for free!!"
"I guess I'll have to remember that for next time." Swiss swallowed the last of her fifth sandwich and turned to Nico Robin. "And you've been working in the House of Horrors, right? Great acting. You look different without the fake blood."
Robin's eyes opened the slightest bit more widely in surprise. "FAKE blood?"
"... Wow, you're that creepy in real life too, huh? You're gonna make me lose my appetite." Swiss pushed aside the empty platter. "Got any more of these sandwiches?"
"I have plenty!" Sanji puffed smoke hearts in satisfaction. "I'm so glad you like them. So, you've met me, Sanji the Love Cook, and Nico Robin, our beautiful archaeologist. This guy stuffing his face like a pig is Luffy, our captain, and the marimo over there is Zoro." He slid up to her with another tray of sandwiches. "I'm the one to come to if you need anything."
"Captain?" Swiss asked. "So you're seafarers, huh?"
"We're pirates." Luffy said. "Hey, you're cool! You can eat as much as me!"
"I missed breakfast this morning." Swiss explained, engulfing her twentieth sandwich. "So I'm a little hungry. You're really pirates?" She leaned forward excitedly, her onyx earrings jangling. "I've always wanted to meet some. I guess you could say I'm an enthusiast. You know about this 'Sherry of 1000 Tales'?"
"We know all about her. She's a weird old lady." Luffy said, as if that were the beginning and end of the story.
"Oi! Luffy! Save some for us!" Usopp's voice called. Luffy looked up to see Chopper and the two figures in painted battle armor approaching, little girl in tow, and jumped up excitedly.
"Wow! I remember seeing you guys in the show yesterday!" he said happily. "You're awesome! I'd like you to join my crew!"
"Um..." Usopp paused. "Um, Luffy, it's US!"
"I know! I saw you in the show! Do you play any musical instruments?"
"IT'S US, YOU IDIOT!" Nami cried, taking off her helmet and smacking Luffy's head with it.
"Hey, Chopper, are you sure you were following the right trail?"
"I did the best I could!" Chopper said defensively. "The trail leads somewhere around here, but something's getting in the way."
"Can't you find her?" Moli asked plaintively. "She isn't lost for good, is she?"
"We'll definitely find her! Don't worry!" Usopp reassured her. "We'll just have to keep looking. First we'll have a lunch break, though. We rangers need to keep our strength up--"
"Nami! Others!" Sanji crooned. "You must meet our lovely guest. This is Swiss, a charming local girl."
Nami almost did a double take when she got her first good look at her 'rival' for Sanji's attentions. "A ... local girl, is it?" she said sweetly, taking Swiss's proffered hand and giving it a friendly shake. "That's very interesting. Because there were some pirates at the show today, and I noticed that every one of them was wearing his Jolly Roger very prominently. A Jolly Roger with a hat and earrings JUST LIKE YOURS."
There was a moment of total silence. Then Luffy spoke up. "Wow, you're a real fan of the pirates! You even dress to look like their Jolly Roger!"
Swiss snorted back laughter. "No, no, I guess your friend here found me out. Yes, I'm captain of the Magpie Pirates." She polished off one last sandwich and stood up. "I don't know how you guys handle this kind of thing, but we can fight if you want."
"It's not necessary! We love meeting new pirates, especially ones like you!" Sanji cooed. He pulled a bouquet of flowers out of some emergency pocket. "I hope we can get to know each other more closely. We could even start a pirates exchange program. You could ride on our ship a while - and your crew could borrow our swordsman. He's good in battle, and otherwise is suitable as an anchor."
"I don't care about realism, I've got to get out of this horrible thing!" Nami said in irritation, unbuckling her upper body armor. "Usopp, you'd better put in that ventilation before the next show."
"LET ME HELP YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, NAMI!" Sanji whirled around. His face fell. "Ohhh... you've got your regular clothes on underneath..."
