Suzuki could not wait until he could leave Japan.

He didn't want to be here. He had spent enough time back in Japan when he had taken his leave of absence. He wanted to leave and never…well not never…but not return for a while. This was where he and Masami had lived their married life together…well not here specifically because this was Tokyo and they had never lived in Tokyo together before…but this was the country in which they had…and he knew that having an aversion to an entire country just because his wife could have been living in it was illogical…but that was just how he felt…

And he couldn't help the way he felt.

He hated the way he felt. He hated this feeling of needing to move and then needing to sit still at the same time. He hated this feeling that he needed to be surrounded on all sides by people and that he needed to be alone. He hated the alone feeling he had at night and the overwhelmed feeling he had during the day. He hated the wistfulness that overtook him when he saw a woman with brown hair or a woman pushing a stroller. He hated…he hated himself and he had been hating himself for some time now…but there was nothing at all that he could do about that. He had been trying and trying and trying to exorcise these feelings but they were still there hiding in the corners ready to jump out at him at the worst times. They kept him on high alert. They kept his mind running around and around in circles. They kept him….

Off kilter.

He had been emotionally off kilter since what had happened with Baby. That had been a shock. The fact that he had, for a moment, thought that Baby had been his child…but the was crazy. He was Masami's husband and any children that he had would have to come from her and since he hadn't set eyes on her in three years let alone had sex with her then, obviously, Baby was not his child and he'd just been upset over nothing. So there was no reason for him to feel the way that he'd felt, before, and no reason at all for him to feel the way that he felt now.

Off kilter.

Knowing that Masami was in Japan and that Baby was also in Japan…it made him feel off kilter. He didn't even know why he cared. Masami was gone. She was gone and…and he should not have reopened that wound…but he still should not have cared anymore anyway. He didn't need her. He didn't need anyone. He was a full and complete person all on his own. He didn't need to see her again and to speak to her and to feel her hand in his and…and he didn't need her. He didn't care. She was a woman like any other and-

-and he could not lie to himself.

She was a woman unlike any other woman that could ever or had ever walked this Earth. She was perfect. She was the most perfect woman who had ever lived and…and she was gone. She was gone and he didn't even know why. Well it didn't matter. It was in the past and the past was in the past and now this was the present and he had enough to deal with without adding his own pathetic weakness into the mix. Japan was a big country and Masami lived somewhere in it. So did millions of other people. Who cared?

Baby lived in Japan.

Baby lived in Seasoning City. Baby had a new life and a new home and he didn't care. That was not his baby. Just because he'd ejaculated inside of her mother that did not make Baby his child. Baby was just a baby and there were millions of others in this country and he didn't even know why he found his thoughts wandering to her. To how she felt in his arms. To how small she had been. To how helpless she had been. To how…to how she just…was. The being that was known as Baby. That new human being that was in the world through no fault of his own because…because that was not Masami's child and since that was not Masami's child then that was not his child.

It made perfect sense.

But if it made that much sense then why was he still dwelling on her? Baby had been adopted and had a new mother and a new life. She was somewhere at the Seventh Division compound and she was going to grow up there and probably become an upper echelon member of Claw when she got older. She would probably be a prodigy like Daughter. She had an aura even at her age…and he couldn't even remember her age…baby aged. She was baby aged…and he suddenly wished that he knew what her age was. He didn't even know why he cared. There were hundreds of people in the Seventh Division alone. What did he care about their ages?

Baby was still just a baby…

"What is the matter with me?" muttered Suzuki. He was holed up in his room now doing some work. Getting things back to normal. Daughter had decided that people would be allowed to switch branches and divisions and headquarters without any oversight. Tokyo was a popular posting even though he mainly just had a branch of Claw here because it was the capitol. People needed to be moved back to their original divisions…and also Daughter had promoted a lot of people….and those people had not earned promotions…and now he had to figure that mess out too…

At least he had something to do.

Having something to do should have made these terribly off kilter feelings go away, and it did, for a time. For some time. For now, though, even trying to puzzle out where came from where, who was going where, and who was just lost…this wasn't enough for him. This wasn't enough of a task for his mind to just…come off it. To come off the feelings that he just could not get rid of no matter how much he tried.

"Stop it, Touichirou, you're being ridiculous." Muttered Suzuki. That was what Masami would have said to him. She'd had cause to say it so many times in the course of their marriage…even though the times in which she had told him to come off it and stop being ridiculous had made no sense to him. He had been at his most sensible and logical when she had told him that. He'd never been able to understand her. Not then and not now.

He wished that he'd been able to, though, because maybe that would have made things easier.

Maybe if he had been able to understand her then he wouldn't have been sitting in bed with a laptop full of work that needed doing but a mind that instead wanted to pick apart every single interaction that the two of them had ever had. He had no idea what his goal was, there, since he could not change the past. Besides, she would always be a puzzle to him. He'd loved that about her, how so much went into trying to figure her out. How there was always something new to learn even after they'd been married for years and years…how she had never once been boring. How she had never once lost his attention. Even now she had his attention…

And she didn't deserve it.