"I guess I probably ought to get going." Swiss said cheerfully. "Maybe we'll meet on the seas someday! In the meantime, thanks again for lunch. It was delicious." She meandered over to the trees, turning back briefly to flash them a wicked grin.
"Oh, and thanks for this stuff too." she said, holding up a Log Pose and a bracelet. "It'll be nice in my collection."
Nami's hand went to her wrist and once. "Shit!" she swore, feeling bare skin. "How - I didn't even feel you--"
"I wouldn't expect you to. Snatching up things when no one is looking is easy for me." Swiss clenched her fist around her stolen goods, then opened it again to show an empty palm. "I guess you might say it's a gift I have."
"But it's not possible--" Nami began.
"I thought so." Nico Robin said. "They say there's a frission we get when one of us meets another. And no normal human could match the captain in eating..."
"Kyee hee hee!" Swiss giggled. "You guessed it! I've tasted the Demon's Fruit, just as you have. Mine was called the Ana-Ana Fruit...." She smiled broadly, holding up her hand to show the small hole forming in it. "I'm a mass of pits and tunnels. Once I hide something, it stays hidden!" Holes opened along the length of her body, big ones and small, some passing straight through while others seemed to lead into the dark recesses of her innards. One particularly massive one opened in her stomach, giving her the look of someone who'd been given the traditional punishment of being strapped to a cannon.
"Swiss 'the Black Hole', at your service." she smiled, licking a stray shred of meat from her teeth.
That's the end of Chapter 3! Please favor me with a comment! Next time: What does Swiss want with 'The Magical Ocean of Adventure'? For that matter, what's her crew's interest in the Straw-Hat Pirates, and what are the mysterious "six treasures" they're after? Meet the officers of the Magpie Pirates, in Chapter 4 of "Wasuremono"!
Author's note: Thanks to everyone who left reviews for the first two chapters! Many people have wondered about what Zoro and Robin are doing - well, that's my secret for now, but all will be revealed in time. Don't worry, it's nothing ecchi... or is it? Mwa ha ha!
Chapter 3: Swiss, a Cheesy Encounter.
"USOPP - FLYING - WIZARD - TSUNAMI - BEEEEEEEAM!!"
A stream of pressurized water sprayed forth from the mysterious masked man's gauntlet. The audience of children oohed as the attacking monster was doused by the attack. Growling, it backed off slightly, bumping into a tall building and knocking it over.
"Get 'im, Ranger Usopp!" one little boy yelled, jumping up in excitement. The ranger turned to the audience and flexed his muscles in a victory pose. Looking like nothing so much as a bright red insect in his carefully carved wooden exoskeleton, the illusion was completed by the feeding-tube-like proboscis sticking out of his helmet, quivering in pride, the only part of his skin visible.
Unfortunately, his confidence was a little premature. The hulking beast-man Meka-Choppadon recovered and reared up on his hairy legs, bellowing in rage as he advanced upon Ranger Usopp. A few of the children shrieked.
"It's just a costume." soothed the monster of one distraught toddler. "Although it's a very good one, isn't it? You can't even see the zipper. He's scary, isn't he?"
"Yeah, that monster's cool!" the toddler's worldly older sister proclaimed. "He's so much better than the stupid ones from the shows in town."
"RRRRGH!" growled Meka-Choppadon, turning to the audience and smiling broadly. "How dare you attempt to win the mighty emperor of the Cherry Nebula over with your words of faint praise!" He began to shuffle his feet and clap with joy. "I'll eat you all up!"
"Curses!" Ranger Usopp said, flinging himself to the wooden stage in despair. "Meka-Choppadon is too strong for me to defeat alone! If only my trusted partner, Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan were here to team up with me!" There was a long pause. Meka-Choppadon, advancing threateningly, got dangerously close to the prone Ranger Usopp, and had to start taking tiny baby steps to avoid actually reaching him. Finally there was movement in the wings.
"Lovely Star Valkyrie, um, Ranger Mikan is here!" came a woman's voice as the ranger in question shuffled onto stage embarrassedly in a costume much like Ranger Usopp's but painted a glossy orange.
"WHOA!" a pirate in the back row called. His friends whistled and catcalled at the form-fitting armor hugging Nami's figure. She was glad nobody could see the blush under her helmet.
"Lovely Star Valkyrie Ranger Mikan! Use your mighty Typhoon Dynamite Magna-Shock!" Ranger Usopp shrieked. "I'll blast him with my Flaming Photon Bean-Shooter and the opposing energies will send him into the X-Realm forever!"
"Okay, let's just get this over with." the new arrival hissed under her breath. "Tycoon Dynamo Magma-Shock!"
"That's not right!" Ranger Usopp said, completely forgetting to say his own attack as two bursts of confetti popped out of the suits' gauntlets, drifting down over Meka-Choppadon, who grunted horribly and flung himself off the side of the stage.
"Oh no! The X-Realm!" he shouted from inside a hedge. "Curse you, Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers! You've defeated me!"
The audience of children clapped as the curtain came down, even if it did catch on their hero's nose and knock him to the floor. He gave a quick thumbs up to show he was unhurt before vanishing from sight.
"AAARGH!" Nami ripped the helmet off her head, revealing a face flushed pink. "These suits are horrible! How do you STAND it?" She ran her fingers through sweat-sodden orange locks.
"It's not so bad." Usopp said, wringing out his own soaked hair. "Maybe I should put some air vents in, though. Hey, great job, Chopper!"
"Thanks, I was kind of nervous." the little reindeer said, shedding the cardboard accouterments of his costume. "There were a lot more people this time."
"It's nice to know that Luffy's doing a good job drumming up publicity." Nami said. "I guess a lot of people were ready to get out of Tortugan for some fun. I just hope he doesn't get us involved in any battles."
"It's not likely. Tortuga is pretty quiet and boring, and even if he did start something, he could take care of himself, and it wouldn't come out this far. This part of Torona Island is technically outside the borders of the country of Tortuga - Sherry told me that back when she was sailing the seas, she and her pirates were so debauched that Tortuga abandoned the land around her hideout rather than contain such immorality. Officially, this part of the island doesn't even exist."
"That's crazy! Are they really that puritanical?" Nami paused. "I didn't realize that - and I sent him out to attract attention! What if they send word to the Marines we're here?"
"I doubt it. They hate the world government even more than they hate pirates. Besides, I had a talk with him about not starting trouble. I think even HE got the message."
XXXXXX
"STOP, CRIMINAL!!"
"Where is he?"
"He just... bounced... out of the street, up into the sky!"
"Witchcraft!"
The city guards, resplendent in their highly impractical skintight blue-and-gold finery, charged up and down the back alleys in fruitless pursuit of their quarry. Luffy, squatting on the sill of a second story window, looked down in dismay.
"Crap, and I promised not to start trouble. I probably shouldn't have hit that guy. But he deserved it! What kind of town has a crazy law like that?"
"Um, Mister?" a young, quavering voice inquired. "What are you doing in our window?" Luffy turned to see two children dressed in the same traditional Tortugan gray smocks he'd seen all over town.
"Hi!" the pirate captain grinned. He peeled a sheet of paper from the stack he carried and handed it to them. "Next time you're free, why not come and see the amusement park?"
The children studied the poster. "Father always told us that was a wicked place." the eldest, a girl, said skeptically.
"What? He did? He must be an idiot or something." Luffy dug around in his pockets. "What did Nami say.. oh yeah, this is a 'special premonitional offer'." He handed the children each a pink ticket bearing the words "Good for One Free Reindeer Ride."
"ATTENTION, MISCREANT!" A voice boomed from the street. "You are in violation of City Code 121: Showing bare arms in public! City code 388: Dangerous conduct in the streets! And city code 72: Attempting to solicit a prohibited substance from a vendor!"