There it was. The guilt and self-loathing were back. He had strayed from her. He had cheated on her. He had essentially spat in the face of their marriage. It didn't matter if he hadn't seen her in years and probably never would again. He still had the ring on his finger and she was still his wife and…and he had been nothing than some womanizing, self-defiling, slave to his own wants and pleasure and…and he hated himself for what he had done and he had been hating himself for over a year and he knew that he would hate himself for the rest of his life.

Masami was right to have left him.

Suzuki closed his laptop and put it on his nightstand. He wasn't going to be able to get anything at all done that night. His mind was elsewhere. He strongly suspected that he was losing his mind. Talking to himself was a sign of madness after all. That would have made sense, him going mad, because he was not behaving in a way that had any basis at all in reason and logic. His wife was gone but he didn't need her so he had no reason to think about her. But he was. He was thinking about a baby, too, once which was not his. That was not his baby and he had no responsibility to that baby so why was he thinking about her? About her wellbeing? About how small she had felt in his arms? About how he had barely even held her…he had been so…he didn't even know what he had been feeling at the time but…but he still felt…he didn't even know.

He just did not know.

He felt very alone, then, and that should have been fine. He didn't need anyone but himself. He was a person all on his own. He was not like other people. People needed each other to make up for their deficiencies but since he had no deficiencies he did not need anyone else. He was the most powerful esper alive. He didn't even know the upper limits of what he could do. Not only did he have immeasurable power he could also share that power with others. He didn't need anyone and he shouldn't have needed anyone but still his mind wandered towards Masami and…and he just didn't know…

He felt an aura moving.

Daughter's. She was still awake at this hour? Well they had just crossed the world a few days ago. His mental clock was still all over the place. Daughter's might have been as well. Son never got jetlagged. Suzuki wondered why his Son had been gifted with that ability but not him. It wasn't fair but then again life was not fair either. If life had been fair then he would have had better control over his powers and his emotions and just…himself. If life had been fair he would have been able to focus long enough to get his work done, for fix what Daughter had broken, to not have had anything to fix in the first place. She should never have been in charge. He should never have left and she should not have taken power. If anything it should have been Son…

But right now he wouldn't even trust his Son to run a bath let alone the whole of Claw.

Daughter…he trusted her…to a point. She could run the house. He trusted her with the house. She ran it well. She got Son up in the morning, made sure he ate, made sure his schoolwork got done, made sure he bathed, kept him entertained, and put him to bed all with minimal help. He had been right to promote her. However, there was a difference between running a household and running all of Claw. She was too permissive. She was permissive when it came to caring for Son and she was permissive when it came to running Claw. She had let everyone do whatever they wanted and now he had all sorts of fires to put out and things to get sorted…

She had done her best.

She hadn't been taught how to run Claw and all of this chaos was on him. Everything was on him. He should not have left and he would never leave again. He knew his place, she knew hers, and as long as he lived there would never be any role confusion again. She would never rule the world, she would never rule Claw, and that was just the way that it would be.

She would, however, join him in his room for a night of mindless television.

That was her place, by his side, and he needed someone by his side in that moment. He hated himself for needing her but he did. This bed was too big, the other side too empty, and his mind was still filled with thoughts of Masami. There was this alone feeling that had settled inside of him and was making itself at home. He needed her…to warm the other side of his bed…and to provide commentary to accompany whatever they ended up watching on television…and if they ended up watching kendo together he needed someone younger with sharper eyes to tell him if the referees were making good calls or not.

So, really, it wasn't an emotional thing at all.

She served a practical purpose. That was her place. Everyone served their purpose and having someone serve their purpose was not the same as needing them. There. Simple. So there was nothing wrong with him getting up from his bed and seeking her out. It wasn't any trouble at all to find her. The houses were much smaller here than they had been in the last place they stayed. This was also not a Claw compound. This was just a suburb of Tokyo that he had bought a block of houses on for a revolving door of staff. He didn't much like being in such close proximity to not only his staff but also the normal people of the world but it was what it was.

He wanted to be in close proximity to his Daughter.

She wasn't in the house. That was…he felt a stab of fear run through his chest. He had no idea what he was so worried about. He could sense her aura and he knew that she was close. He wasn't about to indulge the irrational thoughts that ran through his mind. Thoughts about her running away. Japanese was her mother tongue, she knew how the money worked here, and she knew her way around. She wasn't a stranger in a strange land here and she easily could have slipped away into the crowd of millions that made up this city...but she had no cause to do so.

She was happy.

She was happy and he knew that she was happy because she was his Daughter and he knew how she felt. She was happy because she had no reason to be unhappy. She had a promotion, she was being provided for, he gave her a lot more freedom than a ten year old should have had, and she lived and worked closely with the group of morons she called her friends. She was happy and she had no reason to be unhappy…and neither had Masami…but Daughter was not her mother. He understood Daughter. He understood her and she understood him. They understood each other like a parent and child were supposed to.

Though he did not understand what she was doing in the backyard at midnight in her nightgown.

"Dad!" said Daughter. She stood very rigidly with her hands behind her back. Her aura was cloaked around her protectively. She was scared. He covered her with his aura and quickly looked for what she could have been feeling threatened by.