"WHO THE HELL MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO EAT MEAT?" Luffy yelled, leaning out the window. "That's the dumbest law I've ever heard of!"
"What the-- there he is!" an officer in the street below gasped as his head jerked up. "Sergeant, he's over here!"
"Uh-oh!" Luffy stretched one arm out the window and up to the roof. "Ha ha, I should get going! Remember to come visit!" The arm pulled his body after it, and in a moment, he was gone, with only the sound of their chimney being knocked over to prove to the children that it hadn't been a hallucination.
"Well..." the eldest said to her younger brother as they carefully perused the flyer listing the park's attractions. "... perhaps it wouldn't hurt for us to go and take a look..."
XXXXXX
"I'm not putting this helmet back on!" Nami snapped.
"What if some kid saw you with your helmet off?" Usopp complained. "It would ruin the realism if they saw your face!"
"It WOULD be embarrassing if people knew it was me parading around in this thing." Nami reconsidered. "Okay, I'm putting it back on, but just long enough for us to go find some shade and cool drinks."
The three actors, two of them clacking woodenly, stepped off the side of the stage. Usopp needn't have worried - most of the crowd had quickly dispersed after the show had ended. The few who remained were either in the process of gathering their belongings, or lounging comfortably on the grass.
The only person they saw who didn't look happy was a girl of about seven or eight, who was searching for something with a look of increasing desperation on her face. She blinked back tears as she cast about futilely.
Usopp approached her. "What's wrong?" he asked tenderly.
"M-my doll - Icca-chan." the girl sniffled. "I put her down right here to watch the show, and she's gone!"
"Ah! This sounds like a job for Ranger Usopp and his assistants! What's your name, little girl?"
"It's Moli. Will you really help me?"
"It's our mission to help those in need! I'm sure Icca-chan just felt overheated and went off looking for something to cool her down. Do you have an article of clothing from the missing person?"
"Well, I have her hat." Moli held up a tiny, tattered patchwork cap.
"Perfect! Chopper, take a whiff of this and see if you can get the scent!"
"I'm not a bloodhound, but I'll do my best." Chopper stepped forward and took the hat, inhaling a deep whiff of it. Moli shrank away from the little reindeer. "Th- the monster..." she gasped.
"Oh, don't worry. Mecha-Choppadon has reformed after his defeat in battle. He's my apprentice now." Usopp reassured the girl. "As part of his training, I'll have him track down Icca-chan!"
"I thought we were going to get OUT of these damn suits..." Nami grumbled under her breath, though she couldn't help but smile in the concealment of her helmet. "Usopp's really going overboard with this," she thought, "but it's so sweet of him..." And she didn't hesitate to follow the others as Chopper picked his way uncertainly across the park, following the faint scent of old and well-loved cloth and stuffing.
XXXXXX
" ...atmeatmeatmeatMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEATMEAT--"
Luffy would have simply body-slammed down onto the platter of beef sandwiches face first if Sanji hadn't stuck one foot out, with practiced grace, and caught the charging captain before he could reach the table. He used Luffy's own momentum to loft him easily over the table entirely, sending him crashing into the underbrush.
"This meat is for everybody who worked hard today, especially Nami-san and Robin-chan. We don't need your faceprints in it." "I worked hard! I was in town all day and ran all the way back here! Anyway, why do we have to wait for Nami, when she's not even here?" Luffy picked himself up, gesturing at the folding table where the four members of the Going Merry crew not involved in the "Usopp Galaxy Fantastic Volcano Hurricane Action Rangers" show had gathered for dinner.
"I'm sure she'll be along any minute. Robin-chan, you may start, if you wish," Sanji purred.
"Thank you." Robin reached for a sandwich, as did Zoro, while Luffy scooped up seven of them.
"Did I say you could start?" Sanji grunted at the swordsman. "This dinner's for people who've been helping with Nami-san's money making exercise. You haven't done a thing."
"What you do is you business." Zoro said. "I never said I would help. I was with Robin all day. I don't see you withholding food from HER."
"Robin-chan was helping!" Sanji snarled, unpleasantly reminded that while he'd been preparing popcorn and meat buns, Robin and that stupid swordsman had been off somewhere else, doing unknown things, and who knows what horrors the brute was perpetuating without his watchful eye around? "Unlike you, she can handle more than one thought at a time. It so happens that, while she was off humoring you at whatever you've been boring her with, she was also making the park's haunted house a big success!" Sanji could still see in his mind's curly-browed eye those children running out of the shack, screaming about disembodied hands and severed heads that talked. Even dismembered, Robin was so beautiful.
"Umph, thmph sandwhmph are fo gmph!" Luffy said delightedly, his cheek's bulging like a hamster's, oblivious to his crewmates shooting dagger glares at one another. "Fo gmph! Fo gmph!"
"Only for your workers? That's a shame. I was hoping I could have some." a cheerful voice called from across the clearing. Luffy looked up in interest at this new arrival, as did the others, but the most reaction came from Sanji, whose eye practically had a heart attack at the vision in black that stood before him.
She was tall and voluptuous - statuesque - and dressed from head to toe in clothes as different in style and fashion as they were similar in color. From her floppy broad-brimmed hat to her leather bustier to her cutoff jodhpurs, there wasn't a thing she was wearing that matched any other part of her outfit. Yet it all hung together, somehow, with every inch of her bizarre costume the same inky color as her hair and lipstick, and all of it decorated with great gobs of jet black feathers.
Sanji couldn't get her over to the table fast enough. "By all means! Sit! Eat!"
"Hypocrite." Zoro snorted. The newcomer chuckled, and reached over for a beef sandwich, which she devoured in two bites.
"It's pretty good, I guess." she said, smiling. "Mind if I have another one?"
"No! No! I made it especially for you! By the way, may I ask who you are?"
"My name is Swiss." the woman said around her second and third sandwiches. "I'm here with some friends. I guess I've seen you guys around the park before, now that I think of it. You're the one who was selling cotton candy, right?"
"You should have come and said hello then, Swiss-chan, I would have given you some for free!!"
"I guess I'll have to remember that for next time." Swiss swallowed the last of her fifth sandwich and turned to Nico Robin. "And you've been working in the House of Horrors, right? Great acting. You look different without the fake blood."
Robin's eyes opened the slightest bit more widely in surprise. "FAKE blood?"
"... Wow, you're that creepy in real life too, huh? You're gonna make me lose my appetite." Swiss pushed aside the empty platter. "Got any more of these sandwiches?"
"I have plenty!" Sanji puffed smoke hearts in satisfaction. "I'm so glad you like them. So, you've met me, Sanji the Love Cook, and Nico Robin, our beautiful archaeologist. This guy stuffing his face like a pig is Luffy, our captain, and the marimo over there is Zoro." He slid up to her with another tray of sandwiches. "I'm the one to come to if you need anything."
"Captain?" Swiss asked. "So you're seafarers, huh?"
"We're pirates." Luffy said. "Hey, you're cool! You can eat as much as me!"
"I missed breakfast this morning." Swiss explained, engulfing her twentieth sandwich. "So I'm a little hungry. You're really pirates?" She leaned forward excitedly, her onyx earrings jangling. "I've always wanted to meet some. I guess you could say I'm an enthusiast. You know about this 'Sherry of 1000 Tales'?"
"We know all about her. She's a weird old lady." Luffy said, as if that were the beginning and end of the story.
"Oi! Luffy! Save some for us!" Usopp's voice called. Luffy looked up to see Chopper and the two figures in painted battle armor approaching, little girl in tow, and jumped up excitedly.
"Wow! I remember seeing you guys in the show yesterday!" he said happily. "You're awesome! I'd like you to join my crew!"
"Um..." Usopp paused. "Um, Luffy, it's US!"