Her eyes were on him.

Oh. He had startled her.

"I apologize for startling you." Said Suzuki. He hated apologizing but…but it was easier to apologize to Daughter than to see her standing there and looking startled.

"I'm fine. How are-are you? What are you doing out here?" asked Daughter. She was still startled. He didn't know why. She knew that he would never do anything to harm her…and she should have been able to sense him coming, anyway. Also he didn't much like being asked what he was doing. It carried with it the implication that he should not have been there and that he needed to explain himself…

But he exorcised those emotions.

She was his Daughter and she meant no such thing. She simply wanted to know why he was behaving in a way that she was not used to. After all she had always been the one to have come to him…though she seemed to prefer the company of the idiots next door to his as of late…but maybe she was just getting to that age. Was ten that age? He had no idea. He had never been female before in his life but he had heard that they matured faster than boys.

But she was no so old, so mature, as to not have wanted to spend time with her own father.

"I was looking for you. Come and watch television with me. I'll let you choose the program." Said Suzuki. He hoped that he did end up having to watch the ice queen movie again. He didn't hate that movie, he enjoyed animation as a medium and it did impress, he was just tired of it. This had been her favorite film for as long as he could remember…and there was a whole world of cinema out there but she, for some reason, was obsessed with that film. So many of her dolls were miniature versions of the characters and so many of her clothes bore the images of them as well.

Like her nightgown.

On the front of her little blue nightgown was a picture of the sisters from the movie. There was the caption 'sisters' in case the reader mistook them for something else. He didn't much like that word, he decided, and he didn't know why. Sisters…Baby…but baby was not her sister…even though she and her brother referred to Baby as their pretend sister…and he wished that he could have just forbade them from mentioning Baby all together but then they would ask questions and he couldn't just label Baby a traitor…because she hadn't done anything to anyone yet. She hadn't even had the chance.

He was being ridiculous.

"You want us to watch TV right now?" asked Daughter. He wondered if it was alright to ask her. Well he knew that it was alright because he was Suzuki Touichirou and he could do whatever he wanted, but he wondered, too, if it was socially acceptable. She was the one who came to him…and he never came to her…did she think less of him?

For a moment he thinks that she can see right through him.

For a moment he thinks that she can see him for what he is. What he had let himself become. He had been no kind of father to her. What sort of father went to pieces just because he was handed a baby? What sort of father miscalculated so badly that he allowed his Daughter to get attached to a child as if it were her own and then took the child away from her? What sort of father…what sort of father would betray her mother in the way that he had?

He had been no kind of father to her.

"Yes. If you want to." Said Suzuki. He had her full attention now. Something had her off kilter, he could see it in her aura. He would have gotten closer, she liked that, but she smelled like an ashtray and he hated it more than words could ever express.

"Ok." Said Daughter after a while. Her hands were still behind her back. He had no idea why. For a moment he thought that she had been hiding something…but of course she wasn't. This was Daughter. She was incapable of keeping things from him.

"Good. Please choose something that we both enjoy." Said Suzuki. He was happy, he felt like, that she agreed to join him…and he didn't know why. Of course she would have joined him. She enjoyed spending time with him. She was his Daughter after all. She had always sought him out and…and he had enjoyed being sought out by her even when she had been small and annoying…and he didn't know if it was alright to admit that to himself…or to admit that he…that he needed her by his side in that moment. What would she have thought if she knew just how weak a man her father was?

Would she have even thought anything at all?

"Um…you can pick, dad. You can go and pick what you want and put it on and then I'll be there in a second. I have to…um…put my toys away." said Daughter. Suzuki looked around the small yard. There were toys everywhere. The children had been playing something that involved a basketball, a hockey stick, a cricket bat, a plastic katana, a tennis racket, a softball, a badminton net, and a kickball. It was a mess and he could not stand messes.

And neither could she, apparently.

"Very well." Said Suzuki. He was grateful that he wasn't going to end up stuck watching the ice queen or the princess with the long hair or, even worse, one of her films with the anthropomorphic rodents….truly disturbing. No, he could not sit through another one of those. He would find something that she liked, though, something about cats or something. Something to keep her entertained and at his side. That was her place, at his side.

Even if she did smell like an ashtray.

She kept company with people who smoked. He had no idea why she would have wanted to keep company with people who smoked but she did. At least she, herself, wasn't smoking. Such a nasty habit. He hoped that she didn't take it up when she got older. They had a healer, so her health was not an issue, but he just could not stand the smell of it…but he would endure it if it meant that she would be by his side where she belonged.

She was his Daughter. His only Daughter.

He heard her coughing as he left. He hoped that she wasn't taking ill…and he had never known her to be ill but there was a first time for everything. The thought of her being ill…he wants to wake Fukuda and drag him out of bed….the thought of her being ill terrifies him…but she isn't ill. More likely she's coughing because she spent time with people who smoked. She was fine. His Daughter was fine. The coughing even stopped so he knew that she was fine…and she hadn't keeled over and died, either, because he could still see her aura.

She was fine and she would soon be at his side where she belonged.