"I know! I saw you in the show! Do you play any musical instruments?"
"IT'S US, YOU IDIOT!" Nami cried, taking off her helmet and smacking Luffy's head with it.
"Hey, Chopper, are you sure you were following the right trail?"
"I did the best I could!" Chopper said defensively. "The trail leads somewhere around here, but something's getting in the way."
"Can't you find her?" Moli asked plaintively. "She isn't lost for good, is she?"
"We'll definitely find her! Don't worry!" Usopp reassured her. "We'll just have to keep looking. First we'll have a lunch break, though. We rangers need to keep our strength up--"
"Nami! Others!" Sanji crooned. "You must meet our lovely guest. This is Swiss, a charming local girl."
Nami almost did a double take when she got her first good look at her 'rival' for Sanji's attentions. "A ... local girl, is it?" she said sweetly, taking Swiss's proffered hand and giving it a friendly shake. "That's very interesting. Because there were some pirates at the show today, and I noticed that every one of them was wearing his Jolly Roger very prominently. A Jolly Roger with a hat and earrings JUST LIKE YOURS."
There was a moment of total silence. Then Luffy spoke up. "Wow, you're a real fan of the pirates! You even dress to look like their Jolly Roger!"
Swiss snorted back laughter. "No, no, I guess your friend here found me out. Yes, I'm captain of the Magpie Pirates." She polished off one last sandwich and stood up. "I don't know how you guys handle this kind of thing, but we can fight if you want."
"It's not necessary! We love meeting new pirates, especially ones like you!" Sanji cooed. He pulled a bouquet of flowers out of some emergency pocket. "I hope we can get to know each other more closely. We could even start a pirates exchange program. You could ride on our ship a while - and your crew could borrow our swordsman. He's good in battle, and otherwise is suitable as an anchor."
"I don't care about realism, I've got to get out of this horrible thing!" Nami said in irritation, unbuckling her upper body armor. "Usopp, you'd better put in that ventilation before the next show."
"LET ME HELP YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF, NAMI!" Sanji whirled around. His face fell. "Ohhh... you've got your regular clothes on underneath..."
"I guess I probably ought to get going." Swiss said cheerfully. "Maybe we'll meet on the seas someday! In the meantime, thanks again for lunch. It was delicious." She meandered over to the trees, turning back briefly to flash them a wicked grin.
"Oh, and thanks for this stuff too." she said, holding up a Log Pose and a bracelet. "It'll be nice in my collection."
Nami's hand went to her wrist and once. "Shit!" she swore, feeling bare skin. "How - I didn't even feel you--"
"I wouldn't expect you to. Snatching up things when no one is looking is easy for me." Swiss clenched her fist around her stolen goods, then opened it again to show an empty palm. "I guess you might say it's a gift I have."
"But it's not possible--" Nami began.
"I thought so." Nico Robin said. "They say there's a frission we get when one of us meets another. And no normal human could match the captain in eating..."
"Kyee hee hee!" Swiss giggled. "You guessed it! I've tasted the Demon's Fruit, just as you have. Mine was called the Ana-Ana Fruit...." She smiled broadly, holding up her hand to show the small hole forming in it. "I'm a mass of pits and tunnels. Once I hide something, it stays hidden!" Holes opened along the length of her body, big ones and small, some passing straight through while others seemed to lead into the dark recesses of her innards. One particularly massive one opened in her stomach, giving her the look of someone who'd been given the traditional punishment of being strapped to a cannon.
"Swiss 'the Black Hole', at your service." she smiled, licking a stray shred of meat from her teeth.
That's the end of Chapter 3! Please favor me with a comment! Next time: What does Swiss want with 'The Magical Ocean of Adventure'? For that matter, what's her crew's interest in the Straw-Hat Pirates, and what are the mysterious "six treasures" they're after? Meet the officers of the Magpie Pirates, in Chapter 4 of "Wasuremono"!